If the average American woman is a size 14+, then would someone please explain to me how it is that they are also the LEAST purchased sizes by manufacturers? Are they allergic to money?! At this rate, I think that they are! I have heard every ridiculous excuse about “no market” and “it just doesn’t sell” and to those I say fuck right the hell off!!! I read something about smaller or independent boutique owners claiming to have tried to sell sizes 14+ but then they just sit on the rack and don’t sell. I get that, but I question if they advertised the size range or had it prominently displayed in their store. I also get that fashionable fatties have been burned for so long by retailers that we just stop trying to find new brick and mortar places. BUT that’s also with a  huge fucking grain of salt because I almost don’t believe it.

Sizing has been a big topic of discussion this week as one retailer. Meijer, announced that it would get rid of their plus size clothing section and instead include a range of sizes for all throughout. Cute idea, but we all know it won’t be so idyllic in reality. If anything it usually leads to even less plus sizes being available in stores! We’ve seen other retailers attempts at revamping their plus sections (looking at you Target) which ends up mostly residing online or mixed into a jumble or racks between maternity and clearance areas with no signage. I just don’t believe them when they say that they made every attempt to attract plus sized customers. I’m calling bullshit on that!

We want what everyone else has: equality! So basic! But most shopping malls and centers hardly have even one plus retailer, let alone many! I’m lucky that where I live I have my choice of Lane Bryant (hell to the no, but for personal reasons), Avenue (but only a couple of locations and very spread out) and Torrid (who have a bunch but in odd places). Target does carry some, but you’d be pressed to track them down in most locations and often I see two racks at the front, beside the maternity, and the rest mixed with other random items leaving all of it more trouble than it’s worth. Yes, larger department stores have plus sections, but often they call them something hella random (Yes, I was initially offended by “Encore” being the designation for plus size at Nordstrom) or tuck them away in a basement or far reaching corner of their stores.

Can we just stop with the cutesy names, though? “Specialty Sizes” “Extended Sizes” I find it insulting and demeaning. Why can we not just have clothing?! Simple! No gender assignment required! Here, look, pants! Shirts! Dresses! Let the rest of the labeling go! Trying to explain women’s clothing sizing to my bf is a practice in comedy! He insists, “Women must like those flimsy fabrics and non-existent pockets or why else would they have them?” UGH!!! I wanna scream from rooftops! The frustrations! I get serious feminist rage at this shit and that’s without him saying we must like it or why would it be this way. I insist that it cannot be women designing such things as those are very common complaints about fashion.

And can we not value fashion only as something frivolous?!?! I need to cover my body with a garment! Yes, I care how that garment fits and looks on my person, but that does not mean I ONLY care about fashion or looks. Ya know?! Ugh! And when you actually read up on the history of pockets you’ll be as outraged as I am! If you’re above a size 26 your options are so limited it really is almost entirely online. That takes a lot more time and money! Sure, coupon codes and rewards dollars can help, but not all online clothing retailers offer free return shipping and even those who don’t may still charge a re-stocking fee and others still charge more for certain sizes.

If the majority of women in the U.S. are plus sized, then there needs to be a bigger push back on manufacturers and retailers to fucking cater to us! We need to start writing letters, leaving comment cards, asking for management and buyers, hitting up these corporations on social media and really letting them know what we want: Equality!!! (I wanted to say EQUALITY MOTHERFUCKERS!!! but I don’t mean to shout at you, you’re lovely.) Yet we’re always made to feel that asking for anything is asking too much! UGH! Sick of it!

Ahem.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL.
<3
S

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog and it’s archives, via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

I had fallen very ill with a head cold on September 23rd. It was so bad I was home from work for a week! I was able to work from home for the better part of that week, but I was miserable. No over the counter meds were touching this beast and everyone I talked to thought it might be sudden and severe allergies. When the worst of it was over I went back to work. I was still very sniffly and coughing and not entirely the life of the party, but I managed alright. A couple more weeks went by and one day in a meeting with my boss she says, “I think you need to see someone about that.” when I couldn’t stop coughing. Ugh!

So I did the right things, I called the advice nurse first to see what they thought. Set up an appointment for a physical check up, since I’d moved and got new insurance, best to meet and see these new services in person. I went in with an open mind, a calmness of hope that I will finally get some relief, and even a referral for an allergist (I’m severely allergic to sunscreen, which has only been true for 1.5 yrs). I knew to fast because, obviously, I’m fat so that must mean I have the DIA-DEATH-TO-FATTIES-BEETUS! LOL! But I did fast because medical folks always ASSUME I have diabetes (I don’t, I don’t even have the genetic marker for it being in my family). Ugh!

