Last week the band DNCE released a new video for the song “Toothbrush” featuring singer Joe Jonas and plus size model Ashley Graham playing a couple.

Jonas said, “We’re doing cool stuff in bed. We had the beautiful Ashley Graham in the video. We just got to make out and roll around on each other all day,” he told E! News “It was a man’s dream come true.”

Graham – famous for her curvy figure – was handpicked by Jonas to star in the video and largely appears in underwear and a t-shirt, in bed with Jonas.

Taking to Facebook, one fan wrote: “Thank you so much for putting Ashley Graham in the video and representing curvy women all over the world.”

Fans said:
“Honestly this video made me so happy, thank you Joe Jonas for having Ashley Graham play your love interest. It’s not just showing that not every girl in the music videos has to be thin and have big boobs and butt, it shows a normal, curvy girl.”

While another added: “Thanks you so much for showcasing beauty at all levels, for all shapes and sizes. Mainstream media has taught me to feel ugly and unhealthy, leading to very low self esteem for most of my life. You are helping young girls everywhere by changing the message.”

In an interview with Billboard, Graham said the comments were inspiring, and “reminds me why I work so hard to challenge conventional beauty standards”.

“So often we see the typical ‘video girl’, who’s definitely not a size 14 or 16. It doesn’t accurately portray what our world looks like, especially because the average-size woman is a size 14. It’s really important that all industries celebrate diversity, especially diverse body types,” she said.

And here is where I start to have a problem with all of this. Ashley Graham was recently on the cover of Sports Illustrated. In an interview about that cover she said she hated the term plus size, deemed it outdated, because she hates labels, while also calling herself a “body activist” which is vague and I haven’t heard in that way before, but I suppose anyone can be.

“I DON’T LIKE THE TERM ‘PLUS-SIZE.’ IT’S JUST NOT HELPING WOMEN. I’M READY TO GET RID OF IT. IF YOU HAVE TO LABEL ME, I LIKE TO BE CALLED ‘CURVY — SEXYLICIOUS.'”

“WE’RE IN A GENERATION OF WOMEN EMPOWERMENT – AN ERA WHEN YOUR GENDER, YOUR SIZE, AND HOPEFULLY SOON, YOUR RACE WILL NOT MATTER AT ALL. THAT, TO ME, IS SEXY.”

Firstly, Ashley Graham is a MODEL! She’s not the average woman. I do understand that the modeling industry is different than the actual world in that someone of Ashley’s size is deemed plus size, but to most people she would be seen as simply beautiful. In the video with Jonas she appears equal to him in size for the most part. Maybe a bit of an Amazon, but fashion runways aren’t inclusive of shorties or even average height models. Old news, for sure. But the internet was a-buzz when this DNCE video premiered with how revolutionary it was for her to be in it.  I just can’t get behind that. There is nothing revolutionary about a model in a music video.

Ashley Graham doesn’t represent fat women, plus size women or anyone else but herself, in my opinion. I don’t look up to her and I honestly don’t think anyone should. I’m fat. She is not fat. A 30 inch waist is not revolutionary! (Her listed measurements: 42-30-46) You want revolutionary show me a video with Gaborey Sibide making out with a Jonas brother! Show me an example of the girl being bigger than the boy and still having a fucking blast! Normalize something we never get a chance to see! Show me large confident men grinding and smiling with one another! Show me differently sized and aged bodies! Show me something we haven’t seen before!

Not liking labels is all well and good but that’s not the world we live in. We live in a world where Ashley Graham is seen as something new and different when she’s really not.

Melissa McCarthy has supported Ashley Graham’s call to end the term “plus-size”, saying it is an example of the “obsession” with categorising women. McCarthy said: “I so look forward to not always categorising. I think we categorise and categorise and I don’t think it’s done so much with men. And, by ‘I don’t think’, I mean it’s not.”
Speaking about her recent clothing line, “I make clothes for women. I think just chip away at it and stop making it a thing. I’m trying with my line, any time someone says ‘you make a plus-size line’, I just correct them and say ‘I make clothes for women’. I’m not making a plus-size line, if a plus-size store or if a store of certain sizes buys them that’s what’s going in there. But I’m just making women’s clothing, there is an obsession with categorising.”

