Halloween used to be my favorite holiday of the year. Still is I guess, in some ways. I love creepy and cool and spooky things. I love Halloween parties, no matter who is throwing them. I love dressing up. I love the unexpected. I love the crisp autumn air. I love the creativity that comes from this time of year. I love thinking up new costume ideas or finagling my own way to something recognizable, too. I don’t go too into the make up side of things, even on Halloween, but I enjoy what others do and I toy with it occasionally. I love that surprised look people give when they see who is under the mask, so to speak.

One year I dressed as a biker dude and my best friend didn’t even recognize me. I loved that. I had side burns and a mustache and a bandana on my head and a leather vest over a flannel. It was fabulous. My husband was a biker chick that year. He had boob made of water balloons filled with peach jello. They were awesome and delicious and much fun was had with those and that night in general. That may have been the night my BFF Jery and I had a lot of Cuervo Black and Pepsi…but I don’t really remember. Ha-ha!

Being faced with the inevitable, “What are you dressing up as?” question is always a struggle. What is fun? What is surprising? What is affordable? What is easy to throw together? How much time do I want to invest in this? UGH!!! So much to consider, right? It can be easy, I can always manage a decent Hippie costume. I’ve had a “Serial Mom” dress in my closet for a few years and have never worn it. I have the remnants of my lady Zorro costume in the closet, too. They all seem easy and doable and fine. But this year? This time?

This week was supposed to be awesome. I won’t lie, it has sucked pretty hard. Nothing I can do about that now. But tonight I am going to a costume themed night at Full Figure Entertainment’s Full Figured Friday event. I was going to be Lady Zorro again, but then I was like, “A mask and my glasses? What the hell?!” Finally last Saturday I was telling my husband how I wanted to be excited about dressing up. I wanted to be something fun or unexpected. He suggested I pull out my old “Naughty School Girl” costume. I had completely forgotten about it. And I was instantly excited!

You see, my friend Jeanette is going as a “Naughty Nun” and the school girl would be the perfect compliment to her costume. Also, I don’t have to buy anything but socks! I can handle that. And I suddenly exclaimed, “I can be sexy, too!!!” Because for some reason I hadn’t felt terribly sexy in a long while. And after the shit week I’ve had, well, I’m ready to be sexy on my own damn terms. I am sick of wanting/waiting for someone else to make me feel sexy, or wanted, or desired, or whatever. Fuck it!!! I am going to have fun tonight and if anyone has a problem with that they can kiss my giant ass!!!

I’m not dressing sexy for anyone else but me. I rarely wear anything remotely risque, except for the occasionally too-low cut top and even that is rarely intentional. I’m not out to gain male attention. I’m married and fine with that. I’m not looking to make anyone else feel bad or to objectify myself or anyone else. I just want to feel good and have fun and dance my pants off…oh wait! I won’t be wearing pants! WOOT!!! I’m not defending the abundance of sexy costumes or the societal pressure to dress that way. I support each individual’s right to choose whatever the hell they want. For me, this year? I just want to feel and look sexy in my own eyes!

I can’t promise pictures, but I will do what I can. ha-ha! Hope you have a fun and fabulous weekend on your terms, too.

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from Deeleigh  (of Big Fat Blog fame). She says that this is a draft entry for the NOW Foundation Love Your Body poster contest. http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/posters/contest.html

So yeah.  Not only am I wearing a tank top in this picture, I’m wearing one
that’s too tight and that accentuates my belly rolls.  I’m also wearing an
extremely short cotton jersey skirt.

Normally, I’m not that much of a rad fattie when it comes to clothing.
Okay, so I do wear sleeveless tops on a pretty regular basis. I’ve also been
known to wear mini skirts, but only with boots and opaque leggings or
tights.  I am actually pretty careful not to offend people’s sensibilities.
I dance around the “inappropriate” line and I don’t call attention to my size.

A too-tight tank without a bra and with a tiny skirt and no leggings is
definitely over that line.  So, even for a fat woman who is actually not the
world’s shyest, this is really daring for me.

