Today’s post is a review of a personal massager/sex toy. If you know me or would rather not know about my preferences or thoughts on this topic, please come back tomorrow for more of my usual fat talk and thoughts. Thanks! 😉

The following review has in no way shape or form been sponsored by anyone, nor have I been compensated in anyway. This is my own honest review of a personal purchase. 

********

*************

****************

********************

*************************

********************

****************

*************

********

Oh dear readers! You always know what I need. Often it’s love and support, advice or solidarity, but when it came down to sexy stuff? You did real GOOD!!! I’d heard from many of you publicly and privately (you can always hit me up at notblueatall@notblueatall.com) that the Hitachi Magic Wand is nothing short of amazeballs. But you also frightened me with tales of it’s strength and intensity “so powerful it can give you an orgasm through a snowsuit….from across the street!” Yikes! But I’m here to share my thoughts on this hot topic! Ha-ha!

So, okay, y’all know I’m broke as fuck, but I did this user study thing at eBay and got a $50 visa gift card. I thought it was the perfect time to give the Hitachi Magic Wand a shot! And so…I did! I ordered it from Amazon and found one with two attachments for a great price. When it arrived I was a bit nervous about trying it. At first I just plugged it in and held it in my hand and then thought, “Hell no!” It was big and powerful and noisy! I put it away and didn’t touch it for a week.

Then I ran out of batteries for my go-to toy and thought, “Fuck it! Let’s do this thang!” and gave the Hitachi a go. WOW! It was too powerful for me that first time. It made me cum so fast I barely noticed. Which, let’s face it, kind of sucked. I just didn’t know what to make of it. Again, I left it alone for awhile. A few days later I thought to myself, “This is supposed to be the end all be all and I need to figure this shit out!” So I put on my favorite porn (“Libidinous Games” if you’re curious…it’s pretty tame and hilariously dubbed, but feel free to share your faves too) and took my time.

Holy Shitballs, Batman! I came so hard I thought I’d have a heart attack or pass out or something! This thing has two settings: “Low” (we’ll call it the clit pounder) and “High” (aka: are you insane?!?!). I can only handle the “Low” setting thus far. I’ve toyed with the “High” but only for like a second because I’d actually like to have a pussy left intact when I’m done masturbating! Ha-ha!

I have used the attachments and I have to say that they aren’t really that great. They make the whole thing noisier (no thank you) and are a pain to remove. I personally enjoyed the curved g-spot one a lot, but the straight one was of no interest to me (tried it, meh). What works best for me is using the curved attachment thingy to, um, penetrate myself vigorously (Ha-ha) and then remove it and focus on clit stimulation. Again, removal is no fun. I suppose you could leave it on but it will muffle the vibrations while simultaneously making the thing super loud. I don’t get it. I know there are other attachments, but until I have a disposable income (what is that again? Ha-ha!) I won’t have a chance to try ’em (let me know what you think of ones you’ve tried in comments, please).

The bottom line for me is that this thing is awesome! It plugs in so no more batteries!!! This has to be the best part. No waning battery life, no expense or trips to the store. It keeps on truckin’! I have sort of gotten used to the intensity and do try to take my time with it so as not to hurt myself or whatever. AH! The long handle is fantastic, too! That’s a great thing for a short armed, big bellied fatty like me! Long cord, long handle, never ending vibes: happy ‘bating! Ha-ha!

I was always too scared to spend the money on this sexy legend, but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t hesitate now. And I know many people who use it as a genuine massager for those hard to get knots. Especially in your neck/back/shoulders. All in all this is a great toy and a great buy. Do you have one of these babies? Tell me what you think, what works for you, tips, tricks, etc! 🙂

This weekend was incredible! Friday my beloved Raven came by for a visit. I had some horrible family shit go down tat would have sent me over the edge had it not been for her. I was shaking with anger; I so rarely get angry at all so this was especially scary. “To Daiso!” she insisted and off we went for fun, cheap, cute stuff shopping! I scored a cute fedora for $3! Followed by Beard Papas (custard filled cream puffs!) and some serious chatting.

Later that night my “Special Geek” took me out to dinner at one of my favorite places and it was also our three month anniversary (if you’re into that kind of thing, ha-ha!). Saturday my gal Laura came down for a visit and we painted the town red! We were getting dolled up for our night of fun and soon my roommate joined in and we were all trying on each others dresses and shoes and hair stuffs. It was a full on femme fest up in here! Ha-ha!

Before we dashed off we had to get some pics of our hot outfits (both thanks to my gorgeous roommate) and we realized we had no pics of the two of us together. What a crime?! Laura was a great photographer and told me what to do in my pics. Love that! We felt so hot and sexy and fabulous and you know, when you’re in the right company, you just feel fearless, too! 😉

Laura wanted to hit up a local BBW club, and while I so didn’t, I was doing my best to be a gracious hostess and relented. We only stayed for an hour because the DJ is the worst (in the bay area?) and I just cannot stand for a song being played twice within an hour. The folks there were beyond friendly that night and we even caught up with some old acquaintances, but in the end we just had to move onto better things.

