What: My first ever giveaway, yo! Oh, what do you get? Any one handmade item of your choice from my Etsy shop! Great for gifting or for yourself. Woo! (Winner will be chosen at random by using one of those randomater-sites, have to find one, suggestions welcome!)

When: Starting today until September 30th. Winner will be announced on Friday October 1st!

How: You may enter 4 ways/times 1.) by commenting below with your email address 2.) by posting the link to this post on  Twitter 3.) by posting the link to this post on your Facebook and 4.) by linking to this post on your own blog/journal. Easy-peasy! Please include your username for tweets and FB posts so I can see them.

Also, be sure to follow me on Twitter: @Notblueatall!

Thanks!  =0)

I have been searching for a pair of knee-high boots to fit my fat calves for two years now. I’ve just about had it! Except that I still really want a pair. It’s almost become this sort of fantasy that once I have my perfect pair of black boots I can do anything I want. It’s my ticket to the ultimate independent bad-ass girl party of the millennium! NOT! But I don’t know, I just feel like they are the reason I don’t wear the dresses I have. It’s like a big jig saw puzzle with the center piece missing.

So sad that I put so much stock into an inanimate object…especially something as silly as boots! I mean, I probably won’t even be able to wear them to work for either comfort reasons or just not wanting to get coffee grounds all over them. So why does this mean so much to me? It’s like they’re the holy grail to me. I can’t speak for all fat gals, but it does seem like a bit of an equalizer. Usually shoes are one thing that thin & fats can shop for together without worry about sizing issues!

Being of the death fat persuasion (some will define this as being over a size 26 or over 300 lbs, either way, that’s moi!), my calves are larger than many fats. At their widest, my calves measure 19″, but that’s not the only issue. I also wear a woman’s size 8 shoe (occasional wide width, depends on the style/brand). There is the problem I’ve found. While many knee-high boots come in larger calf widths, it’s usually only in larger shoe sizes! I was so stoked about a fatshionista post about some boots for $27.99 at Target that fit her that I ran out and tried ’em on…no dice! She wears a size 11 and thus the size 8 they had was way too narrow in the calf to even zip. *sigh*

I dream of dresses with big ole shit-stompers! Cute romper-ish dresses (like overalls, but a dress) with combat boots! Or the old grunge way of wearing a granny dress with big tough boots on! YES! THIS! And the truth is, I probably can get some boots that will fit, but nowhere near what I can afford. And there is the rub for me. When I had the money I couldn’t find any boots and now that I don’t have a dime to my name I know exactly where I can get some…for $200+!!!

So, I’m a big baby and a whiner and it’s true. It’s the one thing I feel is missing from my wardrobe. It’s such a cute-ass look, ya know? UGH! I will surely drive myself crazy with this pursuit. I know this, yet I still search. For used boots. For cheaper boots. People keep saying Torrid has them, but I don’t wear heels, yo! I need a biker/harness style or some other low heeled boot of great construction. They need to take a beating and then ask for more! I want to wear them with girly things and then to goth night! It’s my fantasy after all.

All this talk of boots, I might as well show my faves so far:

1. “Sphere” Ros Hommerson 2. “Channel” Ros Hommerson 3. “Ashley” David Tate 4. “Vine” Duo

Those last ones, I just found yesterday, may not even fit me as the reviews say they have a very narrow ankle. But I love them so! I would even go for a more engineer style boot. But alas, none shall fit my Cinderella-esque calves! Ha! Those first three should fit, but I bought some Ros Hommerson boots before and they claimed to be wide calf, but they didn’t even come close! So I keep looking and waiting and hoping and maybe one fine day I’ll find my dream boots.

Yes, I do realize that I could buy some boots that fit my feet and then get some magical cobbler to put in a gusset or shaft of elastic or leather to make the calf fit…but in the end it would cost more than buying some that do fit (or so I have heard). I did find some cute ones at The Avenue last winter. I tried them on, they were cute as hell, but they wouldn’t zip up. And when I looked at the display model? It was falling apart all over, but especially the sole! Nuts!

