How do you handle rejection? How do you handle repeated rejection…for like 7 months?!

I just received two rejection letters from jobs that I was certain would come through. I’m beside myself at the moment and need to find the energy and motivation to clean my apartment tonight and paint my nails because I have another promising interview tomorrow. I just can’t shake this sadness. I was on cloud 9 all weekend and into this morning, my happy vibes fueled the massive amount of errands I ran today. Now I’m just shattered. Every time someone tells me they want to hire me, I try so hard not to get my hopes up. But these two jobs? UGh! I was not expecting to be rejected outright. I was expecting second round interviews on both counts. You could say that any wind that would typically be in my sails has truly been sucked out by this.

I can’t help but wonder how much and how many of these rejections have to do with my fat body and less so with my abilities and skills, especially since I always nail phone interviews. I guess I’m lucky that no one has actually told me to my face this time around that my fat is the reason I won’t be hired (it’s happened in the past a few times and perfectly legal). I just don’t know why they feel the need to lie to my face instead. I know, I know, their loss, yadda yadda yadda. I can’t.

So, how do you do it? How do you bounce back, dust yourself off and keep trying? How do I find the energy to clean right now, let alone prepare a meal for myself when I feel so low?

</3
S

I have shared previously that I have an eating disorder (anorexia) and often struggle to eat when my anxiety, stress or other factors are looming heavily in my day/life. Living alone for the first time in my life has also proved to be challenging in that I no longer receive external cues for when to eat. The last couple of weeks have been a struggle, too, due to getting a head cold followed by whatever the hell is going on with me this week (fatigue, queasy, restless leg syndrome acting up like whoa, headaches). I have tried day in and day out to care for myself, to be patient, to be gentle and kind when it’s really hard to do so. I have made every manner of noise a person can make in this quest and journey that is self care and I have been humbled by my own thoughts and memories of my ex being the excellent caregiver that he was/is.

When I am really struggling I won’t eat all day. I will have coffee in the morning, orange juice mid-morning or around noon and then nothing until dinner. This is normal for me, though I do realize not the wisest or best choice, but I’m working on it. Lately I have been having a breakfast of toasted crumpets with Irish butter and cookie butter from Trader Joe’s (Speculoos, creamy). I look forward to the chewy texture of the crumpets, but I still sometimes must force myself to eat them (like today). It really is a mind over matter thing much of the time.

Having said all of that, it is Friday and I have long believed that Fridays are all about state of mind and being positive! So I wanted to share some visual victories of mine in the realm of food and cooking for oneself and how I’m finding some peace with that by creating small rituals that are beginning to feel more like meditation. Now, of course, when I was feeling my weakest from my head cold I stuck with soups and fruit and little else. Not much cooking involved there since I chose to microwave my Campbell’s and Progresso soups, but I hold no shame in my soup game, okay?! Ha-ha!

One thing that was a struggle that I’ve come to terms with was losing my beloved summer fruits. Oh how I miss my nectarines, peaches, strawberries and cherries. But I have come to love winter vegetables more than I thought I would. The two are nearly equal to me now (veg vs. fruit). My bf has called me a fruit-aholic, which I won’t pretend to be embarrassed about. I enjoy fruit! Nothing wrong with that. I enjoy my veggies, too, but my focus and delight wasn’t there during the summer. The reason? The heat! Cooking veggies in the summer, let alone roasting them, just doesn’t sound great when it’s nearly a hundred degrees. Now I am roasting all of the veggies and loving that shit like whoa!

One thing I still do and enjoy the crap out of is simply how I cut up my fruit: thin slices! Sounds silly, but I cut all my fruit into thin and wide slices now. I don’t know if it’s a surface ratio thing or just the tactal pleasure of eating simple things with my hands, but it started with nectarines and now I do it with apples and oranges and whatever else I can get my hands on. Also, Kiwi! I love those funny looking buggers more than I knew and now I just cut off the tops and eat them with a spoon! It’s such a nice and refreshing treat at the end of a meal. I have also found that taking the time to slice up my fruits and veggies helps stimulate my appetite even when I’m not feeling hungry or fighting it.

