NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

My Evening With Michael Moore

October15

(This will be a long post, just to warn ya!)

I get these daily emails from “The Universe” (via www.tut.com, it’s free, check it out!) and this morning’s just made me laugh and smile and then Whoa! Made me think about last night, a lot:

They bring me to tears every single day, Sarah.

They’re almost too much to bear.

Sometimes, I even wonder how it’s possible…

Of course, I’m talking about your supernatural resilience, your steely courage, and your gritty determination.

YOU WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS, and they shall say THANK YOU, DUDE.

Thy kingdom come,
The Universe

(It was the “Thank you, Dude.” that made me laugh) Moving Mountains? Hmm…

Last night I was treated to an evening with Michael Moore. Yes, that Michael Moore! He was being honored that evening at San Jose State University with the John Steinbeck award. There was a vibration of sorts in the auditorium. Anticipation can do that, from a crowd of individuals to a humming sea of oneness. Though they started late (nearly an hour I believe) it was well worth the wait.  (for more info, video, etc http://www.michaelmoore.com)

I have seen all of Michael Moore’s films, read a few of his books and follow him on Twitter. I look up to him in a way that is difficult to describe. He’s sort of the hero of the underdogs, I think. He’s the hope for the hopeless at times. He’s the fearless for the fearful. Or something like that. If nothing else, he’s a great filmmaker and a patriot. Seeing him last night and hearing him describe how he grew up in an idyllic town, Flint, Michigan, in the 1960’s nearly broke my heart because I knew what would follow, the reality that is his great state, today.

I believe Michael Moore to be a humble man and a speaker of truth. And what a great speaker he is! I admire his mind like few others in this world. I don’t think that he gets the amount of respect he deserves and probably never will. His reputation and eventual legend will be the kind allotted only to the great authors of the 19th and early 20th centuries. He will be missed like a Truman Capote, possibly. Being in his immediate presence (first row, baby!) I had expected to feel his presence or spirit or what have you. I didn’t. What I felt was a kinship for a man who has worked tirelessly for decades seeking truth and justice for the working class folks of the USA. And last night, while speaking to a packed auditorium, laid out the harshest truth that could be delivered: it is now the Corporate States of America.

*sigh*

My heart sank with the weight of this truth as it quickly absorbed into my mind. It’s true, isn’t it? We, Americans, own nothing. Everything worth anything has been bought or stolen. He got fired up about the state of our government, too. I wish I could quote him word for word, but it boiled down to a moment that I will describe here as white-hot, after being asked about certain companies: “We all know what they’re doing! We know it! We all do! I don’t need to tell you.” He slammed Obama about the Health Care Reform Bill, about the two wars, about keeping wall street insiders inside the white house, about liberals policing the left so they don’t go too far in that direction…he does give Obama credit for some things and hopes for nothing but greatness over the next two years in office. But?

Yeah, it’s very difficult for me to even consider myself slightly patriotic these days. I’m not treasonous or anything, but dang, man…this government of ours? They don’t make it easy for anyone, except the wealthy, certainly. Yet their greed dictates our nation. Their hatred and bigotry create nothing but exactly that. They destroy not only lives of individual families but entire cities and towns and states (California, Michigan…). For what? More money, more power, more say in what we can and cannot do in our personal lives.

Early on in the evening’s talk, the subject of Michael Moore’s “TV Nation” show was brought up and how he used to go to CEOs of corporations and ask them to do whatever it is that their company does. For instance, the one CEO who stepped up to the challenge was from an Auto Manufacturer, Moore asked him to change the oil in his Chevy Bronco, and he did! Wow! Sweet! But most could not oblige or simply refused to participate. This says a lot to me as a small business owner, because it is one thing to run or manage a company, but something entirely different to have the ability to quality control, in a real sense, what is actually going out to the public. For me that means every latte, mocha, smoothie and panini are made, by hand, by me, the owner. The bigger a company gets though? Yeah, the likelihood  of  the upper management being involved at all in the day to day or even month to month? Not gonna happen!

