Hope Vs. Reality
Or expectation versus reality.
I’m one of those folks who thinks things through and likes to play things out in my mind. This usually serves me quite well as I am very empathetic and compassionate and all and can usually see things from others perspectives, too. The danger in it though is when you want something terribly and it sort of fizzles out right before your eyes. Sometimes I can’t even speak in that moment of disappointment. I’ve built something up to an extent that I cannot grasp that it isn’t working out right (or as I’d hoped). But life is a funny beast and it is up to us to choose how to react to it.
That’s where I’m at right now at least. Reacting. I don’t like that! I prefer to be proactive, to create or influence in a positive way. But again, such is life, eh? And it just boggles my mind when someone in your life seems so fantastic and then they do stupid or thoughtless shit, ya know? Ugh! But people do surprise me in good ways, too. My friends are magical creatures, I tell ya! They see through my bullshit and love me just the same. So when a new friend comes along, I won’t lie, I tend to just assume that they will be as awesome. Sadly, that is rarely the case.
Life has thrown some strange things and people into my life this year. I can’t believe it’s March! Ha-ha! The timing of such things and peeps is boggling to say the least. 2012 (Woo!) is quite the head scratcher. It started out so amazingly great, like, I felt fucking high that first week…remember that?! Ha-ha! Now? Well, things aren’t exactly chaotic for me anymore. I am grateful for that. I’m finding new calmness and peace occasionally and I like that. I’m doing my best not to dwell on how I have been wronged or hurt. It really doesn’t help me to wallow so. I know this, yet…
Focus on today. Relish the laughs. Sway to the music. Eat up life! This is what I want. I had dreamed of my new life on my own to be full of passion and awe and music and art and wonder and exhilaration and new experiences. Some of that has come to pass, I suppose. Just not in the ways I had wanted, hoped or planned. But that’s good, right? To keep being surprised? Hmm…I think so.
To you, my gorgeous readers (and y’all know I think you’re beautiful!), I thank you for humbling, grounding and lifting me! You touch me in ways the world seemed unable to. You remind me often why I write and why I share my life here. I want to write about all the fat things more, and I will, but until I can find stable ground, I hope that you’ll bear with me. Thank you.
The passion and awe and art and stuff will still all come. You’re too passionate, and awesome, and determined for it not to happen. But it will come as it comes in completely unexpected ways, and that’s the joy of life.
I’m glad to hear you’re finding more peace and calm. Those are damn useful things every now and again.
This comment was oddly hard to formulate. On the one hand I truly believe that the greatest things life has to offer often comes as suprises. On the other hand I’m personally not all that great with surprises. I need time to process changes, even if I know the changes are for the better. This has taught me though, that being good at handling surprises, and/or wanting to be surprised is probably a better way to go through life. So yes, to keep being surprised is probably a good thing.:)