This is a TMI Tuesday post, you know the drill by now don’t ya? If you know me or would just rather not know icky/personal things about me, please come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled program, or something. HA! <3

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What band? How about the bra band and waist band? Good enough for ya? Yeah, famous! Ha! I’m talking about the issues that these areas have to deal with thanks to the ridiculously designed garments we’re supposed to wear. Ugh!

Waist band issues are certainly something all walks of life can relate to, right? If you wear pants, skirts, certain styles of dresses, tights, pantyhose, underwear, diapers…anything with a waist band, then you know what can happen. On the milder side you can get those indentations or lines from the garment or elastic pressing against your tender flesh. No fun, but usually not painful. Though I used to enjoy rubbing those lines in a relieving sort of way. But waist bands can cause way more problems than just that! And how?! Rashes, dryness, sores, boils, sweating, blisters, infections…the list goes on!

I used to wear classic 5 pocket denim jeans from Lane Bryant way back when (I’m talking 1997-2000 or so). They were thick and sturdy and did alright for the music store job I had. But man, those waist bands sucked! I would work my ass off all day just to have to deal with this extra thick band soaked in my own sweat that would thus give me pimples and all kinds of other issues. I remember long days of more manual labor intensive work where I would be in total pain and completely distracted because of the friggin’ waist band of these jeans. Luckily, years later, I found a style more suiting to my shape at Avenue and have since bought 7 pair so I won’t have to put up with that shit again! They are thinner and have some stretch and they lay just under my waist when standing (though lately the button seems to want to invade my belly button without it’s prior consent) and since I am my own boss they are fine for work.

I know jeans are difficult for anyone to find no matter their size, but I have had a terrible time finding ones that work with my giant thighs/ass but also work for my shortish legs. I am willing to bet that this is a typical thing though. And the issue with the waist bands causing a skin reaction, y’all have had this, right? I only occasionally have issues with this now, but when it’s crazy hot out it does come back. Perhaps more of a heat rash though.

Bra bands! Oh the under boob issues! This one I have yet to truly remedy for myself. I get mad issues from bras, man. I know I’m not alone! I have fairly big boobs (50DD I think, though I wear a 44DD in a specific LB bra because that’s as big as it goes and it’s comfy for a bra) and I guess somewhere along the way just assumed or was told that if you are big breasted you must a.) wear an under wire bra your entire life and b.) put up with marks, scarring, blemishes and such under your boobs and just shut up about it will ya?! NO! Do I shut up about anything? Heeeelllll No! Ha! But this is a never ending battle for me and a lot of ladies.

You get a bra that’s cute, but it hurts. You get a bra that’s comfy, but it’s ugly or wears out crazy fast. You get a bra that specifically does something (minimizes, cushion straps, insulated wires, etc) and either it doesn’t do what it promised or it wears out too fast and is no longer effective. And let’s not even get into the sizing issue! Ugh! But the fabrics used to construct these wonder garments? Mostly synthetics and rarely are they soft or supple at all and some are downright rough on the skin! I used to buy the criss-cross in the front style bras that were so popular in the 90’s, but then I found Lane Bryant’s bras to be more supportive. Then I couldn’t figure out my size (they didn’t offer fitting then) and would often have quadra-boob and not know it. Then I would get cotton ones from LB, loved them, but they would poke me in the arm pits! Or the under wires would pop out the sides. BOO!

The bras I have been wearing for almost 7 years are the convertible bras from LB. I bought one for my wedding (needed a strapless one that would stay put) and then kept going back for more and more until that was all I owned. What I love about it is that it has this gel/silicone piping along the bands and cups and it really keeps it in place, thus no chafing or rubbing. Plus it has some light padding so if it’s cold, no one can tell that my headlights are on! They have round and smooth cups. I can’t stand pointed or tubular cups. And yeah, it’s nice that if I have a dress or top that may require a different style that I can just convert it to suit my needs. However, I’ve only done this a handful of times as I use it as an everyday sort of bra. What I don’t like about it is that it doesn’t come bigger and so the first few wearings can be a bit uncomfortable. I’ve learned to hang dry them, but they still go into the washing machine. I don’t hand wash a thing! And I don’t iron or do windows, just sayin’! Ha!

