It is so difficult to put into words just how I am feeling right now. It’s the Sunday afternoon, after Fatty Affair. If I told you it wasn’t nerve wracking and worse beforehand, well, don’t believe it for a second! But now? Now that it’s all over and done with? I’m in this love overdose afterglow! I feel sort of like a blissed-out version of a hangover. It’s surreal. It’s magical. It’s overwhelming! I am so full of love and positivity! I feel floaty and dreamy and inspired.

So many things fell apart and came together right up until the moment before it began (and even after and during). I felt a bit out of control. I felt guilty for sort of “checking out” of life the last couple of weeks. There were some surprises and disappointments. In the end it all found this incredible harmony and was a total blast! It was a big fat positive party, y’all! My nearest and dearest were there (with one exception, but I love ya P) and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more supported and cared for in my life!

Truth: I was so stressed to the max before we’d even gotten things set up. I was shaking! I was on the verge of a panic attack. This little fact, or the fact that I have had a few of said attacks previously, frightens people and maybe even challenges their idea of me. But I always manage to come through it better off somehow. I know that I need to get better at asking for help when I need it. I did a lot of that. I did some serious delegating, too! This is such an improvement for me already. Some friends really stepped things up and brought not only my stress level down, but made the event the true success that it was.

That I was able to make something I’d only dreamed about become a reality is still boggling my mind, but I know that I could not have done it without the help, love and support of my friends and the fat community itself. It is the thing that energizes me and inspires me and keeps me going. It is for the fat community that I did this. It is my way of giving back the love that has been given to me over the years. The community that gave me my love of style and fashion again. The community that gave me back my confidence! The community that gave me the strength to open my own business and become an activist and writer and so much more! I would not be the gal I am today without it!

A commenter mentioned recently that I sound like I am more alive than ever. I agree completely. I am more alive! I am more keenly aware of the world around me. I am more present and playing a more active role in my own life! It is a powerful thing. I have found that it is only when I stick my neck out, stand up and out, and most importantly get outside of my comfort zone that these amazing things and incredible people come into my life. I urge to to look around and choose for yourself to follow your passions and shove fear aside!

Had I let fear hold me back, Fatty Affair would not have happened. My cafe would never have happened. I would not be wearing dresses again…oh so many pretty dresses! I wouldn’t even think of attempting to write a book! No, fear can go fuck itself in a cold, dark corner! I’m through with fear. I’m through with my inner critic and I am learning to embrace my own vitality and awesomeness! Because “‘To dance or not to dance?” Should never be the question!” and not giving a damn what other people think of me is such a weight lifted from my soul!

I have never been so moved, touched, loved and supported in all of my life. This feeling is beyond words. The people I met and hugged and belly bumped yesterday have changed my life! The work was worth it because of them. The difficult choices I have had to make are all the more clear to me now and why I had to make them.  I feel nearly invincible. I have no fear of an ego growth though, this was not the fruits of the labor of one. No, this was a village effort! This was a tribal celebration! This was what fat liberation/acceptance/pride means to me!

I want you all to know, the many that could not attend the event due to various reasons and circumstances: You were right there with me! You were holding me up and making me smile! I pretty much smiled for five hours straight!!! Ha-ha! It was for you that I strutted my stuff on the “catwalk” and shimmied and danced! It was in your honor that I wore what I wore and said what I said. You give me so much and I want you to know that I am feeling it! I am accepting it! And I am loving it! <3

*You can pretty much count on this entire week being about Fatty Affair! More pictures to come, too, lovelies!

Woo Hoo! It’s back! I love it! Okay, this week’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from my beloved WithoutScene of BFB.com fame as well as her own BadAssFatAss & FinessingTheFuckYou! 

I often like to dress very brightly and this was one of those days. I’d never worn these items together before, but found myself inspired to hodgepodge something really colorful together: an old Fashion Bug skirt, a LB camisole, and a cloth I got at a reggae festival years and years ago that is supposed to be used as a headwrap (and of course, my bright blue sports bra). I like to re-purpose items in my wardrobe. Headbands as necklaces, necklaces as bracelets, skirts as shirts, belts as headbands, hair clips as broaches, and most famously among my friends, a camisole as an underskirt–adjust the straps to fit over your hips and wear one under a short skirt (try it out before you wear it out, to make sure it stays up–I happen to have hips that keep it up). To really be innovative with your wardrobe you have to force yourself to work with what you have and get caught up in the whimsy; inhibition is the enemy of innovation. More often than not, you will stand out in a good way. The people with an eye for quirky fashion sense will appreciate you, and if not, what you wear is none of their business anyway.

Talk about breaking the old fashion “rules!” Colors!!! Glorious colors! And that bag is to die for, am I right?! Just goes to show ya that you can be fabulous, fatshionable, and authentically you while still being a rad fatty baring your arms! I love it!

