To live today is to live in a world that wants to diminish us.
To be pressed upon, constantly, to be less than, to live in distrust.
They do it with pharmaceuticals, they do it with supplements and powders and promises.
They do it with bars and shakes and crisps and keep us as your hostages.
Fat free, caffeine free, sugar free, nutrient free fantasies of tasteful humanity.
They poke and they prod us with lies and disgust.
They bind and staple and nip and tuck.
They rob our youth of hopes and dreams and possibilities.
They rob our middle age of self assurance and deny our capabilities.
Longing becomes the norm. Hate becomes reborn.
They control us with guilt. Stitching our flesh into your demoralizing quilt.
“Shame on You…” for being so fat?
“Shame on You…” for being healthy, too?
“How dare you not do as we tell you to do!”
We are not to be diminished, contorted, controlled or prescribed.
We are done with your idiosyncratic lies!
I will not be weighed like so much meat.
My flesh has value and won’t accept defeat.
You cannot separate my fat from me.
You won’t get the best of me!**
I’m no more and no less human than you.
Yet you insist, “But I’m better than you!”
The fuck you are and the hell with your lot.
It’s my guts, my glory, my intestines without knots!
Keep your scalpels and calipers and body fat ratio machines.
Wanna know where you can stick your oversold thin fantasy?
Nothing tastes as good as a free mind feels.
But you’ll never know when you’re stuck on their hamster wheels!
I smile a thoughtful smile, wider than my hips.
I love with my whole self, not a smaller version of what you sell as “health.”
I won’t sit or back away quietly.
I’m far too busy fighting for equality!
So yell if you must, from your trucks, cars and bikes.
I’ll keep on keepin’ on, stepping up to bullhorns and mics!
We are fat! We are free! We have pride and can be healthy!
Stop with the judgment. End all the shame!
Our bodies and minds are not playing that game!

So, yeah…um…I watched the film “Howl” Friday night and while I didn’t enjoy the film as much as I’d hoped (or wasn’t in that frame of mind or something), the writing, the poetry, it really stuck with me. And the above just sort of poured out of me Saturday morning. I miss poetry. I went through quite an obsessive phase. I read all I could and wrote until my hands would cramp and it’s all gone! The memories of what I read and wrote. And all of my poems are long gone, too. I used to only write when I was depressed and for a lot of time that worked out well. This is probably the first that wasn’t about a specific person or instance. Like I said, it just came out. Ha!
Thanks for reading.
<3
S

Today’s TMI Tuesday topic is Body Hair! No matter how you feel about it, on a guy, a girl, on anyone! Share your successes, your failures, your philosophies and fantasies! Body hair is the topic today. Pretty safe for work I’d imagine. No worries. Hope you are having a fabulous day! =0)

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I am of the belief that body hair is a very personal choice in how you sport it, groom it, clean it and how much you may want to share about it. I have no secrets. I rarely shave. I used to be pretty diligent about shaving my armpits and legs, but now? It’s armpits about once a month now and I couldn’t tell you when the last time I shave my legs was. Ha-ha! I don’t care who knows it. I wear jeans and a top everyday. When I do wear dresses I usually wear leggings or thick tights. No one notices and no one cares! I’m an all natural sort of gal in this way. I don’t wax. I only pluck what I feel necessary as far as my face goes (I have 3 chin hairs and 3 side/face/mole hairs). I used to get my eye brows threaded, but I’m too broke for such luxuries now. And that is that!

I have tried all manner of Nair and it’s competitors. None leave me feeling the need for short-shorts. None leave me feeling like lazing about in a bikini in the sun (ouch! it burnses!) or any other cliche from their ads. I’ve tried the creams and lotions that claim to hinder regrowth…all bullshit if you ask me! When someone pointed out my “moustache” when I was 17, I shaved it! Oh regret, you bitch! Ha-ha! It was terrible! I once shaved my lady-bush and it’s never grown back quite as lush and beautiful as it once was. *sigh* Now it’s sort of sparse and sad, I think But I get no complaints, either.

