Yes, even you!

Last night my good friend Carmen and I headed up to San Francisco to attend a free burlesque workshop at Good Vibrations. I was fortunate enough to have met and been invited to the workshop by the instructor and incredibly fabulous lady, Virgie Tovar. She is such a sweetheart and bad ass, simultaneously! You just don’t even know! Ha-ha! But I was excited about learning some new moves and in such a welcoming and comfortable and accepting environment (a rare thing indeed).

If you’ve never been to a Good Vibrations location, you’re in for such a treat! Imagine a sex toy shop, but set up like a fancy boutique! And the employees were all so calm and nice and just welcoming. Everything you could hope for in a sex toy shop! What I loved most about Good Vibrations is that they had demo/display models of every toy they carried! You could actually pick them up, touch and feel, turn them on (hello! So you know how powerful a vibe is–whoa!) and see what they can do! This was fabulous for me because I just never know what I want or like or whatever. Carmen was instantly attracted to the high-end stuff (go figure) because of the colors and design of their toys. Gorgeous, no lie, but $150? No dice!

We filed into the back room while Virgie set up for the class. It seemed more and more people kept coming in an almost endless stream. Finally everyone arrived and was seated and Virgie started the class. And she was just so friendly and cool and like that awesome older sister that girl had in high school? The one in college when y’all were sophomores? Yeah, the reeeeeeeeeeally cool one! That’s Virgie! She started by having up loosen up and just getting ready to move our stuff and shake our money makers (my words, not hers). Then she put on the music and showed us, very patiently, some burlesque moves.

She began with the classic and essential (in my opinion) shimmy! Anyone with a rack of doom can certainly pull this one off without a hitch. It’s a pretty simple move of just really shaking your shoulders so that your chest gets a good jiggling! Then we were instructed on “the bump” which is taking your hips and bumping them out on each side. As though you’re knocking something out of your way with your hips, one at a time. Then we were instructed on some arm movements, pelvic thrusts, feeling ourselves up and a special finishing move that is just too good to share here! So much fun!

What I found interesting was the great diversity in not only sizes of bodies in the class, but also ages and ethnicities and more! Plus, there were like three or four guys in the class, too! In fact, when it came time for us to perform our choreographed moves and a quick freestyle bit in groups of five and six in front of the class, the guys participated, too! It was so cool! We even got to use props! I chose a bright red feather boa and pretended to look like I knew what the hell I was doing! Ha-ha! The music was fun and perfect, too! everything from Prince’s “Erotic City” to Madonna’s “Vogue” and even 50 Cent and Kelis! All totally fitting and appropriate, I thought.

After the class I stayed to chat with Virgie and some other lovely ladies I had met at previous local fat events, Hi Allison & Alex! *Waves*
Virgie was kind enough to allow a couple of photos of us to be taken and so we had a bit of fun with it:

(Trying to re-enact the painting behind us.)

Next we headed back out into Good Vibrations for a bit of shopping! I had seen one specific toy that I almost bought online, but since it was the same price (and no shipping) and we got a 10% off coupon by attending the class I couldn’t say no! I thought it was extra awesome that they ask if you’d like to donate a dollar to planned parenthood, to which I most certainly said yes! How could I not? With the discount, tax and $1 for PP, it still ended up cheaper than the regular price! Chah!

By evening’s end, I had had a great time with a great friend and got to hang out with fellow fat fabulous ladies while learning some new dance moves! Who could ask for more?

Thanks, Virgie, for all that you do, gurl! You rock!
<3
S

I don’t think today’s TMI post will offend or bother anyone at all. I will be sharing my thoughts and revelations on my own past relationships and dating experiences. Nothing racy. But if you’d rather not know/read, then by all means, do come back tomorrow. Thanks!

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I think we all get to a point in our lives where we look back on every romantic (or not) relationship we’ve ever had and begin to wonder about patterns and failures and such. While one could easily deem any relationship that ended a failure, I choose to see them all as learning experiences and happenstance (one of my favorite words). I became boy crazy at a young age. I think around pre-school! Ha-ha! But it’s true! I got “married” to my friend Kelly R. and made wedding cakes in the sand with him, we must have been 3 or 4 years old?! Yep, that early! In kindergarten the girls would chase the boys in the playground singing “Going to the chapel” to freak them out. I think that set a theme for me a bit after that.

