Sometime in early 2012, I found my soulmate in a dress from Eshakti (a dress lover’s best friend). I didn’t know it exactly at the time, but this dress would be THE dress for so many important/traumatic/interesting/joyful moments in my life in the coming years. I soon also discovered a love of vintage haberdashery that in the end created the perfect ensemble! My size has changed a few times, the dress was originally custom sized to my measurements but still arrived too big and had to be taken in. Yet it still fits perfectly. When I bought it I had no idea what occasions it might suit, but the hat I found in an antique shop guided me. It was love at first sight with that hat, too.

These things were still so new to me, as I had never truly presented myself as very femme in the past. I was slowly but surely building up quite a dress collection. At the time, Eshakti had fantastic coupon codes and for a year I was part of their board of consumers who provided much feedback on their prototype designs and fabrics, good times. I had been previously gifted a string of pearls by my then (now ex) husband that went perfectly with the look that I was building. Years later I found a pair of vintage gloves in ivory with tiny pearl accents in an antique store for a steal, along with some vintage handkerchiefs. I was amazed at how they all sort of called out to me in their own way and yet all fit together as though they were meant to be.

I have worn this ensemble many times and each time feels like the first. It just works! I’m no fifties housewife, nor would I ever want to be, but something about this look just tickles me. Maybe it’s my own ridiculous form of rebellion by pushing back against what women went through when such styles were in vogue. Maybe it’s a strange way to rebel against my own punk rock heart. I don’t know, but it is love in a very real and pure form.

I wore it for the curtain call in the first Big Moves Bay Area dance show with my dance partner Tigress. I wore it for the Sunday Salon at NoLose in 2013. I wore it to the Fatty Affair Family Picnic. I wore it to my ex-husband’s fancy dress (costumes were encouraged) wedding reception. And just this past weekend, I wore it to the #FatAndFree High Tea! I got so many comments and compliments I finally put all of these moments together in my head and realized just how important this outfit is to me.

I have often struggled with fashion and finding my own sense of style. It’s a lifelong journey that never stops evolving and I have always enjoyed the ride. While I would never call this my definitive style or something that represents me or my personality, really. It is something that I am proud to rely on. I didn’t have to think about what to wear to tea, I just knew! And so I share with you photos of these moments, in this ensemble, this dress, that hat, all of it over the past five years…

After the 2012 Big Moves Dance Show, BFF did a photoshoot for fun…

2013 Last Day of NoLose PDX

2013 Fatty Affair Family Picnic

12-16-17 #FatAndFree High Tea

Have you found such a garment that just makes your heart sing? I remember a specific granny dress (Mervyn’s) from my grunge days that I’d pair with one of my dad’s flannels and my classic Doc Martens boots (that I’d found at Ross for $20!!!). Oh to have that ensemble back!!! I recall my thirteenth birthday gift from my BFF Summer was what would now be called high waisted black skinny jeans with the zipper in the back along with bows and zips at the ankles (and a t-shirt that said “U Cant’ Touch This” with neon handprints all over it! HAHAHA!). I had a beloved peter pan collared Smurf shirt in Kindergarten. Until just now I hadn’t really thought about these things.

Fashion can make us feel so many things, but when it feels most you is when it becomes more than just fabric and thread. It almost bears witness to our moments and struggles and triumphs and dreams.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

I also have an Instagram I’ve finally started to actually use: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Dear Readers,

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that this blog’s hosting bill ($150 for the next year) is coming up in a few short weeks. I’ve lost my job and my unemployment benefits have not yet begun. I’m faced with the possibility of having to shut down my blog entirely and that breaks my heart. I know I have not written much in awhile, but I see my stats and the archives are still read, relevant, and valuable to many.

If you are able, please consider donating any sum you see fit to support and keep the blog alive until I’m back on my feet again. It isn’t much to raise ($150), but I am hoping enough people can donate a buck or two in order to keep this little safe space alive another year.

Donate here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

*Edited to add donations received have reached $106! Thank you so much! I am in awe and humbled by this outpour of love! <3

I have never accepted advertising or sponsors of any sort. I have always been a firm believer in creative freedom and ownership of my writing. I want to write more, but the stresses of life have been incessant obstacles to that as of late. I am a better human for having this blog for nearly ten years. I have struggled and grown with the love and support of my readers. My readers have become friends and confidants, over the years.

