Ask me ANYTHING: http://www.formspring.me/notblueatall

Sign up here: http://www.tut.com/theclub/

and get neat-o emails like this Mon-Fri (some are amazing):

S****, everything is easy when you live in a dream world.

As long as you know that you’re dreaming.

You do and you can –
The Universe

I would like to be under worked and over paid! Ha-ha!

I was reading some of my fave blogs and it seems like more and more are getting to review products and services by the company sending them free stuff. I thought about this. My issue? My size alone cuts that possibility down to…I dunno. Just down. Oh sure, I could review beauty products and pretend to be oh-so-girly, but that just isn’t my style. If it was something that fell in line with my own beliefs and passions, maybe! But I would always give an honest review. No matter what.

I have been struggling with eating again. I am doing well with eating a breakfast, not always the greatest on offer, but I manage. It’s lunch that is my current hurdle. It used to be my fave meal of the day. Now? Not so much. I own & operate a cafe and thus am around food and drinks all day long. So when I get hungry, and I do, I can’t figure out what to eat and often just don’t. Ugh!

Here were the challenges:

• Wear shorts (NO LEGGINGS, NO TIGHTS!)
• Wear something without sleeves
• Wear something STRAPLESS
• Rock a bathing suit
• Wear a bodycon dress/outfit
• Go SPANX/shaper free (might be harder for some of us..ahem…ME)
• Rock a maxi dress or something similar
• Wear something structure-less
• Wear a short skirt/dress
• YOUR CHOICE: Something you normally wouldn’t wear/do – BE BRAVE!

Here’s my pics: Death Fattie Ahoy! (I’m 5’4″, 32 years old

#1 Shorts: WOW! I did this? Um, okay. I think they don’t show as well in this pic, but when I walk they were above my knees. Scarily so! I paired them with this top because it’s cute, comfy but also strappy! Again, mega-scary, but also so glad I did it! I felt 14 again! Ha-ha!

#2 Sleeveless: As featured in this post: http://www.notblueatall.com/archives/fun-fatshion-friday/Very empowering! I’m so glad I went out and about. I felt all classy with my pearls. I should really wear them more often.

#3 Strapless: from this post: http://www.notblueatall.com/archives/big-moves-bay-areas-go-big-or-go-home-7-10-2010/ What an incredible night that was. I’ll never think of dance the same way again! Thanks to my two fabulous BFFs for supporting me, taking the picture and attending such an incredible event. Y’all rock my socks to no end!

#4 Bathing Suit: This is my oh-so-comfy Junonia suit from last year. Got rid of my old too-much-cleavage-I’ll-never-be-able-to-swim ones. This one keeps my ladies zipped in, for your safety! And finally at a length I can deal with. It’s such a soft and fun, ribbed, fabric. Love it! But this was a hard shot to take, too! I had planned a pool visit, but it was freezing out! Yeah, in California, I know! So I grabbed some props and did what I could.

#5 Bodycon dress/outfit: THIS DRESS! You guys? You have no idea. When I saw it at Ross weeks ago I thought A.) it will never fit me (tag says 3X). B.) it’s so very sort! C.) it’s so clingy in a not-very-obvious but still very conscious way. BUT? I love this dress!!! I feel awesome in it and can’t wait for an event to make en entrance with it to go to.

#6 Go Spanx/Shaper free:
I never wear ’em! So what you see is all me.
#7 Maxi Dress: This was that Ellos maxi dress that was sold out over and over again last year. It’s this thick jersy cotton…so comfy & I love it, but it is sometimes too hot for such heavy fabric. But again, the comfort! Woo! (And bonus, back of my pug’s head! Ha!)

#8 Structureless: Not sure if this qualifies, but it’s all I had. Very slouchy top from Target last year and a “skirt” also from target that can be worth thusly or as a tube top dress thingy. I’ve worn it both ways, but this is the comfy-est non-skirt ever! And watch out: Fatty wearing a belt! Run Will Robinson…RUN!