While shy at first, I soon became the one to ask the boys out. Or at the very least hand them the opportunity to ask me out on a silver fucking platter! I rarely if ever played hard to get (but damn, that is so fun!). Oh sure, I’d get rejected occasionally. I’d get dumped, brutally, too. I would wallow in misery as a result, but would always find a way to get back out there and there always seemed to be a new boy to give me the attention I desired and wanted to give back as well. My first official boyfriend was in 7th grade. I met him at the first school dance I ever attended. He was such a dork! He danced, well, not great. My friends were merciless. But I saw something in him and when he asked me to dance and later to be his girlfriend, I said yes. I had my first real French kiss on Halloween night a few weeks later. It was swoon-worthy, I can assure you. Though I later dumped him for telling me I looked like shit when I was sick with the flu and he insisted on coming to see me even though I begged him not to come over. Also, he said he wanted to remain friends. That didn’t happen.

After that first one? Well, it was like someone had thrown the checkered flags and I was suddenly in overdrive. Every boy in school was a possible mate! But there were always the ones I wanted so badly that I obsessed over them. Preppies, mostly. Unattainable dudes. I was the awkward-poor girl constantly trying too hard to fit in or just not be noticed. I longed to wear sweaters and pegged Guess? jeans like the preppy girls, but they were so mean to me that I soon gave that notion up entirely. I always had guy friends, but there was a line I wouldn’t cross in that and I later found out many of them were gay. It was never an issue.

But then I met an older boy that would change my life forever. It was the summer before 8th grade. His name was Steve and I met him and my future BFF Marc at the same time that fateful day at the rec center pool. I was hanging out with my friend Jenny when we started talking to them. I didn’t know it at the time, but Steve would later become a fixation in my mind during my darkest times. It’s unfortunate that though we tried (we dated four times) we never did end up together. I have no regrets, but there was always electricity between us. While he disappointed me time and again over the next four years, I will never forget him.

My first serious boyfriend was the cutest boy in school. I was in 8th grade, he in 7th. I wore his Giants jacket and felt like the queen of love! He had these blue eyes that would do me in every time! *sigh* We dated for four whole months, an eternity in teenage time. I dreamt of having sex with him. I wanted him to be my first. But then he broke up with me and broke my heart and gave no reason why (I later found out that his mom had grounded him for over a month and just thought it best this way). That was my first true heartbreak. I bounced back easily enough though. I hadn’t begun the pattern of drowning in my own misery and self-harming thoughts.

I dated a lot of boys between the ages of 11 and 14. I lost my virginity at 14. It was nothing special. I wasn’t even dating the guy. But I was in love/lust with him for sure. He had already broken my heart once by that point, so the disappointment of the night wasn’t so much of a surprise as another in a string of disappointments. Then I met my abuser and for the next five years lived in a near-hostage situation. Few people know or can understand what that was like, I have no doubt that that relationship shaped me and made me the fearful and un-trusting gal I am today, but I wouldn’t go back and change it, either. I wouldn’t be with my husband if I did. Ya know?

When I finally escaped the abuser and started my life again, I went right back into boy-overdrive! I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted and was still pretty shaken (though in denial) from my recent past. So you can imagine the kinds of guys I was attracting: assholes, losers, etc. It wasn’t until I had had the worst breakup ever, was at wit’s end and not looking for love at all, that I met my husband. I’d just been promoted and had to do the interviews for x-mas help at a music store. B was my very first interview. I hired him, we became good friends and later (Doy!) we started dating and eventually got married and junk. He was the first friend I’d ever had feelings for or dated. So glad I broke that stupid rule! Ha-ha!

So now I’m at that point where I’m looking back and I see that what I had wanted all along and only ever once received (from my husband) was to be loved for me, as I am, without a desire to change me (from the guy). All I ever wanted was love, affection, poetry, to be desired like nothing else. No boy ever wrote me poetry or songs. Every boy I’d ever dated played guitar! Every single one of them. It’s freaky to consider. But none wrote me a song (that I know of). None surprised me with romantic proclamations or silly spontaneous acts of love. Romance? I’ve barely touched her waters. My husband used to try at least. He wrote me a poem once, I have it on a wall. Though I shared many things and too much of myself with many boys, I don’t think I was ever seen as something to cherish or hold onto or of serious value. There could be many reasons for this and perhaps they did and I was unaware. Never the less, I am happy with the boy I chose to keep.