I also love a small green salad as often as I can get it. My basic is just butter lettuce (sometimes 3 types when I can find it) chopped up to bite size (I hate huge chunks of salad that get too messy to eat), tomatoes diced and some green onions sliced up tiny with olive oil and red wine vinegar and fresh ground pepper. Sometimes I think that the act of putting the things together is therapeutic in its own right, but what do I know? *Shrugs* I love red wine vinegar and will almost always put too much, to the extent that it makes me cough  but I don’t care, it’s so delicious! Colors are also more stimulating for me. If I’m making a meal, as I have recently, and it’s a plate of one color (yellow for instance) I will look at it funny and think it wasn’t such a great job I did putting my meal together. I still eat it! I mean, cooking is work, even on a smaller scale. Ha-ha!

I’ve also become accustomed to making a small fruit plate for myself that I will begin and end my meal with. So it’s like, small green salad, a bit of sliced fruit, meal and finished with a kiwi or other fruit. I eat slow as hell, you can ask around for real, so it may seem like a lot of food but it’s more of an evening than a quick meal time thing. I also just think that if you invest time in preparing a meal that you should also invest some time in enjoying it. I know this is a personal preference and also one that suits my current unemployed schedule and lifestyle. My bf eats faster than a bullet, though you’d never notice it. It’s perplexing but it’s why I don’t cook for him more often since it seems difficult to invest the time in preparing a meal that will be gone in two minutes flat. No harm, no foul.

Can I also just give a shout out to my bff Mychii for giving me the gift of the phrase, “Single people food” because I knew exactly what she meant and I am becoming quite comfortable in my singlehood or bachelorette-ness. She also totally inspired this post because she said I should do a podcast about food because of how I talk about it. Ha-ha! She’s one in a gazillion, y’all! <3

Turkey burgers have become an easy staple. Jenny-O turkey comes pre-pattied and seasoned with four in a pack for $5! So I cook one per night so they have that freshly grilled taste. I toast my onion buns (come 8 to a pack, but you can fridge or freeze the rest). I like a simple but flavorful burger with a nice thick slice of cheddar. Mayo on the bun with some crunchy veggies is preferred for me, but I didn’t have full sized tomatoes or a red onion so I made a grape tomato sort of relish with diced green onion, salt and pepper. It was tasty! So much yum! For this meal I steamed and then sauteed my brussels sprouts with some butter and olive oil until tender. There’s my little green salad, but this was the rare night I had run out of red wine vinegar and substituted (though poorly imo) with some ranch I had in my fridge for some strange reason. And my little fruit plate on the right with apple slices and “Pretty Lady” grapes. All very happy making stuff! I made this meal with some variation on veg or fruit for four nights that week.

I’m a gal on a budget, for sure, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get some decent steak sometimes! The key is to really read the labels because I don’t know much about different cuts of beef but the ones for Carne Asada are thinly sliced, cook up really quickly and easily and still provide a nice amount of real flavor. Hey, I just crave some red meat once a month! It’s nice to know now that I can take care of this craving myself instead of shelling out $12+ at a restaurant (and trust when I say that y’all don’t want my company when I’m having THAT craving! Ha!). This was one of those monochromatic meals I gave a bit of side eye to until I started to eat it because the flavors proved their worth beyond color. This was just the thin steaks lightly seasoned with S & P, onion and garlic powder, sauteed in the pan with a touch of olive oil until seared on both sides, really quick though. I made a single corn on the cob that night, which I’d never made before. Just boiled some water and threw it in there for 2-3 minutes, but I broke it in half before plating to save for a future meal (future me was stoked!). I had also sauteed some yellow squash that I sliced up with the same seasonings as the steaks after I pulled them out so they shared some yummy flavors. There’s my little green salad and note: “The last peach!” Seriously, the fruit stand I bought them from had a sign that said so. I cherished it! So good!  Gotta have a bit of A-1 or HP Brown sauce handy for the steaks, proper! And my beloved Cabernet! *drools* I repeated this meal for 2-3 more nights.

