Halloween used to be my favorite holiday of the year. Still is I guess, in some ways. I love creepy and cool and spooky things. I love Halloween parties, no matter who is throwing them. I love dressing up. I love the unexpected. I love the crisp autumn air. I love the creativity that comes from this time of year. I love thinking up new costume ideas or finagling my own way to something recognizable, too. I don’t go too into the make up side of things, even on Halloween, but I enjoy what others do and I toy with it occasionally. I love that surprised look people give when they see who is under the mask, so to speak.

One year I dressed as a biker dude and my best friend didn’t even recognize me. I loved that. I had side burns and a mustache and a bandana on my head and a leather vest over a flannel. It was fabulous. My husband was a biker chick that year. He had boob made of water balloons filled with peach jello. They were awesome and delicious and much fun was had with those and that night in general. That may have been the night my BFF Jery and I had a lot of Cuervo Black and Pepsi…but I don’t really remember. Ha-ha!

Being faced with the inevitable, “What are you dressing up as?” question is always a struggle. What is fun? What is surprising? What is affordable? What is easy to throw together? How much time do I want to invest in this? UGH!!! So much to consider, right? It can be easy, I can always manage a decent Hippie costume. I’ve had a “Serial Mom” dress in my closet for a few years and have never worn it. I have the remnants of my lady Zorro costume in the closet, too. They all seem easy and doable and fine. But this year? This time?

This week was supposed to be awesome. I won’t lie, it has sucked pretty hard. Nothing I can do about that now. But tonight I am going to a costume themed night at Full Figure Entertainment’s Full Figured Friday event. I was going to be Lady Zorro again, but then I was like, “A mask and my glasses? What the hell?!” Finally last Saturday I was telling my husband how I wanted to be excited about dressing up. I wanted to be something fun or unexpected. He suggested I pull out my old “Naughty School Girl” costume. I had completely forgotten about it. And I was instantly excited!

You see, my friend Jeanette is going as a “Naughty Nun” and the school girl would be the perfect compliment to her costume. Also, I don’t have to buy anything but socks! I can handle that. And I suddenly exclaimed, “I can be sexy, too!!!” Because for some reason I hadn’t felt terribly sexy in a long while. And after the shit week I’ve had, well, I’m ready to be sexy on my own damn terms. I am sick of wanting/waiting for someone else to make me feel sexy, or wanted, or desired, or whatever. Fuck it!!! I am going to have fun tonight and if anyone has a problem with that they can kiss my giant ass!!!

I’m not dressing sexy for anyone else but me. I rarely wear anything remotely risque, except for the occasionally too-low cut top and even that is rarely intentional. I’m not out to gain male attention. I’m married and fine with that. I’m not looking to make anyone else feel bad or to objectify myself or anyone else. I just want to feel good and have fun and dance my pants off…oh wait! I won’t be wearing pants! WOOT!!! I’m not defending the abundance of sexy costumes or the societal pressure to dress that way. I support each individual’s right to choose whatever the hell they want. For me, this year? I just want to feel and look sexy in my own eyes!

I can’t promise pictures, but I will do what I can. ha-ha! Hope you have a fun and fabulous weekend on your terms, too.

My homepage is Yahoo the first thing I see when I log on is that “obesity” is trending…and my heart sinks. One of those kind of mornings, eh? Alright, let’s do this… I did not and refuse to read the comments sections on these articles, I will leave that choice up to you.

*Trigger Warning for various forms of fat hate or just misrepresentation of facts*

The first one I noticed was from the Obesity Action Council about the launch of a new campaign called “Bias Busters.” That actually did intrigue me so I read the article. And I went to the OAC website. And it’s left me as cold as the morning air…they see “obesity” as a disease, “rising health epidemic in our country.” WTF?! Gah! NO! I do appreciate the effort, whatever that may be – though it seems it’s just an awareness/newsletter campaign, but to frame it this way only perpetuates the fucking stigma, guys!!! Way to miss the mark…COMEPLETELY!!!