Also, y’all have to see the awesome sauce that is our facebook pictures: “Dueling Smirks”

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

This morning while reading a quick page of my latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, I caught a fantastic quote from Rad Fatty Guillermo Del Toro. You see, this issue was a big ole recap of last weekend’s Comic Con from San Diego. Guillermo Del Toro was part of the Visionaries Panel along with Jon Favreau. Del Toro was there to promote his upcoming monster movie, “Pacific Rim” (ooh! I cannot wait for that!), while on the visionaries panel he shared a “sentiment close to many a fan’s heart” when he said, “I’m a weird, strange, fat motherfucker, and I plan to stay that way.” And that my lovelies, is the best quote evar! I love it! I love that he doesn’t poke fun or apologize for his size. I love his films and respect him to no end (and he’s kind of hawt!). I just had to share that, too cool!

Fattiboombalatti here:

Okay so I admit that I have been under a rock for the past year. Working full time and finishing up my masters degree full time kind of does this to a person.  So I was hanging out with some g-friends o’ mine at a karaoke bar and one of them picked a song that I knew subconsciously, Adele. Her music video came on and I would like, double take… WHAT? A chubby chick with a banging voice actually got a music video?!?!  Can it be that the world is thawing in its hatred of fatties? Is it possible that a luscious fatty that I am instantly in love with can actually be known for her music without adhering to the narrow definitions of “beauty” being currently promulgated by our culture?

So I ran into this article about Adele:

http://zeldalily.com/index.php/2011/04/this-just-in-adele-isn%E2%80%99t-thin/

This last piece particularly reminds me of something that happened to me when I was in college. I was a rad fatty then and I had rad fatty friends but ended up spending a year in China. During that year I lost a lot of weight, not that I noticed because in China I was considered Sasquatch like in proportions and I was miserable there so when I came back to be enveloped in the soft loving arms of my friends I was kept at a distance. At lunch with them I made a fat joke and was promptly told by them that they were uncomfortable with my joke because clearly I wasn’t like them anymore. Oy Vey!  I was hurt by that because even when I have passed for thin, inside I am and will always be a fat girl. The body that somehow meanders to normal still houses a fat soul.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that we all, all of us as a society, focus too damn much on looks, size, weight, blah blah blah. I don’t know about you, but I am kinda sick and tired of the obsession with the self and how the body is used as a social marker for where we “belong” and who we can be associated with. The whole thing is just one damn hot mess when really we as a society should be thinking about oh I don’t know how about being good and kind people? Helping others or working to resolve the environmental damage we are wrecking as a species?

But none of that can happen until we decide that no one body is inherently better, or more morally upright than any other. That our talents and skills and abilities should be judged by their own merit not as an accoutrement to our looks. Naïve? Yeah probably. But I honestly don’t see any other way around it.  The day that singers like Adele (who is clearly an inbetweenie at least it looks like it to me) can also burst on the scene as a deathfat and the only thing you hear is, “wow her voice is stunning!” is the day I can finally step down from this soap box with a feeling that my work is done.

Last night B & I watched a “Unique Eats” episode we recently taped (it’s on the fabulous Cooking Channel). It was all about BBQ! Whew! I hadn’t thought myself much of a carnivore, more omnivore, but the gorgeousness on that show was more than I could deny myself from enjoying or even fantasizing about! My husband Loves BBQ. He misses his grill and just having access to one, but our new apartment, and apparently state law, says we cannot have a a charcoal grill and only certain propane ones are allowed at all. Without money to buy such a contraption (and he much prefers charcoal to propane), we won’t be doing any grilling this summer. So watching this particular episode was bitter sweet for him.

The show basically visits popular spots within the theme of a given episode. Foodies and chefs comment on their favorite dishes and the preparation of them. It’s glorious food porn, y’all! The chefs and foodies do a great job of making your mouth water with their descriptions. I love hearing the unique stories of how these restaurants and food trucks and whatnot get started. Very interesting characters! The thing is, I don’t even eat red meat usually, but this one place had this ridiculous brisket and my eyes were poppin’ outta my head, I tell you what! *drools*

And then the proud fatty in me began to enjoy and delight and the use of the word “fat” in the segment about a Brooklyn, N.Y. restaurant called Fatty ‘Cue! They have a dish called “Master Fat”!!! Already band names and secret underground fatty club names spring to mind, but it’s not that kind of fat. No, “Master Fat” is this liquid-gold from all of the various rendered animal meats that they cook in a giant cauldron of infinite wonder! But what truly grabbed my attention was this one guy, Zakary Pelaccio, I don’t know if he’s the owner or manager or chef, but he’s a rad fatty for sure! And his look was fucking hypnotizing!

(Can’t find a picture from the episode) How to describe? Okay, he had big hot pink plastic glasses. Red hair, red & white Striped scarf triple wrapped around his neck. Just so stylish and unique and quirky and awesome?! Ack! I’m so bummed there’s no video or pics from his interview part. I can’t explain it. But he was just magnetic and awesome and brilliant and stylin’ as hell! I couldn’t take my eyes off of him!

Anyway, it’s a rad show. Fatty ‘Cue seems to have nothing but fantastic reviews and I’m sure they’re already hugely successful. I was just so struck by this dude. I dunno. So, yeah.

This has been a post. Ha-ha!