NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Fats In Winter Wear!

December6

Since many parts of the world are getting colder right now I thought why not try something different than the old Tank Top Tuesday posts and go in the opposite direction: Winter Wear! I also hope to do a coat shopping guide/options post soon.  Please see below for information on how you can submit your own pics and info for future posts. Thanks.

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This week’s Fats in Winter Wear submission comes from Cia in Scandinavia! And a Lovely submission it is:

This picture was taken at a Christmas market in my little town last weekend. My friend, who took the picture, and I like to dress up for all town events and pretend that we live in Stars Hollow. A little silly, I know, but it gives us joy. The snow is unusually late this year (so I could wear those cute shoes), but it was really cold, so we got into the cozy Christmas spirit anyway.

Coat: H&M (and a steal at half price! It was from their regular selection, ie for non-fat people, but it’s just a little snug at the biggest size and sometimes I just choose to live with that.)
Dress: Indiska – they don’t have a plus size section, but a lot of their clothes are really fat friendly. I could grow in this! 😀 I don’t know if they are outside Scandinavia, though.
Tights: Lindex
Shoes: El Naturalista (they’re organic!)
Hat: Vero Moda
Scarf: Glitter

It’s a great idea to write about this, because winter clothing is a special challenge as a fat! Living this far north can only layer so much before the hard winter sets in and we all need thick, sturdy coats and those coats are few and far between in plus sizes! I’m still searching for one that I can comfortably close while wearing thick wool sweaters underneath.

Hugs from Cia 🙂

Thank you so much, Cia! That coat is gorgeous and I love your picture with the vibrant red accents beside you…lovely!

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I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to participate in “Fats in Winter Wear” posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on winter wear or other fatty philosophies. Have fun with it!

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Step 10: Share!

December2

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This is the tenth and last in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7,Step 8 and Step 9.

Step 10: Share!

This is perhaps  the best and most fun step of this series: sharing! Woo hoo! I mean, sharing is fun, dude. I love to bake simply because I then get to share my goodies with my friends and family. Sharing can be hard, too. I mean, I still have a difficult time sharing certain things about myself with strangers or acquaintances. Y’all know I am far from afraid of TMI topics, but I mean simple things like my fat blog and activism…I hide behind the words I use and this makes me sad. I should be proud of what I do and I am, usually…but it’s hard sometimes! But let’s break this down, shall we?

Share yourself with others. You can take this in any direction you like. Share your whole self! Don’t hold back! You’re already being brutally honest with yourself and others and you stopped giving a damn what other people think…so go for it! I firmly believe that one of the greatest parts of existing, and how we can grow as  a society, is simply to share what we know and love with others. Human connection! Why else exist? To keep all of your wisdom and experiences to yourself? No thanks. It feels good to share, too!

Share what you know and what you’ve experienced! Ever feel like you’re the only one to have X happen to you? Or are the only one to have X problem? You don’t know if you don’t share! I didn’t know that I had hidradenitis suppurativa until I saw other gals sharing their experiences and talking about what it’s like to live with HS. Had they not shared this, I would have continued to feel like a freak! And sharing my story of abuse survival with you all here has allowed me to gain a new perspective on what I’ve been through and have been touched by so many other abuse survivors who have reached out to me as well. No, I think sharing is the best part of being human…well, sex is good, too! Ha-ha! That’s sharing, too, though!

When you keep things to yourself, positive or negative, it weighs you down. You feel burdened or guilty or shameful. That’s  bullshit because you’re awesome and even if you have a terrible problem, we can’t always figure these things out on our own, ya know? SHARE! Share with a friend or relative or me! But do share. I know that I often need a sounding board to work through things, even minor things. I love it when I have the right person to talk things out with, it can even sound like I’m talking to myself, but I need that other person’s reactions and thoughts and opinions and experiences to push me to my own creative solution or idea. I can’t be alone in that…can I?! (See?! Sharing!!!)

You may be thinking, “Well, no one ever shared with me. I work too hard for what I have. Why the fuck should I share?!” That is precisely why you should share! Share BECAUSE no one shared with you. Share because you can! Share because it feels good and it looks good on ya! Start off small if it scares you. Talk to strangers at bus stops and check out lines. Share your thoughts on baby hedgehogs and rooster art! Just share and share alike and watch as others feel the positive impact of your sharing and pay it forward in their own special way. It’s magnificent!

Share your creative endeavors! Share your skills! Share your talents and abilities! Don’t let fear or worry hold you back…you’re too awesome for that! Share a hug and share the love and share your cupcakes and carrots and puppy-love and kitty snuggles! Share it! Share a smile, a wink, a nod, a factoid, a bit of good news or share your story with a trusted friend or the world. Sharing will lift a burden from you and help you see things in a new way. Perspective you cannot buy, sharing is free and it can get you just that.

