Fattiboombalatti here:

Okay so I admit that I have been under a rock for the past year. Working full time and finishing up my masters degree full time kind of does this to a person.  So I was hanging out with some g-friends o’ mine at a karaoke bar and one of them picked a song that I knew subconsciously, Adele. Her music video came on and I would like, double take… WHAT? A chubby chick with a banging voice actually got a music video?!?!  Can it be that the world is thawing in its hatred of fatties? Is it possible that a luscious fatty that I am instantly in love with can actually be known for her music without adhering to the narrow definitions of “beauty” being currently promulgated by our culture?

So I ran into this article about Adele:

http://zeldalily.com/index.php/2011/04/this-just-in-adele-isn%E2%80%99t-thin/

This last piece particularly reminds me of something that happened to me when I was in college. I was a rad fatty then and I had rad fatty friends but ended up spending a year in China. During that year I lost a lot of weight, not that I noticed because in China I was considered Sasquatch like in proportions and I was miserable there so when I came back to be enveloped in the soft loving arms of my friends I was kept at a distance. At lunch with them I made a fat joke and was promptly told by them that they were uncomfortable with my joke because clearly I wasn’t like them anymore. Oy Vey!  I was hurt by that because even when I have passed for thin, inside I am and will always be a fat girl. The body that somehow meanders to normal still houses a fat soul.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that we all, all of us as a society, focus too damn much on looks, size, weight, blah blah blah. I don’t know about you, but I am kinda sick and tired of the obsession with the self and how the body is used as a social marker for where we “belong” and who we can be associated with. The whole thing is just one damn hot mess when really we as a society should be thinking about oh I don’t know how about being good and kind people? Helping others or working to resolve the environmental damage we are wrecking as a species?

But none of that can happen until we decide that no one body is inherently better, or more morally upright than any other. That our talents and skills and abilities should be judged by their own merit not as an accoutrement to our looks. Naïve? Yeah probably. But I honestly don’t see any other way around it.  The day that singers like Adele (who is clearly an inbetweenie at least it looks like it to me) can also burst on the scene as a deathfat and the only thing you hear is, “wow her voice is stunning!” is the day I can finally step down from this soap box with a feeling that my work is done.

Sometimes, no matter how tired, you just gotta drag your ass out the door to have some good old fashioned fun! Last Friday night I did just that. I’d had a complete and total shit-week and had plans to go out dancing with two fabulous babes I’m fortunate enough to call my friends. I was dead-tired, but excited none the less. As per my usual I was inner-panicking about what to wear, how to do my hair/make up, etc. I do get worked up over this stuff, I tell ya. I didn’t end up taking a nap as planned, but instead worked on my mother-lovin’ eyeliner! Woo! Ha-ha! I have always struggled with eyeliner. ALWAYS!!! Yet somehow, magically, I worked that shit out this time! I hadn’t ever pulled of wings successfully. I totally did the fist-pump-YES!!!-thing. Ha-ha! Also, I decided I needed big hair to lift my spirits. I haven’t had big hair, well, ever. I did the big bangs thing back when, but not all-over big hair, ya know? FUN! I wasn’t even sure I could do it, but I have this Tresseme` 24 hour body hair spray (which really only held the volume for about two hours, but who cares) and it worked out well, I think. I mean, Look: That is some bigness! And I was laughing my ass off as my husband snapped a few pics, insisting I look shocked at the hair on my head…or something. Ha-ha! So, hair & make-up done, I quickly dressed (ha-ha! NOT! more like I panicked and tried on 6 outfits.) and headed over to meet the ladies, had a cocktail, piled into the car and made it to the club for a night of drinkin’, dancin’ and just general babin’!!! With these gorgeous babes:So much fun! I encourage any and all to try to attend a BBW club or other such fat events. “Good times, ain’t we lucky we got ’em?!” Got home around 3AM and decided I couldn’t sleep with that much hairspray in my do. Ha! Dragged my ass to work the next morning (too early!!!) and had a fantabulous weekend with my husband and our BFFs, P& J! Sometimes, no matter how hard it may seem, it’s totally worth it to step (or dance or jump) outside your comfort zone and have a friggin’ blast! Woooooooooooooooo!

This weeks Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from Jessica in Mastatal, Costa Rica hand grinding freshly roasted cacao beans.

My body is not an embarrassment that I need to cover up.  My physical comfort is more important than someone else’s discomfort about the size or shape of my body.  Don’t like what you see?  Then don’t look at me.  I don’t need permission to wear a tank top.  There are no restrictions or exclusive use rights provided to smaller people.  If it’s hot and humid, I have a right to bear arms!