After talking with an old friend a couple of weeks ago though, I realized that I missed out on a lot of things. I missed out on a mature dating environment. I missed out on being chased and wanted and desired in a mature-sexual way, rather than the immature kind which is all I’d ever known. None of those boys/guys wanted to make a woman out of me. None really even bothered with trying to give me an orgasm. At some point I stopped caring about myself entirely and became the pleaser in ways I’d rather not recount at the mo. I know these things happen due to my own conduct and choices as well as those involved at the time, but one cannot help but wonder, ya know? Not what ifs in the sense of any certain person or time. Just, well…

I want to be wanted like nothing else around. I want someone to want me like a fish wants water to swim in. I want someone to want me sexually as though they cannot go on until they have me. I want silly displays of love and romance! I want deep conversations and lost time! I want to laugh and love and give the same in return. I miss all of those ridiculous crushes and the ride of emotions that went along with them. I want spontaneity and lust! I want surprises again! It’s been so long!

And when I get glimpses of these things in my marriage I glow a glow that no one’s glowed before! I float upon feathery clouds. I smile all day the next day and no one knows why. Last Tuesday my husband made me feel so wanted and loved and just amazing! He knew what I wanted/needed before I did or could form the thought. No words were spoken. There was a moment where I felt drunk with fulfillment and pleasure. That moment was like no other I’d ever felt before. I felt both lost and perfectly in my place. Swoon-y would be how I might describe it. It only touches the surface, but it’ll do. Ha! But then it was over and the next day we went back to our weekday routines. The previous night a fantasy or a dream. A ray of lucidity in an otherwise manic world.

And so I long for that feeling again. I long for getting lost in a moment in time with the man I love like no other. I can’t look back on the past and wonder what went wrong when some things are so right in my life right now. I just don’t know if it will come again. But at least I had it, right? I just wish the routine wouldn’t define our lives so. I wish he could see or know or feel what he does to me. I fear he’s fallen out of love with me, but then on that night I had no doubt we were one. Since then (it’s been a week) it’s been different. And yesterday he said something to me that cut so deep I told him, “I don’t think you realize how hurtful that was” and burst into tears though I tried my best to keep ’em in. He’s never done that before. And when I said, “Why are you even with me then? I don’t think you know anymore.” he said nothing in response. It’s always one step forward, two steps back. I try not to get down about it. Life is what it is and all. But what he said really hurt and how could he not know it? He was very remorseful, but I can’t get passed it. I still can’t forget the last time he lashed out at me. He’s so serious and quiet lately and I am in so much need of attention and companionship that it is painful.

I am so grateful to have him in my life. I am so madly in love with him that sometimes it freaks me out. Mostly because I don’t think he is in love with me anymore. He loves me, maybe even likes me, but it feels like we’re just roommates sometimes. And that hurts more than anything else. We’ll be okay, I know. But I’m a fool for love and boy crazy for sure. I’ll be the funky old lady with the brightly colored outfits no one can understand telling the young folk to live it up while they still can. They’ll think I’m drunk or senile and by then who knows, that may just be true. Ha-ha!

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your worries, TMI or otherwise, questions, etc…in comments.
<3
S

I was having a good long talk with an old friend the other night. She’s going through a tough time and well, frankly, so am I. It seems we’re both at a crossroads in our lives and while her problems are more immediate and urgent, it brought up a lot of stuff for me, too. I adore her and have known her since we were in the eighth grade (over 20 years, chi’ren). I was both surprised and relieved that she, too, forgets that she’s a girl sometimes. That sometimes you spend so much time in your head that you actually forget your gender. Not that I think for a moment, “Wait, am I male or female?” it’s more just a forgetting of my own sense of self overall.

I mentioned the other day that I realized I have a very hard time asking for anything. Sometimes though, I think it might be because I don’t know what it is I want or I am either afraid of asking for something that may seem unreasonable or even ridiculous. This came up for me again while chatting with my lovely friend because part of her recent issues have been because of the attention of come of the men in her life. It has been so long since she’d had such positive attention that she is suddenly unsure of how to even deal with it. And we talked about what she wants and doesn’t want and how she could go about that. I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. Not that I would take anything from her, she’s amazing and awesome and I’m not the only one who thinks so. But it was that positive male attention! Wow! I miss that!What? I know, I’m married. But it’s different. And things haven’t been the same, I think, since I opened the cafe…maybe even before that!

