I was happily reading a pretty neat interview with Cyndi Lauper, my childhood and current hero/heroine! It was full of these fun questions like what was the first record you ever bought and things like that. Then it came to this question:

Last meal on earth — what would it be
“I’m trying not to think about food. I’m on a diet.”

*HeadDesk* WHY?! Oh Why?! Not Cyndi?! Really? I mean, you couldn’t just say something instead of bring up a friggin’ diet? You had to just go there and say that? Ugh! NOOOO!

To me Cyndi is this heavenly creature both of this world and not. To be in her physical presence is to bask in the light that emanates from within her. I am not even exaggerating, y’all! She has a goodness that is so very good. I have loved her (and still do) since I was 5 years old. That is a long time, trust me. And well, I just cannot believe it! I cannot believe that someone so great and talented beautiful and seemingly confident and happy would be on a fucking diet?!

I was upset when Kirstie Alley did the Jenny Craig thing. I was saddened when Valerie Bertinelli did it, too. But when Carrie Fisher did it, well, I felt betrayed! Like way more than I should. But Cyndi?! Well, I guess no one is immune to such things. I just, I can’t even…I guess she was on another plane than me, such a higher plane, in my mind at least, that this seems an impossibility! I don’t want to judge her. I’m just disappointed is all. Oh well.

What hero of yours has disappointed you and how?

We have all heard the stereotypes about fat people and food (feel free to vent in comments, darlings). And while I consider myself somewhat of a novice foodie, I’m nowhere near gourmet-dom. I only started to enjoy cooking at home a few years ago and never would have imagined owning my own cafe. I could never afford the finer dining lifestyle anyhow, but it’s fun to watch those shows that let you inside and behind the scenes, so fun! I enjoy my share of celebrity chefs and their ilk, but not too many now days. In fact I’ve begun to view a lot of food related things differently since taking my food safety course (I wish they were free and mandatory for everyone). I’ve also become a bit of a germ-a-phobe! Who knew?!

Socially, I suck, when it comes to food. I have no problem cooking for, presenting and hosting others food. However, when it comes to my eating in front of people I must think it through first. For one thing, I am a very slow eater. Plus, I like to talk. This can make a 30 minute lunch/meal/etc last upwards of 2 hours (I swear I was Italian in my last life and I kick myself for not eating and experiencing more when I was there). I keep this in mind when making plans for meet ups and friends and such. But then there’s the issue of what to order. Ugh! I love salads, I’m a California gal, but it doesn’t mean that’s all I eat. Sometimes I want a nice pasta dish or whatever, ya know? But being a fat ordering food in a restaurant is almost like assigning a time and place for people to give you the stink-eye (or judgment face, or as my husband says I give him, the “skwunch-eye”). It’s bullshit and none of their business ever, but it is the state of things. I usually ignore such things and go about MY business, but I’m not impervious to it either. I worry about the messiness of a dish I may eat in public (sauces, no matter how delish, can make me so overly self-conscious I will stop eating). It’s silly, but it’s in my head somehow.

Eating in front of people started to get to me in high school and I’m not even sure why! I guess just general awkwardness. Everyone ate together back then, like it was nothing. But I recall a lunch with my BFFs in a burger king that left me feeling weird ever since. Nothing happened specifically that I can recall, but that is my first memory of feeling weird about eating in public/in front of people. I wasn’t terribly interested in food back then and pretty much subsisted on frozen foods and taco bell (and the occasional fave: deli sandwiches). I only knew how to cook three things until my husband and I started to actually cook. Those three things? Scrambled eggs, mac ‘n cheese and spaghetti. No lie! If I was home alone and hungry you can bet on my making one of those things for myself. With a giant glass of orange juice!

It is a very different feeling when you are serving food to the public in a restaurant environment while fat. Especially, I would argue, if what you are serving is “healthy.”  You get looks you wouldn’t normally get. Ones that say, “Wow, if only you ate this food you wouldn’t be so ginormously fat.” Looks of pity, looks of disgust, the usually stuff, sure, but when they realize it’s my place? My food? My menu I created? It’s shock! Total shock! “How could someone so unhealthy create such a magical place?” Because I’m a fucking unicorn, now leave a damned tip and get out! Ha-ha! (I wish I could say such things.)

I know being publicly fat has it’s own special brand of abuses involved, but I think all fats face such things when food is involved. It’s bullshit and I think we should push back! I think we need to stare right back at those judgmental bastards (I love that word) and call them out if need be. This includes our own friends, too! I won’t get into the family thing because we all have different shit to deal with there, but if you have the sanity points? Go for it! Because we know that a lot of people think it’s perfectly fine to harass or hate or shame fats. It is up to us to make them feel uncomfortable doing it! I’m not saying we can change their minds, that is much harder for sure, but I do think we need to at the very least make extended eye contact, enough to make ’em squirm just a little, ya know?