The problem there is that she’s selling those “clothes for women” at Lane Bryant…A plus size clothing store! And any fatty can tell you what their smaller friends think or know about good ole LB (hint: not much but it ain’t positive).  And trying to find clothing in plus sizes at a department store is always difficult. Taking away the categorization of clothing is a nice thought but logistically a nightmare. As it is we’re relegated to dark corners, basements, sparse racks bordering the maternity section without its own designation or signage.

I suppose in the age of instagram and snapchat, seeing a Jonas brother with a not tiny-skinny-model-actress feels revolutionary for some, but that just depresses me. Why I want what has never been before, well, I dunno. Seems irrational, I guess. But I have a teenage niece who sees this shit. Luckily she’s not into this kind of music but what she is into, as far as body diversity (or any diversity imo) goes it’s worse. There’s so much pressure to fit in and conform and while the intention behind including a plus size model in the DNCE video is up for debate, revolutionary it isn’t.

What are your thoughts about this? Maybe I’m missing something, let me know in comments!

Mull it Over Monday
What’s on your mind? What pisses you off? A new take on an old issue? This could be political, personal, social, body related, you name it!

For submissions:
Please include the name you’d like used for the post (I will often thank the poster or comment about the story at the bottom of a submitted post). You’re welcome to include something you’d like to plug like an etsy shop, event or other such things. Posts submitted by individuals are always free, but businesses will be charged a fee based on the type of post they’d like to submit. Please also consider submitting a photo of yourself, even if the post isn’t about you specifically. People love to see pics of other awesome people, simple as that! For outfit pics, please include sizing for reference as well as links or retailers where readers may procure their own goodies to shop your style!

We love newbies to fat community as well as tried and true rad fatties. This blog is a safe space for folks to share their stories, celebrate themselves and their journies, and connect with one another. This is an open minded and respectful environment where we may disagree but are never mean to one another. Please refrain from any negative body talk, diet talk/discussions, or any negative judgements. Have fun and Enjoy!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

This week started like any other but I couldn’t have anticipated finding a new fat hero with the best sense of humor online. Hanna Battiste posted a pic in response to haters and it just gave me so much life! Here’s the post:

For more go here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/victoriasanusi/best-reaction-ever?utm_term=.yjqOlW3b1W#.epgYV5N4a5

When I saw the post originally no one knew who she was and now myself and probably fifty thousand other folks friended her on Facebook. She is gorgeous, fearless, witty, hilarious, and truly someone to keep an eye on! How many of us have had to deal with shitty people judging us for our body size? I always wish I had the perfect response to shut those fuckers down. But Hannah figured it out and fat internet history was made! Seeing her face give me such joy! Knowing that she is confident and secure in herself makes me proud.

This rad fatty shall go down as a legend as a fat ass bad ass! We love you Hannah Battiste! <3

Do you have something to say about fat acceptance/fat liberation? Have you been wanting to start a blog but afraid to take the plunge? Consider guest posting at NotBlueAtAll.com! We all have a story to tell. Share yours! Or maybe you’re great at reviews or have an independent business you think my rad fatty readers would enjoy…let me know!

For submissions:
Please include the name you’d like used for the post (I will often thank the poster or comment about the story at the bottom of a submitted post). You’re welcome to include something you’d like to plug like an etsy shop, event or other such things. Posts submitted by individuals are always free, but businesses will be charged a fee based on the type of post they’d like to submit. Please also consider submitting a photo of yourself, even if the post isn’t about you specifically. People love to see pics of other awesome people, simple as that! For outfit pics, please include sizing for reference as well as links or retailers where readers may procure their own goodies to shop your style!

We love newbies to fat community as well as tried and true rad fatties. This blog is a safe space for folks to share their stories, celebrate themselves and their journies, and connect with one another. This is an open minded and respectful environment where we may disagree but are never mean to one another. Please refrain from any negative body talk, diet talk/discussions, or any negative judgements. Have fun and Enjoy!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

Just a quickie today, but feeling very much in the Thankful AF mood!