I do still get a pretty impressive amount of blemishes/bumps/sores/etc under my bra band. It sucks! I try to give my rack a day off about once a week, but I generally feel immensely self-conscious when not wearing my usual bra. Both because the ladies aren’t where they usually are and this causes my clothing to fit strangely and so I am just not feeling like myself. But when I have an under boob sore? I try to wear a sports bra instead. Or, if I am at work or some other need-to-look-nice or be confident setting, I will wear a Pambra under my bra. A Pambra is basically a liner that sits between the bra and your skin. They also make them for tummies now! I don’t wear my Pambra every day, just when I have a painful sore or it’s going to be a hotter day and I may sweat there. I have tried powder to remedy this (I also get pimples or whatever between my thighs, arm pits and where the leg holes of my underwear sits due to what I believe is Hidradenitis suppurativa though I have not been diagnosed) but to no avail.

I recently heard about women who get these same types of issues where their bra straps lay on their shoulders. Oh man, I had not known about this and I am sorry to anyone who deals with it. Please share your tips or suggestions or horror stories in comments, you never know who you may help!

What issues have you encountered with the above bands? What has helped? What’s made it worse? What bras should I try out? Because I am seriously not loving LB these days and want to find a more permanently comfortable bra and with a 48/50 inch chest (under boob) it’s hard! Tell me all about it! =0)

Without anything specific in mind to write about today because I’m on a mission to rid myself and my business of traditional big-banking and merchant services (most ironic name for an industry that does nothing but rip off merchants) I figured I’d give you a bit of a potluck, if you will, of things and links of love and more! Enjoy and please, as always, go bananas with the comments! I love it! <3

Our own beloved Mrs. Sprat from lipidlove.blogspot.com gives us the total treat of a sex toy review! I heart her so!

Great friend of this blog and it’s writer (c’est moi), WithoutScene has gone and outdone herself by starting TWO new blogs. Yeah, she’s kind of amazing in an out of this world yet so down to earth you can’t believe it sort of way. Just the names of the blogs are fantastic, but then you read her posts and you just know there is a reason she is in our lives (she also blogs on bigfatblog.com): badassfatass.blogspot.com and finessingthefuckyou.blogspot.com check it out and prepare to be glad that you did! <3

Charlotte Cooper responds to a piece in The Guardian and if you don’t already read her blog all of the time, man, you are missing out! This post in response to the Guardian thing is ripped right out of my own brain, I tell ya. Keep on rockin’, Charlotte! We need your voice and your magnificent brain in this big fat fight!

Tomorrow evening is the 3rd telesummit from Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Revolution and her guest will be none other than Marilyn Wann of “Fat! So?” fame! You cannot miss this, I promise, it will be tons-o-fun! I’ll be there! Register for the call Here!

Get 20% off your entire order at Eden Fantasys with the coupon code SEXYTWIST with $5.95 flat rate shipping, discreet billing & shipping and free returns and exchanges. How could you possibly go wrong with that?!

Brian from Red No. 3 had an amazing post up about privilege. And for the record, I would probably link to nearly any post on this topic, but he simply has a way with words that always strikes a chord with me. Follow is rad blog and be struck as well.

Have you been catching all of the rad fatty love over at Adipositivity.com? I have! It’s def NSFW, but it’s so radical (in both meanings of the word) to see these amazing fat bodies doing such, well, normal things, but in front of a lens for all of us to enjoy. And I do! <3

In case you missed the post today, redvinylshoes.com’s Tasha Fierce is now over here at sexandthefatgirl.com and that is just the coolest name for a blog I’ve heard in ages! She will also be writing for Bitch magazine with a column of the same name. Woo!

I may be late to the game, but I love the new look of NAAFA’s blog! Check it out.

I had a bit too much fun Saturday night at a friend’s for a board game night and felt pretty cruddy yesterday, but still managed to get out and enjoy the unseasonal California sun with my husband, bff and pug. Quiet night in last night and since I’m no sports fan I could honestly not care any less about that whole super bowl thing yesterday. Ha!