As far as websites to plug:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/139268062780619?ap=1
www.naafa.org
http://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/

Awesome! Thanks Jessica! You look fantastic, but more importantly, happy! Woo Hoo!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like included in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

🙂
Jess

I just started reading the book “Shadow On A Tightrope: Writings by Women on Fat Oppression” and am only about 30 or so pages in. Strangely, I’ve had the book for over a year just sitting on my bookshelf. That is until my friend Jessica mentioned it and I said I needed to read it and then realized I already owned it! Ha-ha! I am grateful for this reminder though because sometimes I get overwhelmed with reading too many books. I’m bit of a slow reader and don’t have enough distraction-free time in my life to get much reading done anyway. So I can’t exactly comment on the book itself, but some things I’ve discovered so far are very interesting. The book was written by many women all over the world submitting essays and poems and such. Great stuff! Some of the language used would be different now and certainly because this is pre-internet era, things have changed. But not everything. I can’t go into detail, but it’s a great read and definitely a must read for any fat activists out there!

The first thing that struck me was the mention of where the word “obesity” came from. I’ll quote from the book, “The word “obesity” itself (Latin obesus, from obedere, “to eat up”) presents  view of fat people which rules the thinking of virtually all obesity scientists, regardless of their specific field.” I quote that because I didn’t know where the word originated and now I cannot help but wonder (and if you know or can link, please share!) when this word became part of the scientific, medical and finally general society? I will now refuse to accept this word as anything relating to myself or other fats. It is a gross and prejudicial word in my mind now. I honestly had no idea. Just thought I’d share that with ya. =0)

What made me want to post about it today was a song that I woke up to this morning (gotta love radio alarm clocks) . I thought it was a Randy Newman song! Oops! It was, in fact, a Leon Russell song called “Tight Wire” and I love it and wanted to share it with y’all! It’s general vibe is just rad. And the lyrics are awesome. Here’s the song and I’ll post the lyrics below:

I’m up on the tightwire
one side’s ice and one is fire
its a circus game with you and me
I’m up on the tightrope
one side’s hate and one is hope
but the tophat on my head is all you see
And the wire seems to be
the only place for me
a comedy of errors
and I’m falling

**Chorus**
Like a rubber-neck giraffe
you look into my past
well maybe you’re just to blind to – see
I’m up in the spotlight
ohh does it feel right
ohh the altitude
seems to get to me

I’m up on the tightwire
flanked by life and the funeral pyre
putting on a show
for you to see

**Chorus**
Like a rubber-neck giraffe
you look into my past
well maybe you’re just too blind to – see
I’m up in the spotlight
ohh does it feel right
ohh the altitude
really gets to get to me

I’m up on the tightwire
flanked by life and the funeral pyre
putting on a show for you to see

Hey everyone!

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Jenna (aka Fattiboomballatti) and I have been honored to guest post with notblutatall’s blog here about my thoughts/opinions/observations/and fatactivism as that pop up in me head as they do upon occasion.

Today I wanted to talk about fitness and living in our animal bodies. I grew up as a lifelong fatty and the connection between my brain and my body has often been a mysterious and estranged thing. I remember in elementary school wearing very baggy and strange clothes given to me by my mom that were adult sized and adult fashioned and no doubt an added reason for my social ostracism by children my own age. I specifically remember once accidentally touching my belly and snatching my hand back as if I had touched something naughty, like I was not allowed to touch my body, or if I touched it then it would magically appear for everyone else to see. I didn’t do sports cause… well for one thing we didn’t have any money for sports but all the other things that I am naturally good at I stopped myself from learning cause fat girls don’t cheerlead, they don’t do dancing troupes and well… basically they should just disappear (and that’s TOTALLY another post for another time). So not only did society ingrain in me a deeply imbedded shame about my body to the point that I disconnected her from my mind, but society also told me that I could not live in the physical world in a fat body. I disappeared myself to the point even I could not recognize the value in my body and escaped it whenever I could.

Now that I am a grown ass adult capable of making my own decisions I have made this summer the start of my new relationship with my body. Oh, I have worked out before, primarily to try to lose weight… working out was punitive and it came from a place of lacking; a crumbly little act by a blighted soul. My attitude towards living and working within my body now is much much different. I work out because it feels so hard and delicious and empowering. About a few months ago I started doing Zumba. It was really hard at first but I loved it because while I am clumsy as hell normally for some reason when there is a beat I become graceful, the choreography changes enough to keep my mind engaged and I love feeling sexy as my hips glide and boobs are rockin it. Then afterwards during the cool down stretch something new happened to me, with a quick thought I realized that I had spent the last few minutes totally in synch with my physical animal body drained of higher order thinking. And it felt really really good!

So since that time I have included lap swimming in my routine (and wii’s dance 2 Big Girl You ARE Beautiful). Not to lose weight. There is no desire to take on all that THAT “entails” but to take back my right to live in my body to move my body to feel strong and powerful and beautiful in my body as she is now. Watching how she gets stronger every day and works to increase her capacity and joy also fills me with a rage of injustice that I was so marginalized as a fat person that I completely delinked my mind to my body nor paid it any heed for years. I feel guilty and sad that I who had let my body down by putting her down, by berating her and ignoring her that even with all that I have been rewarded with health and growth. It makes me doubly determined to treat my body right, to live within this body with gratitude and thoughtfulness and to care for her like I would care for a favored child, a cherished pet.

How about you? Were you disconnected from your body? How did you link back up?

Thanks for reading!

Fattiboombalatti