We hit up this Irish bar that I love and tore up the dance floor! The DJ there was fantastic! We didn’t stop dancing except to pee and get more Magner’s (Irish hard apple cider). I was on cloud nine! We laughed and danced, she flirted fearlessly and I stood back in awe of her confidence an beauty. Well, take a look for yourself…

I’m so blessed and lucky and grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.

I had a whirlwind of a weekend. I had two lovely friends celebrating birthdays and wanted to do all I could to make sure they had a great one. I had no idea what was in store for me, but apparently I was game for anything. Ha-ha! I had a job interview and a quickie photo shoot on Friday. Both went splendidly, then I headed up to visit the lovely Laura in Northern California. She always treats me like royalty and I wanted her to feel as special as she always makes me feel.

We ate, we drank and we watched Casablanca. Okay, I watched Casablanca. Poor Laura was pooped and fell asleep a third of the way in. Ha-ha! We slept in and ate a wonderful breakfast from Black Bear Cafe and tried to make our big plans for Saturday night. Again, I had no idea what we would be doing, but I was ready for a good time! We talked about what she wanted to do but ultimately, we ended up going to a BBW club I said I would never return to (or support) again. What can I say, she’s a fantastic friend, it was her birthday and she literally begged me to go (and paid for me to as well). I couldn’t say no. (And for the record I loathe begging, but it was a special and sweet case.)

When the hotel turned out to be booked up for someone’s big 40th anniversary party I offered for these two lovely ladies to stay at my house if we got a cab to and from the club. I won’t lie, I was not looking forward to going, but I was happy to be in such good company and the cocktails sure helped! Ha! We primped and prepped at my place and laughed and drank and finally made it to the club around midnight (fashionably late?). I’d only just met Ashley that morning, but she and I soon became fast friends. As Laura was chatting and being the social butterfly that she is Ashley and I grabbed drinks and hit the dance floor. Well, the music sucked (as always, for real! Transitions aren’t that hard, yo! And let’s keep playing the same songs for life…NOT!) but there was a couple of gems and I got in one request in the end (though I asked the DJ myself I ended up having to get someone else to ask him again before it got played).

We got our dance on, our drinks on and Laura got some piercings on! Woooo! I won’t say what or where, but it was a piercing party and the birthday girl got treated to some bling. 😉 We closed the place down and shuffled our drunk asses outside. I was wearing this Eshakti dress in Red with a black petticoat from ChicStar.com underneath. I looked and felt like a doll! I love that dress and it was only the second time I’d worn it. While we were outside waiting for our taxi I suddenly felt the urge to lean and quickly found a little post to lean on. Then it was apparent that I wasn’t moving anytime soon, worse than that, it was all about to go downhill from there.

These two girls, my lovely friends, were so kind and sweet and caring and loving. I cannot sing their praises enough! They tried to get me to walk or drink water but I knew it was too late, I very quickly and pointedly threw up in the bushes. Luckily the sprinklers turned on literally the moment I puked the first time. It was kind of perfect! In the cab Ashley kept me steady and sane and breathing and lectured the driver on what “easy” means. Ha-ha! Had to pull over twice, sadly, but we made it back to mine in one piece, unscathed.

I do not know how I got so drunk, I didn’t think I’d had very much, but we were celebrating and I haven’t had much more than wine in quite awhile. And I broke my own 1/1 water/alcohol rule. Boo! I managed to not ruin or mess my dress and apparently was quite lady like throughout the entire thing. Sadly, I did throw up for hours, but I also woke up not feeling like death warmed over and for that I am eternally grateful to Laura & Ashley. Those troopers really took care of me. We all had a great time and that was what it was all about.

Sunday afternoon I got to spend some time with my favorite guy and see his apartment for the first time. Oh that boy! He turns my brains to goo, I tell ya! In my hilariously drunken state the night before, I’d come up with the perfect “move” for every scenario, if you know what I mean, but when I was in the moment, I was too tired and too chickenshit to do anything. Ha-ha! Just as well, probably. It was so lovely just to see him and hang out and stuff. 🙂

Then I had to dash off to my BFF Stephy’s b-day dinner with my other BFF “Q”. It was nice, but my stomach was not feeling good so I took it slow and made the most of it. It was super great to see Steph and her guy and just chat and chill. Haven’t done that in ages. Some quality time with her kitty Rocky was a delightful surprise, too. We all love that little guy, but he’s been very sick for quite awhile and we’re all worried about him. Got home around midnight and pretty much just crashed.