What’s on your mind today? How are you feeling? What do you need to get off of your chest? Tell me about it! <3

So, I had a couple of glasses of wine the other night and just felt rad and so I finally got around to taking pics of my Eshakti.com order. I share with you a review of what I bought with pics of myself wearing them. And just to kick things off right, here’s a pic of my fave day-off outfit:

I said to my husband, “Holy crap! Is my chest always so red?!” He said, “No, but it’s like when your cheeks get flushed, so does your chest.” Thanks reality for putting me in check. *flips off reality*

I have bought a few pieces from Eshakti.com since first hearing about their radness from Lesley of Fatshionista/TwoWholeCakes fame. While they were/are all lovely, I just don’t wear them much and I can’t really figure out why. In fact the one dress I lusted after, bemoaned when they discontinued and then bought the second they brought it back, I haven’t even worn yet! Nuts! But I still adore their stuff, it’s all so unique and fabulous and the customizing? Yeah, where else can ya get that at an affordable price? NOWHERE!!!

When I received a gift certificate for Eshakti, well, I took my time and chose what I knew I would wear! Since this wasn’t my money anyway, I went with two things I always want but never buy: A dress & a skirt!

Here’s what I got:

Lace Version Link Here

Cotton (Cinnamon)Link Here
Skirt Link Here

The black dress I got was
actually a jersey knit-cotton.
The pic is the same, but in lace.

Here’s the pics of me in them:

And now for my review:

OMZ! I always choose the custom sizing option because I’m a death fatty and at the tiny price they charge for it it is so completley and utterly worth it! I don’t care what size you are, get the custom option! For real! I got to choose arm opening size, skirt length…you name it! That said, I received my items a few weeks ago and hadn’t even tried them on. I’m not crazy, just confident that they would be fabulous and fit right and I haven’t been feeling very camera ready lately, ya know? But I threw them on last night and instantly felt amazing in them. I have zero complaints. Well, I have one request: MORE Gift Certificates, please! Ha! That’s it though.

The dress is a thick cotton knit jersey, double layered, with puff sleeves (squee!), POCKET! (double squee!) and it falls right where I want it! (I think it was just below the knee on me). The neckline is slightly more modest than I’m used to, but no problem with that either. It just means I never have to worry about the boobages peaking out without warning. Some dresses they just do that. They’re very friendly apparently. Ha-ha!

The skirt! Oh this skirt! It comes in a few colors, but the purple just spoke to me. I could wear this skirt to almost anything and look fabulous and fit in without worry. From casual to formal, this skirt rocks my socks! I am still not used to wearing skirts, so I am unsure where I want it to sit, but it would depend on what top I pair it with, I think. So here’s the pics:

Since I never do fatshion posts anymore, here’s a Bonus pic of a B&Lu dress a great friend gave me over the weekend:

Now if I could just find the right purple tights…
Also, just won these on eBay and shall be pairing them with both of my eShakti items, WOOT!!!
Doc Martens “Ellen”

I was talking about my morning routine the other day and how I consider myself a pretty low maintenance gal. I am also more of a natural gal. I like to buy and use more natural products. It took me awhile to come around, but my husband and friend Q convinced me to look a bit deeper into what goes on and in my body. So I started to do some research and look for products that would meet my needs and expectations, not kill my budget (what budget? shyaddup!) and be full of natural happy-goodness. This was no easy endeavor! And worse yet, it’s not over/done at all!

The hardest part for me was my shampoo. After many years of trying just about everything on the market, I now know what works for my hair and my dandruff and refuse to wiggle on this now. Oh the money I have spent of every “natural” dandruff remedy. Let me tell ya, very few dandruff shampoos work, y’all! And if you find one that does work, it won’t always work. If you do find the one that does work consistently, then it may smell awful! And if you’re lucky enough to find one that works consistently and doesn’t smell, I’ll bet that it’s no “natural” bottle of magic. I use Head & Shoulders “smooth & silky” and if I use it almost every day it works for me. This is the one thing (for the most part) that I just cannot do without or replace with a natural version.