Then I see this gem of a headline, “Moving out of high-poverty areas may lower obesity, diabetes risk.” *HeadDesk* So, wait…if I move out of my poor neighborhood into let’s say some magical land of milk and honey, I won’t be fat? How does this work exactly? Oh of course, no one fucking knows!!! It’s all a giant guess. Seriously, read the article, it’s a big friggin’ guess. I get that they are trying to say that access to healthier foods, an environment more conducive to exercise, less stress…these of course would improve anyone’s health. We all know how stress affects our bodies, let alone our minds. This is all just malarkey, if I must say so. But they do make a connection, “Oftentimes, research really focuses on people’s decisions, and what they do wrong, and how they are at fault, essentially, for being obese or having a disease or a poor diet,” says Blanchard, who was not involved in the study. “This provides evidence that it’s not just the individual’s decisions, but…also the environment — the neighborhood — that really does matter.”

As a long time subscriber and lover of BUST magazine, I was especially bummed out by their piece “Fat” Fashion Bloggers or Just Fashion Bloggers?”  Um, what? Really? Because I think it’s absolutely necessary! I do not read fashion blogs that do not feature women MY SIZE! Why? Because if I see someone wearing an item of clothing I fall in love with, I know I may be able to buy it. If I were to sink myself into a self-torture mode, then yeah, I would read more fashion blogs in general. I used to enjoy, oh what’s her name, but then she said some fat hating shit…that’s the other reason I don’t read straight sized fashion blogs, body hate, yo! I don’t hang with that shit and neither should you! “I don’t quite understand using size as a defining characteristic when it comes to style.” I understand using my size as a defining character because if I don’t the world will do it for me. The department stores will do it for me. The asshole in a truck driving down the street while I’m out walking my dog who decides to yell hate at me will define it for me. I would prefer to define myself for myself, thank you!

“Obesity program targets kids under age 5” Dude, I feel so much sadness and anger over the kids in North and South Carolina, it seems once news got out that they had fat kids, the world keeps fucking with them. Ugh! They are now trying to “combat childhood obesity in young children through increased outdoor activity, better nutrition and parent education” Sometimes it does seem that no one truly understands a damned thing anymore…I mean, read a book people! You’re paid all of this money to help the children, but can’t even be fucking bothered to do some actual research on the subject? Case in point: “We want to keep up with the times and we understand there is an obesity problem and it’s caused by bad choices with food. If we can start the children off younger with good choices it will help” Yes, because infants and toddlers just love their endless stream of junk food. Ugh! Misguided, for sure. I just…I am sick of these self-appointed saints and martyrs for a “cause” that doesn’t fucking exist!

Now this one I quite like, but I would, because I adore Nigella Lawson: Lord Lawson: Tackle the economy not obesity “There is a genetic element you can’t do anything about and the rest is about eating less and drinking less and if the government were more concerned about doing something about the economy, where it does have responsibilities, and less about obesity that might be sensible.” Yep, gotta say, I agree with him on this. Well, except not all fat people over eat or binge drink, but the heart of his message is good: “Indeed, may I suggest it is not something the government can do at all.

Mexico Tackles Epidemic of Childhood Obesity They want school children to enroll in a public weight loss program. However, “three-quarters of Mexico City’s 2,400 public schools don’t have playgrounds or gyms for exercise. And 80 percent of the schools don’t have water fountains. Experts stress the importance of drinking more water and fewer sugary drinks to prevent and reverse weight gain.” Seems a simple thing and preferable over a public weight loss, read: stigma inducing bullshit, campaign. Just my opinion.

Your thoughts? Rants? Lay it on me!

*Yeah, this one’s about Rosie O’Donnell, too, so if you’re not interested, I do understand. I will be blogging about fat things more next week, promise.

Watching last night’s episode of the Rosie Show, with Lisa Kudrow as her guest, pissed me right the hell off. At the beginning of the show she brings on this wisp of a man model and insists he’s “not the bad kind of skinny.” Then coming back from a commercial break she makes a big friggin’ deal about some weight loss bullshit and now I’m just mad and annoyed. I am beginning to think that Rosie will get up and cheer for just about any old thing…I don’t know why this surprises me so.

