Through my own fat acceptance journey, I have been exposed to other intersecting communities. Some of these communities I had had some misconceptions, preconceived notions and absolute prejudices about. Because of fat acceptance, and attending fat events, I have realized just how wrong I was about every single one of them. Yep, I am checking all of my privileges and myself and opening my heart and mind to these communities, experiences, choices, lifestyles and people! And guess what? I am loving every minute!

I actually had a bit of an awkward conversation with my husband about this exact thing. Many years ago he’d been invited to an event that one of his peers was participating in. How it was presented to me colored how I saw it and I, being the stubborn Scorpio that I am (and I cop to and own this about myself, though I work on it, too), simply said, “No way!” But time goes by and things happen and minds can and do change. I had to explain to my husband and partner of over 13 years that, well, my views of the world are actually quite different (and I hope more mature) than they were back then.

I’ve always considered myself a tree-hugging hippie sort, very open and loving. But somehow some of these communities hadn’t touched my life or been presented to me in the way they have been since I found fat acceptance. And let’s face it, fat/body/self acceptance intersects with many communities! I hadn’t previously considered myself a feminist. Relying on the very old concept and representations, I had thought of the cliched “femi-nazi” bullshit. Wow! I was so very wrong. Not only am I a feminist, I’m loving learning about the various aspects and communities within the feminist community online. So many blogs, so little time. No, they don’t all get fat acceptance or even positive body image stuff right, but what I take away is what I want to and I choose my battles carefully.

I am only recently discovering and participating in the more femme-queer communities and events in my area. While I’ve participated in and organized and donated to the gay community over the years, I never considered myself more than an ally because of my current relationship. I felt like an outsider because of it. I felt as though without my BFFs there with me as homo-cred or permission, that I would be kicked out or something. Silly, I know. But I did feel this way for awhile. Now I see how very queer the fat community is and can be and my own sexuality isn’t as simple as “straight” or “hetero” but a much more flexible thing that I am not sure I’ve completely sorted out yet. For now I shall call it situationally hetero, but a great and fabulous friend recently said it was hetero-flexible, which I also like.

The simple fact that I am secretly (though not so much since I’m about to spill some of them beans) fantasizing and dreaming and plotting my very own  burlesque identity and show says everything about how far I’ve come in accepting myself and just about everyone in the damned world! I keep talking myself out of the idea, but then a song will come on, my hips start to sway and shake and then I hear Virgie in my head yelling, “Sexy Bitches!” and I can’t help it! I might just have to make this happen…just to see that I can do it. Ya know? Ha-ha! I still get the ugly thought monster, “Old broad! You think you can strut your stuff and strip in front of people? You’ll clear the place out!” That damned inner critic ain’t as dead as I’d previously thought, but I keep kicking her ass to the curb as much as I can.

Truth is, none of this would have come into my life without FA and most definitely not without pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Going to fat and queer events. Meeting new people! *gasp* Being more social! What? I know! I even accept more invites than I turn down now days. That’s saying a lot considering my complete lack of an income, but I make it work and all of these new people in my life are so rad they totally understand! I still get shy and have days when I wanna hide under the covers, but all I have to do now is remember those times when I did push myself (like the flesh mob with Marilyn Wann) and I soon find myself smiling so big I forgot why I wanted to hide to begin with!

So, my lovely readers, what has fat acceptance made you change your mind about? What have you been exposed to for the first time because of FA? Do you find it easier to get out of your comfort zone? Tell me all about it!

I have talked to other fats about fat acceptance when I have encountered friendly souls. I have, more often than not, held myself back from doing it though. Why is that? I know how positive and fabulous FA is and has been for me, why not share this wealth of knowledge and resources? How would you like to be approached by a fellow fatty about Fat Acceptance?

I have once or twice just given them my blog-business card (I fucking love vistaprint.com, so cheap!):

and invited them to contact me…so far none have. And I encounter fats all of the time. I always smile, because, well, it’s just polite and I like to see other people smile back. Would it be crossing some sort of line to walk up and say something? How would I ease into it? I feel that the business card helps, at least it’s not like I’m selling them something. But I am curious. I am not sure how someone would have introduced FA to me had I not discovered it on my own (through BUST magazine).

The truth is, there are simply far too many self-hating fatties and I want to reach out to them, to hug them and hold them to my loving bosom and let them know that it’s okay, they are worth everything in the world. They aren’t worthless or disgusting. But I can’t just go around forcing hugs on people (funny story, that).

Right now I’m thinking about a young gal that serves me at a local drive-thru. She’s adorable! I always want to say something, but I never know what (and it’s always before I have coffee so I’m not all there if you know what I mean). Can I just hand her my card and say, “Hey, I think you’re rad, check out my blog!”?