Anyway, I go into this appointment almost happy to be there. I want to meet my new doctor and see if I can get her to see me as a whole human being! Not that I’ve had so many negative medical experiences, but really any is too many. The first thing she asks me is why I refused to be weighed. I explained that I did not feel that it was medically relevant at this time. She insisted that it was. When I asked how so she went into an elementary explanation of what and how the BMI works. It was all I could do to not laugh out loud. I calmly explained that the BMI does not assess one’s health, nor was it intended to be used in the way it is today. She again insisted I be weighed (though there was no scale in the room, so?) and finally just asked if I knew how much I weighed.

It was unbearably obvious to me that this person cared more about filling in a box on a form that seeing me as an adult human, she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I said that I did know how much I weighed, that my weight rarely if ever fluctuates, and that if it was medically relevant that I would be happy to provide such a number. I think that really pissed her off. I was honestly being friendly and cheerful and pleasant and doing my best to put her at ease. But she wasn’t having any of it! She actually stood up at this point in order to lecture me on the evils of fat! I listened, I was patient, I smiled and nodded my head. I even said, “Okay, so what would your next course of action be on this topic?” she said she’d send me to a nutritionist. I explained that they do not have the amount of education to provide any new insight and that to suggest I needed a nutritionist is also suggesting that the cause of my body size is directly related to how and what I eat. When I told her that I had an eating disorder previously and had no intention of going back down those dark paths again she flipped through my medical file with a look of insolence in her eyes.

She could not have even settled on a page (she was literally flipping through it like a joke or a movie) when she insisted, “When! When did you have an eating disorder because I don’t see anything in here!” and I explained that one is always in recovery, and that it was a long time ago when I went through the worst of it and that to pathologize based solely on body size is against actual science and logic. She insisted we should agree to disagree, which I conceded to politely. But she went right back into it! At which point I finally said that I had zero interest in hearing once again how my very body will be the death of me. So I then asked her to tell me what my blood pressure was (I always allow for this and insist with confidence on them using a larger cuff due to inaccurate readings and bruising from ill fitting ones). When she saw that it was 110/72 she quickly insisted I was setting myself up for a world of trouble (in a near threatening tone, tbh) and when I insisted that wasn’t a given she again said we should agree to disagree. When she persisted again I pushed back with, “You aren’t asking about my current activity, eating habits, quality of life or lifestyle. You aren’t asking how I feel or if I think I’m eating healthy.” No response.

Then she FINALLY asked about the reason for my visit. Like, seriously, I had been there for ages at that point. So I went through my symptoms and progressions and explained my own feelings on the matter as well as my concern about my sudden allergy to sunscreen. She dismissed it all! She said that I’m not allergic and probably just have dry skin and that there is nothing wrong with me at all. Um…? When I asked at what point should I be concerned about my cough, as it had been a month, she said 8-12 weeks! I was surprised but went along with it. She insisted again that I must be fine as I was exhibiting no symptoms that she could discern. Much to my frustration. But I explained that I had come straight from home, had eaten nothing and was freshly showered and thus my symptoms were less than they had been, though not entirely gone and I was doing my best to be polite and not gross about the whole thing.

When I asked about getting a referral for an allergist she asked me to describe my sunscreen allergy symptoms. When I did she asked if I’d tried another type. I explained that I had tried every type available to purchase by the public (even listing many brands), including natural ones and ones for babies. I explained that the day I wear sunscreen I have no symptoms but that evening and the following 7 days I would be ravenously scratching at anywhere it was applied. Like not even able to sleep! The itching is so bad! She said, “It sounds like dry skin to me. I won’t be referring you to an allergist.”

At this point she asked that I sit on the examination table. I was never offered a gown, never instructed to sit anywhere other than the one chair prior to this. So I hopped up on the table and she listened to my breathing, looked into eyes, ears, and nose, and then dismissed me from the table to the chair again. That was the extent of my physical. The least physical one I’ve ever had! Then without making eye contact, she said she was prescribing me pills for my cough with no other information or explanation. Then she said she wanted me to have some blood work done and said I’d have to come back since one I would have to fast for. I explained, for the second or third time, that I had fasted because I know medical folks always insist I have diabetes. She raised a single eyebrow and mumbled something before saying, “okay, then you’ll need to get this blood work done now.” before getting up to leave. She almost left the room twice but kept coming back in wanting to say something but hesitating each time and finally I just said, “Thanks so much. I hope you have a great day.” with full sincerity.