There’s a method to my madness.  I took a series of photos of myself exactly
as described in the text.  No makeup, no attempt to hide “flaws,” no attempt
to play down my size.  I tried to choose lighting and poses that made it
clear that I was fat and that my body wasn’t perfect, but that didn’t quite
cross the line into being ugly to an average viewer.  I wanted to create an
image that would be perceived by most people as beautiful rather than
grotesque, but that didn’t look anything like what we see in entertainment
and advertising.  Of course, some people will have been deeply influenced by
media images and will find it ugly.  I’ve got some other photos I could use…

I guess I’d just like some feedback from the community.  Is the photo doing
what I want it to do?  Any suggestions on the graphic design?  Is the
poem-thingy a good idea, or is it too long or too precious?  Don’t worry,
I’m not particularly attached to any of it, and I’m totally open to
constructive criticism.

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

I am going to have a fabulous weekend. No, I am, dammit. I am going to go out and have fun and be my most fabulous me. I have been down in the dumps for too long and I’m sick of it. This week proved that it is in fact my staying in that has kept me so low. I had lunch with a few friends and this made me feel so much better. Human interaction, who knew?

Today I’m having lunch with a good friend of mine, Carmen. She inspires and amazes me. And we’re trying a totally new place to us in a town neither of us lives in. Exciting stuff. I’m also trying to get my Halloween costume together, little by little.

Tomorrow is the belly dancing class Jeanette and I are taking. So exciting, we’ve been talking about doing this for awhile. We were going to just get a DVD, but to get instruction from none other than Raks Africa? Too cool. They are the ones who inspired us to begin with. WOOOOO

Sunday I’ll be hanging out with my home-gurl Nicole. She may have the blouse I need for my costume and she’s bribed me with lunch and possibly free fatshions to take home. And I’m going to take her measurements so she can order from Eshakti…I highly recommend doing this, by the way. It’s interesting to see your own measurements on the page and then order something made precisely to those measurements. It’s this radical act of self-love, I think.

So tell me lovelies, what are your weekend plans? How are you going to put your most fabulous you out there? Anyone started smiling in the mirror? I hope you get to shake your thang or have a good time generally. Woo Hoo to you

My homepage is Yahoo the first thing I see when I log on is that “obesity” is trending…and my heart sinks. One of those kind of mornings, eh? Alright, let’s do this… I did not and refuse to read the comments sections on these articles, I will leave that choice up to you.

*Trigger Warning for various forms of fat hate or just misrepresentation of facts*

The first one I noticed was from the Obesity Action Council about the launch of a new campaign called “Bias Busters.” That actually did intrigue me so I read the article. And I went to the OAC website. And it’s left me as cold as the morning air…they see “obesity” as a disease, “rising health epidemic in our country.” WTF?! Gah! NO! I do appreciate the effort, whatever that may be – though it seems it’s just an awareness/newsletter campaign, but to frame it this way only perpetuates the fucking stigma, guys!!! Way to miss the mark…COMEPLETELY!!!

Then I see this gem of a headline, “Moving out of high-poverty areas may lower obesity, diabetes risk.” *HeadDesk* So, wait…if I move out of my poor neighborhood into let’s say some magical land of milk and honey, I won’t be fat? How does this work exactly? Oh of course, no one fucking knows!!! It’s all a giant guess. Seriously, read the article, it’s a big friggin’ guess. I get that they are trying to say that access to healthier foods, an environment more conducive to exercise, less stress…these of course would improve anyone’s health. We all know how stress affects our bodies, let alone our minds. This is all just malarkey, if I must say so. But they do make a connection, “Oftentimes, research really focuses on people’s decisions, and what they do wrong, and how they are at fault, essentially, for being obese or having a disease or a poor diet,” says Blanchard, who was not involved in the study. “This provides evidence that it’s not just the individual’s decisions, but…also the environment — the neighborhood — that really does matter.”