“We are kicking off a brand spanking new weight loss program today called “______ ____ ___”. Listen to this, so the people of “______ ____ ___” have signed on a smokin’ hot celebrity who lost a lot of weight on this plan but I can’t tell you who it is, I’ve been sworn to secrecy. —-You’ll get the exclusive on November 8th. —We’ve enlisted 25 women to start the program, they’re right here in ____ shirts. They got free “______ ____ ___” meals today and for the next 28 days. Plus, one on one help from a “slimoglogist” –which I didn’t even know they had that–We’ve got all of these women coming back and on November 7th They’re going to walk through and they’re going to be…thinner. And then the celebrity is gonna walk through and they’re all gonna hug.—“

And then she goes right back to another commercial break and I’m like what the fucking hell?! She starts off with “not the bad kind of skinny” and ends with a new weight loss plan…mind you she did not refer to herself in any way shape or form when talking about this program/plan/bullshit. And then I jump online to write this post and a commenter mentions how Rosie has always been everyone’s cheerleader. That she will be SO EXCITED for basically whomever is in front of her or people like or in some way could help her show. UGH!

Well, if she is going to be SO EXCITED for everyone ever, then I suppose it’s not such a bad thing. She is human after all. Certainly there are corporate sponsors to worry about. Oprah’s approval, too, no doubt. I just felt like this was going to be the real Rosie show, ya know?

C’mon Rosie! You’re better than this! This is YOUR show now, right? I mean, I love what you said about being proud and standing up for yourself and not wearing spanx that first night…and now this? I’m glad you’re not shilling for some weight loss garbage. At least not directly, your show is, as a host you are, but you’re not on the diet so whatever. I just want you to know that this back and forth on the body hate stuff…it’s damaging to all of us. Remember the “It Gets Better” anti-bullying campaign? Well, you know then how kids can be affected by a stigma. A stigma so deeply rooted in our society that their lives are threatened. That they are denied health care! Based on a damned stigma!!! Not fact! That they are harassed and encouraged to do so by almost the entire fucking world!!!

So think about it, and maybe consider ending the body judging comments all together. You can love yourself, too…just as you are, right now! Celebrity or no, you can let go of the societal pressure and bullshit body hate that only one industry truly benefits from: the 64 billion dollar diet industry! The rest of us lay in ruins in its wake of cash and empty protein shake bottles. Our self esteem still smoking from the last “diet” we all tried. Those fake statistics we all bought as fact…it’s all bullshit and deep down you have to know it is. You have to know it isn’t right. There is a better way. Self acceptance, self love, ending the self hate, ending the judging all together…that is the way, man. I can tell you that for sure! Nothing bad has ever come from loving and accepting yourself. And what a fabulously positive message to give to your audience and the world?! You are a brave and proud woman, I know you can do this!

Thanks for reading. <3

After now watching a couple of more episodes of Rosie O’Donnell’s new show I am not so sure she is self-accepting or representing us fatties. The second episode featured Wanda Sykes and Gloria Estefan. I love Wanda like nobody’s business. She is such an amazing woman and hilarious to boot! And I was just saying the other day, “I wonder what Gloria Estefan is doing right now?” I’m random like that…did you just get here? Ha-ha! But seriously, Gloria was talking with Rosie and insisting that she will teach her to wear Spanx and Rosie seemed very enthusiastic. While I disagree with Ms. Estefan’s insistance that they add protection when using public restrooms <she said you don’t need a toilet seat protector when you wear the kind with snaps in the crotch which I find disgusting because then you’re just absorbing whatever’s on that seat onto your Spanx. Ugh!> but the fact that Rosie sounds excites pissed me right off. The previous episode NOT wearing Spanx was something she was proud of and stood up for. Was she just being nice? Ugh! In that same episode, during her opening stand-up, she began taking questions from the audience who asked what would be her own Ben and Jerry’s creation. To which she said it already existed and it’s “Chubby Hubby” and how “that’s not great for my diet.” WTF?!

In last night’s episode <I’m watching them after my husband goes to bed>, Roseanne Barr was her guest and damn do I love her, too! And she looked amazing! She tells it like it is, always. That is what I aspire to be, man. Just straight up honest, no matter the audience. It’s liberating! And fortunately there was no fat talk what so ever. There was menopause talk, which I think is great because it’s still such a taboo topic which is hella bullshit, but Rosie and Roseanne now use the bio-identical, plant derived, hormone cream. I don’t know enough to have an opinion on the subject, but I like that they talked about it. Oh, but in the opening Rosie was talking about Chaz Bono’s performance on Dancing With The Stars, saying how fit he is and how he ran up these stairs in the performance and how she could never do that, “I’m not fit” she said plainly. I find this interesting because Chaz appears to be bigger than Rosie. Rosie thinks Chaz is more fit than she. It’s a tiny hint of radical in it’s way. To say a fat body can be fit! It can! But it’s rare to hear that on television.

