Fat Bitch
Trigger Alert: a WHOLE lot of bad language used therein: unless you dig that kind of thing, then step right in!
Fattiboombalatti here, how yous all doin’?
So today I get into an altercation with some douchebag who was parked in the alleyway (even though he had his whole, empty drive way) unloading some bullshit from his van. He isn’t moving even though I am clearly behind him, he expected me to back out onto a busy street and go around. So when I got out of my car and tell him not so nicely to move his car we start having an argument. First he tells me that I am “ignant†(his word, not mine) then he calls me a “Fat Bitch†then a little later, “White Bitch’. Before all is said and done and then he finally moved his van out of the alley so that I could move forward. My responses to those epithets above were: “lol I am “ignant, huh†“ooo big man calling me fat bitch I am so scared†and finally “ahh pulling the race card, are you?†and that was after he threatened to hurt me… in our quick back and forth not once did I disparage him by how he looked or about his qualities or capabilities, I did tell him to go fuck himself, but that’s really an invitation rather than a judgment.
So anyway… I want to deconstruct those words. Fat Bitch Fat Bitch Fat Bitch. I have probably heard those two words from pissed off people more than any other epithet that can be reasonably applied to me. I don’t really understand what is it about calling me a fat bitch that is supposed to be so insulting. Like what do they expect me to do? Grab my fat all of a sudden and say, “Oh my god! I never noticed I am fat!!! After you have so succinctly pointed out my fatness I will right away jump on a treadmill and drink slim fast, thank you for your acute observation, sir.†Like really, what’s the point about pointing out the obvious here? I am fat and yes I am a bitch upon occasion and usually in direct correlation to the douchebaggery which is you at the moment.
The label Fat Bitch seems to apply whenever I have stopped being a “good girl†and sifting through the other moments where I have been called such was usually when I was attempting to assert my rights or my needs. Fat Bitch seems to be the label of nonconforming women, angry women, women who just really don’t give a fuck. I mean, I really don’t and am not ashamed to take up the cause whatever that cause may be. It’s not too dissimilar to slut, whore, cunt…. Those are also words usually applied to women “behaving badly’. As if those words, like Fat Bitch, are meant to silence us, to shame us, to assign us to a moral code of bad better best.
I had another nasty thought though, an insidious one that now when I looked at thin people, naturally slim people after the incident tonight I thought…. Do ALL of you, when you see me, do you think “Fat Bitch†about me? Is your disgust with me so intense and so close to the surface that all I have to do is make you angry for it to come bursting forth? Do I walk down the street and as I pass you does something within speak in the silence of your mind… look at that fat bitch? Have I been blind all these years thinking good will when in fact its just social niceties? In the face of ALLLLLLLLL that….. How can we not but reclaim fat bitch for our very own? While you attempt by making me “small†by using those words, as if those words should mean that instantly I am less than you, worth less than you, mean less than…. You. Cause I won’t do it. I am not going to shut the fuck up. I will not be a good girl. I will not go away and I certainly am not going to allow you to make me feel lacking. Though we fatties have been conditioned to believe that that most feared word once brought out into the light is like kryptonite to our souls; Supposedly rendering us powerless and in doubt. Like sunlight to a vampire calling me a Fat Bitch is supposed to render me weak and ineffectual; the horrible nightmare of every woman on this planet, “do I look fat in this?†the word to luff my sails, to becalm me and to win.
Does anyone know how to screen print T Shirts? I really really want one that says “Fat Bitch†on it. I’m claiming this.
NotBlueAtAll: Yes! You can certainly do your own DIY style screen printing, but there are some fab sites that do this cheaply, without the mess, as well! My fave is CustomizedGirl.com (link will put you directly into their plus sizes) and I have bought a tee from them that fits fabulously (don’t remember if I got a men’s 3x or a plus size one)! They have fun fonts (even rhinestone & glittery ones), you can even “distress” your design and I found it to be the most user friendly of custom t-shirt sites. Coupon Code: 4Got (15% off) or CG$U ($5 off) I have not tried these codes, but if you get their emails they send you discounts often, gotta love that!
I’ve also ordered from VistaPrint.com but their biggest size was a big snug, I still wore it for a charity walk, but haven’t worn it since. I have done my own screen printing but it is pricey for the paints and quite labor intensive. You could buy a Yudu machine ($99-$399) and have an at-the-ready screen printing station for yourself, too.