So what are your habits, thoughts, stories? I’d love to hear them all! <3

I just had  a business neighbor come in and ask me about the flyer I have up for my fat meet up group. I bristled when she asked because I had heard somewhere that she was a weight loss doctor (Ack! The enemy!) and I was so not in the mood to be fighting the good fat fight when I haven’t even finished my coffee, ya know? Now I don’t know that she is a weight loss doctor, I think she’s just a general MD. In fact her assistant told me that she mostly treats those without insurance and those in need of an immigration physical examination. Nice!

But just her asking felt like someone pointing their finger at my chest. Why? Because she is an outsider. Because she is a medical doctor. Because OMZTEHOBESITYCONVO!!! But it didn’t happen like that. Inside my head it did, ha-ha! But it went more like this:

Doctor: What is this group you have here?
Me: My fat meet up group?
Doctor: Yes, what is it about?
Me: Well, it’s a group of local fat people who discuss the principles of “Health At Every Size” by Linda Bacon PHD. We discuss, we organize and we do things in the community.
Doctor: Oh okay. I see. It’s not a weight loss group?
Me: No, it’s health based. It’s about equality. It’s a worldwide community called fat acceptance. We work towards the equal treatment of everyone. Weight loss and health just don’t go together, ya know? Well, of course you know, you’re a doctor! *nervous laugh*
Doctor: Oh yes! Ha-ha! Okay, well I thought maybe I could recommend people…
Me: Well, it’s organized through a facebook group I moderate. But yeah, that would be fine. I just don’t want anyone to think it’s weight loss related at all.
Doctor: Yes, of course. What was that book again?
Me: “Health At Every Size” by Linda Bacon PHD. It’s really good, I highly recommend it!
Doctor: Okay, thank you.

And that’s okay, right? I just felt semi-attacked or like I had a spotlight on me. I was uncomfortable, I hope it didn’t show. I just, well, I wasn’t mentally prepared. I wasn’t in my fat mind at that moment. I was caught off guard. I just get fearful of the possibility of someone crashing my little paradise. My cafe can feel that way to me sometimes, like right now when a bunch of my customers who were strangers when they walked in and are now chatting it up like old pals. That’s paradise! My fat meet up group? Paradise!

I feel like had I been more aware or in the moment instead of full of worry and stress (life of a small business owner and all) that I could have been more open and welcoming of a possible ally. And why shouldn’t I welcome the chance to educate or introduce someone to fat acceptance? I’m usually excited by such opportunities!But in that moment I felt a very great need to protect it!

How could I have explained/welcomed an ally to FA? How do you explain it to people? Have you welcomed someone as an ally? Who isn’t fat? Have you approached a fellow fat about FA? I’d love to hear your stories!

I often get asked what blogs I enjoy reading. My usual response is “Oh you know, all the fatty blogs.” but there is more to it than that. So I thought I would share some of my “must reads” here with you today (that aren’t on the fat-o-sphere feed). And please feel free to post your favorite (or even your own) blogs in comments! I love finding news ones! =0)

Dances With Fat has a great post about body size not being a diagnosis in and of itself! Taking aim at modern medicine and pointing directly to the problem! Love it!

Fat Girl Posing shares some fat modeling photos and discusses the politics of having a fat body (some pics are NSFW).

Finessing The Fuck You has a great one on brushing off your inner hater! Check it out!

My gal Psycho Sue does a fab acoustic cover of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” for all the freaks of the world!

If you’re a fan of all things created with cake, check out Cake Wrecks for a daily dose of hilarity and awesome sauce! My husband and I love to watch the Food Network Challenges…but seeing the “wrecks” is sometimes more fun! <3

For those who are Gluten-Free I offer up the often mentioned BFF Steph’s blog Wasabimon! So many recipes, so much goodness…all without Gluten! WOO!

Fatkini Riot is keepin’ it real and puttin’ it all out there! Yeah, FATkini! You read it right. It’s fabulous!!!

