My homepage is Yahoo the first thing I see when I log on is that “obesity” is trending…and my heart sinks. One of those kind of mornings, eh? Alright, let’s do this… I did not and refuse to read the comments sections on these articles, I will leave that choice up to you.

*Trigger Warning for various forms of fat hate or just misrepresentation of facts*

The first one I noticed was from the Obesity Action Council about the launch of a new campaign called “Bias Busters.” That actually did intrigue me so I read the article. And I went to the OAC website. And it’s left me as cold as the morning air…they see “obesity” as a disease, “rising health epidemic in our country.” WTF?! Gah! NO! I do appreciate the effort, whatever that may be – though it seems it’s just an awareness/newsletter campaign, but to frame it this way only perpetuates the fucking stigma, guys!!! Way to miss the mark…COMEPLETELY!!!

Then I see this gem of a headline, “Moving out of high-poverty areas may lower obesity, diabetes risk.” *HeadDesk* So, wait…if I move out of my poor neighborhood into let’s say some magical land of milk and honey, I won’t be fat? How does this work exactly? Oh of course, no one fucking knows!!! It’s all a giant guess. Seriously, read the article, it’s a big friggin’ guess. I get that they are trying to say that access to healthier foods, an environment more conducive to exercise, less stress…these of course would improve anyone’s health. We all know how stress affects our bodies, let alone our minds. This is all just malarkey, if I must say so. But they do make a connection, “Oftentimes, research really focuses on people’s decisions, and what they do wrong, and how they are at fault, essentially, for being obese or having a disease or a poor diet,” says Blanchard, who was not involved in the study. “This provides evidence that it’s not just the individual’s decisions, but…also the environment — the neighborhood — that really does matter.”

As a long time subscriber and lover of BUST magazine, I was especially bummed out by their piece “Fat” Fashion Bloggers or Just Fashion Bloggers?”  Um, what? Really? Because I think it’s absolutely necessary! I do not read fashion blogs that do not feature women MY SIZE! Why? Because if I see someone wearing an item of clothing I fall in love with, I know I may be able to buy it. If I were to sink myself into a self-torture mode, then yeah, I would read more fashion blogs in general. I used to enjoy, oh what’s her name, but then she said some fat hating shit…that’s the other reason I don’t read straight sized fashion blogs, body hate, yo! I don’t hang with that shit and neither should you! “I don’t quite understand using size as a defining characteristic when it comes to style.” I understand using my size as a defining character because if I don’t the world will do it for me. The department stores will do it for me. The asshole in a truck driving down the street while I’m out walking my dog who decides to yell hate at me will define it for me. I would prefer to define myself for myself, thank you!

“Obesity program targets kids under age 5” Dude, I feel so much sadness and anger over the kids in North and South Carolina, it seems once news got out that they had fat kids, the world keeps fucking with them. Ugh! They are now trying to “combat childhood obesity in young children through increased outdoor activity, better nutrition and parent education” Sometimes it does seem that no one truly understands a damned thing anymore…I mean, read a book people! You’re paid all of this money to help the children, but can’t even be fucking bothered to do some actual research on the subject? Case in point: “We want to keep up with the times and we understand there is an obesity problem and it’s caused by bad choices with food. If we can start the children off younger with good choices it will help” Yes, because infants and toddlers just love their endless stream of junk food. Ugh! Misguided, for sure. I just…I am sick of these self-appointed saints and martyrs for a “cause” that doesn’t fucking exist!

Now this one I quite like, but I would, because I adore Nigella Lawson: Lord Lawson: Tackle the economy not obesity “There is a genetic element you can’t do anything about and the rest is about eating less and drinking less and if the government were more concerned about doing something about the economy, where it does have responsibilities, and less about obesity that might be sensible.” Yep, gotta say, I agree with him on this. Well, except not all fat people over eat or binge drink, but the heart of his message is good: “Indeed, may I suggest it is not something the government can do at all.

Mexico Tackles Epidemic of Childhood Obesity They want school children to enroll in a public weight loss program. However, “three-quarters of Mexico City’s 2,400 public schools don’t have playgrounds or gyms for exercise. And 80 percent of the schools don’t have water fountains. Experts stress the importance of drinking more water and fewer sugary drinks to prevent and reverse weight gain.” Seems a simple thing and preferable over a public weight loss, read: stigma inducing bullshit, campaign. Just my opinion.