Please, don’t get me wrong, I was moved by Michael Moore. I was on the edge of my seat at one point, hanging on his every word! He asked who was voting in November. He asked if anyone intended on bringing ten people with them to the polls. He wanted to know who was running the phones that night, reaching out to voters or would-be voters. He has a way with words. I was very pumped up. But then of course the other side of this had to be addressed, that the democrats aren’t really doing anything at all. That our so-called majority is a bunch of cowards. And this I believe to be true.(For the record, I’m non-partisan, but lean so far left that I’m often seen as a hippie.)

I’m just going to lay this out there on the line, but as long as politicians are required to fundraise for their millions of dollars campaigns? They will continue to be lily-livered idiots who want nothing but more fame, wealth and glory. *barf* I personally believe that a congressperson should not be allowed an income greater than the median income of their own congressional district. They should also have to fly coach, stay in dormitories in DC (instead of 5 star hotels) and actually be held accountable for their actions. Crazy, I know! I also think it’d work best if congress & the senate were made up of regular folks in a sort of lottery system. Radical? Yeah, so?! It’s what I think. And we certainly need some seriously radical fucking change RIGHT NOW!!! Because I am sick of being ashamed of my nation and it’s government. I’m sick of feeling shit upon by a bunch of older, rich, white, men! I’m appalled by the actions of the people in power who are supposed to be representing the people when all they really do is represent the whims of the corporations who sponsor them. UGH!

I nearly cried when Michael Moore talked about his hometown in the 1960’s. It seems like a fairytale to me. But it also seems like what life should be and was and could become again. But dammit, we have to fucking rise up against these idiots of power and demand our rights back! We have to demand to be heard and fight for what’s right! Because they’re holding us fucking hostage and aren’t we all sick of it? Does anyone you know LOVE the way things are done (has anything gotten done lately?) in our government?

When Moore talked about his trip to Cuba for his movie (and excellent film), “Sicko” he correlated it to Iraq. Stay with me now. He said, “What did Cuba do to deserve a 50 year embargo?” Damned if I knew (I seriously need to read some history books, man). It seems the people didn’t like who was in power and they rose up against them. He said that if Iraq truly hated Sadam Husein, they would have risen up against him! That it wasn’t up to us to do it for them. He mentions how we asked for the help of France in our own revolution against the Brittish, yet they couldn’t have fought that fight for us. And in Iran, where we all feel as though we are on the brink of yet another irresponsible war, the people are choosing to rise up. They are organizing and they will rise up on their own. They will find a way, just as so many other nations have done so before them. And it is not up to us to do it for them, it is their fight and their revolution! Wow! The truth. It doesn’t need to be shouted from a rooftop when it speaks so loudly all on it’s own!

I do love Michael Moore. I enjoyed seeing him in person and hearing him speak his mind in a fairly relaxed setting. I smiled a knowing smile when his shirt puckered open a bit exposing only a hint of white belly beneath it. I smiled knowingly, too, as he made so many familiar gestures to me. The gestures of someone uncomfortable being publicly fat. His tucking the rogue shirt button into his belt, the adjustments of his blazer, etc. And then he mentions his preference (true or not I don’t know) for fat-free brownies (discussing California’s Propisition 19 to legalize marijuana which Moore has never actually tried but said before he dies would like to try at least a brownie to see what it’s like). He said something funny about how the discussion had suddenly turned to dieting tips. He said “you can’t find a salad in Texas if you drove 100 miles.”

*bows head in sadness and frustration*

This man whom I respect so very much and I find to be a true American hero if there ever was one, appears to me to be a serial dieter. And who can blame him? He’s been attacked for his size in the media endlessly! Not one major media outlet can discuss his films or books without also referring to his girth, weight, insert other fat-hating euphemism here. How can such a great mind and activist be caught up in all of the dieting myths? I admit, I was saddened. So to him, I have the following to say:

Michael Moore, you don’t have to be ashamed of your body! You don’t have to stay on the dieting hamster wheel forever. You can be healthy at any size! You don’t have to follow the rules of the diet industry. You can enjoy food and your life simultaneously. You deserve to feel good in your own skin at it’s current size! I encourage you to poke around the interwebz a bit and maybe even check out this incredibly enlightening book by the wonderful and talented Linda Bacon PHD. I ask of you only to open your mind to the possibility that we’ve been lied to by our government for decades because the big food corporations and diet industry have been funding it! That big Pharma only wants sick Americans while the “health care” industry refuses to treat us for ailments created by these corporations. Look to our Surgeon General Dr. Regina Benjamin. And look around and see that we deserve better than what’s being shoved down our collective throats! You are worthy of happiness and self-acceptance! And who knows? Perhaps getting off the dieting loop will free up some of that incredible brain of yours to do what even you thought impossible in order to change our country for the better. I know you can do this, because I have!

