While gearing up for the Fat Flesh mob last Friday, I had wanted tp wear something special, to make a statement and feel good in the process. There was no doubt in my mind that my “Fat” necklace would be included. When I mentioned this to some friends, three different gals said that they would also be donning their “Fat” necklaces. When I arrived, Marilyn Wann had one on as well. And once there and chatting with all of the wonderful people I met that day, so many asked where I got my “Fat” necklace. I had no idea such a simple thing would be so sought after.

The “Fat” necklace is a statement piece. It is something truly special and to be worn with great pride. Providing, of course, you have the sanity points to deal with the unique reactions you may get while wearing it in public. I’ve gotten everything from people avoiding eye contact with me to laughter with a side of “That’s awesome!” with it. But I especially loved wearing it to the Flesh Mob on INDD. I held my head high and wore my “Fat” necklace as a sign of my comittment and gratitude to be part of the fat acceptance movement, to fight for the equal treatment of all bodies. However, one good friend wore hers to a party where people incessantly discussed and offered her dieting bullshit. Ugh! Some will just never get it, I guess.

Of course it all began (for me anyway) when Natalie (of definatalie.com fame) designed and offered her (and in my eyes the original) “Fat” necklace. I still think it is the prettiest design, but alas, I am far too broke for such a purchase. Nicole bought one from Natalie and I know everyone was asking about it! And you know you’ve not only designed something asthetically lovely but also radically of-the-moment when someone gets your design tattooed on their flesh! I have no links or pics, but I’ve seen at least two gals with her design on them.

So, then I posted a pic/GIF the other day with my “Fat” necklace and a few commenters were interested in where I got mine and/or how they could get one for themselves at a lower price. I want to tread lightly on the subject because I am a firm believer in supporting independant artists and protecting their work. I ask that you do consider buying your necklace from Natalie, but if you absolutely cannot swing it, then I shall offer the few options I could find on Etsy (by independant designers, handmade, many local to the U.S.). Unfortunately the gal who made my necklace has closed-up shop. But the lettering is like that from the movie “Fame” from the 80’s (bitchin’ movie).

Here is what I could find on Etsy, but I have not personally purchased from them before:
Sugar & Vice  offers a few different options both in font as well as a banner style I loved.
Wacodis has one listing with seemingly limitless options (and amazing price, but only in clear letters).
Everlasting Doodle offers customization of most of their designs. So many!
I also found out that Tap Plastics offers pretty much the same thing minus the chain and such. I have not used them before but have heard nothing but great things about them in general. Nothing specific in regards to this option for a necklace, but due to their reputation I have no doubt that they will work with you!

Thank you to Natalie who brought the concept of the “Fat” necklace into our world and being an amazing artist, blogger, activist and person. You inspire us all! <3

 If you do get or have a “Fat” necklace, do send a pic of you wearing it my way (include links, too!) so I might compile a lovely post in the future to show our “Fat” necklace glory to the world!
Email it here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Thanks,
<3
S

Happy International No Diet Day to you and you and you!

I wanted to share some of my thoughts today and some fabulous resources, too!

Today I am celebrating by being kind to my body, to myself and to others. I put on eye make up (wow! I know!) and a top I rarely wear and have already gotten some compliments (not my motivation, but still nice). I will feed my body what it desires and give no thought or value or question why or what that is or means. I am pretty much spamming my facebook with INDD stuff today, so if you’re an FB friend o’ mine, tough it out! Ha-ha! =0)

Check out Fat Girls Float‘s post today for the origin & goals of INDD

For info on the INDD Fat Flesh Mob in S.F. Go to Big Fat Blog

Read about how the Fat Waitress Loves her Body!

The ever fabulous Golda Poretsky is offering her book Stop Dieting Now for FREE today only!!!

Sharon Haywood have a fabulous post up at Adios Barbie and be sure to watch her video.

Some are using the Twitter tag #INDD, so check out those posts if you’re over there. But if you’re low on teaspoons or sanity points, you may not want to actually look up International No Diet Day on Twitter. Just sayin’! Lots of folks are saying some silly stuff. Be aware that many links in these tweets link to diet ads, weight loss centers and worse.

For more info or ideas on INDD check out this page (link provided by Penguin Books AUS on twitter).

I am also noticing some people “celebrating” either for the wrong reasons or in the worst ways.
INDD was not created as an excuse for us to all gorge ourselves on “bad” foods or what have you.

Thanks for reading.
<3
S

**Trigger Warning for discussion of rape and rape culture, gang rape and the treatment of victims versus accused rapists**

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I want to say up front that I am far from educated in the ways of discussing these types of things with the proper academic jargon or dialogue. I don’t want to offend anyone, so please let me know the proper terms and I shall edit or try to use them in the future. I am open to all opinions and alternative perspectives on the subject, but I will not tolerate victim blaming of any sort. Nor will I tolerate anyone defending a rapist or other abuser.