I was struck by the story of a friend of hers she’d known for ages that suddenly hit on her. Well, let me rephrase that. He said she was “infinitely beautiful.” She was so against the notion. She couldn’t even hear it let alone accept it. She said, “Look, I know I’m cute, but I’m not beautiful.” And I said to her, “But ya are! Ya are infinitely beautiful!” Because, let’s face it, this gal has never been in want of male attention. Same with me, but she puts me to shame in this realm. She doesn’t think so, but I know it’s true. I never stole a single one of her men of interest…but let’s leave it at that! She is beautiful. She is also charming as hell (she didn’t buy that either). So it broke my heart to hear that she still carries so many of the insecurities that I used to have. About aging, about body image…all that stuff! And here I am, older and fatter than ever and I’m actually totally okay with that and me. I mean, my body is rad. No qualms there. But…but?

But damn do I miss the attention. The wooing! The winning of my heart. Not just the chase and the dance that is the dating scene, but just having someone who still wants to impress you or not even that, just that they want you. I just want to feel wanted and needed and desired! Oh man! That is it right there. I forget that I’m a girl because no one treats me like one. So yeah, when someone suddenly does? You can’t help but notice. And I, vicariously, will have to live it through her. To hear the things that have been said to her? Swoon! How could anyone blame her? Well, they shouldn’t, anyway.

No, my marriage isn’t broken or whatever they call it now days. It’s fine. We’re just having a tough time of living, ya know? It’s hard to want to do anything when you’re so broke you have to consider breathing a fun pastime. I think we’re both depressed weather or not we wanna admit it. So who the hell feels like wooing anybody?! And even when I am full of that lusty desire, I freak out about showing or asking for it. And I end up hating myself for it, too. Ugh! I thought I was so confident, especially with my husband. But I am not. It’s a struggle. Even now. I can somehow manage to press on and open my own cafe, but asking my husband to seduce me? Ha-ha! I can’t do it!

What many don’t realize is that long-long-term relationships (13 years, y’all!) go through cycles. There are times when you’re just not in love like you were and you get through those times because you still love the person and find them dead sexy and all, but the spark comes and goes. A couple of months ago I fell for my guy all over again! It was like magic! But he didn’t know what the hell to do with all of the attention and so I laid off. I was surprised by this reaction, but I respected it. But shit, man! I just want him to want me like he used to. And it sucks knowing that he doesn’t (he hasn’t said so, I just feel it, ya know?).

And there is it and that is that. I share these things with you and I wonder why. But it helps. Sometimes I’ll write a post like this and have an epiphany either from a comment (please comment! Ha!) or just thinking it over again in my head and I get an answer! This is life and there’s never a quick fix. I know. But like I said, this helps. Just getting it out there helps. So thank you for reading this blog and my problems and always just being there to bear witness to it all or to comment and help or share your own issues. I am so grateful to have you all in my life and the fat acceptance community, too! <3

This one is extra TMI today, my friends. And so I warn with extra warn-y-ness that this may not be a post you’d like to read today. This post may just be too graphic or vulgar for your taste. I don’t know. This is entirely up to you at this point. That said, if you know me personally, or simply would rather not know about my sex life or bodily functions, please come back another day. Today’s TMI is often just not talked about or considered very taboo or even mythological and many will find it repulsive or possibly awe inspiring. Who knows?! But seriously consider what you would most not like to read about here and weigh that against your curiosity. Thanks!

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So, what is SO TMI that even yours truly, The Queen of TMI, feels the need to post such warnings? What could I possibly want to talk about now, after so many TMI Tuesdays (honestly, my most popular posts!), that I hesitated over and over even writing about it?