I won’t lie, I love Pantene’s conditioner, but the ingredients are all kinds of scary. I love a nice thick and creamy conditioner. But dude, Pantene is full of nasty chemicals and I am finally ready to break this bad habit of mine (in my own opinion, not judging others at all). I still haven’t found the perfect and natural conditioner of my dreams, but I have switched to the Aussie brand (Sydney Smooth for me) because damn, it smells so good, does what it says and actually has some natural ingredients! I’ll keep looking for something more natural, but I’m fairly happy with this latest addition to my shower routine.

The one thing I just cannot live without is a good face wash. I have sensitive, but also combination skin (and pores big enough to store things in, but I’ll get to that). This means that it can be hard to find something that doesn’t leave my skin gasping from over dryness or drowning it it’s own oils. I also love a nice face scrub! I need to exfoliate daily. I never could find the perfect scrub on the drugstore shelves. I once found this lovely on at a natural grocery store, but it was $18 for a small bottle (smelled of cupcakes!) and had walnut shell bits for scrubbiness. Then my esthetician told me that I shouldn’t use the natural exfoliators because they can tear/damage/scar your pores. Boo! So I started trying all kinds of crazy ones and was just never satisfied.

Finally my husband had brought home a face wash that was all natural. (It’s by a fabulous company called Desert Essence, you can find it most places, but we get ours at Trader Joe’s which now sells it in their own packaging, but it’s the tea tree one!) I reluctantly tried it and it was magical! I cannot live without it! And then my good friend Q told me about the magic of baking soda! I got a little 3 oz. squeeze bottle and filled it with baking soda and every morning I squeeze a small bit into my palm, two pumps of the face wash and I am all rub a dub-dub, get this clean face in da club! (okay, not really. that was silly.) But it is just the right amount of scrub and cleanser (and I can control this) and it leaves me fresh faced and ready to moisturize! Because that is all kinds of necessary!

I’ve only been doing this for a couple of weeks, but I don’t see myself going back to all of those tubes and bottles of things to put on my face only to be devastated that it didn’t work for me. The only issue I have is that I think now that my pores are cleaner (they are I tell ya) they look more obvious. I have tried pore minimizers ages ago and they suck and don’t work. Is this a pipe dream? Can anything reduce the size of your pores? No big, for sure, I do have many many other things to worry about, but I do find that I think it makes me look a bit older (nothing wrong with that and I did get mistaken for a 20 something today, ha!). I’m open to advice/suggestions on this.

It’s a work in progress. I haven’t weaned myself off of my deodorant yet. My husband uses that crystal one. I know it’s bad for me, so I’ve taken to using only the tiniest bit. I go back and forth between wanting to use 100% natural things 100% of the time to “fuck this” and go back to my Pantene and other such things. Ugh! Why is it so hard to find a balance that works?! The other thing, too, is that I’m 33. I’m in between the acne and wrinkle worry states. I do get pimples from time to time and I do have some fine lines (no big, seriously), but right now I just want to find good things that work for my skin.

Am I driving myself nuts for no reason? Do you have trouble finding skin care things that work for you? Tell me about it! Tell me your woes and frustrations. And hey, if you have some suggestions? Lay ’em on me! Ha!

My usual morning routine: *alarm goes off* Jump out of bed, head to the restroom to relieve bladder, take a shower, moisturize like the dickens, blow-dry hair, get dressed while being attacked by a tabby, put on shoes while being mauled by a pug, kiss husband goodbye, head to the grocery store for supplies for the cafe, buy said groceries, drive 45 minutes to the cafe, park and carry many bags, drop bags and turn on many machines, prep/load groceries to their proper places, open cafe for business, make a cappuccino for myself. Ah!

I’m a no-fuss kind of gal. I don’t put on make-up unless I have tons of extra time (I always make a mess) or it just tickles me to do it or I have an occasion to wear it. I only started to blow0dry my hair in the morning when I got my hair cut short, it’s so fast and easy this way. Before, when my hair was shoulder-length or a bit longer, I would simply pull it back while wet. My work uniform is basically jeans and a top, rarely varies. Running a cafe is messy work and coupled with an apron this uniform allows me comfort and durability. I exclusively wear Keen brand shoes to work as they are the most comfortable I have found.