And the truth is, I say this, but I still try not to eat in front of my customers. I still struggle with eating regularly. I work on it. I started bringing a cold sandwich to work with me and for some reason I have little trouble eating that in front of anyone. Not sure why. But struggling is fine! Nobody is perfectly self-accepting and confident every single hour of every single day. So don’t beat yourself up over it. If you can’t face the haters, then don’t. But if you can, please do! I have had some interesting things happen when I have one of those moments when I realize I am talking but somehow not exactly controlling it. Yeah, it happens. But when it happens with complete strangers about food or health or fat? It is a radical moment of fat activism! It is a moment of magic and wisdom! I love it! It also totally helps to laugh a lot to put them at ease (and yourself, I do this a ton).

We live in a world where doctors are calling us liars and diagnosing us with little more than a quick “up-down.” *headdesk* It’s not their fault entirely, though. You see, we chose to believe it’s okay to exist and live our lives as we see fit. We chose to resist societal pressure. We chose not to kill ourselves in order to fit in. They chose the blue pill. Well, I should say most people chose to believe the diet industry bullshit marketing. Some will be very open to what we have to say simply by voicing something they’ve not yet heard. I think we have to give people the chance to be open to it, too. Because, well, c’mon, when someone says something new that seems to be the opposite of all you’ve heard or been told your entire life? That’s tough to swallow, you know? And I get that, I do. And luckily for us we have this incredible resource of this amazing world wide community of fat acceptance to support and cheer us on! To lift us up and to rise above the hateful bullshit!

The first step is to stop judging. It’s a difficult one, but I think the most important. Then you must give up hating. Then give up comparing ourselves to others. Then to accept ourselves just as we are, right now. Not tomorrow or next year or at certain amount of weight…NO! Just as you are right now! Just live in your body and enjoy it and feel it and be mindful of it and what it does for you everyday. I don’t think that most people do that. We spend so much time and money and energy hating our bodies and blaming all of the ills in our lives and the world on them…and for what? What do we get from so much hate? It’s not worth it! YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE! And remember, “Nothing tastes as good as a free mind feels!” (quoting myself, ha-ha!) Just be kind, to yourself and to others. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You can do it! I know you can, because I did! <3

Last night B & I watched a “Unique Eats” episode we recently taped (it’s on the fabulous Cooking Channel). It was all about BBQ! Whew! I hadn’t thought myself much of a carnivore, more omnivore, but the gorgeousness on that show was more than I could deny myself from enjoying or even fantasizing about! My husband Loves BBQ. He misses his grill and just having access to one, but our new apartment, and apparently state law, says we cannot have a a charcoal grill and only certain propane ones are allowed at all. Without money to buy such a contraption (and he much prefers charcoal to propane), we won’t be doing any grilling this summer. So watching this particular episode was bitter sweet for him.

The show basically visits popular spots within the theme of a given episode. Foodies and chefs comment on their favorite dishes and the preparation of them. It’s glorious food porn, y’all! The chefs and foodies do a great job of making your mouth water with their descriptions. I love hearing the unique stories of how these restaurants and food trucks and whatnot get started. Very interesting characters! The thing is, I don’t even eat red meat usually, but this one place had this ridiculous brisket and my eyes were poppin’ outta my head, I tell you what! *drools*

And then the proud fatty in me began to enjoy and delight and the use of the word “fat” in the segment about a Brooklyn, N.Y. restaurant called Fatty ‘Cue! They have a dish called “Master Fat”!!! Already band names and secret underground fatty club names spring to mind, but it’s not that kind of fat. No, “Master Fat” is this liquid-gold from all of the various rendered animal meats that they cook in a giant cauldron of infinite wonder! But what truly grabbed my attention was this one guy, Zakary Pelaccio, I don’t know if he’s the owner or manager or chef, but he’s a rad fatty for sure! And his look was fucking hypnotizing!

(Can’t find a picture from the episode) How to describe? Okay, he had big hot pink plastic glasses. Red hair, red & white Striped scarf triple wrapped around his neck. Just so stylish and unique and quirky and awesome?! Ack! I’m so bummed there’s no video or pics from his interview part. I can’t explain it. But he was just magnetic and awesome and brilliant and stylin’ as hell! I couldn’t take my eyes off of him!

Anyway, it’s a rad show. Fatty ‘Cue seems to have nothing but fantastic reviews and I’m sure they’re already hugely successful. I was just so struck by this dude. I dunno. So, yeah.

This has been a post. Ha-ha!

I often get asked what blogs I enjoy reading. My usual response is “Oh you know, all the fatty blogs.” but there is more to it than that. So I thought I would share some of my “must reads” here with you today (that aren’t on the fat-o-sphere feed). And please feel free to post your favorite (or even your own) blogs in comments! I love finding news ones! =0)

Dances With Fat has a great post about body size not being a diagnosis in and of itself! Taking aim at modern medicine and pointing directly to the problem! Love it!