In a time where sharing is considered socialism, and somehow that’s a dirty word, why not be a radical bastard and share the fuck out of everything you see fit?! Share your time with a neighbor or old folks home. Share your dinner leftovers, too! Share your rarely-worn clothing with a fellow fatty and spread the rad fatty love all over the damn place! Sharing is like the best drug, you try it once and you’re hooked and next thing you know you wanna share it with all of your friends so they can get high on sharing, too! Just please be mindful and try not to share too many germs…wash your hands people. Ha-ha!

Share what you have learned from Fat Liberation/Acceptance/Pride! Share your thoughts and feelings about it! Share your feelings on diet talk when the subject comes up. Most people only know the societal norm and would never come across our radical ideas and movement. Share this amazing self-love lifestyle! Let people know that they don’t have to go through life hating themselves, they are worth more than that and so are you! Let them know that it IS a choice once you realize it.

Share the steps of this series. Share what makes you happy! Share what works for you to keep you sane or healthy or feeling more like  your authentic self. Share not because it’s “that time of year” *groan* but because you just want to! Share what has given you strength when you didn’t think you had it. Share what you’ve been through and stop keeping secrets that are a source of pain or shame. Be brave! Because I know you can do it and I know how it can impact other people. It can only lead to good, folks. It’s so very worth it and so are you!

“Ideas should be worth spreading. There is no delight in owning anything unshared.” ~Seneca

Have you tried any of the steps? I would love to hear from you! In fact, I would love some guest posts with your thoughts/experiences/pics/etc from the series. Please hit me up! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com

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Fatspiration on Tumblr

November28

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I just discovered this awesome tumblr blog: Daily Fatspiration and it made me realize how much I used to be on Tumblr and how fun it was and positive and full of great people and information and activism. And so I wanted to share with you all of the lovely fatty blogs that I follow on Tumblr so that you may get a chance to experience the awesome, too. Some of these blogs may not be safe for work, so please be careful. If you follow some I may have missed, please link to them in comments.

Fat From The Side

Fuck Yeah Fat Arms

Fuck Yeah Chubby Butches

Body Positive Tips

Fatties In Corsets

Fat Positive Manatee

Fat Fashion

Curvy Girl Revolution

Fat Girl Vintage Style

Fuck Yeah Fat Babes On Bikes

Fuck Yeah Trans Fats

Chubby Bunny Boys

Glitter Politic

Lovely Fatties

Fatty Forever

Fat Girl’s Guide

I Love Fat

Fuck Yeah Angry Fat Grrrrrls

Fats And Cats

Redefining Body Image

Lovely Fashion Plus

Eff Yeah Chubby Girls

Double Chin Love

Plus Model Magazine

Fuck Yeah Beth Ditto

My Happy Fat

Love The Chub

Dirtiez Do  Fatshion

Love Your Body Detroit

Fat People Art

Fuck Yeah Fattractive

Chubby-Bunnies

Domino Dollhouse

Yr Welcome

Fuck Yeah Tattooed Chubby Girls

Fuck Yeah Old Time Fatties

Fuck Yeah Chubby Fashion

Fuck Yeah Chubby Guys

Take A Fat guy To Work

Death Fatties

Fuck Yeah Fat Ladies

Body Love Wellness

Fuck Yeah Fat Positive

Big Boy Fashion

Holiday Support

November24

I think it’s important to have someone to call/text/email when you’re going to be dealing with family for the holidays. That support is so vital. I know it is in my life and if you have someone like that in yours you know all too well. But without that support such endeavors can seem futile or worse. So I think we should start setting up little networks of support with and for each other online so that when we are in that mega time of need we will know who to reach out to for support!

Please comment with your concerns or email addresses and we’ll see if we can get people connecting. For now I offer my own email for such support, and now that I have one of those smarty phone dealies, I can read those emails on-the-go! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com, do reach out if you feel the need. Don’t hesitate, second guess or question yourself…just do it!

And don’t worry, my “life stuffs” series isn’t over yet. But in case you missed ’em, here ya go:

Step 1: Stop Giving A Damn

Step 2: Do What Makes YOU Happy

Step 3: Keep Going

Step 4: Be Honest Even When It Scares You/Them

Step 5: Be Brave

Step 6: Take Lots Of Pictures

Step 7: Let Go

I do hope that these have helped you as much as they have helped me. I hope you keep these in mind when dealing with haters and assholes and people just who just don’t get it and may never will…but also for those who may also need such guidance and advice when they are dealing with their own struggles and journey.

I would love to hear from anyone who has had any experiences using the steps. Have you tried taking pics of yourself? Have you bought a cape or tiara? Have you been truly honest and stopped lying all together? Have you considered letting go of a relationship in your life? How are you brave today? I want to hear from you! I would love to do a series of guest posts or picture essays…I know how much it helps me to see others doing radical and awesome things and I want you to know that I know for a fact that it helps sooooooo many people when you do.

So as you go about your holiday business, don’t forget to honor and trust yourself. Be honest with yourself and others. Let people know if they have disrespected you or if they rock your socks! Keep going!!! Because you are incredible and amazing and you are worth every ounce of effort and energy and love in the universe! <3

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I’m also planning a big fat liberation/acceptance/pride event in San Jose, CA this January. I don’t have an official website for it yet, but here’s the FB event page if you’d like to share…please do! The website should be up soon and more info will be added to the event page as things get confirmed. Hope to see you at “Fatty Affair!”