I came across this article this morning about the recent gang rapes of two different (and in different states) eleven year old girls. One in Texas and one a few months ago in Michigan. In both instances several men, varying in age from teens to late twenties, attacked and held the girls while they were raped, repeatedly. In both instances the attack was captured in a cell phone video. These are the facts, no opinion has been inserted in this paragraph.

If this news doesn’t sicken you to your very core then it says a lot about you and a lot more about the world in which we live in currently. These gang rape cases seem to be more and more prevalent lately and this disturbs me most of all. The fact that these children (11 is a child!) were singled out and attacked and then later blamed for being gang raped makes me wonder what the hell is happening in the USA. The fact that instead of their entire communities rallying around these girls and demanding justice that they are questioning the parents, blaming the parents and even these young girls? What in the whaaaaaaaaat? NO! This is not how these things are supposed to work. I don’t care what anyone wears ever, no outfit or costume has ever been a public issuance of permission to rape, ever! I don’t care if someone lied about their age, gang rape is gang rape and the age of the victim shouldn’t factor in weather it was a lie or not. Eleven years old is eleven years old! It is not as though turning eighteen or twenty-one suddenly means you get gang raped every time you leave the damned house. It does not!And there is no way an eleven year old girl could pass for eighteen! Just sayin’!

In the Texas case, the family of the victim is being harassed by the community. The attorney for the defendants had this to say in response to the harassment, “The families are dealing with it. It is [a] very stressful environment.” Wow! The families of the accused (mind you there is video!) are “dealing with it.” Exactly how are these families dealing with the harassment of the victim’s family? If by dealing you mean doling, then yeah, you’re probably right. UGH! I know, I know, lawyering. Blegh! The accused could face up to life in prison, but let’s face a harsh fact folks, they will not be sentenced to much more than a few years and maybe probation. More likely is simply probation and maybe community service or some sort of therapy. There is no justice left to be had in this country.

If you are female or if you are a person of color or another marginalized group, you know this already! When I called the police on my abuser, even showed them the evidence, they laughed in my face. This is not new. I hope everyone is aware of the Oscar Grant murder here in California, but in case you haven’t heard, Oscar Grant was a young black man, father of an adorable little baby girl, who was murdered by BART police on New Year’s 2009. The officer who shot Oscar in the back, while he was held down by two other officers, claimed he thought he was using his taser. When you see the video (it’s all over the internet), you can tell that this simply wasn’t so. This officer received a sentence of two years for taking the life of an innocent man. There is no justice left to be had in this country.

When news of eleven year old girls getting gang raped is not on the front page of every newspaper and other media outlets, you just know in your heart that there is no justice left to be had in this country. It is the reason many of us live in fear. Fear of our neighbors and fear of strangers and fear of the police who are supposed to protect and defend us. These little girls have to live with the memory and scars (mental and physical) of their attack for the rest of their lives. If you think for one second that they can just go back to their previous lives? You’re wrong. When I was molested and my molester was sentenced, I felt like someone had dipped my entire body in red paint for all to see. I felt marked and outed. These girls will hopefully get therapy and find a new normal for them. I hope that their families can begin to heal and hopefully, one day, move on. I wish I had some bit of wisdom or advice considering my own experiences on this subject, but I have none. I instinctively live by the “Trust No One” motto of “The X-Files” but had been long before I’d hear of that show (but damn it’s a fab show). I fight against this instinct and I do get hurt, but I also live with the fear of being attacked again.

To blame someone for a crime committed against them? To say things like, “boys will be boys” is fucked up and damaging to us all and future generations. I say get that fucking phrase out of our common usage and into the dark ages where it belongs. To say someone isn’t responsible for their own actions due to their gender? That’s a whole lot of wrong! Yet the girls are to be blamed for getting gang raped? Someone please explain the logic here, because I cannot seem to find it! I do hope that justice is served, but I won’t lie and tell you I think it’s even remotely possible. At least not without the full support and demands of their communities. We need to reach out to our youth and get the message across to them now that this behavior is wrong, period. There is nothing more to it. It is wrong! It will not be accepted and you will be punished if you think otherwise. So why is this message not already out there and getting heard?

Were you on the call last night? What call? The BodyLoveRevolution.com Telesummit! That’s what call! Last night’s guest was none other than Marilyn Wann! Can I just say now that I loved every moment?! It felt an awful lot like listening in on some secret fat-rebel meeting or something. Like I was peeping the fat secrets! I was inspired, of course. I am not sure anyone wouldn’t be listening in. I took all kinds of notes, but I think I need to let some of them simmer a bit to fully plot what I want to do with them. If you haven’t been on any of the telesumit calls (last night’s was the third), go register now and you can listen to past recordings, too!

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Fat Hate: We Just Wanna Live Our Lives!

Something struck me last night when the topic of fat hate and it’s various results and consequences came up; all any of us want (dare I say anyone in the world?) is to live our lives! That’s it! Just live and let live, right? So why do people feel the need to interfere, intercept or downright intervene?! It’s silly, really. What good thing as come from hating a specific group or person? Anything positive at all? I can’t think of anything.