Fat Girl Posing shares some fat modeling photos and discusses the politics of having a fat body (some pics are NSFW).

Finessing The Fuck You has a great one on brushing off your inner hater! Check it out!

My gal Psycho Sue does a fab acoustic cover of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” for all the freaks of the world!

If you’re a fan of all things created with cake, check out Cake Wrecks for a daily dose of hilarity and awesome sauce! My husband and I love to watch the Food Network Challenges…but seeing the “wrecks” is sometimes more fun! <3

For those who are Gluten-Free I offer up the often mentioned BFF Steph’s blog Wasabimon! So many recipes, so much goodness…all without Gluten! WOO!

Fatkini Riot is keepin’ it real and puttin’ it all out there! Yeah, FATkini! You read it right. It’s fabulous!!!

Fat Acceptance/Pride/Positive Groups on Facebook! Do you run a group? Are a member of one? I’d love to hear all about it! I have one for my monthly meet up group and am a member of a couple (but they are closed I believe). Do share if you are able. I think it’s a great way to converse online with other  fats without the formalities of a blog.

Have you ever had someone try to call you out for being a “bad fatty?” It doesn’t matter the situation, person, activity, they were just waiting to tell you you’re wrong/hipocrtical/a bad fatty! Sometimes who it comes from is the more difficult part. It can be equally unnerving or uncomfortable if it’s someone close to you or a total stranger. I get the full spectrum operating my cafe everyday. You know that look? The one that says, “How could you be putting that into your mouth?” or “Should you really be preaching health at every size…at Your size?” and so many more.

When you are fat in public you just never know who will take it upon themselves to not only body & food police you, but even try to make sure you fall into some ridiculous stereotype. Heaven forbid a gal eats a donut! Even just once a year! Nope, we can’t have that! That’s “BAD!”  “You can’t be healthy and eat a donut!” “You know you won’t eat just one!” The fuck I won’t! And you wonder what special little joy they are getting from trying to shame/blame/other you. Anything in the attempt to seem better off, I suppose.

It’s sad to me that it must be reiterated daily/weekly/etc, food has no moral value! There is no “bad” food. There’s rotted food, sure, that’s bad! But not in the moral sense. What you choose to put into your mouth is your business and no one elses. No one’s! Not even your mother! Not even your BFF! Not even your Granny! Not their business! That’s it! Get it? You’re not a “bad fatty” or “bad” anything else. You’re just you! That’s all you can hope to be and that’s all I ever try to be.

Then there’s that look of pity or worse, disgust! The look that says, “How dare you breathe the same air or occupy the same space as me?!” The look that says, “Oh that poor dear! She must be out of control/let herself go.” Where? Where did I let myself go? Huh? Fatlandia? Fatterson U.S.A.?! Tell me! Where exactly did I let myself go? Out of control? Your judgment is out of control! I am in complete and total control over my own actions and judgments, thanks. I do not exist for you! I do not live to please! I live to live! I live to experience the wonders of this world! I live to love and to give and to share…what the fuck do you live for, huh?

Whew! Okay, sorry…went off a bit there. It’s just so frustrating to have people say things, even on the sly, about you because you look a certain way. I’m not interested in conformity! I’m punk rock! Conformity is for squares and suckers, ya know?! I didn’t get dressed in the hopes of fitting/blending in. I don’t hope to pass some non-existent grade you’re handing out. I don’t go out of my way to judge or hate anyone, so why are you? I just don’t get it. I mean, who cares? Who has the time?

Stigma is such a piece of shit! I’m sick of it. I think the most freeing thing anyone can do is simply to no longer care what other people think. If I am to be judged on face value alone? Not my problem! Because trying to fit into some existence that doesn’t want me just as I am, for who I am right now, does not interest me in the least. People don’t look up to others who did not stand out. No one says, “I really admire Shirley, she always seems to fit in and not make waves. That’s what I love about her!”

 You cannot control other people or the world in general. You can’t. You cannot do a damned thing about people perceiving or judging you a certain way. That’s on them! All you can do is just be you. Corny? Maybe! Fuck it! I don’t care! It’s how I roll and I have no intention of stopping. It’s done me just fine up until now, why stop a good thing, ya know? Ha-ha! To the lady who said to my friend, “Oh I know I guy who DOES eat cookies for breakfast. He’s your size!” What in the hell lady? What business is it of yours what anyone has for breakfast or what size they are? Fuck you!

What do you wanna tell the people who judge you unfairly? What can we do to wise people up when they confront us with this bullshit? I have an idea…if ever I’m called a name again, I shall resond, “Ignorant coward!” in the hopes this will confuse the poor dears. Yes, confuse! Their ignorance is cowardice! Their cowardice is ignorance. They are so afraid of fat and fatties that they feel compelled to shout from a moving vehicle or utter some slur under their breath? Coward! They obviously buy into all of that diet industry marketing bullshit. Ignorance! Lose the hate, not the weight! <3