As a long time subscriber and lover of BUST magazine, I was especially bummed out by their piece “Fat” Fashion Bloggers or Just Fashion Bloggers?”  Um, what? Really? Because I think it’s absolutely necessary! I do not read fashion blogs that do not feature women MY SIZE! Why? Because if I see someone wearing an item of clothing I fall in love with, I know I may be able to buy it. If I were to sink myself into a self-torture mode, then yeah, I would read more fashion blogs in general. I used to enjoy, oh what’s her name, but then she said some fat hating shit…that’s the other reason I don’t read straight sized fashion blogs, body hate, yo! I don’t hang with that shit and neither should you! “I don’t quite understand using size as a defining characteristic when it comes to style.” I understand using my size as a defining character because if I don’t the world will do it for me. The department stores will do it for me. The asshole in a truck driving down the street while I’m out walking my dog who decides to yell hate at me will define it for me. I would prefer to define myself for myself, thank you!

“Obesity program targets kids under age 5” Dude, I feel so much sadness and anger over the kids in North and South Carolina, it seems once news got out that they had fat kids, the world keeps fucking with them. Ugh! They are now trying to “combat childhood obesity in young children through increased outdoor activity, better nutrition and parent education” Sometimes it does seem that no one truly understands a damned thing anymore…I mean, read a book people! You’re paid all of this money to help the children, but can’t even be fucking bothered to do some actual research on the subject? Case in point: “We want to keep up with the times and we understand there is an obesity problem and it’s caused by bad choices with food. If we can start the children off younger with good choices it will help” Yes, because infants and toddlers just love their endless stream of junk food. Ugh! Misguided, for sure. I just…I am sick of these self-appointed saints and martyrs for a “cause” that doesn’t fucking exist!

Now this one I quite like, but I would, because I adore Nigella Lawson: Lord Lawson: Tackle the economy not obesity “There is a genetic element you can’t do anything about and the rest is about eating less and drinking less and if the government were more concerned about doing something about the economy, where it does have responsibilities, and less about obesity that might be sensible.” Yep, gotta say, I agree with him on this. Well, except not all fat people over eat or binge drink, but the heart of his message is good: “Indeed, may I suggest it is not something the government can do at all.

Mexico Tackles Epidemic of Childhood Obesity They want school children to enroll in a public weight loss program. However, “three-quarters of Mexico City’s 2,400 public schools don’t have playgrounds or gyms for exercise. And 80 percent of the schools don’t have water fountains. Experts stress the importance of drinking more water and fewer sugary drinks to prevent and reverse weight gain.” Seems a simple thing and preferable over a public weight loss, read: stigma inducing bullshit, campaign. Just my opinion.

Your thoughts? Rants? Lay it on me!

This week’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from none other than my fabulous friend Jeanette!!! You may have seen her in any of the many pictures I’ve posted on our clubbing adventures. She inspires me and motivates me and I love her for it. She is also a fellow Scorpio lady, which is so nice ’cause I’d never met one before. She just got back from Puerto Rico and I cannot wait to hear all about it! Woo!

I think I started wearing tank tops regularly about three summers ago when I was unemployed and frankly just wanted to be cool and comfortable.  I didn’t really think of it as some form of self acceptance, but I guess it was unconsciously to some degree. It was about being more comfortable.  Prior to this I would occasionally put on a tank top with a skirt for work but would always add a jacket or shrug. I’d get self conscious in meetings if I was sitting close to someone and start wondering what they must be thinking about my arms. Crazy, huh?

I think the summer I started wearing them regularly, it was easier because I was around fewer people. However, when I went back to work, I kept wearing them.  And now they are an absolute staple of my spring, summer, and early fall wardrobe. Why should I be warm and worried about what people think,  when I can be cool and confident? They are just arms, people. We all have them, if we are lucky.

I’ve been learning a lot lately about getting outside of my comfort zone.  I mean four days in a rustic cabin in the Puerto Rican rainforest is not something I do every year, or well ever really!!  Not only did I do it, but I stayed that much cooler by baring my arms!

Sometimes getting comfortable, starts with discomfort. Seems obvious right?

Jeanette blogs at www.sustenanceaside.com about cooking delish dish for one (or more) and about random other things at www.theneighborupstairs.blogspot.com

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I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)