Oh man, I had the greatest, craziest, most fun weekend! I danced, I drank, I got all dressed up, I drank, I danced, I laughed so much my guts are still sore and that is awesome, and I drank some more! Oh yeah, I also did a bit of body/fat activism, even in my far from sober state…on two different nights! Y’all would be so proud of me!

The first one happened as we were walking out of the club on Friday night. It was very late. Not only did we close the place, but they were practically kicking people out by this point. I was with my gals Jeanette and Nicole and we were for sure feeling on top of the world. We were walking out when Nicole started talking to this gal we’d admired the dress of earlier that evening. Can I just say how awesome it is to compliment people when the least expect it? It is! Anyway, this gal had on this beautiful rainbow colored dress, sort of a terrycloth tube dress but in these amazing and lovely colors. When I saw Nicole talking to her my big drunk mouth had to step in on their convo. Ha-ha! I told her how much I loved her dress and kept looking at it all night. She was super nice and even said where she got it, sadly I have forgotten. But then she made a comment about how if she were more confident she wouldn’t be wearing the purple shrug she had on.

This is where my big drunk mouth actually came in handy and made me proud. I said to her while handing over the business card for my blog, “I write a blog for fat people. On Tuesdays, I feature fat girls baring their arms. It’s called Tank Top Tuesday and it’s fantastic. Please check it out!” Her response, “Well, if I see other people doing it I konw it’ll help me to.” WOO HOO!!! When I turned around Nicole and Jeanette were beaming. And I was all like, “spreading’fat acceptance all over the place, even when I’m drunk…Awwww yeah!!!” because that is pretty much how I talk when inebriated. Ha-ha! The rest of that night, well, I’ll wait to show ya the pics, it was so much fun and so very needed after the shitty week and shitty b-day I’d had. Bah!

The next night my husband and I were invited to a friend’s party at a comic book store. I hope that you are able to support your local comic book store, they are awesome places y’all! Anyway, I was a  bit nervous because A. I don’t really read or follow comics except for Lenore by Roman Dirge and whatever Jhonen Vasquez might be working on and B. because I didn’t know anyone at the party except my two BFFs and my husband. Yikes! It’s funny because pretty much right when we walked in I began talking to the sweet and smart and talented gal in a Bleach -the anime- costume. She had these beautiful hair sticks with tiny origami cranes in them. I asked where she got them and then she proceeded to not only explain that she made them, but also made two micro ones for me, too! Her name is Kat and she is a delight, I tell ya!

Then the alcohol started flowin’…into my cup! After that I was Ms. Socially Fat once again! The costume theme was Joss Whedon characters and being that I don’t and haven’t watched anything by the man and previously unaware of a theme, as were were getting out of the car and walking to the comic store I said, “Oh! Well, I’ll just be Fat Willow from Buffy” since I adore Allison Hannigan. Ha-ha! Funny thing, my BFF Perry was already there and dressed as Willow from Season One of Buffy. Ha-ha! I won’t tell you what he was doing with a child’s backpack the entire evening, but I’m pretty sure I’m scarred for life!

The party was a super blast. I was excited to go mostly because last year  P and J went and that’s all they talked about for the next three weeks and I was bummed and felt left out. So I jumped at the invite this year. The fat activism comes in when P and J were bickering about something, but in a joking way and P said to J, “you’re a big girl” and J responded with, “Oh my god are you calling me fat?!” Major stink-eye from me, but he didn’t see. Later as we were both chatting with some peeps I said to him on the side, “don’t think I’m going to let that fat hating bullshit slide, my friend. Oh no!” He looked ashamed and embarrassed. He gets it, but he still struggles. We all struggle, I get that, but to fat hate/shame while standing right next to moi, his BFF?! Um…HELL NO!!!

Later, while talking with Tressa, she had a plate of cookies and made a joke about being bulimic.  I explained instantly and without a pause that that is some wrong ass shit to joke about. She kept the joke going by saying joking about it makes her feel better about herself and I continued about how many struggle with eating disorders and you just never know who you’re hurting. Funny thing, later that evening she told me that she’s struggled with an eating disorder for eight years and actually has a blog about just that. I was surprised and gave her the business card to my blog. Then a few other peeps around us asked for one, too. I started to explain what fat acceptance is all about and Tressa thought that she wouldn’t fit in or something and I explained that no, people with eating disorders and their survivors fit right into FA and we’re all fighting the same fight. It was such an interesting conversation, especially when others chimed in. It was so positive. I felt so passionate about it I hadn’t realized that the small circle around us were all looking at me. Oops! Heh-heh…So anyway…

Another very late night of being very drunk and laughing a lot, no dancing though. But such a good time. There are plans for a karaoke night with some from that party…I cannot wait! They were such fun and smart people and I need more of that in my life…but don’t we all?! I was surprised at how fearless I was in the fat talk. It was harder I think  for me to say anything to Jery than it was to talk to the others, but that’s how it goes sometimes. And all who took my card that night insisted that they would check it out. So why am I always embarrassed to tell people I’m a blogger? Ha-ha! Good times.