I am an average, hard working, small business owner, fat acceptance blogger, fat activist, wife, sister, daughter, auntie and friend. I weigh around 300lbs and I am happy and healthy! I care a great deal about my health. I care a great deal about the truth and fighting for what’s right. I believe that this lie we’ve been fed for all of these years was constructed similarly to those HMOs you mentioned last night, sir. For profit and nothing else! Just as you mentioned having to force these health insurance companies to pay for the very coverage they provide, we must force our government to stop oppressing Americans with the threat of OMG!OBESITYKILLS! It’s a bunch of crap and deep down, you know it! Please, consider a better life for yourself and for all Americans. Consider fat acceptance.

Together, I know we can move mountains!

*bows*

Thank you,

S

http://www.notblueatall.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=850&action=edit

Wow! Long Time No See!

October11

I just received a notice from Livejournal.com that someone posted a comment in my Fat_The_Power community. Wait? What?! Oh yeah! I had forgotten about that comm. Wow! Soooo much time has passed…so I read an entry and decided I’d re-post it here. It was a little strange, as it often is, to read something I wrote a couple of years ago.

“Off my chest…”

[info]notblueatall 4/12/08 02:44 pm

Food has no moral value: I am so tired of being the only person who realizes this. It’s like being enlightened but having to watch everyone you know still struggle with it. It kills me sometimes. And people still feel the need to discuss their dieting bullshit with me. You have an eating disorder if that’s all you can talk about. I am healthy, thanks for your consideration. Are you healthy? Like I am just waiting for that perfect tip and then I’ll decide to suddenly be thin. I don’t want to be thin. I think most people’s perception of thin as beautiful is gross. That’s my opinion. I eat what I want when I want and I give it no thought outside of, “I am hungry. Hm. This food will give me energy and I won’t be hungry anymore. Yay!” Unless I ate something I have a reaction to. Then it’s just ickiness and whining! Ha!
Giving food a “good” or “bad” label I think is confused with what’s “healthy” or not. And if you eat a brownie, that’s not unhealthy. If I make brownies, they’re quite healthy! I add extra protein and fruit and stuff and they are delicious. But eating a Mrs. Field’s cookie isn’t “unhealthy” either. It’s just a cookie. Unless your diet consists of nothing but cookies, don’t worry about it.

Being Fat is the worst thing in the world: When asked if you could choose to gain 100 LBS. that you could never lose or lose a hand what would you choose? You’d be surprised at how many people choose the hand! Being fat isn’t the end of the world. To me. It isn’t easy, but it’s not the worst thing a person can go through either. It’s not a moral issue. It’s not a choice. It is what it is. I’m Fat. I’m okay with my Fat. It makes up the body that my husband love’s and is attracted to. I love my body because it gets me places and does things that I like to do. I don’t hate my body. I may hate my moles (ya know?!) but not my entire body. I may dislike how my chin looks in a picture or how my tummy rolls aren’t always working with me when it comes to clothing, but whatevs. They’re my rolls to deal with. Not yours. Don’t worry yourself about it. I’m not “big boned.” I’m just fat. And that’s okay!
It is especially difficult for me lately when someone looks at me and I register a thought/emotion in their eyes. Sometimes it’s pity. Sometimes it’s disgust. Sometimes it’s more like anger/resentment. Sure every now and then I’ll get the more welcome “not bad” look or pervy look from people, but not often. It’s the worst at Valley Fair/Santana Row. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s the uber-designer shopping mall/district in San Jose. I go there from time to time for Torrid (mostly) and Samuel’s Jewelers to get my wedding set serviced (as per the warranty). This morning in fact I was coming off an escalator and another gal was getting on. She had dark glasses on, but I could still see her eyes. She wa swearing a lovely jersy wrap dress in black with a collar. Cute dress. Her bag was a bit overstated, you know the giant designer kind that’s big right now. But she quite obviously looked me up and down and then tossed her hair to one side as she looked away dramatically. Giving me the impression that she did not feel I should be there or anywhere in public. Had she said something she would have gotten an earful, but we’re no long a society of outright confrontation. No, that’d be awful. We coudln’t internally judge people by our own standards that way. No…prejudice and eye rolling is way better. EW!
I’ve noticed lately that older women (and I mean 60’s & 70’s and beyond here…agists! don’t get me started) are split between giving me a pleasant and endearing look or an all out disaproving stare. This amuses me. Because I don’t care what people think of me and my fat body. It’s mine. If I’d like an opinion, I’ll take a poll!