I had a pretty decent sized pack of the steaks (I think 6 or 8 in a pack for $6) and decided to switch it up and make these last two steaks with taco seasoning and sliced up for tacos! I love corn tortillas (I get a locally made kind that is extra thick and chewy), freshly warmed in the pan! Ohmygosh! So good!!! With tomatoes, green onions, sour cream and avocado when I can get them at a decent price and shredded “Mexican blend” cheese that I melt on the tortilla in the pan before plating. I think I added some black and pinto beans that were originally canned but I’d frozen from a previous meal. Great protein and meal stretchers! More brussels, another little green salad. There’s my lil’ fruit plate with some clementines as my meal finisher. I like something sort of citrusy to cleanse my palate after my meal I think. (I also do almost this same type of taco with seasoned ground turkey! So good and I can add rice and beans and stretch it even further!)

This was a night of disasters. I don’t remember all that came to pass, but I very excitedly and patiently baked a big sweet potato in my oven for ages and ages and my house filled with the aromas I was craving so much to taste! I was going to have it with butter and salt and a touch of brown sugar and pepper. When all was said and done my sweet potato was a dud of a spud and so I microwaved some Trader Joe’s sweet potato gnocchi with butter and sage. Sauteed baby bok choy in a touch of toasted sesame oil is a personal favorite of mine. TJ’s sells a pretty big tub for $2 and I’ll admit to eating the entire thing in one sitting more than once. It’s so simple to wash, chop and toss it in the pan of oil, usually done in a couple of minutes with little attention or effort, really. My slightly larger than little green salad. That white log is string cheese, by the way. Ha!

One of my favorite childhood memories was of Sunday dinners at my Grandma’s house because we always had a small green salad that she’d serve in these little clear glass bowls that were shaped like lettuce cups. Sometimes she’s let me “help” by placig teh chopped items in the bowls or just setting the table, it all felt so fancy! She would always put the green onions on the side because my dad hated them, but it was such a treat for me to have these fresh and crunchy salads with different dressings that always seemed so exotic that I now know really aren’t at all. Ha-ha! Wow! I literally just realized that my little green salads I’ve been making were because of her and those memories and I’m really quite moved right now, y’all! I miss my grandma all of the time, but never more so than since moving back to my hometown. It’s tough. <3

My little puggo likes to get underfoot when I cook. He’s pretty good if I tell him to “Get!” and point to where I want him. If I am chopping veggies I’ll occasionally give him a bit of fresh stuff, but I’m no soft touch and he doesn’t need people food! But this particular night he was just the worst and my back was killing me and I really yelled at him, he made me so mad. When I finally sat down with my meal, I looked over at him with utter exhaustion shimmering through my entire body and he just stepped into his little bed and smooshed down like this and I cried! No lie! Just too cute! He can be just the sweetest lil’ angel you ever did see and a complete jerk. But he’s my baby and I love him infinitely!

Ah! This was another turkey burger night, but I got a bee in my bonnet suddenly and spent an hour preparing these side dishes that I then ate the rest of the week! Smart! So everything the same as above plus avocado on my salad and burger. I couldn’t remember the exact recipe for my old beet salad but I threw together the beets (they come pre-cooked in a vac-sealed pouch at TJ’s for $2) that I then diced, gorgonzola crumbles, pecans chopped and sauteed shallots with a touch of olive oil and red wine vinegar, S & P. It was good, but not as addictively good as I remembered. Not sure what was missing. Hmm…. Also my first ever improv casserole! I had some fresh green beans I’d been working through all the previous week and wanted to use them up. Saw some mushrooms beside them in my crisper and thought: green bean casserole! I’ve never actually made green bean casserole but I threw together what I felt was appropriate (green beans,  medium shells pasta, cheese, cream of mushroom soup, 2 tbsp milk, sour cream, sauteed mushrooms and fried onions) and baked for 40 minutes. It was fucking delicious! I’m quite proud of that shit! It was a bit of an epic meal for one, but I spent over two hours in my tiny kitchen cleaning and then cooking and so I was ready for a hot meal when it was all done. And that casserole became lunch and dinner for a few days! My fruit plate of apple slices and a kiwi!