My two cents: I love this! Taking back that which is constantly being thrown at us?! Yeah!!! When I have been called a Fat Bitch (forever capitalized, thank you) I have almost always smiled at the notion, that this simple turn of phrase could take power or diminish me?! NO WAY! Not on my watch! I’d love a Fat Bitch tee, here’s my first draft design, Woo!:
I want that shirt!!!!! lol
The first time I was called a fat bitch was when I was having a fight with a live-in boyfriend, back about 30-some years ago. He said something about no one would want to fuck a fat bitch like me, and I said that was real funny coming from him, seeing as how he’d been fucking this fat bitch for quite while. And since no one would want to fuck this fat bitch, he could just go find his nookie somewhere else. Call me a bitch, you’ll see how big a bitch I can really be (pun fully intended). I’ve never been ashamed of the fact that I’m a Fat Bitch, I even had a tee that said “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing”. I miss that shirt.
@vesta44: I love “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing†and always have! And oh, I think we’ve all heard those same things from some loser along the way. I know I have. I’m wondering if our size can be seen as ultra intimidating when a man (or other partner) is already uncomfortable due to the confrontation of an argument? Just a thought. I love that 70’s font like little else, I tell ya! Ha-ha! <3 Happy Friday!
I’m a supersized woman. Much like Fattiboombalatti I have wondered what thoughts hide behind people’s eyes. The vitriol I’ve read from people who hate fat people has been quite toxic for me. It truly hurt to know that some of the people I’d encountered out in the world hated me. It was frightening to me to know that some of them were indeed thinking horrible things when they saw me. Would they offer me violence? Some of the hate speech I have read indicates some of the crazier ones might.
Paranoid? Maybe. But when you read and hear about how all the world’s ills would be cured if only the fat people went away, how paranoid is it really?
I love the Fat Bitch tshirt. I wish they made them up to my size.
@Eselle: Yes! I do have moments of fear and a touch of paranoia (not sure if it’s healthy or not) when I am so not wanting to go somewhere specific or outside at all. My social anxiety wasn’t always with me, but lately I see in people’s eyes or the way they pass by me in a store, the hatred and disgust, I try to smile extra big for them when I’m in a sassy mood, but sometimes I just don’t have the energy for their problems. That is the thing, right? It is THEIR problem, not ours, only we get marginalized and victimized by it. Ugh! It just proves that you have to be pretty dang strong/brave/tough/etc to be publicly fat in this world. *Hugs*
As for the shirt, it was just a rough draft, but I know I can find one in your size! I love research projects, so if you’re serious, give me your size or bust measurement and I’ll hunt that puppy down! =0)
Diggin’ it!!! Great observations and great guest post. Fabulous! Fancy shirt and it’s purple? Love, love, love it!
@Jery: The shirt was pink with purple font, I love the hell out of that font! But it was just a draft/mock up. I would so rock that thing though. Ha-ha! Just to see people’s reactions. You should see the reactions I get with just my fat necklace! Ha! Love it!
@Estelle,
I think we go through something similar to any group of people who have been vilified just for how they look. I cannot speak for African Americans not being one, but I wonder if they might have a similar phenomenon… when so much racism is apparent online only to walk and see white smiling faces.. I wonder if they, too have a cognitive dissonance.
@notblueatall does it feel like the whole OMFGObesity campaign is increasing the fat hate you experience in the world? I feel like it has increased to me…
@FattiBoombalatti: I am hoping it’s the darkest before the storm type of thing, ya know? Like, maybe it seems so much worse because there is about to be some sort of breakthrough where all of the lies about dieting and nutrition and fat and surgeries will be revealed and people will suddenly “get it!”
here’s a kind of crazy thing that happened to me. I was crossing an intersection in my car and when I got to the other side there was a woman stooped over in the middle of the road, picking something up. I was trying to negotiate past her carefully because she’d parked not quite off the road and it was a little difficult to drive between her car and her. I saw that she was scooping a bird up off the road that had gotten hit. She whirled around and screamed at me “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, YOU FAT CUNT!”
Um, really? So you are so sensitive to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field that you’d pull over and rescue a doomed and plentiful critter, but people? Not so much. Why did she default to that so quickly when I, just like everyone else, was only trying to get by her? I was too stunned to reply. I guess its something of a comfort to know I’m not the only one who has experienced this, when some other issue or stressor causes a person to default to that kind of ugliness.
@Shieldmaiden1196: Oh yes! The old “Fat Cunt” remark. I love that people have already taken the word cunt back in some circles. To some it’s a double whammy insult, to other like myself, hilarious! But that is a strange scenario. Why did she feel the need to fling such specific hate on you when she was obviously so concerned about an injured bird? I’ll never understand some people I guess.