I had a great interview today in San Francisco for a startup and gosh I want it!!! Everyone was so great! The office had this great energy and I didn’t feel under pressure or that I had to fake anything. So, fingers crossed! If you have some woo, juju, prayers or good thoughts and energy to send out into the universe for me I would very much appreciate it!

After the hustle and bustle, I get home to a flower delivery from my boyfriend. So sweet! White and yellow daisies! My favorite. And the sweetest card he’s sent yet! I’m feeling very thankful and lucky to have him in my life.

Just planned to meet up for brunch with my bffs for this Sunday. Always a great, and usually drunkenly, time! Last time the live mariachi band that plays there took a request of mine. “Besume Mucho” is my favorite Spanish language song (I have like 6 versions) and it was all I could do to not stand up and sing-shout the words with them! #BottomlessMimosas

Feeling pretty good about things, though financially I’m still in the nastiest depths of hell.

What are you feeling Thankful AF for/about today? Lemme know in comments!

Do you have something to say about fat acceptance/fat liberation? Have you been wanting to start a blog but afraid to take the plunge? Consider guest posting at NotBlueAtAll.com! We all have a story to tell. Share yours! Or maybe you’re great at reviews or have an independent business you think my rad fatty readers would enjoy…let me know!

For submissions:
Please include the name you’d like used for the post (I will often thank the poster or comment about the story at the bottom of a submitted post). You’re welcome to include something you’d like to plug like an etsy shop, event or other such things. Posts submitted by individuals are always free, but businesses will be charged a fee based on the type of post they’d like to submit. Please also consider submitting a photo of yourself, even if the post isn’t about you specifically. People love to see pics of other awesome people, simple as that! For outfit pics, please include sizing for reference as well as links or retailers where readers may procure their own goodies to shop your style!

We love newbies to fat community as well as tried and true rad fatties. This blog is a safe space for folks to share their stories, celebrate themselves and their journies, and connect with one another. This is an open minded and respectful environment where we may disagree but are never mean to one another. Please refrain from any negative body talk, diet talk/discussions, or any negative judgements. Have fun and Enjoy!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

Yesterday I talked about exercising your right to bare arms and my love of going strapless.  Today I wanna talk about VBO (or, Visible Belly Outline). VBO is a hot topic these days. It’s something a lot of folks struggle with. It’s something I still struggle with, though there are times where I just don’t care. Bellies come in many shapes and configurations. I used to refer to mine as a double belly. Now my bff Michaela and I call it a B belly, just seems more accurate. Because of this doubleness, certain types of tops and dresses don’t look the same on me as on other, single bellied people. This has caused great discomfort with my body and choosing clothing to wear.

I used to always wear baggy tops and layers of clothing in order to hide and cover my belly area. I never really cared about my big ass. I figured there’s no hiding that, but my belly situation was not something I loved. Besides, I told myself, there are songs celebrating big asses, but not big bellies. My grunge era attire fit into this covering certain parts of my body thing just fine. As I grew up, though, I couldn’t hide behind those garments.

When I found myself in the corporate world I had to step up my wardrobe. The hardest part of this were those dreaded (by many a large breasted or large bellied individual) button up shirts. They never seemed to want to lay right on my body. The chest would gape, the bottom flaps would spread awkwardly causing me to constantly tug and check and smooth and straighten them. There was no hiding my insecurities.

It wasn’t until I opened my own cafe that I realized that I could wear whatever the fuck I wanted and it didn’t matter what anyone thought about it. I cut my hair and experimented with dresses for the first time in over a decade. At first it was hard because people treated me different when I wore dresses or makeup or anything more feminine than what they were used to seeing me in. This caused me to hold back much of my femme-ness, but I’m a rebel at heart so it didn’t take long for me to say fuck it about that shit, too!

Finding cheap dresses at Ross (Dress for Less) gave me the chance to experiment and figure out what styles I liked on my body. Soon I found clingy dresses that I actually loved on my body and decided once and for all that my rolls were nobody’s business but my own! Zero fucks! I was fortunate, too, to be surrounded by rad fatties at the time and would go to local BBW clubs to dance the night away. Connecting with my body through dance was the final push for me to let go of those belly worries. It’s just so much more comfortable to dance in less restrictive clothing. Layering just wasn’t an option, my comfort came first.

