Hey! I didn’t receive any submissions for Tank Top Tuesday this week and I spaced on even attempting to take one of me, so, let’s just vent our shit out in comments! I know the last two weeks have been crazy-busy for most or at the very least stress inducing. Why not get some things off your chest?! Please feel free to engage in discussion in comments, too! I love when that happens. We have so much in common, you just don’t even know! Okay? Cool! Vent away!!!

Also, feel free to continue to use to comments section for your TMI questions and stories! Woo!

And please consider submitting a photo for next week’s Tank Top Tuesday. You can email them here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com Please include the name you’d like used, any blogs/sites you’d like to plug and what you think/feel about baring your arms!

**************

*********************

**************

I’ll go first!

So, it’s been a week since I sold my cafe. It feels very strange to not have that weighty burden on my shoulders. I keep expecting something bad to occur because of it. I want to fully enjoy myself and this time I have with my husband, his mom and our niece, but his mom (and subsequently now our niece) won’t stop with the big butt and bubble butt comments even after my husband explained that it could be damaging to our niece. *HeadDesk* Then at dinner last night she was describing someone she works with, “Well, she has a huge butt, but that’s the only thing wrong with her…” UGH!!!WHAT?! REallY?! I don’t understand her incessant comments about her own body, food, calories, the word “fattening”, etc…when she turns around and orders things I couldn’t imagine eating (fried mostly, make me ill if I eat it). She is constantly trying to feed us snacks and “Life” waters and garbage. There is no way she eats like this at home, right?! Is she just vacation eating? Is she nuts? I am beginning to believe that by the time she and our niece leave, my husband and I will be cured of our indecision to have a child. Ha-ha! This has been a vent. Thanks.

It seems summer has finally decided to stick around awhile in our area and great timing, too! My MIL (mother in law) and niece are in town and she (niece) is obsessed with swimming! We have gone swimming all but one day over the last 8 (I sat out a day)! It is incredibly fun, great exercise, fun playtime and generally relaxing. This is movement I enjoy completely. I feel more mindful of my body, more connected. I love to float around for about 5-10 minutes before we get out of the pool. I love to float, period!

Saturday when the subject of going swimming inevitably came up, I was hesitant because it sounded like a ton of people were down there. So my MIL and Niece went down awhile before us and quickly came  back up to tell us that the pool was empty. Woo hoo! So we got ready after a few quick Mario Kart races (we’re trying to unlock everything, it’s a fantastic if not highly addictive game) and by the time we got down to the pool it really was full of people! People of all colors and ages and shapes…and that was pretty dang cool, y’all!

The best part of it though, was when I decided to just jump into the pool. I stepped up to the edge, looked around, readied my fingers (to dive) and just dove for it! I decided that I would leave any weird self conscious feelings on the edge of the pool and just enjoy myself. And I did just that! I mean, it sounds mega-simple, and maybe it is, but I visualized sort of a see-through slippery skin that I could peel off and leave by the edge of the pool. Does that sound weird? Ha-ha!

I had a blast! Though there were many very little ones running around the edges of the pool seemingly unsupervised (gave me terrible anxiety for awhile) we did, in the end, have the pool to ourselves. Which is how it’s been for us all week. It’s a glamorous feeling to have an entire heated and good sized pool to just you and some family. The only bummer of course is sunscreen. I bought a spray can of  SPF100+ the first day we went swimming and it only lasted a few days. Tried my nieces SPF 30 (or was it 50?) and got sunburned. Boo! So we went back to the store and bought a bottle of the lotion-y SPF100+ and my husband lovingly called me a “water baby” (the brand of the sunscreen I bought).This stuff smells better, feels better and I think works better. The spray stuff felt like lacquer! Blegh!

I made a bit of a silly comment to my husband last night about being 30 and just accepting your body as it is. I meant it in a positive way, but he quickly insisted that anyone can change their body and blah blah swimming blah blah blah. I know! I know! I wasn’t thinking…I was just trying to encourage some self-acceptance in him, but phrased it wrong and wsertgyhuijmok! So then he says if we swam everyday for a month we’d literally see the results in our bodies. He still wants to put on weight and be more toned, but when he weighed more he thought he was too heavy?! I just want him to love and accept himself. He encourages me to do so, ya know?! Ack! I know I walked right into that one, but it caught me off guard completely. I enjoy swimming, but I don’t like doing something everyday for the sake of it. If it stops being fun I will stop or even resent it. I don’t wanna do that to swimming when I’ve just re-discovered it’s fun! So that ain’t happening. But I am considering a less bulky/modest swim suit sometime soon, if I can find one.

How was your weekend? Anything fabulous happen? *Hugs* Rock on!

Also, anyone want to submit a photo for tomorrow’s Tank Top Tuesday post? notblueatall@notblueatall.com

This morning as I was waiting for my large, iced, soy white mocha (no whip, thanks) at Peet’s, the barista said to me, “Oh you’re hair looks so cute today!” and I was in utter shock! I leaned over to her, “Me?! Are you serious?” she replied, “Yes! It’s so cute!” I stepped back and looked around and then said, “I swear to you, all I did was roll out of bed and run a brush through it. Thank you so much! You made me feel so much better!!!” and we both laughed. It was a bit of an odd exchange. It’s not like she sees me everyday or even very often, but it was so nice of her to say that.