I think “fat bitch” is the go to phrase for any woman. “fat cow” too. I’ve overheard men call women both phrase who I do not consider remotely fat in any way.
That being said, I have had similar thoughts to this: “I don’t really understand what is it about calling me a fat bitch that is supposed to be so insulting. Like what do they expect me to do? Grab my fat all of a sudden and say, ‘Oh my god! I never noticed I am fat!!! After you have so succinctly pointed out my fatness I will right away jump on a treadmill and drink slim fast, thank you for your acute observation, sir.'”
I think there is this common misconception that we don’t know we are fat and must be told. I guess not knowing we are fat also makes us stupid or “ignant”.
@Moe: Nail on the head! It goes right to the whole shaming fat people into health/diets/submission bullshit! Thank you for bringing this to a new light for me.
@Moe… hmm too true, allow me to link what you said there, that men can and will often use Fat Bitch and Fat Cow towards women who are not remotely fat… to the idea that the battle over women’s bodies is a feminist issue and that to be fat in this society means you are no longer playing by “Daddy’s” rules and are no longer killing yourself so that men can look upon you in approval. As women have gained so much in so many areas of life, mysogeny (sp?) seems to have corrected for that percieved (by them) imbalance by ratcheting up the body loathing/hate on a nearly impossible ideal. So when a man says something like that to a women regardless of her weight, it is in truth a marker exposing the mysogeny within him.
@FattiBoombalatti: BLEW MY MIND! Thank you!!!
@ NotBlueAtAll: I’m really serious about the shirt. I would take around a 6x or 7x men’s Tshirt.
Also, I like what Ghandi said: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.†Maybe people are starting to take us seriously now so they are starting to get more hostile. I hope we get to the “win” part soon!
@Eselle: I think you’re right about the hostility ramping up, I only hope that it’s nearing the end. And I will do some research and email you directly about the shirt. Very excited about this actually. Thank you! *Hugs*
I think wearing the word “fat” (tshirt/necklace/whatever) publicly takes away the power to insult you over it. You can’t be TOLD you are fat. You are well aware. So well aware that you are (a?) wearing it. There’s power in that, and it helps to take the word back. Its our damn word anyway.
I keep wanting to do a series of works with gothic grotesque plus girls, mostly to highlight the fear that comes with the chance of “infection”-you know how some FEAR fat people least they become fat themselves. Illustrations of fat blood-suckers would just be fun for that. Stuff like this post inspires me to try my hand at that. Thumbs up!
@E. Ai. B.: Yes! I love your goth-fat idea! Years ago an artist friend of mine had promised me a goth girl drawing, I was quite disappointed at how very thin and shapeless she was. I kept saying, “No! More boobs! More ass! Give her hips!” but in the end it was his design and I cherish the drawing anyway. Another friend after witnessing the exchange created this gorgeous busty redheaded (of course) goth girl for me. I still have it on my wall. It’s beautiful and powerful and all I’d wanted my fantasy goth-girl-self to be! So your idea? Right on and straight from my soul, gurl! <3
And yes, I enjoy taking power back from those who would spew hate. I had an interesting dream about something entirely different, but it was all about my taking back my own power from them. Love it!
I’d wear it–when I was shopping at Wal Mart, which is about the only place my broke, fat ass can afford to shop. I’d dare one of those fuckers that snap photos for “People of Wal Mart” to take my picture–with both middle fingers flying on high.
@Faycin A Croud: Oooh! Right?! I was at wal mart recently and my eyes were keenly aware of any and all persons around me, especially if I saw a digital device. Isn’t that bullshit though? That we’ve come to such a place in our society (in time?) that we must worry about these things at all? *HeadDesk* I don’t understand it, but I’m all too aware. I hate that when I feel eyes on me that my instinct is the cold-hard-stare-down in return, no matter the person or their intent. I used to be quicker to smile, even in defiance, and I still do occasionally. But I still find that gut reaction to stare them down. Oh well. We can’t change them, be we can choose how we deal with them, right?
This is long, but I promise I get back to the Fat Bitch Tshirts at the end. 🙂
When I first started to read articles about obesity online, I innocently went on to read the comments section. Massive mistake. Until I realized what was happening, I let the poison I was reading get to me. It was pretty harsh. I literally didn’t want to leave the house. I didn’t even want to get out of bed for a while because the feeling of hatred was so oppressive.
I’ve always been easily wounded about my weight. I expect because I was put on my first diet at age 8. When I didn’t lose weight everyone from my parents to my doctor to all the thin kids were quick to point out it was my fault; that if only I were doing things correctly, I’d be thin, too. The repeated weight loss attempts and subsequent failures left me with the message that I myself was a failure who couldn’t do anything right. This message has colored my entire life. It has diminished my potential in ways that are pointless.