#9 Short Skirt or Dress: from this post: http://www.notblueatall.com/archives/bfsc-an-evening-at-the-theatre/ I had no idea I still harbored so much shame about my legs. WOW! I learned a lot about myself that night.

#10 My choice, Be Brave: My Legs! YIKES! In the shortest thing I own at that! WOW! I actually like this pic even though you see my legs!!!

This whole challenge has me feeling so strong and brave and…just..GOOD!

And my ankle tattoo since some seemed interested. It was 8 hours of horrible pain, but totally worth it! While it made me reconsider ever getting another, I am already plotting & planning! =0)

Thanks for following along with me on this adventure. It truly was a challenge and taught me things about myself I never would have imagined. And all thanks to this gal & her lovely blog: http://www.tabayag.com/

Did you do the Big Fat Summer Challenge? Send me a link, I wanna see!!!

Some fluff, thoughts and even some neat-o stuff I thought would be of use:

I really liked this article about conversational phrases. Go beyond the usual chit-chat!
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5338&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=68352

While I cannot stand the word they use in this article “Obesogens” there are some useful facts about chemicals in food:
(Trigger warning: mentions weight loss, dieting and other related talk)
http://shine.yahoo.com/event/loveyourbody/why-you-cant-lose-those-last-10-pounds-1964849/

12 things retailers do to get us to spend more, more and more:
http://shine.yahoo.com/event/financiallyfit/12-spending-schemes-we-fall-for-2029497/

9 myths & facts about lightening!
http://green.yahoo.com/blog/the_conscious_consumer/143/nine-myths-and-facts-about-lightning.html

Brain teasers and optical illusions:
http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/brain-teasers/brain-teasers-and-optical-illusions/1400154

2011 Betty White calendar to benefit Morris Animal Foundation: I LOVE IT
http://www.stylelist.com/2010/07/08/betty-white-calendar-2011/

Adipositivity = Fabulous!
http://adipositivity.phototage.com/archives/9478_1745602162/348037
This one makes me completely unable to stop smiling:
http://adipositivity.phototage.com/archives/9478_1745602162/347764

This blog makes me daydream:
http://ohjoy.blogs.com/

This blog makes me giddy for a new project:
http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/
Oh the possibilities!!!

This is terrible, awesome, funny and creepy:

What are your plans for this weekend? Are you happy it’s Friday? I have to work tomorrow, but still plan on enjoying my Friday this evening. Woot for the weekend!  =0)

“Pinhole” lens                        “Fish-eye” lens

“Drawing” lens

The babies! Hover-cat & Melty-pup!

It’s been about three years (although I think it’s been four) since I discovered the community online that is Fat Acceptance. It’s been a wild ride. It’s been a personal journey. I’ve grown so much and learned so much. I’ve met cool people both online and in the real world. I’ve found my self-esteem again. I am more open. I am more honest. I am more truly me. I promote these things in my life, too. I lead by example. I have discovered that there is very little in this world that I cannot handle or tackle or do. I smile much more easily than I ever have before. I enjoy life. I am happy!

I try to keep my friends and my husband in my little FA loop, but sometimes things get lost in translation. And sometimes people just don’t want to hear it. Just like I don’t want to hear their diet and weight loss talk. I get it. Sometimes I think I get a little too excited about this stuff and I get very caught up in it and sort of mouth-splode all at my husband. He’ rad though. He wanted to read the “Lessons from the fatosphere” book and he enjoyed it. So I forget sometimes that he’s not truly part of the FA community. He’s never read a blog or an article or anything. He doesn’t know the “Fat Nurse” from the “Fat Nutritionist” and could never tell you why Marianne Kirby’s blog is called therotund.com.

I have friends who understand my thought on fat and FA and can generally get behind what that means to me. They will say things like “that’s so refreshing to hear” and generally seem happy that I have found this strength within myself because of FA. Sometimes though, these same people will say things to me like, “Gawd! I just need to lose ___ lbs!” or “I know if I join Weight Watchers again I will lose the weight again.” and “I just want me pre-baby body back!” never thinking about how this may seem to me. These friends who are certainly under 150 lbs, though some much much lower than even that. I was mentioning this to my husband and I had had a sort of revelation on this and he interrupted me saying (not verbatim), “How can they look at YOU and say that about themselves with any seriousness? Somehow their fat is in some other context from yours? I don’t get it.”