Today has been mellow…on purpose. I just need to like not do things today, ya know? I did take care of a DMV thing and applied to jobs and stuff, so I’m not completely irresponsible. But I’m still super tired and just need to take it easy and reset, so to speak. In the end it was a great time pretty much all weekend (except for those few hours of vomiting, Ha!) and I got to see so many people that I love dearly. All worth it, I’d say. Happy to be alive and well and live another day, that is for sure. 😉

<3
S

I’m in a much better place, mentally, than I thought possible, all things considered. I’ve had such massive waves of insecurity I sort of worried if I’d ever feel like “me” again. But I do and here I am and I’m okay. Actually, I’m a little better than okay today. I’m feeling pretty dang good, both mentally and physically.

Wednesday evening I was taken on an impromptu date to Taco Bell by my BFF P! We randomly wore the exact same color palette (black and red, yo!) and went back to his for fun cocktails and awesomely bad movies. He and I hadn’t hung out just the two of us in years and oh how I loved every minute of it! (We are also starting a movie review YouTube channel, so stay tuned for the hilarity!)

Yesterday…ahhh! Yesterday was sublime! (I don’t know that I’ve used that word much in my life.) The bf took the day off to spend with me and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. We did so many fun things! My favorite though was going to Nickel City! It’s this arcade sort of place, but it’s all run on nickels ($2 admission) and a lot of the older arcade games are on free play (Tetris anyone?!). Ohmigosh! So much fun! We won a bunch of tickets from various games and cashed them in for a Spongebob puzzle and a couple of matching, silver, plastic dollar sign rings. It’s silly and tacky and hilarious and I think I’m in love with this ring! I want to wear it always! 😉 Mostly it was just lovely to spend so much time with someone I, well, want to spend all my time with. Ha-ha!

I went to bed smiling last night and woke up that way as well. It’s hot out and the birds are singing and I slept gorgeously (so needed). I randomly decided to wear this Torrid top I’d bought at least five years ago. I love this top, but have never worn it. I always put it on, then freak out about it and put on something else before going out. Ugh! It’s so pretty and I always thought I could wear it confidently, but that hasn’t been the case. I thought I could pair it with a smart shrug or something, but let’s face it, when it’s hot enough to wear this kind of top you’re so not wanting to layer it. Ugh! But today I felt great and it’s hot out and I thought, “Fuck it! I’m doing this thang today!!!” and so I did!

(Sorry, couldn’t get a full body shot, plus I’m just in my undies right now. Ha-ha!)

And a side note here, can I bitch for a moment about my Sally Hansen Gel manicure thing? Ugh! I’d wanted this thing for awhile and finally found a new one on eBay for a steal. I realize I didn’t pay full price, but I was excited to use this product. It claimed a long lasting (2 weeks) chip resistant manicure. ONE DAY!!! It last one fucking day! First thing yesterday on nail entirely peeled off (see pic above)! WTF?! The rest are all chipping and catching on everything. I’ll be taking it all off today, but seriously this is some bullshit! 1-2 days versus two weeks?! Not cool! I do not recommend this product at all. I expect more from Sally Hansen (for some reason) and cannot believe how much they’re charging (retail) for this crap. Ahem. *StepsOffSoapBox*

So, yeah, I’m feeling pretty good. Going to stay in today until it cools off. Have many jobs to apply to anyway. I’m waiting to hear back about my unemployment claim. Fingers crossed. I hope you all have a lovely weekend!
<3
S

I would love to see a blog called “Perfectly Portly”…someone do this! 😉

Dance rehearsal was hard and good and a bit emotional. Our progress is fantastic when only a week ago we had just half a song choreographed. I  got that runner’s high thing again, it’s kind of awesome. I keep getting asked if I’m excited or nervous and I am, but it still somehow doesn’t feel real yet. Part of me also just wants it over with. Ha-ha!

If you’re local to San Francisco/Oakland area and are interested in seeing me perform for the first time in 17 years, or just want to see a fantastic body positive dance show (OMZ! It’s the best!) there are TWO chances: Saturday, May 25th at 8pm or Sunday, May 26th at 2 pm. Get your tickets in advance to save some time and money: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/378829

I paid for my NoLose registration…I cannot wait to go! Hoping and wishing and visualizing awesome job so that I can pay my credit card off and my hotel room. I may have to drive, but I’ve been itching for a road trip anyway. It’s in Portland, Oregon this year. PDX is like my favorite place not in California, so WOO!!!

Did y’all see that ReDress is back?!?! This is where I’ve gotten all of my Teggings!

A pic of me & Raven from the Fatty Affair Family Picnic a few weeks ago:

Gawd we are so aforable!!! Ha-ha! Both wearing Eshakti (current) and I’m not in love with vintage cocktail hats from the 50’s because of this little white one I’m wearing. Do you have any of these? Hit me up!!! I am dying for a black one! 🙂

Today is my last day at my current job. I have some interviews this week and I am feeling good and hopeful. I had a great weekend with wonderful people who made me feel special and cared for and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m excited about it once again.

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL!

<3
S