Y’all! OMZ! I can’t believe it, but…I had the most amazing orgasm of my life on Saturday night! It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. And I’ve never really been one of those ladies who fakes it, okay? So this is legit. I promise! You know how, like, before you’ve ever had an orgasm (and I do understand that some women simply can’t or haven’t yet, no worries) and someone tries to explain it to you but they make zero sense? Or they go on and on about flashing lights and shooting stars and radiations and you’re all like, “Would you get to the orgasm part?!” Well, it was a lot like that. Only, well, this one was extra special…

I have to admit that when it happened I was slightly in-shock or disbelief for a half second, but once I realized what had just transpired? I wanted to fucking high-five myself! Ha-ha! I’m not even kidding! I wish I had had someone I could have told right then, because I was all like, “Fuck yeah! Go me!” Ha-ha! It was that amazing!

So, what happened that made it so great? Well, it was out of my control, but I Squirted! I always thought such a thing was bullshit or weird or pointless, but it happened and it was fantastic! I had seen it in a porno, but never had it happen to me. I recall a previous TMI Tuesday post where a commenter mentioned it, and so I looked up some porn specifically featuring this ability. I wasn’t impressed. In fact it made me think it was stupid, since these ladies were obviously there to do that one thing. They looked like they had other places to be! Ha! But I had had an instance a week or so ago where I just couldn’t climax. Now I am wondering if this is part of it.

You see, I usually have regular orgasms. Not the same kind as when I masturbate (I’m actually pretty terrible at that, honestly!), but when my husband gives me a good one it’s awesome. But there have been times where I’ll wanna stop before I get there because something feels different or whatever. I can’t explain it. But that commenter had said to go with it and ride it out and see what happens. I think I was afraid that I would pee! But I rode it out and holy shit! What also made it amazing was that my husband climaxed at the exact same moment (that has never happened before either) so that when he pulled out it was like a jet stream! I could HEAR it! (High-five!) And I felt it! Whoa! Did I ever feel it?! It was like nothing I’d experienced before. It was fucking intense! I shuddered and moaned for a good long time afterwards, too. It lasted way longer than anything before.

Now, as for the existence of the “G-Spot” and it’s possibly causing the squirting or ejaculation? I believe that this is true. When it happened to me (mind you this was the first time I believe though I can recall much smaller versions of this happening while masturbating in a squatting position years ago) it had taken me awhile to get close to climaxing and frankly my left thigh cramped up and so I laid on my back. My husband sat between my legs and manually stimulated my clitoris while resting and rubbing his penis against and into my vagina. Oh gawd, that was amazing! Ahem. So what basically happened was, he started thrusting into me while also fingering me and hit the magic button (G-Spot) and WHAM! Like nothing else!

Have you squirted before? Does the concept freak you out? Have you had another TMI related experience you’d like to share? Go ahead!
Thanks,
<3
S

**ETA: As luck would have it, today I came across this post over at the happy bodies blog!
Woo!!! Check it out! Especially if you don’t think you have or cannot find your g-spot!

This is the part where I say something like: If you know me or would just rather not know about my sex life or preferences, please come back for your regularly scheduled fat blogging tomorrow. Thank you so very much!

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I don’t know what is up with me, but it’s like a switch got turned on and then so did I! I have been a mass of lustiness lately. I can’t explain it exactly, but it’s sort of like one day I was all, “Sex? Eh. Whatever, sure. I guess.” and the next I was all, “OMZ! I NEEDZ TEH SEX! GIVEZ TO ME NOW!” for no apparent reason. Ha-ha! I do understand that hormonal fluctuations may be the cause, but hey, might as well enjoy the ride, right?!

Being with my husband for nearly thirteen years (married half that), we’ve been through it all together. I was on the pill for many many years (too many if you ask me) and little did I know that this was the reason I kind of grew uninterested in sex overall. I enjoyed it when we did it, but it just wouldn’t occur to me to initiate or do it on my own at all at that time. I didn’t even masturbate for like years! I had no libido what so ever! Then I stopped taking the pill. There was about a week where I hated my husband and everyone else in the world while I was coming off the hormones. Not a good week for anyone around me I’m sure. But once I’d stopped the pill and started my regular cycles again (because I was doing my packs back to back so I’d only get 4 periods a year) suddenly sex seemed like a great idea and one I’d think about and do way more often than before.

