NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Tank Top Tuesday!!!

July12

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday pictures are from Nikki. Here is her fat philosophy:

“On a steaming hot day in July in 2000, I decided that I would not die of heat exhaustion because I’m fat.  I decided….TO GO SLEEVELESS!  It was sheer madness!  I went out and bought tank tops and spaghetti straps.  I even bough a halter top!  GASP! 

My family refers to my arms as “tharms” = thigh+arm.  Sometimes they call them turkey wings.  Yeah.  Nice people.  But ya know what, my wings are flapping in a cool breeze and I LOOK AWESOME! 

Yesterday I read a great line from “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett: “Ever morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision….You gone have to ask yourself, Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?”

Today, and every day, I make a decision not to believe that my lovableness is determined by my size.  I decide not to believe that I am less than.  I decide not to hate myself.  I decide that I am beautiful. I decide that I am brilliant.  I decide that I am more than even I can recognize in this moment.  I decide to live into just how good I am.  I decide to act in my best interest, to move forward and not backwards, to embrace the fullness of my self – body, mind and spirit. 
That’s my fat philosophy.  It’s not easy to do everyday, but what is? 

I recently started a meetup group for fat folks and our friends.  It’s called “Philly Plus.” http://www.meetup.com/Philly-BBW/

 Thank you for the lovely submission, Nikki! You are fabulous!!!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

posted under Blog, Buzz, DIY, Easy, Equal Rights, fashion, fat, Fat Acceptance, Free, FUN!, inspiration, Tank Top Tuesday!!!, Tell Me Tuesday, TMI Tuesday | 17 Comments »

Societal Norms Vs. My Own Rational Thought…

July7
(Or “Mourning the loss of body hair”)

I haven’t shaved my legs since like January or something. And you know what? I was totally fucking fine with that! I even went swimming, in our apartment’s pool, in a bathing suit…it was fabulous! I did start to panic when other people came into the pool area. But then two things happened. A.) I realized that my legs were underwater and no one could see and B.) they were fellow fats (not sure if accepting or not). I was at once relieved a bit, but my social anxiety keeps me from enjoying such moments and it’s a bitch, I tells ya. Ugh! Part of me so wanted to get all chummy with these fatty couples that got into the pool. I’d never been in this pool though we’ve lived here over a year. It’s just always filled with rowdy kids and I hate that. I swim for relaxation and comfort and okay, a little fun. Where else can I safely do handstands and sommersaults? Hmm? Ha-ha!
I let the leg hair thing go for the most part. Later that same day I even donned capris in public and to our BFFs for dinner and a movie. I was self conscious but also so hot I didn’t give a shit. Knowing full-well that my friends aren’t the judgy types and had they said something I would have surely had some sassy reply ready for ’em.
I understand and have even written about how the women shaving their legs and armpits thing starts. I get it! I know the history. So why is it that today of all days, my day off, when I’m home alone that I suddenly start to rethink my okay-ness with my hairy legs? I even said to myself, “Who cares?!” My husband always says it’s fine because my leg hair is so blond it’s nearly invisible and it’s fairly thin and thus hardly noticeable, though pre-shave it was at least a half inch long. But c’mon, we all have something not so noticeable to others that seems to be blaringly obvious to us. Whether it’s a mole or a birthmark or what have you, there’s always something we worry about others noticing. I hate that this shit gets to me/us, but it’s there and I’m working on my stuff. It’s a daily thing, to work on it, but it’s necessary for me to get over these things in order to just get on and enjoy my life as best as I can.
So why in the fuck did I suddenly find myself in full-on hair removal process? It was like an out of body experience. I went into the bathroom looking for something, can’t remember what now, but came across a can of Nair spray hair remover and figured “Oh I should just use this up!” and next thing I know I’m in the shower waiting 4 minutes to tick off of my cell phone so I can wipe the smelly stuff off and get on with my shower routine. What? It was like I had no control over myself suddenly. This has never happened before. In fact it wasn’t until I was shaving my armpits that I realized I was doing something so drastically different than I had in a long while. The contortions one’s body must navigate in a small apartment shower/tub stall (the kind with the sliding doors) in order to shave their legs is enough for me to turn my nose up at the concept all together. But there I was, Silk Effects razor in hand (I find I cut myself 100 times less with this specific one, I’ve tried ’em all and keep coming back), swiping away at the rust colored hair in my pits until it was gone. I rinsed and suddenly felt that I’d betrayed myself. That I mourned my fucking body hair?! What?! Is that even possible?
This made me realize that self acceptance is so much more than body size/shape/etc. It’s about trust. I have a lot of trust issues, believe me, they suck. But I usually do trust myself. And suddenly feeling out of control was almost frightening for me. While I knew I needed to moisturize my legs because of the changing weather we’ve had lately, I hadn’t planned on shaving at all! So why? Why now? Why like this? Hmmm…I think it was a subversive/subconscious form of self-care that brought me back to many many years ago when the bathroom was my ultimate refuge, my only safe space. I would find things to groom in there just so I didn’t have to face the life and reality and abuse that stood on the other side of that door. And the truth is I didn’t want to go back to work the next day. I don’t want to be my own boss anymore and I often feel out of control when I am there. As though I am on a sinking ship, chained to the hull, just waiting for the air to run out. It’s not always so dire, but it’s the slowest season for the place and it can be soul crushing. And I am ready to start my next endeavor, whatever that may be. I’m ready for new challenges and learning experiences. The problem is that I am comitted to this cafe thing for awhile longer and even if it was as simple as walking away (it’s so not) what would that mean and feel like?
And I am realizing more and more that I enjoy helping people on a more personal level and not so much the retail experience anymore. I do not want to go back to school (the subject is moot). I am not sure in what capacity I could do what I want without some sort of degree. But I know that I will find a way. And I so enjoy talking with those of you who reach out to me through this blog. You touch my heart and my life in ways you could never understand. If only there was a way to do that for people in my area, in-person and for money. Ha-ha!
Isn’t it funny how something as simple as shaving can give me such a strange experience yet make me realize such interesting things about myself? Has this happened to anyone else? I feel a bit strange about it all. How did I block out my own rational thought? Ugh! Ha-ha! I don’t even know. Thanks for reading and commenting and just being you! YOU ROCK!!!<3
posted under Blog, Bullshit, DIY, fat, Fat Acceptance, inspiration, Politics, TMI Tuesday | 11 Comments »