I would say that I’ve never looked back, that I have since always loved my belly, but that’s not true. It’s something I still struggle with today. I’m usually pretty confident and secure with myself and my body, but it’s just not always as simple as that. I have loved seeing the Fatkini movement grow and seeing people of all sizes embracing their bodies and reclaiming the old beach body thing in a more positive light. But when the idea of wearing a bikini for the big dance show came up, I was at first excited but then terrified. I thought I was ready for that, so bold and so rebellious! But I wasn’t. I’m not.

My relationship with my body is good, solid. My relationship with the parts of it that I struggle with off and on (I think) is normal. Our bodies change over time, that’s just nature. It’s important and valuable to not hold onto a specific idea of what your body must be or look like. It will change. You can’t prevent it. But you can embrace it and be kind to yourself and your body. It’s the only one we’ve got! I choose to do no harm. I hope you will, too. Rock on with that VBO! (Pics enlarge when clicked.)

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

Tank top Tuesday is all about exercising your right to bare your arms! I don’t care how fat or jiggy or saggy or pale or whatever. It’s about rockin’ what you got and giving zero fucks what anyone else has to say or think about it!

Since I’m treating this week as a sort of relaunch and re engagement with my beloved blog, I thought why not be the first TTT post of the season, too!

I used to hate my fat upper arms. I was the 3/4’s sleeve queen in my old life. My then husband didn’t understand it and would always encourage me to free my arms but I just couldn’t do it. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt awkward in my own body. It was terrible. I think it was around 2008 or so when I first started to say fuck it and try going sleeveless here and there, usually close to home. As my self acceptance journey became part of my everyday life and my confidence grew I started to see that the only thing holding me back, as well as my arms, was me. I could never have imagined what my future held then.

I remember the very first time I went out of the house strapless! It was for a Big Moves dance show called “Go Big or Go Home” and my bffs accompanied me. Little did I know that this would be a life changing event and not just because of my strapless-ness! I wore a shawl/wrap because I wasn’t quite ready to just do it straight away but it felt amazing and empowering. And the show was fucking fantastic! (I’m now in that very show every year, so yeah, big life changing thing!) Fat positive people doing normal things we’ve been told we can’t or should never do like dancing and burlesque and more! YES!!!

Here we are, me in my almost confident state with my bffs posing for a photo outside the Big Moves show:

Later, when envisioning my first big fat event in San Jose in 2012, I had a dream dress in mind. I took the plunge and ended up wearing it to host the first Fatty Affair and have zero regrets about that! I mean look at this:

Fantastic! I loved the dress and that Fatty Affair was such a delight! You can see how happy I am in this pic! It’s infectious! Then the following year’s Fatty Affair came along and I knew what I wanted to wear. It was inspired by a picture of the singer P!nk and cobbled together in my newly-single-life bedroom. Another dream outfit, another strapless endeavor and again, no regrets!

I soon became known for being the fat girl with all the strapless dresses! Which, to be honest, still does my head in a bit because for so many years I had sworn off dresses all together. Ha-ha! Now I have too many! I love an excuse to dress up now and rock my sleeveless reputation without a care in the world! It’s taken a lot of self work. But my body is nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for. I need provide no explanation for my existence.

Now I don’t give any thought about whether or not to go strapless. It’s more of what I’m feeling sort of thing that guides my choices. This one I’ve worn to NYE and goth prom and other fun things.

And this was just this past New Year’s dress that I snagged for $20 at Charlotte Russe, if you can believe it! I love it!

It’s hard to look back at my former ashamed self but at least I can and know that I will never be that person again. My body is mine and my comfort is my priority. If I’m looking fabulous then I know I’m feeling it too! It may not be for everyone, but that’s not for me to decide. Just do you! <3

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I always ask TTT submissions to include their own fatty philosophy. I guess mine changes as time goes by. I would typically say something along the likes of be you, stay true to you, listen to your gorgeous gut and give zero fucks about the rest. Right now I’m feeling a bit more like, do what feels right, stop worrying and just keep going. How’s that?! 😉

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I am always looking for submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it! And thank you to all who have submitted and continue to do so. These posts make my week! They are so fun and empowering, too! So keep ‘em comin’ and keep baring those arms!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO