TMI Tuesday
This post contains information that you may not want to know about me if you know me in real life or prefer not to read about bathroom stuff in general. Please come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled fat program. =0)
Last week a comment for “Tell Me Tuesday” mentioned an issue with toilet paper that made me remember that I had wanted to post about that! Thank you! (You know who you are.) I guess I am a bit tired of people apologizing for discussing things that should never be discussed (ha-ha! I can’t help but think of “those who must be kept” from Anne Rice’s non-sparkly Vampire books). I don’t think anything should never be discussed. I feel like this blog is for all things fat, even if it’s simply an experience by one person or several. Even if it’s not fat related, I wanna talk about it here, dammit!
The issue with toilet paper: The comment mentioning wanting to trim/wax pubic hair for the purpose of keeping things clean & tidy on the lady bits (no, I don’t have a problem saying Vagina, I just like saying lady bits, it makes me giggle). This was a little surprising to me only because I have never waxed my pubes and after once shaving them many several years ago they just never grew back the same. (They’re all sad and thin and wispy down there and damn, I miss having a full, curly little bush!) Yet I have had this issue, too. So it can’t just be two people in all of the world who have had this problem. You go to wipe yourself and little bits of TP get all caught up in your pubes. No fun!
The other thing that I have had happen is after wiping little bits can end up in between the front and back. (Do girls have taints? Just sayin’! Ha-ha!) ‘Cause that’s where I get it more often than up front. Anyway, what has helped me is finding a toilet paper that doesn’t leave lint or bits in the first place. I’m not saying this is the only answer. It has just worked for me. I use Charmin brand in the ultra strong (Red label). It is soft yet strong (just like me!). It almost never happens now.
The other thing I think that contributes to this though is not being able to spread ones legs wide enough to be thorough in the clean-up process. In public restrooms (Oh Maude, don’t get me started!) it’s nearly impossible to spread ones legs at all, let alone wide enough for a fat gal like me to go about my usual business. It requires an entirely different style of yoga than I’ve ever seen on DVD. But I’m also a bit of a germaphobe. When I am faced with this I usually try to go about things quickly and gingerly so as not to linger too long or touch things if at all possible (I love motion sensors in public restrooms, while not perfect they do help). But dammit if that toilet paper isn’t the thinnest stuff around! I mean, jeesh!
Let me illustrate it more clearly: if you spread a bit wider, you don’t have to even touch your pubes with the toilet paper. Make sense? I also find that I must lean waaaaay forward to get the appropriate angle for me to clean my ass to my liking. But honestly? I try to never have to do this in a public restroom (unless it’s one of those emergency situations). Even at home it can be a struggle if I’m feeling stiff or otherwise not well. And sometimes TP lint does happen and when it does it is super helpful to have those pre-moistened wipes handy. I tried a couple of brands and haven’t found one I prefer over others, but even a simple baby wipe would work. I like feeling super fresh back there and they do a great job when I’m in doubt otherwise.
I know I’m not the only one encountering these problems. Perhaps you have a better solution than I’m offering here. Tell me about it! The only way we can stop apologizing for discussing things that should never be discussed is by discussing them! Lay it on me! Tell me about your most embarrassing or shameful things. I won’t tell anyone if you insist, but realize that you could be helping another person by sharing your story.
Also, check out Marianne’s post about toilet seats! I can so relate!
**Please submit your photo for Tank Top Tuesday or a question/suggestion for Tell Me Tuesday and TMI Tuedsay
here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com
For avoiding the pubes while urinating, I’ve found what I call “The Two Finger Spread Technique” to be useful (also really helpful when peeing outdoors or in a place that doesn’t have TP). Just squat or sit, and spread the lips of your vulva as far apart as possible using one or both hands. You may have to experiment with positioning to make this work. Then pee hard and fast giving the stream extra pressure at the beginning and end by using the same muscles you do Kegels with. This allows you to avoid the drips. With a little practice (best done in the shower in my experience) and a good hip tilt, you may even be able to use this technique to pee standing up with a forward projection. When you’re done, shake your hips a little, release the lips and maybe give a quick dab with the TP if you’ve got it and you’re good to go. This does take a bit of practice to get right but it’s totally worth it if you’re a camper or tend to find yourself in places with dodgy restrooms…or you just want to avoid the pee/lint in the pubic hair problem! Oh and it’s also just fun to pee standing up.
Great advice! Thank you! I admit, I have had issues trying to pee outdoors and try to avoid it because of that. Will have to give this a try.
I have the funniest story to tell you about bathroom stalls and my hatred of their parameters.
Oooh! Okay, when you have time we should talk! Also, did you happen to see my LJ post about S’N P Lyrics from push it? It was my half arsed attempt at a feminist thought.