It is a terrible lesson to give to a fat child who will internalize what they are taught. Children trust adults to give them valuable life lessons. Inculcating them with hate speech about being fat is a betrayal of that trust. My childhood experiences are the major reason i’m so up in arms over the current war on obesity directed both at fat children and their parents.
In the last few years I’ve been trying to deprogram myself to escape these faulty lessons of my youth. But wouldn’t it be so much better if I hadn’t had to? What might I have accomplished if I hadn’t had to fight such social pressure? Would it have been wrong for a fat girl to have been happy just being herself? I don’t think so. I want fat kids today to be free of what I went through.
Thus, for me, to wear a “Fat Bitch” tshirt is a further effort at deprogramming and also, in an oblique way, a weapon in my war against the war on fat kids.
@Eselle: Yes and yes and yes and yes! I’m with you 100% on this. I mean, yeah, is it so bad to let kids just be fucking kids for awhile? Why must we intervene and demand they take responsibility over a body they didn’t choose to begin with?! Ugh! Let alone only to fit into an adult ideal they didn’t create.
I love that you are willing to fight against this. So few have the courage, let alone the strength. I’m sorry you had to read those hateful comments. Every now and then when I’m feeling especially fat-activisty I will expose myself to such thing momentarily, to remind myself why it is so important that we keep on keepin’ on! <3
OMG Eselle…. exactly. THAT. EXACTLY. You actually call me to another blog post that I am chewing over about the specific head trauma that affects a person who grew up fat and how that is unique to persons who became fat as adults. You are so so so right. we, especially those of us who grew up fat there is a great deal of deprogramming that needs to occur as were usually the recipients of helacious maltreatment and abuse.
thats what my tumblr blog and the blogs I follow are all about deprogramming myself and helping others to as well. I often imagine myself the door holder of a fatty revolutionary underground, holding the line from the haters and finding and gathering the hurt souls and bringing them in.
Its funny the whole deprogramming thing. Now when I flip through magazines or watch TV I honestly think to myself, my god those women are so very skinny, however can that be the ideal every one is slavering over?”
I think I can look at this in that light because my degree is in Anthropology and we are trained to deconstruct societal norms… which is a while other post so I close for now before I write a novel here.
So, it’s funny you posted this on Friday because on Friday I got called (by one person) a bitch, a smart-ass bitch, and referred to as “that fat bitch who works on the 6th floor”. Later, I was eating lunch with one of my friends and she told me that this individual has also referred to her as “that fat bitch who works on the 5th floor”. You can understand why I’m delighted I’m leaving this job at the end of next month.
@Ashley: Oh my gawd! Forgive me if this is too forward, but has this person been reported to HR? They are creating a hostile work environment there and you’re glad to be leaving, so why not report them before you leave since there would be no repercussions? I just hate that people get away with this shit like every single day everywhere. They do believe they are in the right, are better than others and are just complete assholes in general. These people need to realize that no one is better than anyone else and it is people like that that need a damned wake up call! Sorry, but it will only continue. I’m sorry that you have to deal with it at all. You don’t deserve it, no one does. *Hugs* Thank you for sharing your story here and I do hope that your next endeavor is all you’ve ever hopped for.
“I am fat and yes I am a bitch upon occasion and usually in direct correlation to the douchebaggery which is you at the moment.”
Can I quote you on this? This pretty dead-on fantastic….and I would also wear a “Fat Bitch” tshirt proudly!
@Rachel: I know, right?! I think it’s fine to quote FattiBoombalatti on that! I’m sure she’d be proud!
Yeah. I’m a fat bitch. Deal.
Love it!
@Rachel, by all means please use it there are just so many douches to be Fat Bitches over… really I can be generous 🙂
So, I have personally reported this individual to HR twice for previous hostile comments. I assume that what they did was tell his supervisor to talk to him. I’m not saying that HR didn’t take my comments seriously, exactly, but I do think part of the reason more serious action wasn’t taken is that this individual is not in any way my supervisor or really even a person I work with a lot. He’s just a guy who’s on the building maintenance crew who’s an asshole to everyone.
@Ashley: Oh no! Yeah, thank the stars you’re getting the hell out of that place then. *Hugs*
[…] but that makes it all the more special, I think. A special thanks to FattiBoomBalatti for writing the post that inspired this! I hope to see more “Fat Bitch” items (you can submit your photo […]