Fat people are stupid: People look at me and assume I am stupid because I am fat. Like somehow the fat spread into my brain meats and deleted the information stored therein. Ha! My head and brain are of normal size and capacity! I am the first to admit that I dropped out of High School. It’s a non-issue for me. I’ve worked very hard and reached many varying heights of success and satisfaction. I’m no genius, but I’m no idiot either! Just because I sound like a valley girl with some street slang thrown in for good measure (and my pleasure) doesn’t mean I can’t give a corporate presentation that would knock your socks off! My Kung-Fu is the Best!

Fat people eat too much and most of it is junk/fast food: This always kills me. I don’t eat McDonald’s or Burger King or even red meat for that matter. I hate McDonald’s and haven’t touched the stuff in years. I will on occasion grab some Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or Wendy’s, but that doesn’t mean I’m ordering five bags worth of fries and burgers, either. I don’t particularly like your typical junk food fair. I enjoy fresh baked goods made with love. I enjoy cereal like there’s no tomorrow…but that doesn’t mean I overeat. I eat what is necessary for my energy needs. I may eat far less than my husband and some friends, I may eat more. Why does this matter to you? What I eat is my business, not yours. Don’t presume that because I’m taking a bite of food it’s what I’ll be doing all day every day for ever. What amazes me is how little most people know about food. I’ve read a lot and researched a bit and though I’m no expert I am always amazed at people’s insistance on something being “healthy” when it is obviously (to me) not healthy at all.

Fat people are lonely and will never find a mate: Bullshit! Ask my friends, I was rarely without a boyfriend. I was a serial monogamist, but rarely lonely. For me it was simple: Guys like big boobs and I have them. Ha! There’s more to it obviously, but my fat rarely got in the way. I’ve dated big guys and little guys tall guys and athletic guys. There is no one type of guy that likes big girls. I chose my mates based on my own preferences and attractions, not on size/shape. My husband is of average build (maybe on the skinnier end). He’s a solid medium. He doesn’t sturggle to stay thin or to lose or gain weight. He loves my bigness and has no problem “finding” my girly bits…believe me! We are equally attracted to each other (our sex drives are just in different gears at times) and have a deep, meaningful and sometimes intellectual relationship. We’re normal. We’re best friends. We’re in love (ten years as of 4/24/08). My fatness doesn’t come up. It’s not a problem for either of us. He saw no reason why we shouldn’t go to Maui and take a helicopter ride (no regrets, it was beautiful and amazing) and wear a bathing suit on the beaches. While I was self-conscious at the time, I am so proud that I overcame it and we had a blast!

Fat people sit on the couch and watch TV all day/night: And we jump and play and ride and skip and whatever the hell else we want. I play some mean badminton! I like to swim (when the pool isn’t full of kids) and boogie board (my version of anyhow) and play frisbee and bocce ball. I’m not athletic, but I like to be active. I watch TV, but not all of the time. In fact I don’t even turn the TV on until the evening and only when something I want to watch is on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I get great pleasure from TV! Animal Planet and Nat. Geo. and Comedy Central are my fave channels. But I do love a good sitcom, too. I’m not a singular purpose being. Are you?

I didn’t choose to be fat anymore than I chose to be a female or have redhair. It’s genetics baby! Love it or hate it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. It is high time we accept ourselves, our bodies and everyone else for what they are and stop this unhealthy disordered way of thinking. It’s not productive and it turns us all into ugly people. All I want is autonomy. Don’t you?