She finally left but seemed quite flabbergasted at the whole thing. It made me wonder if anyone had ever refused to be weighed in her office before. What did she think my aim was with refusing? I felt that I explained myself logically and reasonably. I didn’t get emotional or aggressive. I was calm, cool and collected. I wasn’t even aloof or anything like that, ya know? Just chill. I wasn’t even upset at her absurd behavior and threats, though perhaps I should have been. I walked out as cheerfully as I entered and headed to the lab and pharmacy. I even joked with the phlebotomist about smiles being free and no need to put your grump onto others. He was hella cool, actually. No bruising even! The pharmacy was also a quick and easy venture. It wasn’t until I got back to work and was chatting with some work-friends about the whole thing that I realized just how horrible I’d been treated.

I asked them what a physical was usually like for them and was surprised by their responses. One even insisted I go to another doctor and try for a full do-over. I am still considering this. I’m fortunate enough to have insurance, and to have a job that allows me to use that insurance. But it’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t! This is why fat people don’t go to the doctor until it’s absolutely necessary! Don’t you dare (non-existent “YOU”) tell me that fat people cost anyone more money. What’s costing more money is fucking sales quotas and pitches for unnecessary surgeries. Doctors who have to hit certain numbers and topics and tick boxes rather than look their patients in the eyes. I was there for something so basic and simple and yet this doctor ignored everything so that she could lecture me on a topic I honestly feel she knows very little about. It’s appalling, but I was glad to tell her at one point that I was grateful to be a confident, knowledgeable and empowered woman, because had I not been, as many others aren’t, I would have been destroyed (confidence, self-esteem, etc)! She didn’t seem to give a single shit about that either.

Seriously, I know that I am fortunate and lucky and privileged and it is because of this that I choose to speak up and out about these things. Others simply can’t! But if we don’t talk about it, if we continue to hide or keep secret what shouldn’t be, then the stigma of fatness being a death sentence will continue. I am not intimidated by someone who spent far too much money on an education only to ignore actual scientific facts when it comes to treating a patient. Fuck that! The studies are there, the science is there and I refuse to be talked to like an idiot simply because my body takes up more space!

BTW, those pills didn’t do shit for my cough. I still have it, though it is slowly dissipating. Luckily, my insurance sent me a survey to take, a few days later, in order to assess the level of care I had received.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Good times. 😛

<3
S

I’m looking for guest posts!!! Please consider submitting!

“We forget our true nature (to love and be loved) when it feels like the world was made to oppose us.”

I wrote that on a friend’s FB post last night and it really felt right to me. I was really tired and not even thinking clearly, but maybe I was. He had posted that he had tried for far too long to fight hate with more hate and that it never did help. Now he’s seeing with nearly new eyes that we can love life and love this world and just sort of be in love with everything all at once. It was really beautiful! So before imparting my so-called words of wisdom I instructed him to write it down (the bit about loving life) and to put it somewhere he would look at everyday. He said that he would. And I do believe that we forget to love.

I think it’s far too easy to get caught up in things to see the people in our lives that matter most to us. Sometimes we get so caught up in what was or what we think something or our lives should be that we forget to be fully in the moment and breathe that life into ourselves. Too hippy-witchy-woo? Ha-ha! Yep, I’m all about it! I’m in a weird head space lately, my health once again causing me to re-center and ground myself in the right here and now. I’m grateful for it, though. And I’m okay, just food poisoning this time.

I have started an intention ritual for myself. I mean, I made it up but I am certain it’s not some new radical thing. I just felt a need for it on the new moon and also on all souls day. I have been missing my grandma so much the last few months, it’s almost as if I feel closer to her lately. Which makes sense with this specific day/holiday. I’m not much of a believer in things overall, but I like the idea of those we loved who have passed on being closer to us on this day.