Step 7: Let Go

November21
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This is the seventh in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5 and Step 6.
Step 7: Let Go
This one’s a toughy! But I will insist that it is absolutely necessary. I am talking about letting go of toxic relationships. The people in your life who simply will never allow you to be you. The people or relatives who cannot be in your presence without telling you what you’re doing wrong or how you should be anything other than what you are right now. The people in your life who can’t not bring up diets and how bad being fat is. The people in your life who can’t help but supervise anytime you eat a meal or comment on your portions or choices. The people who insist you over eat even if they’ve not once witnessed you eating. The people in your life, no matter how good their supposed intentions are, will simply never believe that fat doesn’t kill. These people are holding you back from a better life. These people are not thinking about your health and well being. These people will always judge and hurt you. I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have to let them go.
Some of these relationships are easier to shed than others, I realize. It’s not that you can’t ever talk to your mom or auntie again, it’s just that you have to set boundaries with them and explain to them why said boundaries must exist. If a total lack of respect is the issue, it needs to be addressed. Think of every remark, comment, judgement or “suggestion” as a stone. How many can you carry? How much of a burden is this relationship worth to you? Because frankly, you do not deserve to be treated that way. You need to worry about you! You cannot drag their misery and bullshit along with you. You’ve got too many awesome things ahead.
Other people’s expectations of you or anyone else is nothing more than bullshit. I don’t care if they want you to be a doctor or a fashion designer or a fucking dog groomer…it ain’t your problem, it’s theirs! We all need to step out of the shadows of those who would have us live differently because they couldn’t or didn’t or whatever. You will never be able to control others perception of you, why waste so much time and effort trying to? It ain’t ever gonna be worth it!
I’m not saying you have to call everyone up and tell them to fuck off, though that would be fun…no! I am saying that we all need to assess the relationships in our lives and why we have them. If every time so and so calls you roll your eyes or groan because you know they will diet talk or fat shame you? Stop answering their calls, period. Better yet, tell them why you will not if they don’t stop…and stick to your threat! Suddenly Ms. Co-Worker-Know-it-all will get a hint when her “diet tips” go unheard. You may just give them a wake up call while trying to give yourself some extra sanity points! Win-win! (If someone makes you feel bad, or questioning of your own life, ditch them!)
Okay-okay, I know…your mom/dad. You simply can’t  push your mom/dad out of your life because she/he fat hates and shames you into oblivion every time you see or hear from her/him. To this I say two things: First, discuss it with them. Tell them how it makes you feel. Let them borrow your copy of  “Health At Every Size” by Linda Bacon. Let them know that you want a real relationship with them and that you’re no longer their little girl/boy/etc. anymore and they need to start treating you with respect, like an adult. If this attempt falls on deaf ears, may I suggest the second thing I have to say on the matter: walk away. See what happens. Wait them out. You never know. They have had a lifetime filled with diet industry talk and marketing, it will take awhile for this new knowledge to sink in, if it will. Give them the benefit of the doubt, until you can’t. Then walk away. Tell them why, but walk away for your own mental health and well being. It will hurt, but so did having them in your life.
I am sick and tired of people suffering in silence when just saying exactly what is on your mind and how this person is making you feel will free you both! The truth needs to be heard! You are not helping anyone by remaining silent. Fear of being seen as rude is ridiculous. You can be honest without being rude, but then again, sometimes and with some people, being rude is the only option you have and I say fucking take it!!! They obviously do not care about your feelings or appearing rude themselves. Nothing is more rude, in my opinion, than body hate and fat shaming bullshit. And I am surprised, even after all of these years, that I still have to call people out on their shit…but I do it and I will not stop!
Letting go is in no way a failure on your part. If you attempted to save the relationship by discussing how that person has made you feel and how you need to be treated better or not continue the relationship; you have already done more than that person cared to do for you. You are the hero/heroine, in my opinion. It takes a mature person to do that. It may hurt. I won’t say it’s easy, though sometimes it can be surprisingly so, but I will say that it’s better to get things out in the open than to live a lie or to suffer mistreatment from others.
Many of us, it seems, are going through a transitional period in our lives. For one reason or ten, things are kind of sucking right now and many of us are trying to figure out how to take the reigns on our lives once again, if we ever had them to begin with. To you/us I say it’s high time to take this as an opportunity to shape and mold the lives we’ve always dreamed of having! Seize the fucking day and take big juicy bites out of any chance at enjoyment you can! Dump the assholes and seek out intelligent and weird people! Release yourself of the burden of self-hate, toxic people, bad relationships, old habits, shame, guilt, fear and everything else and just live for the sake of living! Visualize your bonds breaking and being free to roam a brighter and more positive life! We all want that, right?! It ain’t ever going to be easy, but we can make it worth it!
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