If you’re reading this blog, you already knew all of the above, but I’m proud of myself for being so passionate about dispelling those myths. I don’t know that I’m quite that confrontational now, but I also tend to assume people are okay with the word FAT and am surprised when they look surprised by my frequent use of it. Ha-ha!

How do you dispel fat myths? What fat myth particularly irks you? How can we all get rid of that myth?

A Moment for Humility & Assertion

September17

 You know, almost anything you feel you “have to” do, like cleaning and washing, can become a chore, even a drudgery; while those things that remain optional, like Disney World and Twister, can seem far more inviting, even fun.

So, as you go down the path of life, particularly when it seems you must force yourself through the motions, it just may help if you pause and give thought to the countless souls who’d give most anything for the option of even your “chores.”

Life… it can sometimes be like one of those really, really “good problems,” huh?

Tallyho,
The Universe

Touche` Universe! My head was in that exact same space. I was driving in to work this morning and listening to KPFA(.org) and I am not sure who the guest was, but they were talking about the disappearing middle class versus the sprawling of poverty in the U.S. I may not have that quite right, but the point is that their conversation made me think about myself, my friends and my family and how in the last two years our lifestyles have gone from comfortable, but not by any means rich, to struggling every damned day to pay the bills.

I read something yesterday about the cost of health care having gone up some astounding percentage and this made me think of England and France and every other country who has free universal health care for it’s citizens. *sigh* And what a mess we’ve made of our own health care systems here. I mean, it’s not the like the actual cost of doing the same procedure/job/etc went up…no the insurance companies simply keep raising their prices! No real reason for it other than the fact that they can. Plain and simple! And how sick it makes me feel to think or even to know in some instances that I will probably be denied medical treatment at some point in my life due to nothing but my size.

This made me realize that I should talk to my husband about this, specifically, because if something did happen to me and I was unable to advocate for myself, he would have to and I think he should be well informed when the time comes. And we never know when that time may come. Sobering thought.

Taking a moment each day to be humble and grateful for all that I have and even for what I don’t has really helped me stay grounded and happy. It has given me sort of a check-in moment and allows me to see that even on a “bad” day, things aren’t so bad at all.

I’ve been reading Linda Bacon’s “Health At Every Size” and every day something just sort of slaps my face and says, “OH MY GAWD! EVERYTHING I’VE EVER BEEN TOLD ABOUT MY BODY AND DIETING IS A DAMNED LIE!” and it makes me so very thankful that she wrote this amazing book. I seriously want to buy a copy for everyone I know! I wish it was in every school library in the universe! I know I will be buying at least five copies for various family members who truly need this information. I want to send one to Michelle Obama! How could I do that, or more to the point, how could I get her to read it?

I wish I could commit the entire book to memory. I want to carry it with me so that when ignorance attacks I can defend myself or fight back with actual knowledge and wisdom and facts…scientific facts! (Oh man, I so held back the urge to type “scien-fucking-tific facts!” Ha-ha!) It pains me to the core when I think of the amazing and incredible people who’s lives have been shortened or taken away entirely by a corrupt and misguided medical industry. To find out that it’s the exact same people (sometimes) that are screwing up our own government with the lobbying and whatnot. UGH! I want to scream at the heavens and shake my fist at, well, everything!

How do we get the truth out when it has no corporate backing?! Reading “Health At Every Size” has made me realize that all of the anomalies in my life actually aren’t anomalies at all! I’m normal in the sense that I am healthy. My numbers have always come back normal (blood pressure, cholesterol, fasting glucose levels) and always to the chagrin of doctors & nurses who read them to me.

The “thin is in” trend comes and goes, but mostly goes as larger lovelies always come back into vogue. I think the only reason it’s held us in it’s grips this long this time around is due to the invention of marketing either in print or television or what have you. It’s taken hold of our society and while I have begun to see more and more people of size in the media, it’s nowhere near normalized yet.

And that’s where fat activists come in: we must be publicly fat! We must stop using words that make other people comfortable and start using the word FAT! Make them shift in their seats if they must, let them hold onto the lies if they insist, but they will never be able to tell me again that I am wrong or other or not worthy of any damned thing! We need to encourage each other and support one another and for once I just want to see a happy fat on t.v. instead of the continuously humiliated and depressed or abused fats on reality shows.