Your thoughts? Rants? Lay it on me!

I used to write poetry, like all of the time…but only when I was depressed, which was all of the time. I felt that depression gave me something to write about. It fueled my writing and me and gave me something to do. I think too much as a default, so writing things out helps anyway. But just now while trying to figure out what to write about today I realized it’s been such a struggle lately because I’ve been depressed. What? I know! Funny how things can switch on you without notice like that, eh? But it’s true. What was once a constant source of inspiration has been left in the dust.

I was a very depressed person in my teens and early 20’s. Specifically, the most concentrated bit at least, when I was 19 transitioning into 20. My friend Steph could tell you all about it, poor thing, she was right there with me everyday almost, back then. We lived on Lean Cuisines and Jose Cuervo. We did a lot of stupid shit and had a great time doing it. But I would always go home in a pit of despair, she always seemed able to keep the spice of life at hand and ready for  more. I was such a sad thing that I got a very regrettable tattoo. I have it to this day and while I want to cover it, part of me feels like it represents a time of my life that I shouldn’t want to forget. And I don’t think I want to forget it anymore.

Now I find that if I’m down or fully depressed, I can’t write for my wonderful readers. It’s not fair to them. It’s not giving them my truest me or the goodness that they give me back. Basically, I’ve suddenly lost my inspiration for writing. It bums me out even more, but I know this isn’t productive so I’m trying to lift myself out of this. I mean, we’re all struggling right now. I don’t  know anyone who isn’t. And while I am mega-struggling financially, emotionally I need to make myself a priority. We all should do this, yo!  Self-care is so vital, I say it all of the damned time. Ha-ha!

But then I was thinking the other day of doing a video series or a photo series of some sort. It was late at night and when I woke up I couldn’t remember what the subject/goal was supposed to be. Ack!  I hate when you get great ideas when you’re just trying to go to sleep. I always feel like if I get up to write it down I won’t ever fall asleep and so I never do.  Oh well. I guess if it’s that awesome it’ll come back to me. Fingers crossed!

What would you like to read/watch/see? I feel like I’m in this huge transitional phase and can do whatever the hell I want with my life and this blog and so why not dive in…but the endless possibilities are stifling. I need your input. You have all been so there for me, through all of my crazy-cafe years and beyond. I will write or record or photograph whatever you wish, my lovelies. You mean so much to me, I just need a little push in the right direction. I’m very open to guest posts, too!  Just hit me up! My email: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

And here is me today, raw and natural and without any alteration, fresh from the shower, the real and true me:

Thank you all for being your authentic selves with me, too. You mean the world to me. Thank you!

@

*Yeah, this one’s about Rosie O’Donnell, too, so if you’re not interested, I do understand. I will be blogging about fat things more next week, promise.

Watching last night’s episode of the Rosie Show, with Lisa Kudrow as her guest, pissed me right the hell off. At the beginning of the show she brings on this wisp of a man model and insists he’s “not the bad kind of skinny.” Then coming back from a commercial break she makes a big friggin’ deal about some weight loss bullshit and now I’m just mad and annoyed. I am beginning to think that Rosie will get up and cheer for just about any old thing…I don’t know why this surprises me so.

“We are kicking off a brand spanking new weight loss program today called “______ ____ ___”. Listen to this, so the people of “______ ____ ___” have signed on a smokin’ hot celebrity who lost a lot of weight on this plan but I can’t tell you who it is, I’ve been sworn to secrecy. —-You’ll get the exclusive on November 8th. —We’ve enlisted 25 women to start the program, they’re right here in ____ shirts. They got free “______ ____ ___” meals today and for the next 28 days. Plus, one on one help from a “slimoglogist” –which I didn’t even know they had that–We’ve got all of these women coming back and on November 7th They’re going to walk through and they’re going to be…thinner. And then the celebrity is gonna walk through and they’re all gonna hug.—“

And then she goes right back to another commercial break and I’m like what the fucking hell?! She starts off with “not the bad kind of skinny” and ends with a new weight loss plan…mind you she did not refer to herself in any way shape or form when talking about this program/plan/bullshit. And then I jump online to write this post and a commenter mentions how Rosie has always been everyone’s cheerleader. That she will be SO EXCITED for basically whomever is in front of her or people like or in some way could help her show. UGH!