What have you done to introduce someone to FA? How would you have liked to be introduced to it? Have you approached a stranger about FA? I’m dying to hear your stories and advice. Thanks! And happy Friday!<3

We have all heard the stereotypes about fat people and food (feel free to vent in comments, darlings). And while I consider myself somewhat of a novice foodie, I’m nowhere near gourmet-dom. I only started to enjoy cooking at home a few years ago and never would have imagined owning my own cafe. I could never afford the finer dining lifestyle anyhow, but it’s fun to watch those shows that let you inside and behind the scenes, so fun! I enjoy my share of celebrity chefs and their ilk, but not too many now days. In fact I’ve begun to view a lot of food related things differently since taking my food safety course (I wish they were free and mandatory for everyone). I’ve also become a bit of a germ-a-phobe! Who knew?!

Socially, I suck, when it comes to food. I have no problem cooking for, presenting and hosting others food. However, when it comes to my eating in front of people I must think it through first. For one thing, I am a very slow eater. Plus, I like to talk. This can make a 30 minute lunch/meal/etc last upwards of 2 hours (I swear I was Italian in my last life and I kick myself for not eating and experiencing more when I was there). I keep this in mind when making plans for meet ups and friends and such. But then there’s the issue of what to order. Ugh! I love salads, I’m a California gal, but it doesn’t mean that’s all I eat. Sometimes I want a nice pasta dish or whatever, ya know? But being a fat ordering food in a restaurant is almost like assigning a time and place for people to give you the stink-eye (or judgment face, or as my husband says I give him, the “skwunch-eye”). It’s bullshit and none of their business ever, but it is the state of things. I usually ignore such things and go about MY business, but I’m not impervious to it either. I worry about the messiness of a dish I may eat in public (sauces, no matter how delish, can make me so overly self-conscious I will stop eating). It’s silly, but it’s in my head somehow.

Eating in front of people started to get to me in high school and I’m not even sure why! I guess just general awkwardness. Everyone ate together back then, like it was nothing. But I recall a lunch with my BFFs in a burger king that left me feeling weird ever since. Nothing happened specifically that I can recall, but that is my first memory of feeling weird about eating in public/in front of people. I wasn’t terribly interested in food back then and pretty much subsisted on frozen foods and taco bell (and the occasional fave: deli sandwiches). I only knew how to cook three things until my husband and I started to actually cook. Those three things? Scrambled eggs, mac ‘n cheese and spaghetti. No lie! If I was home alone and hungry you can bet on my making one of those things for myself. With a giant glass of orange juice!

It is a very different feeling when you are serving food to the public in a restaurant environment while fat. Especially, I would argue, if what you are serving is “healthy.”  You get looks you wouldn’t normally get. Ones that say, “Wow, if only you ate this food you wouldn’t be so ginormously fat.” Looks of pity, looks of disgust, the usually stuff, sure, but when they realize it’s my place? My food? My menu I created? It’s shock! Total shock! “How could someone so unhealthy create such a magical place?” Because I’m a fucking unicorn, now leave a damned tip and get out! Ha-ha! (I wish I could say such things.)

I know being publicly fat has it’s own special brand of abuses involved, but I think all fats face such things when food is involved. It’s bullshit and I think we should push back! I think we need to stare right back at those judgmental bastards (I love that word) and call them out if need be. This includes our own friends, too! I won’t get into the family thing because we all have different shit to deal with there, but if you have the sanity points? Go for it! Because we know that a lot of people think it’s perfectly fine to harass or hate or shame fats. It is up to us to make them feel uncomfortable doing it! I’m not saying we can change their minds, that is much harder for sure, but I do think we need to at the very least make extended eye contact, enough to make ’em squirm just a little, ya know?

And the truth is, I say this, but I still try not to eat in front of my customers. I still struggle with eating regularly. I work on it. I started bringing a cold sandwich to work with me and for some reason I have little trouble eating that in front of anyone. Not sure why. But struggling is fine! Nobody is perfectly self-accepting and confident every single hour of every single day. So don’t beat yourself up over it. If you can’t face the haters, then don’t. But if you can, please do! I have had some interesting things happen when I have one of those moments when I realize I am talking but somehow not exactly controlling it. Yeah, it happens. But when it happens with complete strangers about food or health or fat? It is a radical moment of fat activism! It is a moment of magic and wisdom! I love it! It also totally helps to laugh a lot to put them at ease (and yourself, I do this a ton).