Do you feel there is a giant missing puzzle piece to your wardrobe? Tell me all about it!  =0)

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday Pic comes from Hanne Blank, about to head out to walk errands. Support your right to bare arms.

My lifestyle has absolutely changed as a result of the economy. Well, that and three lay-offs and cutting off my own unemployment benefits to open my own cafe. But I digress! Ha! I spent 24 months in and out of work. During that time, about 18 months of which, I looked for work and that was my full-time job! Between scraping the barrel of online job sites and going to actual interviews, I grew exhausted and weary. One thing kept my spirits up through that time: Fat Acceptance blogs!  I love FA like I love my own fat ass! It’s there for me when I need it! It is my best friend and no longer an enemy!

Specifically, the Fatshionista community on LiveJournal.com has truly given me the confidence and strength to do all of the things I never thought I could. Sounds silly, right? I mean, a fashion community? Um, Yeah! You see, I was never confident in my style. I didn’t think I even had a style of my own until I started to read and then later post my own OOTDs (Outfit of the day). And the feedback? Tremendous! I mean, the people who commented were so loving and kind and encouraging. They said I was beautiful! No one but my own husband had ever said that to me, let alone a bunch of strangers. I cannot express in words what that felt like, but it was a revelation. (I’m not putting a bunch of emphasis on the beauty thing, just explaining that as part of my own very personal FA journey.)

Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. I had this community of people who knew what it was like to be fat. It was okay to call myself fat! FAT! OMZ! FAT! Hooray! And I felt compelled to continue posting my own OOTDs as a result of all of that love. I had an income after all and I did enjoy me some shopping at that time. I had just discovered Old Navy (though too late for the in-store period) and was loving their basics and some of their trendier pieces at what seemed like crazy-cheap pricing. I admit, I went a bit overboard. And with ON, well it’s easy to do and their sizing is so wonky that I’d always order way more than necessary because I’d have to return half of it anyhow.

I would usually just pair my new stuff with old stuff and throw in some random accessories or an Etsy.com find and post it as an OOTD. It became a regular hobby. I would shop and then share what I found on fatshionista. Part of this for me was also sharing with other fats what certain clothing would look like on a Death Fattie body, since none of the usual places even use fat models. I felt like I was giving perspective & a personal review. And everyone was so kind and sweet! I cannot even begin to tell you what that felt like for me. I grew up a Tom-boy and so it was all very new and alien.

After opening my cafe I suddenly found myself without an income at all. The only thing I took home (and still do) were my tips. At first? That was like $3 a week! Yeah. I know! I am so grateful and lucky and gobsmacked that I have a husband who can support us on his salary (though that’s been and still is quite a struggle). So I stopped shopping. I stopped posting OOTDs on fatshionista. I no longer had the free time anyway and I did still enjoy seeing others OOTDs. I did sell things on fatshionista for awhile, to try to get some cash for some little something I had my eye on. eBay has been a great resource for that, too (both buying & selling).  But I did find myself sort of distanced from fatshionista either because of my lack of new things to show or due to my own insecurity because of my sudden lack of income, I’m not quite sure.

A couple of months ago, I was feeling especially sassy, I decided to throw together a fatshionable outfit with just my usual wardrobe and post an OOTD of what I wore to work. Well, I was nervous because I usually just wear a top & jeans. Comfort is all that matters to me now and if it’s cute, then yay, if not? Oh fucking well. I was pleasantly surprised by the response. I still somehow had style even with my old stuff! WOW! I guess it hadn’t occurred to me that I could put together old things in new ways and show it off in a positive way. I wasn’t terribly confidant about it, but I began to realize what I could do with a bit of creativity.