Well, if she is going to be SO EXCITED for everyone ever, then I suppose it’s not such a bad thing. She is human after all. Certainly there are corporate sponsors to worry about. Oprah’s approval, too, no doubt. I just felt like this was going to be the real Rosie show, ya know?

C’mon Rosie! You’re better than this! This is YOUR show now, right? I mean, I love what you said about being proud and standing up for yourself and not wearing spanx that first night…and now this? I’m glad you’re not shilling for some weight loss garbage. At least not directly, your show is, as a host you are, but you’re not on the diet so whatever. I just want you to know that this back and forth on the body hate stuff…it’s damaging to all of us. Remember the “It Gets Better” anti-bullying campaign? Well, you know then how kids can be affected by a stigma. A stigma so deeply rooted in our society that their lives are threatened. That they are denied health care! Based on a damned stigma!!! Not fact! That they are harassed and encouraged to do so by almost the entire fucking world!!!

So think about it, and maybe consider ending the body judging comments all together. You can love yourself, too…just as you are, right now! Celebrity or no, you can let go of the societal pressure and bullshit body hate that only one industry truly benefits from: the 64 billion dollar diet industry! The rest of us lay in ruins in its wake of cash and empty protein shake bottles. Our self esteem still smoking from the last “diet” we all tried. Those fake statistics we all bought as fact…it’s all bullshit and deep down you have to know it is. You have to know it isn’t right. There is a better way. Self acceptance, self love, ending the self hate, ending the judging all together…that is the way, man. I can tell you that for sure! Nothing bad has ever come from loving and accepting yourself. And what a fabulously positive message to give to your audience and the world?! You are a brave and proud woman, I know you can do this!

Thanks for reading. <3

After now watching a couple of more episodes of Rosie O’Donnell’s new show I am not so sure she is self-accepting or representing us fatties. The second episode featured Wanda Sykes and Gloria Estefan. I love Wanda like nobody’s business. She is such an amazing woman and hilarious to boot! And I was just saying the other day, “I wonder what Gloria Estefan is doing right now?” I’m random like that…did you just get here? Ha-ha! But seriously, Gloria was talking with Rosie and insisting that she will teach her to wear Spanx and Rosie seemed very enthusiastic. While I disagree with Ms. Estefan’s insistance that they add protection when using public restrooms <she said you don’t need a toilet seat protector when you wear the kind with snaps in the crotch which I find disgusting because then you’re just absorbing whatever’s on that seat onto your Spanx. Ugh!> but the fact that Rosie sounds excites pissed me right off. The previous episode NOT wearing Spanx was something she was proud of and stood up for. Was she just being nice? Ugh! In that same episode, during her opening stand-up, she began taking questions from the audience who asked what would be her own Ben and Jerry’s creation. To which she said it already existed and it’s “Chubby Hubby” and how “that’s not great for my diet.” WTF?!

In last night’s episode <I’m watching them after my husband goes to bed>, Roseanne Barr was her guest and damn do I love her, too! And she looked amazing! She tells it like it is, always. That is what I aspire to be, man. Just straight up honest, no matter the audience. It’s liberating! And fortunately there was no fat talk what so ever. There was menopause talk, which I think is great because it’s still such a taboo topic which is hella bullshit, but Rosie and Roseanne now use the bio-identical, plant derived, hormone cream. I don’t know enough to have an opinion on the subject, but I like that they talked about it. Oh, but in the opening Rosie was talking about Chaz Bono’s performance on Dancing With The Stars, saying how fit he is and how he ran up these stairs in the performance and how she could never do that, “I’m not fit” she said plainly. I find this interesting because Chaz appears to be bigger than Rosie. Rosie thinks Chaz is more fit than she. It’s a tiny hint of radical in it’s way. To say a fat body can be fit! It can! But it’s rare to hear that on television.