Big surprise, Sunday night we stayed in and took it easy. Ha-ha! I gotta give my body time to recover after all of that fun and drinking. Whew! No plans for tonight, really, but we’ll see…Happy Halloween to you and yours! <3

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday of the year. Still is I guess, in some ways. I love creepy and cool and spooky things. I love Halloween parties, no matter who is throwing them. I love dressing up. I love the unexpected. I love the crisp autumn air. I love the creativity that comes from this time of year. I love thinking up new costume ideas or finagling my own way to something recognizable, too. I don’t go too into the make up side of things, even on Halloween, but I enjoy what others do and I toy with it occasionally. I love that surprised look people give when they see who is under the mask, so to speak.

One year I dressed as a biker dude and my best friend didn’t even recognize me. I loved that. I had side burns and a mustache and a bandana on my head and a leather vest over a flannel. It was fabulous. My husband was a biker chick that year. He had boob made of water balloons filled with peach jello. They were awesome and delicious and much fun was had with those and that night in general. That may have been the night my BFF Jery and I had a lot of Cuervo Black and Pepsi…but I don’t really remember. Ha-ha!

Being faced with the inevitable, “What are you dressing up as?” question is always a struggle. What is fun? What is surprising? What is affordable? What is easy to throw together? How much time do I want to invest in this? UGH!!! So much to consider, right? It can be easy, I can always manage a decent Hippie costume. I’ve had a “Serial Mom” dress in my closet for a few years and have never worn it. I have the remnants of my lady Zorro costume in the closet, too. They all seem easy and doable and fine. But this year? This time?

This week was supposed to be awesome. I won’t lie, it has sucked pretty hard. Nothing I can do about that now. But tonight I am going to a costume themed night at Full Figure Entertainment’s Full Figured Friday event. I was going to be Lady Zorro again, but then I was like, “A mask and my glasses? What the hell?!” Finally last Saturday I was telling my husband how I wanted to be excited about dressing up. I wanted to be something fun or unexpected. He suggested I pull out my old “Naughty School Girl” costume. I had completely forgotten about it. And I was instantly excited!

You see, my friend Jeanette is going as a “Naughty Nun” and the school girl would be the perfect compliment to her costume. Also, I don’t have to buy anything but socks! I can handle that. And I suddenly exclaimed, “I can be sexy, too!!!” Because for some reason I hadn’t felt terribly sexy in a long while. And after the shit week I’ve had, well, I’m ready to be sexy on my own damn terms. I am sick of wanting/waiting for someone else to make me feel sexy, or wanted, or desired, or whatever. Fuck it!!! I am going to have fun tonight and if anyone has a problem with that they can kiss my giant ass!!!

I’m not dressing sexy for anyone else but me. I rarely wear anything remotely risque, except for the occasionally too-low cut top and even that is rarely intentional. I’m not out to gain male attention. I’m married and fine with that. I’m not looking to make anyone else feel bad or to objectify myself or anyone else. I just want to feel good and have fun and dance my pants off…oh wait! I won’t be wearing pants! WOOT!!! I’m not defending the abundance of sexy costumes or the societal pressure to dress that way. I support each individual’s right to choose whatever the hell they want. For me, this year? I just want to feel and look sexy in my own eyes!

I can’t promise pictures, but I will do what I can. ha-ha! Hope you have a fun and fabulous weekend on your terms, too.

Saturday afternoon, my good friend Jeanette and I headed to Oakland for Raks Africa and Full Figured Entertainment’s first Belly Dance Class. We were both excited, and maybe a little nervous, maybe. It was such a great deal, we just couldn’t resist! I mean, for 25 bucks we got a two hours class with the amazing ladies of Raks Africa, a hip scarf, a bindi, a mix CD for more belly dancing and 5 bucks off our next FFE club night…since we were already planning on going to the club this Friday to celebrate both of our birthdays, well, this just worked out perfectly!

The class consisted of twelve “full figured” women, plus the two instructors and Tigress of FFE fame. The venue was at this cool restaurant called, “The Fat Lady” no less! Anyway, we were all getting our scarves and bindis and then began the stretching and warm up. The ladies of Raks Africa informed us of the history of Belly Dance, which I found particularly interesting. But I do love history, so go figure. Then we began learning some actual moves!

One thing I didn’t realize until we began actually dancing was that Belly Dance puts all of your weight, or most of it, on your knees. I’ve been struggling with a knee injury since July and keep re-injuring it due to living on the 2nd floor and dancing and other such life things. Boo! My knee was clicking during warm up so I had a feeling that this wasn’t going to go as smoothly as I’d hoped. Oh well. You begin with slightly bent knees, feet shoulder-width apart, and your pelvis tucked forward…I loved how they explained the tuck! It’s like zipping up a pair of tight jeans…THAT Tuck! Ha-ha!