We live in a world where doctors are calling us liars and diagnosing us with little more than a quick “up-down.” *headdesk* It’s not their fault entirely, though. You see, we chose to believe it’s okay to exist and live our lives as we see fit. We chose to resist societal pressure. We chose not to kill ourselves in order to fit in. They chose the blue pill. Well, I should say most people chose to believe the diet industry bullshit marketing. Some will be very open to what we have to say simply by voicing something they’ve not yet heard. I think we have to give people the chance to be open to it, too. Because, well, c’mon, when someone says something new that seems to be the opposite of all you’ve heard or been told your entire life? That’s tough to swallow, you know? And I get that, I do. And luckily for us we have this incredible resource of this amazing world wide community of fat acceptance to support and cheer us on! To lift us up and to rise above the hateful bullshit!

The first step is to stop judging. It’s a difficult one, but I think the most important. Then you must give up hating. Then give up comparing ourselves to others. Then to accept ourselves just as we are, right now. Not tomorrow or next year or at certain amount of weight…NO! Just as you are right now! Just live in your body and enjoy it and feel it and be mindful of it and what it does for you everyday. I don’t think that most people do that. We spend so much time and money and energy hating our bodies and blaming all of the ills in our lives and the world on them…and for what? What do we get from so much hate? It’s not worth it! YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE! And remember, “Nothing tastes as good as a free mind feels!” (quoting myself, ha-ha!) Just be kind, to yourself and to others. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You can do it! I know you can, because I did! <3

Oh yeah, it’s baaa-aack! I will be taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms!
Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. Does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0) 

So here’s my tank top pic for today, it’s so hot already and it’s not even 11am! Oh well. I got this tank at Torrid about a hundred years ago or so, you know, give or take! Ha-ha! I’m so over doing my hair and actually giving a fuck about how I look this week. I’m not hiding a thing today…Too hot! Ha-ha! My love to you all! <3 *Hugs*

I was so inspired a year or more ago when the blog living400lbs.wordpress.com would post a list of things she was grateful for each week. I began to do it myself on my personal journal (livejournal, Oh  I have so abandoned you) and enjoyed the process. It was for myself, after all, and so I kept at it like something to check off my to-do list. I started out very mindful, but ended up blowing it off. Bummer. So I wanted to talk about practicing gratitude not just in list form (though I’ll do one), but how we can incorporate this in our daily lives, too.

One thing my husband and I do, and have since day one, is to say “Thank You” to each other for little things and big things. When he holds the door for me I thank him. When I do the dishes, he thanks me. When we have sex, I always thank him! Ha-ha! It’s that simple. And it sounds like a no-impact thing, but I can assure you, when you’re out in the world practicing this, it makes an impact! We’re all so jaded going about our daily lives that when we do interact with strangers we forget to step outside of ourselves and to simply be polite and kind. When you say Thank You and smile at a stranger? You might just make their entire day! Because You know, sometimes, you don’t get that kind of nicety from anyone for weeks on end, ya know?

I also have a notebook at the cafe for daily gratitude. People can write in it at their leisure. Some sign their entry and date it, others simply leave their sentiments anonymously. I love this because of the sheer variety! Some get deeply religious in their gratitude entries. Some wax poetically about the fabulous weather or the many privileges they live with. And then there are the ones from kids which can be everything from “I love my mommy & daddy” to them being ever so grateful for their cat and their friend Jessica to some more creative stuff. There are lists and poems and all sorts of unique creativity.

And seriously? Just a note from all of us hard working service industry professionals: Say thank you and tip your barista/server/etc! We work so fucking hard and get little if any thanks. Retail folks, too! So much work! I cannot even tell ya! Just a smile and a thank you can go a very long way! If you leave a giant mess at your table? Please leave at least a 15% tip. I have found that it’s the rudest, most demanding and above all messiest of customers that leave ZERO tip! Thanks, I now have to spend the next fifteen minutes scraping up unidentifiable substances from the table and surrounding areas rather than serving other customers. Ahem. Sorry, rant.

Gratitude doesn’t have to be for things or people. I am most grateful for my health! Seriously! If I had a health problem, not only would I be sick, I’d also be homeless right now. While I acknowledge my privilege and health and all of that, I think it is important to keep these positive things in mind no matter what is going on in your life. I’m a firm believer in putting your highest hopes and wishes out into the universe. No matter what you believe, I think it helps keep some sanity, if nothing else.

Here is what I am grateful for right now:
My health. The air I breathe. My body and it’s various parts.
My husband. My friends. My companion animals.
My apartment. Food in the fridge. Access to more.
Being able to own/operate a cafe even though I gain no personal income.
The people I meet everyday at the cafe.
A reliable car. The security that a cell phone brings me.
The fat community all over the world and the amazing people I get to interact with.

What are you grateful for? How do you practice gratitude?