Tank Top Tuesday!!!

July5

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday picture is from the lovely & amazing Kath of TheFatHeffalump. This pic is from the day she got her gorgeous fat lady tattoo! While it’s winter in Australia now, this pic was taken in the summer so she could bare her arms and show off that magnificent tattoo with pride! I love it!

Thanks so much, Kath! I love your outfit, so stylish! Did y’all catch her shoes? Too cute! They match her top!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

posted under Blog, DIY, Easy, fashion, fat, Fat Acceptance, Free, FUN!, inspiration, Tank Top Tuesday!!!, Tell Me Tuesday, TMI Tuesday | 3 Comments »

Tank Top Tuesday!!!

June28

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday picture is from Amanda of FatWaitress and LoveYourBodyDetroit fame! She’s been doing a lot of fat activism this year and I am always so impressed with her creative ideas and adventures! She’s planning a fat clothing swap in July as well as attending the Ann Arbor Art Fair (in Michigan, July 20-23). So look for her and her LYBD crew there, too!Here’s Amanda & Rae with a colorful “Yay! Scale” doing their best to positively influence passersby:

Love those signs, too! Woo! Thanks, ladies! <3

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

posted under Blog, DIY, Easy, fashion, fat, Fat Acceptance, Free, FUN!, inspiration, Tank Top Tuesday!!!, Tell Me Tuesday, TMI Tuesday | 5 Comments »

Tank Top Tuesday!!!

June21

Oh yeah, it’s baaa-aack! I will be taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms!
Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. Does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0) 

So here’s my tank top pic for today, it’s so hot already and it’s not even 11am! Oh well. I got this tank at Torrid about a hundred years ago or so, you know, give or take! Ha-ha! I’m so over doing my hair and actually giving a fuck about how I look this week. I’m not hiding a thing today…Too hot! Ha-ha! My love to you all! <3 *Hugs*

posted under Blog, Buzz, DIY, Easy, fashion, fat, Fat Acceptance, Free, FUN!, inspiration, Tank Top Tuesday!!!, Tell Me Tuesday, TMI Tuesday, Uncategorized | 12 Comments »
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