This weekend, while I’m out walking or shopping or serving organic goods to my customers, I will hold my head up high with a full heart and a knowing smile. I will welcome conversation and open dialogue. I will use the word fat in places where I would have otherwise referred to myself as a “big gal” or “plus sized” or “my size” and I will not allow other people’s negativity to seep into my consciousness!

Because I am worthy and strong and fat and happy and healthy (and many think I shouldn’t exist)…too bad for them, I AM A UNICORN!!!

*If you would like your own messages from “the universe” sign up for free here: www.tut.com

Rad Fatty Alert: Roger Mooking!

September15

Have you heard of Roger Mooking? (or here)

I just discovered him during my stay on the couch the last few days. He’s is…I just think that he is amazing!

Okay, so I think he’s adorable as hell! What can I say? But seriously? He’s crazy-talented! He is a chef, has his own tv show, musically talented & accomplished and a husband & father to boot!Wow!

I ended up watching a lot of shows on the cooking channel and found his show and tonight? Tonight we’re making one of his recipes for dinner! Because, OMZ! It looked too good not to at least try to make it! He does make it look easy.

I wanted to post about him because I’d never heard of him before and hello?! Rad-fatty alert! I don’t know if he identifies as fat, but he exudes a gorgeous-fat-soul to me. He has that thing…Charisma! Yes! THAT! Oh man. And he’s Canadian! I’m hooked on his show, for sure! And that channel reminds me of what Food Network used to be and I miss that. *sigh*

Please, if you’re into cooking at all, give his show a shot! I know you won’t be disappointed. =0)

Linky Loves

September10

It’s Friday and while that’s usually my fave day of the week, I’m just not feeling well today. I don’t know what’s going on with me, I’ve tried both cold and allergy meds and neither have made a dent. I’m a true mess. But I’m alive and grateful as hell for that. =0)  So I thought I would share some interesting tidbits from the interwebz. Feel free to comment, discuss, etc. Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Too many people feel let down because their life and looks aren’t ‘fabulous’ all the time. In Making Magic 2: On the Tyranny of Image, Rachel Hills says, “…One thing I believe quite firmly is that we’re sold a lie that through changing our appearance, we can change our lives. That if only we lost weight, had “better” hair, the “right” clothes, we’d be able to access that certain, indefinable magic we’re convinced the people who do have that aesthetic possess. I’ve been speaking with women who do have that magic – that capacity to make amazing things happen to them – and unsurprisingly, what I’ve found is that it isn’t about what you wear or how you look at all.”

Did you get a chance to read Lesley’s post about Public Health Programs? You totally should, it’s rad!

You simply must read this speech given by Andrea Zanin at The Floating World, a supercool (and absolutely massive) sex-positive annual weekend conference in New Jersey. “This is a talk about the lies we tell ourselves and the rest of the world. It’s a talk in which bullshit will be called, hierarchies challenged and strong statements made. It’s a talk about polyamory, and BDSM, and queerness, but above all, it is most definitely a talk about sex.”

Love Ryan Freitas35 lessons in 35 years!

A new approach for pan handlers, free credit cards? I truly enjoyed reading this.

And this weekend, I shall be making some pear gelato! I’m so excited! I bought these Bartlett pears at the store $2 for 3lbs and they’re a bit overripe. Perfect for gelato! I’ve only ever done sorbets, so I don’t know how this will turn out, but here’s the recipe.

You can ask me nearly any time of day or night what song I have in my head and I will most certainly sing or hum it for you. Last night while watching tv a commercial came on with a “Fascination” re-do and I was suddenly confused between three songs all at once. This is not unusual for me. I often hear songs within songs or just have a bunch playing at once in my head. Could this help my problem?

Have you been following the fatcasts? You totally should be! They are so fun and informative! And there’s a new one up today! Squee!

There are two other podcasts I’d like to give a shout out to:

Soulful Blend Radio: R U Real? I Am Plus! Thursdays if you happen to listen to last Thursday’s episode, you will hear yours truly sounding like a total valley girl. Oh well, it was a total blast! (Main page: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/soulfulblend)

And Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Wellness podcast! Be sure to stay up to date on her blog, too: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/

That’s it for today. What’s on your mind? What are your plans for the weekend? Tell me about it! =0)

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