Ah! This was a night I didn’t wanna cook but I had this lovely country French sliced bread I’d just bought so I made a nice salami sandwich with mayo and cheddar. It’s the simple things, folks, truly! My mini kosher dill pickles (Clausen’s) and a sliced pear and a banana (which is weird because I usually only have bananas during the day) and my ever present red wine vinegar for my salad. I’d gotten these mixed colored tomatoes that were tasty and fun.

That face!!! He looks like he’s talking or about to talk! I love it! He didn’t, by the way, though many pugs do talk. He was just making funny faces.

I don’t know and won’t venture a guess or opinion on what I’m eating being “good” or “bad” or “too much” or whatever. This is what I eat. No shame! I enjoy these things, though simply prepared, they are flavorful and nutritious. I won’t defend a damned thing on this subject. I went years without cooking or truly nourishing myself in a way that felt satisfying or safe. I’m finding these simple meals to be calming in the process of preparation. It’s allowed me to be creative at times and to be inspired when I hit the produce section of whatever store I’m in. I don’t use recipes, but sometimes will see one and create my own version because I can’t be bothered with measuring or jotting things down. I start my shopping trips in the produce section and try to stay true to the season, though where I live I can get nearly anything always (doesn’t mean it’s tasty, like strawberries off season, blegh!). I tend to buy a few things more often than not, but I also like to discover new ways of preparing them or pairing them with other flavors. I do tend to make one thing and then eat it the rest of the week, just easier and less decision making later.

For me it is the flavors that rule my cooking and eating at dinner. It’s all too easy to go back to my Lean Cuisine habits and hate myself again. I am discovering, again, for myself that when I am inspired and look forward to something I’m going to make later (Oooh! Brussels sprouts!) that I make better choices for myself over all. This in turn can lead to better choices later that evening or into the following day. There’s some study about that somewhere but who cares! Food is good. We need it to fuel our minds, bodies and souls, for real! I feel better when I am more involved in my meal preparation, but also do my best not to feel shame or guilt when I’m not feeling well enough to put forth the effort. I’m learning everyday to honor what my body is telling me, to listen to those cues and not ignore them. I’m learning to live and eat while also having an eating disorder.

I also wanna know what you’re cookin’ over at your place! Do you have quick and easy things you fall back on or look forward to making? I want your recipes or non-recipes! I’m looking to expand my repertoire and horizons! I have some ideas and some good stuff in my freezer (I buy things on sale and freeze them, like the pre-marinaded pork roast I’m saving for a special occasion). I did just buy a smoked turkey Johnsonville sausage that was less than $2 but I’m not sure what to do with (Ideas?). And I bought my first ever spaghetti squash that I’m going to make a chicken parmesan dish with (you bake it in the squash!). Exciting!

What foods excite you? What meal preparation stuff do you struggle with? What special occasion foods do you love? Who’s hungry?!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Being the proud owner of this fine, fat body, I have often longed for certain garments that are not readily available or accessible to my size. Growing up it was more due to poverty than anything else, with Guess jeans and Keds and so many other trends I couldn’t follow (for the best I think now). As an adult with full supervision and ownership of my own underpants, I tell myself, “I can buy and wear anything I damned well please!” I have said more than once, “That dress is so gorgeous! I don’t need an occasion, I’ll wear it with a tiara to the fucking grocery store!” though no one’s ever called me on it. Ha-ha!

There are many garments that I wish I could afford, had occasion to wear or could otherwise justify my deep and urgent need to GET ON MY BODY NOW! But reality being, well, reality, that ain’t happenin’! BUT a few days ago I became obsessed with finding a fantasy item that is on-trend and seasonally appropriate, too: A candy colored, Faux Fur cropped Jacket! Oh yes! Maybe I’ve been watching too much of that show “Scream Queens” but I must have this item! It will be mine! Oh yes…it will be mine!