In any case, I started my silly little ritual of just lighting some lovely smelling candles (organic, soy, delightful) and then calming and evening my breathing and then saying aloud or internally what it is I want in my life. My list was something like this…

Health, Love, Friendship, Stability, Fulfillment, Companionship, Sexuality, Identity, Peace
(Loyalty, Honesty, Success)

While I said these things I held a fresh rose bud in my hand and at the end I took three cleansing breaths and singed one of the rose petals on each of my three candles (3 is a thing for me). Then I thought about my intentions again and tried to picture what they might look like in my actual life. Then a moment to pause and breathe and finally extinguishing the flames of each candle with gratitude. Another moment of reflection in darkness, followed by a sip of cool water. I know, this isn’t anything formal or based in anything but my own whimsy, but I enjoyed it and isn’t that what matters most?! On all sounds day evening I first wrote out all of this in red ink with my new calligraphy pen. Something about it felt even more intentional somehow, but again, even I’m not taking all of this too seriously.

I do think it’s important to set aside time for self reflection and to consider one’s intentions about their life. I don’t think my puggyman quite understood what the heck I was doing, but I’m sure he feels that way about most of what I do at home. Ha-ha! When I thought/said to myself “Companionship” I did put my hand on his little puggo body. Just wanting him to feel my love and gratitude for his existence. He may not be the most polite bedmate I’ve ever had, but he’s the best one!

Maybe it’s turning thirty-nine, maybe it’s the season, but I have been thinking deeply on what it really means to die or to live. What does success mean to me on a personal level? I have always bristled at that word (only slightly less so than at the word win/winning *barfs*). I have also had to check my impatience with myself and others, not that I’m one to bite anyone’s head off (usually hahaha) but I have found my tolerance of certain things to be waning (rudeness, selfishness, bigotry, ignorance, etc).

So much has happened since my last post, too! I sang, publicly, in a show! My friends treated me to tea (the fancy kind)! I had a birthday and celebrated Halloween at work in the same week!  So much I still want to share with you here, but it will have to wait for now.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope to post more, soon.

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

I’m looking for guest posts!!! Please consider submitting!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

Yesterday, September 18th, I had the privilege of being Tigress’ guest for The Curvy Girl Lingerie Show in Campbell, California. I had the same privilege last year, but this year felt different. This year I wasn’t too nervous or too awkward. I mean, I fully appreciate and enjoy my own special brand of quirky-awkward-endearing. I work with what I got, ya know? No shame in that. But last year I was a bit lost, I think, and most uncertain of myself, for whatever reasons. This time was different because there was more time provided for the models to mix and mingle before the show and I was in the best company around!

I was thinking a bit about what I might wear a few days before, but hadn’t really decided on anything. In fact I was worried I’d come up with nothing very interesting or exciting at all. I was almost resigned to this fact when I remembered that I’d ordered this lovely mint tutu from Society+ during their last flash sale (plus a ten dollar coupon I had found, too)! Without actually trying it at all, I soon started to put together the outfit in my head the night before. Uncertain of colors matching or how hot or cool the weather might be, I sort of forgot about it as I fell asleep Saturday night.

The next morning I fell into a frenzy of productivity, though I haven’t a clue how that happened! Ha-ha! I threw a load of laundry in the washer and headed to Peet’s and Trader Joe’s for my twice monthly grocery shopping trip.  Ohmigosh! TJ’s was full of assholes! Straight up! I found myself doing all I could to resist the pressing urge to actually growl at people, they were that rude! In the end I felt compelled to do something to cleanse my soul. After a frustrating experience taking several attempts to load my paltry three grocery bags into the backseat of my car, I was returning my cart to the corral when I saw an older lady nearly done emptying hers. When she grabbed her last item I snagged up her cart, connected it with mine, and pushed them both into the corral. She was so sweet and expressed her thanks profusely! When I explained how I needed to do something for myself to feel better and took the soonest opportunity with her cart she exclaimed at length my kindness and wished me so well I nearly forgot about how I was treated in that store. We parted with my wishing her, “A fantastic Sunday!” which seems odd to me now but neither of us questioned it. Ha!

I headed back home to finish my laundry and get ready for the Lingerie show! Only, I ended up giving my puggyman a much needed and overdue bath, too, but he hated it. Ha! He’s always good, but I could tell he really wasn’t happy about it at all. After his bath we played a lot and he wore himself out with his silliness. Worked out well since it gave me some needed calm to get ready. Once I decided what I wanted to wear I tried it on to make sure it worked and whoa it did! Better than I could have hoped! This outfit was everything! I had half thought to save the skirt for my birthday but what’s the point in saving things for only special occasions??! Psshht! So I did  my hair, put my outfit together and then did my nails. I went fairly neutral in colors for my nails since my outfit was very colorful.