We begin with the shimmy and some hip bumping and incorporate an “Egyptian walk” and the classic grapevine with a hip bump and kick in it, then some double hip bumps and shimmies and we start over from there. It was all set to a version of this song (but it had a rap break it in I loved):

SO MUCH FUN!!! The beat of the song if from Kool And The Gang’s “Let’s Go Dancing”…did I say that this was so much fun?

And now I am finding excuses to shimmy and bump! I’m doing it in the car, I’m doing it to Nikki Minaj’s “Super Bass” and I am doing it right now!!! Ha-ha! I’m hooked, what can I say?! Have jingly scarf, will go to where the music is!!!

I HIGHLY recommend checking out a belly dance class if you’re at all interested, even just for fun. But I STRONGLY recommend, if you’re in the bay area, to go to the next FFE and Raks Africa class! I am not sure when that will be, but it is worth the wait. These ladies understand how fat bodies move and what they need! We had lots of ice water available, restrooms right there, napkins for face dabbing, chairs for breaks, A/C and open windows for air flow…they just get it! I have never taken a belly dance class before, so I don’t know how different this one was, but I felt fabulous the entire time.

Having said that, my knees are very very angry with me. I have been icing them on and off ever since returning home from the class. Whew! Parts of my lower back and lower abdominal muscles are sore, but not unbearably so. Just my knees. My ankles hurt the first day, but are fine now. It’s a lot of work on your knees. And I haven’t sweated that much in years! I don’t knwo why, but I didn’t think it’d be the full workout that it was. I’m so glad that I did it though. You can go as slow or as fast as you like, you can certainly modify moves or transitions, but in the end, my knees are fucked, yo! I should have known this going in, it makes sense, but whatever. Totally worth it! I just hope my knees are feeling better by Friday!

Oh! Jeanette was kind enough to snap a pic of me in my hip scarf and bindi after class before we left:

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from Deeleigh  (of Big Fat Blog fame). She says that this is a draft entry for the NOW Foundation Love Your Body poster contest. http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/posters/contest.html

So yeah.  Not only am I wearing a tank top in this picture, I’m wearing one
that’s too tight and that accentuates my belly rolls.  I’m also wearing an
extremely short cotton jersey skirt.

Normally, I’m not that much of a rad fattie when it comes to clothing.
Okay, so I do wear sleeveless tops on a pretty regular basis. I’ve also been
known to wear mini skirts, but only with boots and opaque leggings or
tights.  I am actually pretty careful not to offend people’s sensibilities.
I dance around the “inappropriate” line and I don’t call attention to my size.

A too-tight tank without a bra and with a tiny skirt and no leggings is
definitely over that line.  So, even for a fat woman who is actually not the
world’s shyest, this is really daring for me.

There’s a method to my madness.  I took a series of photos of myself exactly
as described in the text.  No makeup, no attempt to hide “flaws,” no attempt
to play down my size.  I tried to choose lighting and poses that made it
clear that I was fat and that my body wasn’t perfect, but that didn’t quite
cross the line into being ugly to an average viewer.  I wanted to create an
image that would be perceived by most people as beautiful rather than
grotesque, but that didn’t look anything like what we see in entertainment
and advertising.  Of course, some people will have been deeply influenced by
media images and will find it ugly.  I’ve got some other photos I could use…

I guess I’d just like some feedback from the community.  Is the photo doing
what I want it to do?  Any suggestions on the graphic design?  Is the
poem-thingy a good idea, or is it too long or too precious?  Don’t worry,
I’m not particularly attached to any of it, and I’m totally open to
constructive criticism.

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

I am going to have a fabulous weekend. No, I am, dammit. I am going to go out and have fun and be my most fabulous me. I have been down in the dumps for too long and I’m sick of it. This week proved that it is in fact my staying in that has kept me so low. I had lunch with a few friends and this made me feel so much better. Human interaction, who knew?

Today I’m having lunch with a good friend of mine, Carmen. She inspires and amazes me. And we’re trying a totally new place to us in a town neither of us lives in. Exciting stuff. I’m also trying to get my Halloween costume together, little by little.

Tomorrow is the belly dancing class Jeanette and I are taking. So exciting, we’ve been talking about doing this for awhile. We were going to just get a DVD, but to get instruction from none other than Raks Africa? Too cool. They are the ones who inspired us to begin with. WOOOOO

Sunday I’ll be hanging out with my home-gurl Nicole. She may have the blouse I need for my costume and she’s bribed me with lunch and possibly free fatshions to take home. And I’m going to take her measurements so she can order from Eshakti…I highly recommend doing this, by the way. It’s interesting to see your own measurements on the page and then order something made precisely to those measurements. It’s this radical act of self-love, I think.

So tell me lovelies, what are your weekend plans? How are you going to put your most fabulous you out there? Anyone started smiling in the mirror? I hope you get to shake your thang or have a good time generally. Woo Hoo to you