But then I told him what I had come to realize earlier that day. It’s nothing terribly new or exciting, but to me it was a bit of an “Ah-ha!” moment. I told him, “But they don’t see my fatness the same way they see their bodies. They may think I’m fattastic or whatever, but in their own mind, they feel fat or what they think of as fat. It has nothing to do with me at all. And it certainly isn’t met as anything towards me.” He understood this immediately. If you change the context from fat to say general insecurity anyone can relate. I mean, everyone has some part of themselves (body part or inner characteristic) that they don’t like about themselves, even when others insist that thing isn’t true. It’s somehow just in our nature as a society. I think that is the biggest part of this, too. Society! Somewhere along the way “Society” has turned us all into perfectionists when it comes to our appearance. We’re supposed to look a very specific way or we are considered worthless.

This little revelation actually had an immediate effect on me. While watching t.v. later that night some promo for some awful show came on and had all of these obviously surgically altered ladies strutting and catting and whatever to promote their reality show and my husband just sort of groaned in disgust and I turned to him and said, “Wow! These are supposed to be some sort of an example of a beautiful if not perfect woman and yet I find them completely unattractive.” He smiled and agreed. I love him so!It was as though this whole societal pressure veil that’s been shoved down my throat my entire life had been lifted from my eyes. Let’s hope it’s for good!

I do still have friends who will never see the beauty in themselves the way I see it in them. There are others, still who just don’t get that 10 extra lbs. is not the end of the fucking universe. And some just feel unhealthy despite their 110 lbs. weight. they just know that they are inactive and need to move to feel good again. If only we were all so attuned.

Let’s try this together. Stand up. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and then out. Again. Then put your hand on your heart. And sat out loud to yourself the following (only, use your name instead of mine):

I love you, notblueatall. You matter and are important and strong and loved. I love you notblueatall

Now take another big deep breath in and let it all the way out. Open your eyes and see a brighter world waiting for you to take a big fat bite out of! YOU FUCKING ROCK! =0)

Thanks for reading. <3

This outfit was what I wore on my day off this week. I went to get coffee and grocery shopping and then saw a movie. I was out & about! And…Publicly FAT!

Still getting used to my new camera, but I found my little gorilla tripod and it turned out okay.

Headband: Ross $3.99 (I have four!)
Dress/Top: Ross, can’t remember the brand, but it was $12.99
Crops/Capris: Avenue Chinos
Pearls: Shane Co. $100 a few years ago, love them!
Glasses: JC Penny, Yo!

I must admit, it was a bit of a challenge for me to go out like this (read: sleeveless!) for all of my various errands and fun. Somehow though, I felt very powerful. People looked at me and I didn’t cringe. I saw a fellow fats at the mall where I saw the movie and we smiled at each other. She was wearing a tank top! So at least my sleeveless-ness wasn’t a solo effort! Ha-ha! In fact, when I did notice people looking at me, I smiled and looked them in the eye. This can be very uncomfortable for a lot of people, but I figure it’s gotta be harder for me than them, right?! I’m the one being appraised here. Again, powerful stuff, my lovelies!

Yesterday while chatting with my good friend, Lu (she’s 85 and fabulous), we saw this gorgeous butterfly fly right into the cafe and was desperately trying to get out but was caught up on the window and finally rested awhile and I snapped a pic. Later we decided we had to intervene, so I sort of gently scooped it from the window and you know, when I took it outside it didn’t want to leave my hand! I thought I’d have to name him! Ha-ha! But eventually I placed him on a marigold and he took off into the clear blue sky!

From outside the window:

Just lovely! I’ve always loved butterflies and have two tattoos of them. They are amazing creatures.
And if you’re into them, I highly recommend the book “Dangerous world of butterflies” Oh so good!

Have a great weekend! I will be giving it my all. It is a choice, after all,  and I have chosen to make it so!
Cheers!