When I left the house I noticed people stopping and staring at me as I walked towards my car. Thinking little of it I had no idea what would be in store for me the rest of that day. Everywhere I went it seemed this outfit produced a strong reaction! The venue for the show was in downtown Campbell. A quaint area of affluent folks and charming storefronts. I found a parking spot nearby in the shade and was happy for it once I got out of my car and realize what a hot day it was. As I entered the venue and shown my ticket I was immediately accosted, in the best possible way, due to my outfit. This tutu from Society+ was the real winner of the day! I felt like a celebrity! Everywhere I went folks wanted their picture taken with me. It was a bit overwhelming but in such a positive sort of way!

I ran into old friends and made a couple of new ones. It was such a blast! Not that I didn’t enjoy myself last year, but I think I didn’t want to be noticed at all last year and so that sort of colored my experience. But this time?! Whew! I could barely walk two steps without someone remarking on my outfit! And at one point, whilst chatting with Tigress and some friends at the bar, channel 7 news approached us and asked if any of us would care to be interviews. Well, Tigress fell right into it with the reporter and tried to bring me along but I chickened out! She was such a natural though! So full of grace and calmness and charm! It was really something to behold! Then it was show time and she had to dash off to get ready.

The show was fantastic as always! This year they featured 40 models, some professional, most were amateurs and some were outright celebrities in our big fat world. It was truly a success in every way! The food was fabulous (the cheese!) and I had remembered to bring cash for the bar this time and thoroughly enjoyed my two vodka-crans. The air conditioning was perfect and I didn’t sweat a bit! While seated I grew acquainted with a friend of Tigress’ who is also a model. Then two sweet ladies sat beside me and one confessed to following me on facebook. I always worry about acting strangely in such situations, but she and her friend were delightful and we chatted quite a bit before the show.

After the show I waited for Tigress to come out so we could take pictures and we did and I’m so glad! She is a great friend indeed and so good at taking photos and insisting upon selfies and such. I love that woman so much! I cannot even tell you!!! And so here ya go, the outfit of outfits!

All of this was of course after one of the very busiest and craziest weeks I’ve had yet at my new job! I organized and put on a traditional Swedish crawfish party called Karftskiva! I had never experienced this particular festivity and it was definitely one of those everything that could go wrong did go wrong adventures, but in the end it was a success and we all had a blast! Note the deep blush of my cheeks after so many shots of aquavit! Whew! Whatta night!!!

My job is so hard, y’all! Sometimes I have to snuggle very tiny puppies…it’s the worst!!! Ha-ha!

I’m feeling on top of the world, if not incredibly tired, too. I’m really quite happy, though. And reading a lot of Jane Austen. I think I’m on my seventh of her books at the moment. I’ve gotten the girls on my team to say things like, “Her countenance is most agreeable” and the like. Ha-ha!

Thank you so much for reading. Do consider submitting a guest post if you’re so inclined.

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

I’m looking for guest posts!!! Please consider submitting!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (body positive always, funny sometimes):
http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS  Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/
And as always, feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers:
notblueatall@notblueatall.com
If you would like to give money to support this blog via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

(Image of two horses, one brown and one white.
Text reads: Presence: Find it. Bring it. Rock it.)

I am finding more and more, at this nearing-the-middle stage of life, the value of listening. The importance of being present whilst in conversation. It’s no easy feat, the brain anxiously jumping from one thought to the next, often without any direction from our conscious self. “What time is it? Am I late? Are they talking about me? What’s that sound? My pants don’t fit right. Ugh! I don’t wanna go to that thing tonight. I gotta check on that meeting. Must do laundry! Did I remember to get milk at the store?” buzzing through your mind when someone is telling you about their day or dream or plans or whatever. It takes considerable effort, it seems, to actively listen and to be present. We often listen only to react or respond rather than to truly take in not just the words but the sentiment or feeling being conveyed in conversation. We miss so much as a result.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between reacting and responding. I recently shared the concept/definition of gaslighting with a coworker and it blew her mind! (I especially love this article on the topic as it blew my mind when I read it last year.) How often do others approach us with the intent of getting a rise out of us or an immediate reaction? How often would it be better for all involved to pause a moment and to ponder before providing a response? Many who use gaslighting tactics are not aware of their manipulative actions but instead feel justified in their emotional appeals. It may seem surprising, but when revisiting my own past experiences with this new lens of perception, I can clearly see how many of these tactics have become social norms that even I have used without realizing.