Fat Acceptance/Pride/Positive Groups on Facebook! Do you run a group? Are a member of one? I’d love to hear all about it! I have one for my monthly meet up group and am a member of a couple (but they are closed I believe). Do share if you are able. I think it’s a great way to converse online with other  fats without the formalities of a blog.

Have you ever had someone try to call you out for being a “bad fatty?” It doesn’t matter the situation, person, activity, they were just waiting to tell you you’re wrong/hipocrtical/a bad fatty! Sometimes who it comes from is the more difficult part. It can be equally unnerving or uncomfortable if it’s someone close to you or a total stranger. I get the full spectrum operating my cafe everyday. You know that look? The one that says, “How could you be putting that into your mouth?” or “Should you really be preaching health at every size…at Your size?” and so many more.

When you are fat in public you just never know who will take it upon themselves to not only body & food police you, but even try to make sure you fall into some ridiculous stereotype. Heaven forbid a gal eats a donut! Even just once a year! Nope, we can’t have that! That’s “BAD!”  “You can’t be healthy and eat a donut!” “You know you won’t eat just one!” The fuck I won’t! And you wonder what special little joy they are getting from trying to shame/blame/other you. Anything in the attempt to seem better off, I suppose.

It’s sad to me that it must be reiterated daily/weekly/etc, food has no moral value! There is no “bad” food. There’s rotted food, sure, that’s bad! But not in the moral sense. What you choose to put into your mouth is your business and no one elses. No one’s! Not even your mother! Not even your BFF! Not even your Granny! Not their business! That’s it! Get it? You’re not a “bad fatty” or “bad” anything else. You’re just you! That’s all you can hope to be and that’s all I ever try to be.

Then there’s that look of pity or worse, disgust! The look that says, “How dare you breathe the same air or occupy the same space as me?!” The look that says, “Oh that poor dear! She must be out of control/let herself go.” Where? Where did I let myself go? Huh? Fatlandia? Fatterson U.S.A.?! Tell me! Where exactly did I let myself go? Out of control? Your judgment is out of control! I am in complete and total control over my own actions and judgments, thanks. I do not exist for you! I do not live to please! I live to live! I live to experience the wonders of this world! I live to love and to give and to share…what the fuck do you live for, huh?

Whew! Okay, sorry…went off a bit there. It’s just so frustrating to have people say things, even on the sly, about you because you look a certain way. I’m not interested in conformity! I’m punk rock! Conformity is for squares and suckers, ya know?! I didn’t get dressed in the hopes of fitting/blending in. I don’t hope to pass some non-existent grade you’re handing out. I don’t go out of my way to judge or hate anyone, so why are you? I just don’t get it. I mean, who cares? Who has the time?

Stigma is such a piece of shit! I’m sick of it. I think the most freeing thing anyone can do is simply to no longer care what other people think. If I am to be judged on face value alone? Not my problem! Because trying to fit into some existence that doesn’t want me just as I am, for who I am right now, does not interest me in the least. People don’t look up to others who did not stand out. No one says, “I really admire Shirley, she always seems to fit in and not make waves. That’s what I love about her!”

 You cannot control other people or the world in general. You can’t. You cannot do a damned thing about people perceiving or judging you a certain way. That’s on them! All you can do is just be you. Corny? Maybe! Fuck it! I don’t care! It’s how I roll and I have no intention of stopping. It’s done me just fine up until now, why stop a good thing, ya know? Ha-ha! To the lady who said to my friend, “Oh I know I guy who DOES eat cookies for breakfast. He’s your size!” What in the hell lady? What business is it of yours what anyone has for breakfast or what size they are? Fuck you!

What do you wanna tell the people who judge you unfairly? What can we do to wise people up when they confront us with this bullshit? I have an idea…if ever I’m called a name again, I shall resond, “Ignorant coward!” in the hopes this will confuse the poor dears. Yes, confuse! Their ignorance is cowardice! Their cowardice is ignorance. They are so afraid of fat and fatties that they feel compelled to shout from a moving vehicle or utter some slur under their breath? Coward! They obviously buy into all of that diet industry marketing bullshit. Ignorance! Lose the hate, not the weight! <3