I am moving in just a few short days (OMZ!!!) and exhausted and just wanting it to all be done with already! I was on hold with the bank when I brushed my hand over my other arm and just kept sort of gently rubbing and feeling it and then switched to the other arm and had a moment of just “Whoa! This feels super cool!” and it was just my silly arms! I guess I hadn’t felt myself up, so to speak, in awhile!

Earlier when I was changing from my “going out in public clothes” to my “fuck it I’m not going anywhere ever again” clothes I caught a glimpse of my big ass in the full length mirror in my room. I backed it up a bit so I could see more. I smiled and looked at it from a couple of angles and thought to myself, “What the hell did I hate this fine ass so much for so long for?!?!” then I gave it a smack and a quick rub (like ya do!) and proceeded to put on my big girl track pants that have and will never see a track. Ha-ha!

I’ve been thinking about my body a lot lately but mostly in the pain and self care senses. But the last two days have lead me to more touch and sensual thoughts. How often to we feel and are present in that feeling of our very own bodies? When do we take the time to look and feel and learn from these great gifts that we exist in? It’s a rarity for me for sure. I’m not sure why that is though.

That is actually part of the reason I started to shave my legs again. I don’t typically follow the expected societal obligation of feminine body hair removal strategies, but sometimes I just randomly shave! I’m a weirdo! Ha-ha! I don’t have any set of personal rules or schedules for such things, it’s really just more of a random thing anyway. But I have been doing it more lately and while my armpits rebel when I shave them (breakouts are a bitch!) my legs seem to like it. Maybe that’s because I have to moisturize them more if I shave ’em. *Shrugs* But I have started to enjoy that part more lately. It gives me time to focus on my body, how things are lookin’ and feeling and I can admire my ankle tattoos, too!

Feeling my arms felt good to my hands and my arms and my brain! I don’t know about the rest of the world, but my fat body feels great! No wonder all those guys were trying to feel on my arms when I was unattached! I never knew! No shame in my arm game now! Hell no! These are mine and I get to choose who gets to enjoy these babies! Ha-ha! I encourage you to feel yourself up! All over! Lay your hands flat across your belly and really feel your flesh. Grab your rolls in a kind and gentle way; in a proud way. Enjoy the curve of your back and your ass and your calves and your arm fat! Yes! Your arm fat! Embrace it physically and close your eyes as you do and just be in the moment with your body! You’re amazing and lovely!

Perhaps if we can get reacquainted with our bodies in this sensual way it could become easier to accept and finally love our bodies in the day to day, tried and true way. It’s worth a shot, right?! You’re worth giving it a try! You can do it anywhere, too. The shower is a great place but I find I stick to business in there and with our horrible drought in California I’d feel terrible about any wasted water. So, while drying off or moisturizing or maybe with your loofah or whatever you got in there? Or like me, whilst getting dressed, check out your own stuff in the mirror if possible. Or try to catch a new angle to your perspective of your body. Seeing my ass in a new light now feels great because I saw it from an angle I hadn’t before and I may just find myself doing this more and more, ya know?

***TMI Part! Y’all do remember I’m the “Queen of TMI”, right?! Please do not read further if talk of masturbation is not for you.***

Feelin’ you, feelin’ me…
<3
S

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notblueatall@notblueatall.com

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So, this whole feelin’ myself thing actually started recently when I didn’t want to plug in my Magic Wand (it’s not quiet and it’s too hot to close all the windows and doors around, ya know?). I realized that it’s been ages since I have literally felt myself and so I thought I’d give it a shot. Not bad, I gotta say! And that was what made me start thinking about how easy it is to become disconnected from our bodies in even a very basic way like this. It’s sad, but true. And so easy to disconnect in so many other ways. But this was an eye opener in the sense that this is such an instinctive thing and yet it had been years since I’d gotten myself off the old fashioned way.  How about you? 😉