Much miscommunication can be attributed to not being fully present or even because of modern technology as preferred method of communication. We miss out on body language and cues! What a loss!!! How many times has a text message left you wondering at someone’s intended sincerity or snark? Eye contact is huge! I have an odd sense of humor, I’d say, and so being in someone’s company physically can often help whatever absurdity or pun I’m attempting to convey.

I’ve been surprised by how much I’ve been enjoying reading Jane Austen lately. I snagged a great deal on Amazon with 8 of her works for 99 cents (total) for the kindle versions.  I’m halfway through Pride & Prejudice and just finished Sense & Sensibility last week. The formalities and restrictions of that era are entertaining, but I must admit to feeling a minor sense of longing for the skills and art of conversation as it was then. It was deemed of the utmost importance to improve oneself in order to be received as good company or society (lets not get into the whole “good breeding” and “fortunes” and whatnot LOL) or to be invited to social gatherings as such. As for my reading Jane Austen, well, I’d read Northanger Abbey years ago and when I saw the great price I thought I may as well dive right on in! Ha!

How different conversation is now! It’s no longer enjoyed as an art, in and of itself, but merely a burden for many to struggle through in order to not appear rude. I used to consider it a curse when so many strangers would tell me the oddest things about themselves out of nowhere. Once while in line at a deli, the woman behind me told me her entire medical history, unprompted. Now I see it more as a chance for human connection and often that’s all it’s really about. We all just wanna be heard, sometimes it doesn’t even matter by whom! We’ve all felt unseen or ignored, to reach out in order to relate can feel more meaningful than even the trivial subject matter at hand.

In a past career, in the corporate world, I was a big fan of this customer service video called “Give ‘Em The Pickle”. There was a part where Mr. Farrell told a story about a new server he had hired who seemed to only make her life harder by having a bad attitude about customers. He appealed to her, in order to improve things for all involved, to greet customers when she met them and upon making eye contact saying in her head “I Like You” and smiling. Within an hour everyone saw a difference! I think this works in life as well. Certainly we are not all meant to like everyone, but it helps especially when you’re feeling anxious or awkward or are afraid people won’t like you. It helps me be a more attentive listener when I’m uncertain about my own shit or my relationship with that person.

I think our own motives often get in the way of connecting with others. We see others as being “in my way” or “taking up my time” without thinking about that other person’s perspective or intentions. I once asked a friend with some road rage (Love ya P!) “Where are you in such a hurry to get to? Aren’t we just going back to yours to watch t.v.?” he insisted it didn’t matter that we had no immediate deadline, he wanted to get where he was going unhindered and “EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!” Ha-ha! I always laugh when I think about that one! Hilarious!

I really wish communication techniques were taught from the very beginning of our schooling. Just think how much better things could be if it was just ingrained and a part of our normal socializing?! I spent so much of my life hiding/shrinking/mute in fear of all the things! I still fight those feelings occasionally. When I do have those feelings creep up again I try to push them out of my mind and remind myself that we’re all humans and deserve equal space and voice in life. Ha-ha! Sometimes it’s more of a stubborn internal argument while I’m on the train. I had a man-spreader sit beside me and it was just a big ole NOPE! Like, c’mon, dude! My fat ass and thighs aren’t giving way to nobody! Least of all, you, man-spreader! Ha-ha!

Truly, listening and being present for folks is so rewarding. In my new job (it still feels new, mostly), I have found people gravitate towards me because I have encouraged more than the typical “Good morning” routine. I have found friendship and connection with some so quickly that I hesitate because it seems scary to be so vulnerable, but it was actually the subject of vulnerability that bonded me with a coworker early on that has turned into a relationship that I look forward to coming to work to engage with. He recommended the book “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown and the rest is history! Ha-ha!

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I hope that perhaps some of this post has been of use to you, if not gently thought provoking. I’m finding myself in a bit of an odd state of mind lately, and as my writing style dictates, I do not always have full command of what comes out of my fingertips these days. When something comes to mind I try to get it down into words before it leaves me, but I’m afraid that often means I’m writing less and less about fat things. If there is ever anything you’d particularly like for me to address or discuss, do please comment or email me about it, it would make my day!

Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S

I’m looking for guest posts!!! Please consider submitting!

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