Without anything specific in mind to write about today because I’m on a mission to rid myself and my business of traditional big-banking and merchant services (most ironic name for an industry that does nothing but rip off merchants) I figured I’d give you a bit of a potluck, if you will, of things and links of love and more! Enjoy and please, as always, go bananas with the comments! I love it! <3

Our own beloved Mrs. Sprat from lipidlove.blogspot.com gives us the total treat of a sex toy review! I heart her so!

Great friend of this blog and it’s writer (c’est moi), WithoutScene has gone and outdone herself by starting TWO new blogs. Yeah, she’s kind of amazing in an out of this world yet so down to earth you can’t believe it sort of way. Just the names of the blogs are fantastic, but then you read her posts and you just know there is a reason she is in our lives (she also blogs on bigfatblog.com): badassfatass.blogspot.com and finessingthefuckyou.blogspot.com check it out and prepare to be glad that you did! <3

Charlotte Cooper responds to a piece in The Guardian and if you don’t already read her blog all of the time, man, you are missing out! This post in response to the Guardian thing is ripped right out of my own brain, I tell ya. Keep on rockin’, Charlotte! We need your voice and your magnificent brain in this big fat fight!

Tomorrow evening is the 3rd telesummit from Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Revolution and her guest will be none other than Marilyn Wann of “Fat! So?” fame! You cannot miss this, I promise, it will be tons-o-fun! I’ll be there! Register for the call Here!

Get 20% off your entire order at Eden Fantasys with the coupon code SEXYTWIST with $5.95 flat rate shipping, discreet billing & shipping and free returns and exchanges. How could you possibly go wrong with that?!

Brian from Red No. 3 had an amazing post up about privilege. And for the record, I would probably link to nearly any post on this topic, but he simply has a way with words that always strikes a chord with me. Follow is rad blog and be struck as well.

Have you been catching all of the rad fatty love over at Adipositivity.com? I have! It’s def NSFW, but it’s so radical (in both meanings of the word) to see these amazing fat bodies doing such, well, normal things, but in front of a lens for all of us to enjoy. And I do! <3

In case you missed the post today, redvinylshoes.com’s Tasha Fierce is now over here at sexandthefatgirl.com and that is just the coolest name for a blog I’ve heard in ages! She will also be writing for Bitch magazine with a column of the same name. Woo!

I may be late to the game, but I love the new look of NAAFA’s blog! Check it out.

I had a bit too much fun Saturday night at a friend’s for a board game night and felt pretty cruddy yesterday, but still managed to get out and enjoy the unseasonal California sun with my husband, bff and pug. Quiet night in last night and since I’m no sports fan I could honestly not care any less about that whole super bowl thing yesterday. Ha!

What’s on your mind today? How are you feeling? What do you need to get off of your chest? Tell me about it! <3

Mrs. Sprat is fat graduate student in Human Sexuality and her interests include fat sex, masturbation and body image.  Woo!
Please check out her blog http://lipidlove.blogspot.com/ and show her some love.

Fat Sex Tip # 5: Intercourse is Overrated

Okay, I get that there are people in the world who actually don’t masturbate for various and personal reasons. That’s cool. I also get that there are people who have no interest in sex at all. Also totally cool. No judgments from me. This post, though, may not be for you.
Also, if you know me or just don’t wanna hear about me masturbating, you can skip this post and come back tomorrow. Thanks!!! <3

Masturbation(link informative and cool, but NSFW): noun 1.the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, esp. to orgasm; sexual self-gratification. 2.the stimulation, by manual or other means exclusive of coitus, of another’s genitals, esp. to orgasm.

Well, that’s the dictionary definition anyway. I love all of the various euphemisms for it, but whatever you prefer, rock on! I’m talking about getting yourself (what I use when any other way won’t work). It’s something so very basic and normal, yet somehow our wonderful (sarcasm here) society has dubbed it taboo, or worse, Icky! Not in my book (oh wait, I have to write a book to say I have a book? F-that!)! It’s a great thing to do. It’s a great way to relax, treat yourself, let off some steam (ha!) or just do it for the sake of it. Ya know? And certainly we’re not the only beasts in nature doing it! Let’s discuss!

I can’t recall when I began masturbating, but I think I was about 13 or 14 when I started to orgasm from it. What a revelation! Ha! It was certainly all I had personally experienced in the way of sex until I actually lost my virginity later. It was also at this time that I started dating (I was always boy crazy) and fantasizing about guys and make-outs and all of that happy stuff. Even now as a married lady, I totally still masturbate. Sure I don’t have to, I could always ask for a hand or wait until my husband comes home or whatever the situation may be…but sometimes it’s just necessary! And that is totally rad!