I am working on a few stealthy projects with other incredible fat activists that I hope to share with you here very soon! If for some reason this blog must go dark, I will continue to share links and articles on the FB page, but doubt you’ll find much personal writing or content there as their advertising and privacy policies are, well, bullshit. I hope, if you are able, that you will support this blog in some small way, and other writers and artists and activists who also believe that we are more than just a Fat Body. We are multifaceted individuals born to stand out and to make a difference in this world.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

This is “LSP” or “Lumpy Space Princess” (if you’re nasty?!)…she’s from a cartoon I love called “Adventure Time” on the Cartoon Network. She sounds like a valley girl and is, um, lumpy! I fucking love her!!! She floats around and generally just talks smack and snarks at people, but you also see the insecurity behind the lumps, if you will, and how difficult it is to be a teenage girl in today’s society. LSP is both sassy and confident and insecure and dying to fit in (she once wanted surgery to smooth out her lumps so she’d be seen as hot or attractive)! It is because of this, her realness and honesty, that I love her so.

Her catchphrases include: “Lump off!” “What the lump?!” “Oh my glob!” and “You can’t handle these lumps!”

In fact, I love her so much I want to dress up as LSP for Halloween this year! I’ve been thinking about it for awhile and only now started to look into it online. When I looked up “Lumpy Space Princess Cosplay” in google images? Holy amazeballs! So many rad fatties!!! I realized right then that I couldn’t be the only one to notice this possibly unintentionally inspirational rad fatty cartoon character! Yay!

And oh how inspiring the fatty cosplay stuff is! People never cease to amaze me! So fucking creative and awesome! I love them all, but I won’t lie, the one that really made me want to be LSP for Halloween was this one:

There’s actually a bunch of pics of this rad fatty in her LSP costume (on Tumblr) and it’s so fabulous! There’s also tons of human-like fan art of LSP:

So fun! If you haven’t seen the show or just aren’t into cartoons, well, you might like it? It’s sort of a fantastical world where magic and shit happens. All in the name of ADVENTURE!!! *SwordThrust* I know it’s not for everyone, but I’m hooked! My favorite character changes often, but LSP has some great and memorable lines. Watching her character struggle and remind me of some old pressures and cliches, I’ve grown to love her so!

What do you think about LSP? Accidental fat inspo? Do I have it all wrong? Hit me up in comments! 😉

(I love her so much that when my bf saw a little plushy LSP at the store he exclaimed, “Oh! I have got to get this for you!”I now keep her on my bedside table. <3 “You can’t handle these lumps!”)

Nervously excited before the fashion show, I wanted this dress so bad!
Alas, I am but a poor, fierce fat femme.

And my boyfriend made my night with this text,
“So…you’re saying I’m dating a model?! 🙂 ”
*Blushes*

Saturday in the vendor’s room, Alex and I matched in our enthusiasm and
desire to become the unicorns we’ve always known we are!
I’m wearing an Eshakti.com dress.

Can you see the terror on my face? No? Well, believe me, it was bubbling just under the surface. I hear my performance was great, but honestly I felt like a failure. Oh well. Never had so many awesome people tell me I’m hot in one night!
Dress was from JCP and hat was $3 a Daiso, flower clip $2.50 from random accessories shop at the mall.

The dance party was canceled due to technical difficulties. I met up with Veronica, a fellow fat blogger from Norway, and headed to the bar for some cocktails and wonderful conversation. (My dress is from HipsandCurves.com)
<3

Sunday night “Q” and I hit up my favorite: Gustav’s!
For healing, hearty German food…And a blackberry margarita!

I seriously have to come to Gustav’s every time I visit Portland.
It’s just, necessary!
Another Eshakti.com dress…my soulmate outfit!

We met “Eugene” the cat outside the Denny’s by U of O in Eugen, Oregon.
This was literally the coolest, sweetest, most lovey cat we’d ever met!
When the server said we could and should take him home, “Q” was beyond tempted!
So we tried to, but in the end he’s actually a fairly healthy wild cat who seems pretty damn happy.
We miss you, Eugene! <3

That wonderful moment you realize you’re back in California which means we’re sort of, kind of, almost home. 🙂

In the end I did get to hang out with some fabulous fatties as well as make some new connections and bonds.
Thanks for reading and supporting me with/through this difficult experience.
I’m doing so much better now, thanks to all of you!

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL!
<3

(Have you entered this week’s Bacon themed giveaway from FunSlurp.com?)

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This week’s TTT submission comes from “Too Big To Fail”

His personal fatty philosophy:

Fuck it. Do what you want.

And you MUST check out their fattastic zine 2 BY 4 : A Fat Zine

(I happen to be interviewed in it, but it’s mega awesome even if I wasn’t! And only $1!)

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Thank you so much “Too Big To Fail”!  Dudes are ALWAYS welcome! 🙂

I am always looking for submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com,please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, just have fun with it! And thank you to all who have submitted and continue to do so. These posts make my week! They are so fun and empowering, too! So keep ‘em comin’ and keep baring those arms!