Truth is this isn’t the first time someone has shocked me with a compliment when I’m feeling especially icky or low. It’s nice and all, but occasionally it can be jarring, too. This morning, for example, I was barely even awake! At first I really didn’t think she was talking to me, but looking around I realized I was surrounded by short haired dudes and figured that it had to be me, right? Most people don’t compliment a guy’s do by calling it “cute.” But I accepted the compliment in the end, which is still not an easy thing for me to do, but I am determined to get better at it! I consider it an important life skill.

So what is up with this outsider perspective thing? How can someone see me/us as something we cannot? I’ll take a stab at it, but I’d love your input as well, okay? So I think because we see ourselves through this inner lens, which differs based on mood and current events, we can’t truly see ourselves outside of that lens. Does that make sense? Like, I felt all crusty and sleepy, but I did manage to brush my hair (and I had forgotten at the time that I’d put a tiny barrette in there) , but someone else saw my weak attempt as awesome and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! Ha-ha!

We see ourselves at our best, our worst, our everyday and we hear what others think of us our entire lives. Yet we are usually surprised when we see a good picture of ourselves, right? While I have managed to embrace the “bad” pictures of myself and even celebrate them (if you’re my facebook friend, you know what I’m talking about). Sometimes though, even I am shocked by what the camera captures. “Is that really me?!” When others thing we look amazing, all we see are our flaws. We see those minute details no one would even bother to look for or even see/notice!

And what do we do when our BFF/spouse/friend/sibling/etc is feeling blue? “Oh but you look fantastic!” *HeadDesk* We think it’s okay to lift someone up with the same thing. Hilarious! Except it’s not, really. Why are looks so important? Why do we reinforce these concepts? Has society always behaved this way? Did ancient Romans and Egyptians tell each other their hair was looking extra good that day? I honestly don’t know (but I’ll assume only the wealthy had nice hair anyway, right?). How does it make you feel when you’re feeling pretty low on the old self esteem, when someone compliments you on your looks?

I will say that the best mood/self-esteem/etc lifter for me is a fat event or meet up! Nothing makes me feel more empowered and beautiful and strong and amazing than hanging out with rad fatties! I can’t explain it, but it’s like just being instantly accepted and loved without a word spoken. You just know it! You just feel it! It’s awesome! Some of you may be thinking, “Well, that’s great for you, but I have no rad fatties in my life!” Pssshhht!!! If you can’t hang out with rad fatties in person, why not have a rad fatty dance party online through skype or google+?! You can get a web cam on Amazon for $5 (I got the green apple shaped one, it rocks!) and get your fat pride on! Start a meet up group (if you would like suggestions/guidance, email me!)! Seek out local BBW nights at dance clubs! There are lots of things going on, especially in the summer. Let’s lift each other up! Build our fat community and spread the love the world over! <3

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from Heather of the fabulous blog FatGirlPosing.BlogSpot.com

My arms are fat and I love them. I spent 13 years wearing long pants and long sleeves. Finding the fat acceptance movement has not only done wonders for how I feel about myself and my body, but it’s been fantastic for my wardrobe and my comfort. They’re just arms! What’s the big deal? And I have so much more fun with my friends and family when I’m not worried the entire time about how I look. Enjoying life is far more important than who’s offended by my rolls.

Thank you for the fab pic, Heather! Be sure to check out her blog often (sometimes NSFW & generally better for a mature audience)!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

How will you celebrate Be Body Positive Day? It’s this Sunday and I have to tell ya, I have no idea…yet! I would love your ideas and suggestions. The thing is, this weekend I have so much going on it’s a little startling. Ha! I know, I complain about not having a social life and then **WHAM** here’s all of your social life in one action packed weekend! (Prepare for random/sporadic/ranty post below.)

But seriously, my mother in law flies into town tonight and I’m so nervous/excited to see her. We haven’t seen her in two years and we both miss her dearly. Only thing is that I’m going out dancing tonight with a whole crew of fabulous fatties and I’m super-mega stoked about that, too! I do hope my knees are okay though, I’ll definitely have to take it easy on the old gals. Ha! I just called my fucking knees “old gals!” What in the what? I know, I sound silly…I FEEL silly right now! It’s Friday! Woo Hoo! And I just defrosted a giant freezer with my two bad ass hands (and a mallet and scraper)! Nothing like a little demo work to start your morning!

I feel strong today, I feel powerful. That’s body positive, right?! By Sunday I may just be toast or toasty dust or something. Not drinking tonight (I’m driving), but I do have work in the morning, too. Tomorrow night? Who knows?! I mean, I have been invited to like four different things, but with my MIL in town, I’m not sure what we’ll end up doing. Sunday night, too! Ack! So many things, so little money, not enough time! Hello? Teletransportation please?!?!?!?!?! Gawd, wouldn’t that make life so much easier? Would mine, I’ll tell you that much.

So, I have had some progress on that great news I was waiting on. I’m still technically waiting for things to finalize, if you will, but I won’t know until Monday anyway, so I’m trying not to even think about it. But it all seems to be on the level and the up and up! Thank you all for your good ju-ju, mojo, sparkles, hugs, happy thoughts and general good universal vibes sent my way, if you could just keep ’em coming a bit longer I will let you all know as soon as I do! <3

So, Be Body Positive Day! Sunday. Hmm…perhaps I’ll do myself up nice and make a day of laughing and smiling! That sounds fabulous! No doubt my MIL would have no problem with that. I have some new lip sticks and glosses to play with (Big Lots y’all! It’s this amazing discount store, got $10 lipstick for $1.50!)…who knows?! I do have to find lots of things to do for cheap or free over the next two weeks. Hopefully our niece will come down to visit with us, too. Any locals have some suggestions, please send them my way: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

How will you celebrate Be Body Positive Day?