I hate that masturbation is rarely talked about and often viewed as shameful. Fuck a whole lot of that! Ha! No, I think it’s kind of essential. I mean, you probably won’t die if you never do it, but I just prefer to live with it than without. And I sort of believe that everyone does it or has at the very least tried it once! No matter where you are, who you are or where you come from, you’ve probably gotten your rocks off at some point in your life. Just sayin’!

I wanted to talk about fat masturbation today. Why fat? Well, because I think it’s often overlooked and because I’m fat and I masturbate. Fair enough? Okay. Some of you may be thinking, “How would fat affect masturbating at all?” Well, in the same way it can affect sex! Positions matter, man! Some prefer the old fashioned way, while others prefer varying positions and toys. TOYS!

When I say old fashioned way I mean laying on your back with your legs apart. I would equate it to missionary intercourse. And I used to think that this was the only way to go about it, but then you spend enough time on your own and well you figure things out. I’m at the point now where I know how my parts work and what I need to do to them in order to get off. However, I have found that a lot of women do not in fact know their anatomy very well and either don’t masturbate or only do so on occasion and not as a regular thing. I encourage everyone (regardless of gender) to try stuff and see how it works. I am of the belief that you can’t fully enjoy partnered sex until you understand what works for you.

On the topic of toys, I have very limited experience and use. I generally go for clitoral stimulators/vibrators, but just recently bought a combo that, while not perfect or mind blowing, gets the job done in a way that I like. I have tried two different ones that claim g-spot stimulation, but they failed. I’m not particularly interested in the great g-spot expedition, but thought I’d give it a try! And that’s the cool part, tryin’ stuff! Try lube! Guys! Gals! Try it! It rocks! I was very apprehensive about it at first. I thought it meant my lady bits were dryer than the Sahara desert, but no, it’s not and lube is fun!

I would love to talk about varying techniques, toys, positions and everything in between. Please comment and share. Don’t be shy, we’re all pals here! What works for you, what doesn’t? Do you require music or just a spot away from the action?

Since yesterday’s post got such an enthusiastic response, I figured I’d continue the sex talk today! (Yeah, this is where the people who know me or would just rather not know about my sex life or preferences should come back another day. I hear something’s happening on Facebook or Twitter as we speak! Later!)

Very graphic descriptions ahead! You have been warned!

Fat + Sex = Fuck Yeah! Ha-ha!

A commenter yesterday asked about fats and sex positions. I love this! Mostly because I have struggled with it myself. Even bought one of those liberators to help with just that. I don’t think we gave it enough tries, but I’m sure they can help with loads of positions for many different body types. I highly recommend them, but I know that they are expensive (got my set on eBay, honestly!) and perhaps you could try similar types of things with just pillows? Worth a shot anyway.

While I don’t have an illustrative bone in my body, I will do my best to describe my own choice positions and such and please feel free to ask questions!

One thing that I have had increasing difficulty acheiving is a comfortable position for clitoral stimulation (for both oral and digit manipulation). The traditional position for cunnilingus for instance, just doesn’t work for me and my luciously large thighs. I can spread my legs  only so far and while my husband enjoys spreading my thighs and then hoisting them up (so that my legs are in a frog/squat like position only I’m on my back) to pleasure me, it is not my first choice. Actually for oral I prefer to lay on my back, legs apart of course, and have him next to me sort of on his side or all fours while he licks me with the top of his head poiting towards my feet and his chin pointed towards my belly. Make sense?

For being digitally stimulated I prefer one position only: I’m on all fours with my legs quite far apart (it’s comfortable for me this way) while he manipulates my clitoris from behind me. This also allows him a nice view of my ass and access to my vaginal opening for extra pleasure! Fantastic, actually!

Now, for actual intercourse I prefer to be on all fours, just comfortable for me and I get a bit more control over speed and thrust along with great positioning for possible g-spot hitting. However, I also love laying on my side while my husband holds up one of my legs, the leg flat on the bed being between his legs. This is lovely! He can grab anything he wants and so can I! There is a tendency (at least for us) to thrust a bit deeper than usual, but hey sometimes that’s awesome, too!

The traditional missionary position is cool, too. But I prefer my husband hoist my legs as far back as they’ll go (he is often surprised by my flexibility even outside of the boudoir) and just, um, go crazy! Ha-ha!