And so the digging began. I very quickly realized what every fat person looking for fun fatshions runs into: no colors! Oh sure, I could find my perfect jacket if I want black, ivory or leopard. Blegh! NO! I want baby pink, baby blue, mint green, LAVENDER, teal, fuschia…fun, candy colors! I want that ridiculous pop of color and I want rich (fake) lushness of the faux fur, not some matted or shaggy disaster. I know what image I have in my head, but I’ve become convinced that it does not in fact exist in my size (26/28 typically). I can find ombre, striped, patchy-multi-colors, “teddy” which is a marled teddy bear like fur (gross), and every manner of very plain jacket in black, ivory or leopard. NO!

I got my google-woo a-flowin’ and really dove in head first into this silly obsession of mine. I searched more than fifty web sites! Y’all know there aren’t that many plus size fashion sites online, I mean there are and there aren’t, ya know? Oh and if you want a lovely faux fur vest? No problem! Lots of options for some very fashion forward vests…but my torso rarely gets cold, y’all. My arms though? Always cold! No vests for me, thanks. I searched hi-end and low. I looked at more sites than I had ever previously heard of. And you know I always-always-always check eBay and Amazon first, right? Ugh! No dice!!!

While I haven’t made my final decision, I did come up with a couple of options that I might go with, outside of having a custom one made (which I’m still pondering since at least I know it would fit). Truth be told, I don’t have the money. I’m taking my puggo to the vet today for a follow up on his endless itchiness. His prescription food costs a fortune, his ear and eye drops, too. I don’t need this fantasy jacket. I’ll admit to being an obsessive person in general, but y’all know I’m a bargain hunter! I feel like I can work this out or maybe santa will visit me a bit early? Ha-ha! It’s fun to hunt for things, I find I’m good at it and enjoy it, so there’s no harm in the search.

This might be my first choice on style and color. I’m a sucker for a minty blue or green. It’s a shorter jacket with shorter sleeves. I love the look of the fur too, soft and luscious. It says it fits true to size, but with a 3x showing as equal to a size 22 with a bust of 50-52″ and hips at just 52-54″ it would be a huge risk at $169.

This is the exact same jacket as the Mint one above, only in “blush” (also available in charcoal grey) which I secretly love. I think baby pink or light pink has become my color staple of the season.

Same sizing as the two above, but this color?!?! Lavender!!! Also available in dusty teal and some more real-fur-color options. $179 Gorgeous, though. Maybe a bit too shaggy for me, though.

This one I am seriously considering. This is the fuschia color I would choose, but the midnight blue it comes in is also lovely (also in black). I know it’s not a shorter jacket like I described, but the fur and color of this one is just oooooh!!! Unfortunately there are two major concerns with this one. One being sizing, with a UK28 listed as having a bust of 50-52″ and hip of 50-52″ I do not even think it would go around my hips. The second main concern is that it’s UK shipping only, so I’d have to sweet talk one of my lovely UK friends into being the middle man on this deal. Without the certainty of it fitting, I just can’t take that risk.

This one is a bit of a surprise, no? I mean, no color. It’s listed as Champagne, which would usually be a no from me, but this is sort of classy-sassy-versatile. At $74.99 with possible coupon code options, it’s certainly on the more affordable end of things. Again with the sizing though. A 3x is listed as equal to a US 24/26 or 53-54″ bust and 55-57″ hip, the most generously sized thus far. I’m not immediately in love with it though.

This is just ridiculous! I love it! The colors! OOOOH! But the length is fun, not cropped but just below hip level. That teal with magenta accents is just making me scream right now, “OHMAHGAH GET ON ME ALREADY!!!” It only goes up to a UK24 which is like a US22, right? It’s handmade in Scotland which sounds fantastic to me and certainly worth the £220.00 but then getting it to the US and all, complicated and it wouldn’t even fit! Ack!

The color! The fun and silly hearts! This is something out of a 90’s dream or nightmare, depending upon your own comfort levels. When I saw this I was in disbelief at it being plus size. BUT it’s listed as “One Size” and we all know that’s a heap of bullshit (with one exception in known history being Teggings from ReDressNYC.com because those things really are one size for all and they are made of magic and wonder and are my personal lord and savior!) This is also handmade in Scotland and only £190.00. Super doubtful it would fit me, though. Ugh!