I don’t dress for anyone else but myself. This hasn’t always been the case, but it is now and I’m quite fine with that. In my last career (corporate trainer in customer service and computer skills), I had to look professional. I was surrounded by the upper reaches of the corporate ladder and thus had to “fit in” or look a certain way. When I was first promoted to this position, I barely had a thing to wear. I relied on Lane Bryant and Avenue because they were local and I could just pop in and buy one piece at a time. When I found LB’s Madison Trousers (R.I.P.) I was in love! I have short legs, ginormous ass/thighs and a waist (not a small one but it’s there). Their 28P fit like a dream! My first pair were black, but I later got them in grey and a heathered beige. LB’s camis also saved me plenty of times when I didn’t have much to wear but a cami and a cardigan! Man, those things rocked!

When I began to give presentations and things in front of large quantities of people, I sought out blazers and more classically professional gear. And there in lies the expensive bit! A blazer, even the halfway decent one I got at Avenue, costs hella money, yo! I think I paid $49 just for my plain, simple, classic, black blazer. Yikes! I also already had a tuxedo style one from LB that I would pair with dressier tops. I mixed and matched and added little things to these staples as I went along. But that wasn’t the end of the fitting in thing. Oh no!

OMG! SHOES! For many a fat, shoes are the playing field leveler! Anyone can wear shoes, duh! NO! Here I was in an office full of fancy ladies: fake nails, perfect tans, flawless make-up, dressed to the 9’s and very high heels! What?! Oh Noes!!! Yeah, I was doomed. I had never worn the things, never had to and never felt terribly inclined. At this point in my life I knew I had wider than average feet, but I was still shopping at Payless Shoe Source because that’s where I’d always bought my shoes! Not only that, but I would later discover that I’d been wearing the wrong size shoes for many years! (I was wearing 7’s and 7W’s, but I’m truly an 8W.)

I bought some shoes with shorter heels. I tried wedges and chunky heels and everything in between. Kitten heels were in suddenly and I had one patent leather pair I adored! But they all fucked up my feet like nobody’s business! I would dread having to walk or stand for very long. I would make excuses to not go on lunch dates with work pals. I was missing out! Because of some silly notion that I had to wear heels. When a new co-worker moved into our office we bonded over shoes and our in-common wide feet. I shared catalogs and we placed orders together. It was like when you first start dating someone and everything is just clicking.

When I broke my foot on the job (just walking, nothing crazy, wasn’t even wearing heels that day), I knew I could never worry about fitting in or wearing heels again. I had had enough! Not to mention that I had to wear a splint on my foot for what seemed like ten years (a few weeks). What became so apparent to me then was how important comfort and support are. Not just in footwear, but fashion, friends, significant others: Love and support and comfort are necessary to be your best you! Radical stuff, no?

While I love fashion’s wild side and often wish I could do my eyeliner evenly (let alone those lovely winged liner styles) and wear my hair in all sorts of over-the-top dos, it’s just not me. I’m a Doc Marten’s and denim gal. Gimme a flannel and a granny dress with combat boots and watch me conquer the fucking world! Sure, I go through phases when I wear a certain style OUT! But in the end I just wanna be comfy, ya know? I just want to be me, whatever that means on that particular day. When I find myself in the job market again, I’ll wear my business attire, but the shoes will be my own choice! I shall not bend to peer pressure or long to be someone else.

I was reminded of this several months ago when a friend began a new job. This friend and I had so much in common, especially when it came to dressing comfortable and not wearing make-up, things like that. This new job she started, well, most of the ladies she worked with had fake nails, wore Mary Kay, smoked cigarettes and dressed more fancy than she was used to. She resisted at first. I encouraged her to stay true to who she was. In the end though, they won. She started smoking again (after having quit for quite awhile), got fake nails, started buying make-up. While this is hardly the reason we’re no longer friends, I have to admit it was a bit bizarre to see someone I thought I knew transform, almost before my eyes, into someone else entirely. It made me sad, ya know?!

My point is (what? a point? I know, right?! ha!), when you get dressed in the morning, ask yourself who is it all for? If it’s not for you, then who? And why? Are you being your best you or trying to fit into something you’re not entirely comfortable with? I encourage everyone to do this:

Question        every        damned        thing!!!

<3
S