I mentioned previously that I don’t like to get on top. There are a few reasons for this. Mostly? I don’t feel like I can support all of my upperbody with my arms. I tend to lean forward while on top and it’s just never been comfortable for me. I would like to remedy this, but so far have not tried any alternative positions while on top. If you have suggestions or success stories, please comment! I did once think of removing the arms from my office chair so that I could straddle, facing my husband, but also while grabbing the back of the chair and certainly the hydrolics wouldn’t hurt! But I haven’t tried this.

Aside from the above, well, I guess that’s all we’ve really tried. With variations including the edge of the bed and such, facing different directions and things like that. I’m not terribly good at asking for things in the midst of things, but I’m getting better. Everyone has their own style and comfort level and I encourage all to try new things without doing anything that makes you absolutely uncomfortable. Practice helps, certainly, but nothing should be painful (unless you are aiming for that) and you should never feel unsafe!

Now, my husband and I have been together for over a dozen years. So who knows, there could be some radical new type of sex positioning or technology that we’ve yet to hear about. We haven’t tried sex toys or anything like that. I will fully endorse using a water-based lube, though. It helps immensly, even if you’re not having moisture issues, it just makes it more fun and pleasurable, I think.

These are simply my own personal preferences. I weigh around 325lbs and my husband around 170lbs. I have no experience with fat partners, but would love to hear from anyone who does. I think it’s important to communicate with your partner and make sure you are comfortable and safe every step of the way. Trying new things can be fun, but can also make one nervous. As long as you’re okay with that, go for it!

If you have other sex questions or tips or advice, leave a comment. If you’d prefer your comment not be posted, email me here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com or to remain truly anonymous you can ask a fellow fat blogger, here:

Thanks for reading!  =0)

I was emailing a friend back and forth the other day. We’ve never met in person, but she’s been such a sweetheart to me, time and again! We have so much in common and she’s just super rad. But I’m not posting here to just sing her praises (insert fat lady operatic gusto here). I marveled at the fact that she’s like the only person I can talk to about anything! What I mean/meant by that is the simple fact that she and I can talk about sex, quite explicitly, without concern of judgment or “Ew!” type of remarks. Just frank talk. I love it! It had been ages since having a confidant like that. Sure, I could talk to my close friends, but in the end, they’ll look at me and my husband and try super hard not to picture us naked, right?! Ha-ha! Nothing wrong with that, but also, I’m married and have been with my husband over a dozen years and sometimes forget to do more than, “Hey, wanna do it?” *shakes head*

For some terrible reason, our society doesn’t allow for these types of frank discussions in the open. Even amongst our closest of lady friends (like in all rom-coms we must all have a small squadron of lady friends, no?) it can be somewhat uncomfortable to ask questions about vaginal health, sex tips and such. Ya know? I can really only think of one gal-pal of mine who I could most definitely speak at length about such matters, but she’s going through a rough time and I simply don’t want to bother her with this type of thing. I could be wrong, though.

Some of you may have a mom or aunt or sister to confide and ask questions, but I do not. I’ve never really had a strong female figure in my life besides my grandma and she passed in 2003. And while I feel I can speak frankly with my great-aunt, I’m not comfortable talking sex stuff with an 88 year old woman. Sorry, some things do require some more modern context. Also, it helps to have a fat friend to talk to about this stuff. No worries of body judgment. In fact, she could offer tips in this realm if I had a need/question.

I hate that sex talk and genital mentions in general seem so fucking taboo! It’s ridiculous because we all live with it in some way shape or form. If anything, we should be able to discuss these most common of things because we all have them! Yet the reality is that no, we cannot just talk openly about these things. The mere mention of a yeast infection (insert horror movie blood-curdling scream here) would leave most people heading for the door. And to me? That’s some bullshit right there!

I may have grown up in some sort of strange sexual vortex, but I got some decent sex education. Ah, back when AIDS was talked about in every classroom (y’all remember the Magic Johnson & Arsenio Hall video?). My BFF in 8th grade and I would go to Planned Parenthood and get like 100 condoms for free and make things out of them. Talk about sexual freedom?! We were virgins far more educated about sex than possibly any generation before us. What a great time! *sigh* And now kids are lucky enough to even find the facts online let alone in some abstinence program at school! Ugh!

I guess my point is that it is important to have someone to talk to about this stuff and to not feel weird about it in general. That doesn’t happen overnight, but I thank the stars that Planned Parenthood was there for me when I truly needed it (and not just for free crafting supplies). And yes, you can always call one of their locations and talk to someone there. But if that’s not right for you either, well, I’m offering up my inbox as an open line of communication for anyone who would like to talk or ask without judgment. Hit me up: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Who do you talk to about these things? What would make talking about sexual health easier?
Do you have fat-sex questions? Let me know!