My poor husband. Ha-ha! No, he’s awesome. And luckily for me, patient, too! We tried all kinds of things, but in the end we stick to fairly simple sexy times. Now I’m the one who initiates sex. Sometimes with a simple, “Wanna do it?” or just gentle touching and rubbing or holding of each other. It’s fantastic! And it’s never been better! Now, I’ll admit to being a bit of a Pillow Princess, but not because it’s a preference of mine. Okay, so here’s where I’ll get really TMI: My husband usually gets me off first by fingering my clit while I’m on all fours and then after I climax he will penetrate me, in this same position, until he orgasms. We use condoms and lube and it’s fun! I can’t sing the praises of lube enough, use it, it’s the best! I wish I’d known about it sooner!

Now this is a combined effort. I would much prefer we please and tease each other back and forth and vary penetrative and oral and everything in between (heavy fondling?) until we finally must just fuck…ya know? But I don’t think that this is his preference and he seems to like to focus on one thing at a time. I’m too much of a multi-tasker, I guess. So lately I’ll give him some appetizer oral and then he’ll get down to making me cum and then we’ll “do it” and that is that. It’s always fantastic, our needs are simple and always met. Rarely any disappointment. And when there is it’s usually because of trying something new.

We bought a liberator set a couple of years ago. I had read about them somewhere and then heard from a fat blog somewhere that it had helped with different positions. So we got a set and tried it a few times and I guess just never got the hang of it or I don’t know?! We tried a few positions, but in the end just stuck with what we knew and kept it simple. We still have our set, somewhere. But lately I’ve been mentally obsessed with me-on-top sex. I had an idea of how to go about it the other day and tried it, but I miscalculated my height versus the height of our bed and thus it didn’t exactly work. For me I think being on top is a problem not because of being self-conscious (after thirteen years? Yeah, right!), but of feeling unsupported. I got on top and all and then sort of just stayed in the lean-forward position with my hands on either side of his shoulders on the bed. Just sort of moving forward and back with me in a sort of doggie position while he was under me. It was awkward and the reason I have long said I hate the girl-on-top position. He said I should try to sit up and place my hands on his chest, but I just wasn’t feeling it at that point.

I would often fantasize about using the couch or an office chair. This latest attempt I had thought I could have him lay at the very edge of the bed and I could just put one leg up on the bed and thus have most of my weight and muscle strength from the other leg on the floor for more control and movement. But my legs are too short or our bed slightly too tall for it to work. I thought about trying again with the liberator, but I don’t even know where to start and I don’t even know why it’s been in my mind for so long. I don’t fear crushing him at all and I’m fine with him seeing me in the all-together (as they say). I just can’t feel comfortable or supported enough to sit up. In my mind it works out great (he-he) but in reality? Not so much.

Then yesterday morning I woke up after having an incredibly sexy dream! It was so fantastic, but I haven’t broached the subject with my husband yet. I feel, honestly, like I’m some sort of nympho suddenly and he doesn’t know what to do with me. He’s seems up for the task at hand (so to speak), but also not aggressively so. I’m in no way forcing him to participate, but I also don’t feel like he’s as into it as I am. And that kind of sucks, to be frank about it. This dream? It was of him slowly and methodically tying me up (sort of like in this book, which I wanna check out) and teasing me every few minutes until I was tied in such a way that left me begging for, well, more more more! I’d always seen myself as a dominant lady in the boudoir, but this dream along with other fantasies has lead me to the conclusion that I am more of a submissive than I had previously realized. I’ve never really ventured into the BDSM world, but for some reason it’s very attractive to me right now.

The funny part is that many many years ago when we’d only been living together a couple of years, I had found a print-out of a Japanese girl tied up in this fashion and I was so horrified (and completely immature) that he got turned on by this that we had a big fight about it. I think, now, that it had more to do with the gal in question being so tiny while I wasn’t. I didn’t see/say it that way, it was more, “Oh my gawd, how can you be into that and be into me and is this normal or healthy and oh my gawd” (many tears and shouting followed). Oh how wrong I was. But now I’m afraid that I scarred him with that incident and now he won’t talk about what turns him on or what he looks at in the porn dept. online (because I think there’s only one department, ha-ha!).

Sex is such a fantastic stress reliever, man. It’s also a ton of fun! And great cardio! Ha-ha! It’s just so human and basic and wonderful. I wish I’d know that ages ago! It seems so simple a concept, but you know, girls aren’t suppose to like it, right?! Ha-ha!

I can’t be the only one with these concerns, right? Any suggestions? Advice? Tips? Have your own sexy time concerns or fears? Tell me about it!