Surprisingly, the only place I could find a faux fur coat in any fun colors, in an easily accessible and absolutely fat friendly place was Roaman’s! This coat isn’t for me, it’s just not really what I am going for. Having said that, it does come in this lovely boysenberry color that’s not bad as well as an evening blue and black (plus a couple of real fur-like colors). $99-$119 isn’t bad for this, all things considered and they’ll ship anywhere, I believe. The fit is a no-brainer, a 2x would fit me perfectly.

When I asked a friend in the know to keep an eye out for a fun colored faux fur jacket for me I sent her the link to this beauty! Ohmigosh! I mean?!?! I would wear this in a hot minute! So cute! I mean, it’s almost perfect with bonus hoodie and ears! I was really only looking for this style minus those features but this is just too awesome! So awesome in fact that it’s only available in a L and XL with the latter being a 42″ bust. NOPE! Not gonna happen. Boo! Poo! Whaaaaaaa! Also, the fur on this doesn’t look very nice, to be honest. But at only $53.56 it’s the cheapest option I’ve seen, just wouldn’t fit my bodaciousness.

So that’s that! My faux fur jacket fantasy is still unfulfilled, but I have a better idea of what I want and don’t want. Like it must be lined, I hate the feeling of the underside of faux fur. Pockets would be ideal! I’m still open on the color, but I tend to lean more blues-teals. I will include the list of sites I have tried just for certainty’s sake and so y’all can see I didn’t just try one page of a google search! Ha! If you do happen to know where I could get one made custom or found in my size (that you have actually seen, not “hey you should try lane bryant!”), or if you have a gently used one you’d like to sell, do let me know!

Do you have a fatshion fantasy? What item do you long to don on your fat body? What factors are preventing you from owning this lovely garment? Tell me!!!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com

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Amazon
eBay
SimplyBe
YoursClothing
Evans
Torrid
Lane Bryant
Avenue
HotTopic
Roaman’s
WomanWithin
FullBeauty
Land’s End
J.Jill
Rue107
ReDressNYC
Asos
JCP
Sears
Macy’s
Nordstrom
CityChic
UllaPopken
RebDolls
AdditionElle
UniversalStandard
MammothOuterwear
FabulousFurs
ColdWaterCreek
PlusSizePosh
ChristopherAndBanks
Catherine’s
Maurice’s
CatoFashions
MarksAndSpencer
JessicaLondon
Curvissa
HouseOfFraser
Target
Walmart
6pm
Zappos
Ark
H&M
Forever21
Poshmark
LordAndTaylor
Rue21
Polyvore
RebelCircus
ChubbyCartwheels
ReadyToStare
Buxom
CopperUnion
WitchWorldwide
Bombsheller
Zulily
Igigi
Eloquii
DorothyPerkins
AshleyStewart
Etsy
MonifC
YonaNewYork
IsolatedHeroes
OldNavy
ModCloth
BurlingtonCoatFactory
WetSeal

ETA:
FashionToFigure
SweetEchoPlus
AppleSeeds
Blair
BedfordFair
Ashro
BonTon
DrJay’s
EddieBauer
CharlotteRusse
Dillard’s
DressBarn
Kohl’s
LaRedoute
MidnightVelvet
neimanmarcus
NorthStyle
OldPuebloTraders
ThePyramidCollection (Had this fun number: http://www.pyramidcollection.com/itemdy00.aspx?T1=PF5113+XS)
QVC (This being the cutest option: http://qvc.co/1XYqSkz)
SaksFifthAvenue
SierraTradingPost
TogShop
Wilson’sLeather
debenhams
DebShops
Kmart
FiftyPlus (Gorgeous but not what I’m going for TEAL: http://www.fiftyplus.co.uk/shop/joanna-hope-faux-fur-trim-coat/kb996/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=3481#colour:Teal,size:32)
Marisota (I like this, just wish it had fun colors http://www.marisota.co.uk/shop/cropped-faux-fur-jacket/ju934/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=3484#colour:Midnight,size:30)
Matalan
BonPrix
FashionWorld
Julipa