What bothers me now is Rosie’s outfits. It may be a comfort thing for her, it may be a pressure to cover up thing, I don’t know, but the shapeless black swaths of fabric she’s been wearing are bumming me out. Look, I get it, she is a mom of four and if not for having to appear in front of cameras would be a lovely butch in a t-shirt, jeans and crocs. I prefer her this way. She seems more truly herself. So, why not incorporate some of those elements into her wardrobe for the show? You may think this tacky, but I think you can get pretty fucking creative with that shit. Look at Ellen! She’s not into getting all glammed up, but she’s found a way to work her wardrobe to her taste and still be presentable and herself. I want to see this in Rosie’s wardrobe. She’s too great a person to be hiding behind such ugly fashions. I think some indie designers could tackle this and knock her socks off, and mine! Allow her to be comfortable with just a touch of something to step up the look. Not all fat gals can accessorize, mind you, but I think she’s got a staff for that shit, right?!

I am disappointed on the fatty front. I will keep watching though. I want to see how her show evolves as there are bound to be changes. She reads her reviews and celebrates, very openly, the positive ones. I’ve said little about the show itself, mostly because I like it. I am not so into her Game Show bits at the end, but I’m not turning them off either. So something must be right. I love her band and it’s leader/vocalist Katrice. She wrote “Dick in a Box!” The show is good. I just wish she’d end the body hate and just own her glorious fat body. She seems to appreciate and celebrate all people, I hope she can soon find a way to love herself, just as she is, right now. Fat, fabulous and funny!

I’m an avid eBayer and have been for, well, ages. It is my go-to for things I want/need but can’t pay full retail for. I have no problem buying used items most of the time and I was looking for some new lingerie on eBay and was somewhat surprised with what I found. While I understand that some find “foundation garments” to be necessary while others will recoil at their mention, I am not talking about Spanx here, peeps…Nope, I’m talking old school.

I saw everything from panty girdles and waist cinchers to full body shapers and panties with booty inserts. The full spectrum of body shame lay within these “foundations” and while my personal experience with them is limited, my view of them is that of body hate incarnate. I just can’t see it any other way. These contraptions are damaging to the body and the mind. Most of these things were new…with tags! these are no anciet relics, unearthed from bowels of grannies basements, no these are still manufactured TODAY! And all I gotta say is: WHAT THE HELL?!

I had in my mind an image of sexy lingerie for fatties. Satin and lace and frilly little numbers, peek-a-boo whatever and ruffly booty shorts. Those were there, don’t get me wrong, but what I couldn’t shake were the “longline” “full-body” and “power shapers”…Power? UGH!! Some of these things, I wouldn’t even know how to get into, let alone out of. Hooks, snaps, straps and all manner of man made materials, all in the name of “I must not appear fat!”

And can I just say that I never want to hear or see the word “Flattering” ever again?! It’s just fucking code for not fat!! I am over that shit like WHOA! I know we’re a rare and fabulous bunch to be so self accepting and to use and love the word FAT, but it makes it that much harder when faced with the old bullshit baggage of yore.  Also, it is perfectly fine and acceptable, in my opinion, to add touches of lingerie to your wardrobe…that you would wear out of the house! It is, it’s fine and it’s fun!

I think the point of trying to look sexy is to just own it! If you feel sexy, you will be, no matter what you are wearing. No one embodies this more than my gorgeous and lovely friend Virgie Tovar! She is sexy. She makes you feel sexy just talking to her. She pushed the envelope and the boundaries that say fat cannot be sexy. Fuck that shit! We can all be sexy, if we want to be. There is the bottom line, if you want to. If you don’t, no worries. Keep on keepin’ on! But if you do? Go for it! Be it!

I adore this article Virgie wrote for The Sex Positive Photo Project! It’s almost all text, but the ads are not safe for work, or the text for that matter. But I love how she sees fats as anarchists and revolutionaries. I know it took me a long time to see how things like Burlesque could be political and not just fun or sexual. Sexuality itself is political and my view of my own sexuality has absolutely evolved since becoming involved and in love with fat liberation/acceptance. Not once does she mention having to smooth or shape or cinch in order to fit an ideal. Because that is some heavy bullshit. I can be dead sexy without a thread on my body, why the hell buy some horrific contraption to appear as something you’re not? You don’t have to and you shouldn’t. Just be you! You’re fabulous!!!