Here they are! My first two OOTDs after so long without a single post on fatshionista:

And you know what I learned from all of this? You don’t have to have money to make something work. You can be a “Dime Store Diamond” and hold your head up high! You can thrift your way to fabulous or dig through your closet to gorgeosity! And while I still struggle with the money thing, I don’t sweat not having a new and in-season outfit every single day. I live in California where that’s not a big deal anyway. My motto has become (since starting my own biz), “I do what I can with what I have.” My hubby thinks that sounds sad, but I see it as a major positive! We’ve come so far together and worked so hard for every damned thing we have. And to me? That means more than any paycheck can provide! So what if I’m not on-trend?! I think being a fatshionista is a state of mind and I can be that in my pajamas!

What is your fave or creative way to work something new out of your existing wardrobe? Would you like to be my “Tank Top Tuesday” pic? I still need some pics. Otherwise it’s gonna just be me every damned week! Ha-ha! =0)

Thanks for reading as always. You rock my socks! <3

Oh my sweeties! I have had one hell of a week, and it ain’t over yet! I know I haven’t been very posty lately, and I do apologize for that, but with all of the madness that is running your own business while also dealing with random maladies, well, it just happens.

I was doing my usual reading of various blogs in the fat-o-sphere and came across this list of the top 40 fat fashion blogs when I had a sudden realization: I may have fallen out of love with FATshion!

Please, don’t feel sorry for me. It happens to the best of us. Things do tend to wax and wane, yes? I just don’t know. I think it may have started when I went to Big Moves Bay Area’s Cupcake & Muffintops 2.0 last month. I was at first overwhelmed with what to look at and try on and buy and then mega-underwhelmed when a pile of bottoms (mostly denim & capris) did not fit. I did buy some tops, but left with the weight of disappointment on my shoulders.

Next was the “Kaden” boots from Target that were posted on LiveJournal’s Fatshionista community with the promise of affordability and fit for larger calves…alas, it simply wasn’t so (unless you wear a size 11). And finally, when I went back to Target the next day to try on this Converse One Star dress (I was so bummed by the boots that I left without perusing the plus clothes) and it didn’t fit either. Maybe that is when I fell out of love with fatshion.

Or perhaps it is entirely due to the fact that I no longer have any sort of personal income with which to buy anything over $10. I had to save my tips for an entire week for the Cupcake & Muffintops 2.0 last month. All $29 of it were spent there, too. Glad I went. I had an incredible dark chocolate cupcake and got to talk to so many lovely fats. But damn. When you look forward to something long enough I guess it just builds up in your mind until it cannot possibly live up to whatever it is you think it should be. Like those damned boots!

I hate to sound bitter, but I have wanted some knee-high boots to wear with dresses for over two years now. And with all of my internet resources, wisdom and secrets I’ve still come up short. And damn, those boots would have looked amazing in that Converse dress, yo! Ha-ha! Of course it all plays into my fantasy of creating the ultimate grunge (to me at least) outfit. I suppose in the truest sense of it though, the heart of grunge, was to made due with what’s available or cheap or handy and not about buying brand names and whatnot. And certainly the things I had wanted to buy were/are cheap.

There is another reason: My current closet/wardrobe situation. It’s a nightmare! I have a pile of things I want to sell, donate and reorganize but never find the time/inspiration/motivation to even tackle it. I know, I know…little steps. Commit to one small task at a time, thus less guilt to harbor. But you gotta know by now, I just don’t do things the easy way. And we have so much less space for things than we used to. With fall & winter on their way I am looking forward to digging out the cardis and sweaters and layers! Oh how I love layers! But I also live in CA and that means those are probably a bit far off for now.

How do you organize your clothes? By season? By occasion (formal/casual/etc)? I have a friend who organizes all of her clothes by color! She even has hangers that match each item! I can’t get behind that because it would drive me insane. But I am open to your creative suggestions or advice! Please, help me fall back in love with fatshion, even if it’s just my own wardrobe!

Thanks for reading.  =0)

*Listening to Presidents of the USA “Everybody wants to be naked & famous” and loving it!