No, seriously, they make me laugh! Just not my thing. No judgement for those who enjoy making them or the few that actually do stick to and achieve them, but that’s not what this post is about. This is about the societal pressure to conform all in the name of resolutions. Shall we?

res·o·lu·tion
ˌrezəˈlo͞oSH(ə)n/
noun
plural noun: resolutions
1. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
“she kept her resolution not to see Anne any more”
synonyms: intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan; More
2. the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter.
“the peaceful resolution of all disputes”
synonyms: solution to, answer to, end to, ending to, settlement of, conclusion to
“a satisfactory resolution of the problem”

I used to really struggle with having my picture taken. I would hide or scowl or whatever I could to avoid it. On my journey to self acceptance I took it upon myself to get over that shit. I started by doing really bland and generic outfit posts for the Fatshionista group back in the old LiveJournal days. Then one day I thought about what it was I hated or was truly afraid of and started to take as many pictures of myself as I could in all manner of odd positions and funny faces I could manage. Soon I found myself liking my funny or odd pics more than posed ones and just like that I started to want my pic taken! I’m not saying it was overnight or easy but it was worth it! No more hiding!

I think it’s valuable to take selfies, even if you don’t share them. I find sharing them can be a bit scary at first and so I often just send them to my bffs instead of posting online. I love it! Most folks only see one side of me, so selfies are a chance for me to be silly or whatever. I highly encourage folks to go bananas with the selfies. You can delete what you want to and keep what you like. You can share when you’re comfortable doing so and keep some for special occasions like when you want to cheer yourself up. This one is particularly hilarious to me…

My bff sent me some amazing lip, eye and nail colors for my “not your birthday but just glad you exist” day.
I had just come down with a cold and so I sent her this pic with one of the lip colors.

My saving grace the last six days. Uggghhhh!
Before I got sick, I cut my thumb wide open Thanksgiving evening on a broken bottle in the dark.
This is my bandaged thumb two days later when I finally accepted that I had in fact come down with a cold. Boo!

This is my bed nook. It’s like built in, hard to explain.
I wanted to add some color to my little studio and maybe had too much fun with that.
Cloth shower curtains from amazon with paper chain and tissue pom poms from Daiso!
So simple, so fun, so colorful, so cheap! <3

I had a certificate for DSW and wanted something slip-on but also versatile (casual and dressy). I decided on these but my personal shoe committee (Mychii, Tigress and my beloved Raven!) decided for me that I should get the blue…and so I did!
They are Aerosoles and so comfy! No breaking in needed. I couldn’t be happier!
I couldn’t get a full outfit pic, but this was from a plus size/bbw goth night in San Francisco “Club Bodice” at the Stud Bar, it was a tribute to Tom Waits night. There’s going to be another one February 21st with a Phantom of the Opera theme.
You should come and keep me company on the dance floor: Club Bodice’s Facebook Page
But here’s the dress I wore, which I have on other occasions, such as NYE ’12 & ’13:

You can get it at ChicStar. I highly recommend getting their crinoline, too!
I always wear it with this dress and others and it’s so affordable.
Another weird seflie, another great lip color!
(Dress behind me is Eshakti! Ha!)
My DIY pop art manicure! Mychii sent me the decals pack and I coordinated with fun nail colors.
Ohmigosh I love Rimmel’s 60 second quick dry nail colors!I rarely leave my hair down completely. Also no makeup. Also zero fucks given, apparently! Ha-ha!

My outfit for Thanksgiving!
I got the dress on clearance at Torrid and the pink sweater duster from a previous Torrid visit.
The dress is too long but works when I walk if I wear my boots, but I should probs have it hemmed.

So, that’s me, all up to date and shit. I’d love to do some guest posts here so please let me know if you’d like to write or post something here (notblueatall@notblueatall.com). Should I bring back the “Fats in Winter Wear” posts? I’d love to have more discussions here or on this blog’s Facebook page. What’s on your mind these days? What’s troubling you? What are you excited about? Let me know in comments or at the email addy above.

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com