When I was five (or four, can’t remember) my first self-chosen record (this being vinyl, not cassette or as yet invented CD), it was Cyndi Lauper’s “She’s So Unusual.” And of course the big hit off that record was “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!” It was everywhere, it was 1983 and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” was the next one I got (though the entire family enjoyed it). Something about Cyndi struck a chord with me and hasn’t let up since. I begged my dad to let me do my hair like hers: shaved on one side with wild ratted-up colors on the other! I was FIVE! He said no. No debate, just no. Ha-ha!

The message in her songs and especially her big single was simply that girls (people) want to be left to do as they will. Not in spite of or despite other people or opinions, but to just be and do as they like. Isn’t that what freedom is all about? While listening to Golda & Marilyn last night I was suddenly reminded of that feeling I got, laying on the living room floor, reading the lyrics on the jacket while Cyndi blasted through the speakers of the family turn table. The feeling of joyous rebellion! The feeling of finally knowing what I wanted! The feeling you get when you identify with someone else’s thoughts/beliefs/opinions/ect. I wanted to be free to do what I wanted with my hair and my life. Profound for a five year old, perhaps, but I do see now how this shaped my life.

As fats, we don’t always get to live quite as freely as we’d like. Sure, we can walk down the street and not care what anyone thinks. But then someone drives by and yells some hate at us. I’m making no comparisons here, but replace the word fat with something else and it will come across as far more violent and scary a thing to experience. And it can often feel like you are being physically attacked. In a way, we are, we all are! There’s no proper or helpful response to this, either. There is no recourse or a mode of action that would prevent it from happening ever again. We choose to walk anyway. We choose to go about our lives as we please. All the while hoping that one fine day the hate will stop, and we’ll be free of that, too.

It seems a daunting thing to consider when you just want some fresh air or to walk the dog, for fuck’s sake! But it is a reality that we deal with. I hate to think about the fatty that cannot bring themselves to go out and enjoy such a simple thing due to the fear of being attacked for simply looking a certain way. But it is a reality. And sadly, it is one that there is no easy solution for. You can let the absurdity of that hateful moment roll off your back, it may hurt too much to do so, but we grow stronger over time or we find a less populated route to walk in. And some of us simply go about our lives knowing this will happen, and ready or not it will at some point, and either don’t care or somehow find a way to relish in the stupidity of such shallowness and hate.

I don’t have an antidote or solution for such things, but I do still walk the dog in my neighborhood. I am still fat in public and I don’t care who knows about it. Let’s face it, my size cannot and should not (in my opinion) be hidden. I live a life out loud, so to speak, and would rather enjoy what I can while I can than hide from the world that would rather have me disappear all together anyway. Why live on someone else’s terms? Why hide? It’s not easy, sure, but wouldn’t it be better to at least try to live in your own terms even if that bubble gets popped from time to time? For me it is. And it is easier when you’re not alone.

I do find my version of rebellion to be a joyful experience. Whether this means going strapless in public or having some pretty deep discussions about body politics with my cafe’s customers, I find a way to get joy from that. When a customer said that she’d rather have the terrible chemicals in a sugar-free syrup (I refuse to offer such things in my shop) regardless of the consequences (and there are many) than to ingest the calories? Well, I had no response for her. I smiled and let her be. In my heart I knew I had tried to reach her with the truth and some people will simply never accept anything other than their own beliefs. Just as I have given eggplant oh so many chances to taste better and be more palatable (oh so many attempts you have no idea), in the end I do simply hate it. Nothing personal against the eggplant, it’s a pretty thing really, but it’s just not going to happen for me.

It’s not that easy when you’re dealing with actual people. To be told to your face that you are unacceptable and nothing will sway or change this person’s opinion because they choose to hold onto this hateful belief of their? Well, it sucks and it’s bullshit but you have to find a way to deal with it to remain an active person in modern society. We all have our own ways of doing that, but I always feel that in that moment, all of my fat acceptance community friends are sitting on my shoulders cheering me on! Is that so strange? To know in my heart that I have the support of so many amazing people? I don’t think it is, because I’m sitting on your shoulders, cheering you on, too! Every day! I’m right there, “You can do it!”

Thank you for that. <3

I was so fortunate to have a chance to talk with Dr. Pattie Thomas about all things fat! I had such a blast, I know you’ll enjoy this one. Please check out her book (I am saving my pennies y’all!) and let us know what you think!

You may listen to the podcast here on the page (player is below) or on

iTunes here or search podcasts for: NotBlueAtAll (please subscribe if you are able).

Her book and info can be found here: www.ITakeUpSpace.com (it’s also on Amazon.com)
www.PearlSongPress.com publisher of fatty books!
Fat Liberation Manifesto
Fat! So? by Marilyn Wann
http://fattypatties.blogspot.com
Health At Every Size By Linda Bacon PHD
http://2011revolutions.blogspot.com/  So much stuff in this one, really take some time to explore!
#HAES from Twitter.com

NAAFA National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

Thanks so much for listening/reading!
<3

S

Podcast Episode Three.lite