What bothers me now is Rosie’s outfits. It may be a comfort thing for her, it may be a pressure to cover up thing, I don’t know, but the shapeless black swaths of fabric she’s been wearing are bumming me out. Look, I get it, she is a mom of four and if not for having to appear in front of cameras would be a lovely butch in a t-shirt, jeans and crocs. I prefer her this way. She seems more truly herself. So, why not incorporate some of those elements into her wardrobe for the show? You may think this tacky, but I think you can get pretty fucking creative with that shit. Look at Ellen! She’s not into getting all glammed up, but she’s found a way to work her wardrobe to her taste and still be presentable and herself. I want to see this in Rosie’s wardrobe. She’s too great a person to be hiding behind such ugly fashions. I think some indie designers could tackle this and knock her socks off, and mine! Allow her to be comfortable with just a touch of something to step up the look. Not all fat gals can accessorize, mind you, but I think she’s got a staff for that shit, right?!

I am disappointed on the fatty front. I will keep watching though. I want to see how her show evolves as there are bound to be changes. She reads her reviews and celebrates, very openly, the positive ones. I’ve said little about the show itself, mostly because I like it. I am not so into her Game Show bits at the end, but I’m not turning them off either. So something must be right. I love her band and it’s leader/vocalist Katrice. She wrote “Dick in a Box!” The show is good. I just wish she’d end the body hate and just own her glorious fat body. She seems to appreciate and celebrate all people, I hope she can soon find a way to love herself, just as she is, right now. Fat, fabulous and funny!

Not just a fabulous band name (hey wanna start a band?!), but last night I watched the new Rosie O’Donnell show on OWN. Okay, well, I taped it and watched it later. I cannot stand commercials. Can ya blame me? Anyway, I was watching and right in her opening monologue/stand-up she mentioned “fatties” and then said, “I mean that in a loving way” and I have to say, I’m not sure how anyone else took it, but I love it! Rosie is representin’ without shame! Woo Hoo!

Okay, specific quote to come here…

She’s talking about how she had to have a microphone (with a stand, as she gestures) for her monologue/stand-up at the beginning of the show, because she’s been a stand-up comedian since she was sixteen years old and now she’s forty-nine and all and she sees Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno and kind of makes hand gestures like they would. She mentions not knowing what to do with her hands and so she had to have the microphone.

“I like to have the mic, too, so I won’t do that chubby person shirt pull. Are you familiar with this? Anybody? All of the plus sized people, all of the fatties like me, and I mean that in a loving way…We do this (grabs front of shirt with pinchy fingers and pulls) I don’t even realize I do it, but I do it a lot. I watch myself –Why? Why do we do this? Is there such a big difference …it’s like this, oh no no not appealing, but this way Oh she’s Pippa Middleton look at her she is so svelte and fantastic. Just pull the hell out of…I don’t think Diane von Fürstenberg design for that, I dunno.”

And just like that…she’s a self-accepting fatty! I love it! I mean, it can’t be fake, right? I hope it’s not. In fact, I’m considering writing her a letter. I am not yet sure what I want to say, but I appreciate the fact that she’s okay even saying the word “fatties” let alone associating herself with it AND saying it’s in a “loving way.” She later said when asked by an audience member about what she’s proudest of she said of course her kids, “that and the fact that I’m not wearing Spanx right now. I’m very proud of that. Because I had to stand up to my wardrobe terrorist, who insisted I wear Spanx. Are you familiar with these? They’re horrible. They’re a torture device. I’m sure they use them at Guantanamo. I don’t k now what the hell–”

That’s right! She fought to not wear Spanx! How rad is that? Well, I think it’s pretty rad. You so rarely hear about people not wanting to wear these things let alone question what the point of them even is. I love it. I love her, I have a good feeling about the show. Mind you, it didn’t hurt me one bit that her first guest was Russell Brand. He’s delightful. I am fascinated by him. Not in an obsessive way, no I save that for other blokes for sure, but I enjoy him. I haven’t seen “Arthur” or even “Get Him to The Greek” but I just like him. I found the conversation between him and Rosie to be cute and funny, if not a bit stiff. It was live after all, so perhaps nerves?

So, what should I write to Rosie? I’d love your suggestions! What were your thoughts on her first episode?