TMI Tuesday
Since yesterday’s post got such an enthusiastic response, I figured I’d continue the sex talk today! (Yeah, this is where the people who know me or would just rather not know about my sex life or preferences should come back another day. I hear something’s happening on Facebook or Twitter as we speak! Later!)
Very graphic descriptions ahead! You have been warned!
Fat + Sex = Fuck Yeah! Ha-ha!
A commenter yesterday asked about fats and sex positions. I love this! Mostly because I have struggled with it myself. Even bought one of those liberators to help with just that. I don’t think we gave it enough tries, but I’m sure they can help with loads of positions for many different body types. I highly recommend them, but I know that they are expensive (got my set on eBay, honestly!) and perhaps you could try similar types of things with just pillows? Worth a shot anyway.
While I don’t have an illustrative bone in my body, I will do my best to describe my own choice positions and such and please feel free to ask questions!
One thing that I have had increasing difficulty acheiving is a comfortable position for clitoral stimulation (for both oral and digit manipulation). The traditional position for cunnilingus for instance, just doesn’t work for me and my luciously large thighs. I can spread my legs only so far and while my husband enjoys spreading my thighs and then hoisting them up (so that my legs are in a frog/squat like position only I’m on my back) to pleasure me, it is not my first choice. Actually for oral I prefer to lay on my back, legs apart of course, and have him next to me sort of on his side or all fours while he licks me with the top of his head poiting towards my feet and his chin pointed towards my belly. Make sense?
For being digitally stimulated I prefer one position only: I’m on all fours with my legs quite far apart (it’s comfortable for me this way) while he manipulates my clitoris from behind me. This also allows him a nice view of my ass and access to my vaginal opening for extra pleasure! Fantastic, actually!
Now, for actual intercourse I prefer to be on all fours, just comfortable for me and I get a bit more control over speed and thrust along with great positioning for possible g-spot hitting. However, I also love laying on my side while my husband holds up one of my legs, the leg flat on the bed being between his legs. This is lovely! He can grab anything he wants and so can I! There is a tendency (at least for us) to thrust a bit deeper than usual, but hey sometimes that’s awesome, too!
The traditional missionary position is cool, too. But I prefer my husband hoist my legs as far back as they’ll go (he is often surprised by my flexibility even outside of the boudoir) and just, um, go crazy! Ha-ha!
I mentioned previously that I don’t like to get on top. There are a few reasons for this. Mostly? I don’t feel like I can support all of my upperbody with my arms. I tend to lean forward while on top and it’s just never been comfortable for me. I would like to remedy this, but so far have not tried any alternative positions while on top. If you have suggestions or success stories, please comment! I did once think of removing the arms from my office chair so that I could straddle, facing my husband, but also while grabbing the back of the chair and certainly the hydrolics wouldn’t hurt! But I haven’t tried this.
Aside from the above, well, I guess that’s all we’ve really tried. With variations including the edge of the bed and such, facing different directions and things like that. I’m not terribly good at asking for things in the midst of things, but I’m getting better. Everyone has their own style and comfort level and I encourage all to try new things without doing anything that makes you absolutely uncomfortable. Practice helps, certainly, but nothing should be painful (unless you are aiming for that) and you should never feel unsafe!
Now, my husband and I have been together for over a dozen years. So who knows, there could be some radical new type of sex positioning or technology that we’ve yet to hear about. We haven’t tried sex toys or anything like that. I will fully endorse using a water-based lube, though. It helps immensly, even if you’re not having moisture issues, it just makes it more fun and pleasurable, I think.
These are simply my own personal preferences. I weigh around 325lbs and my husband around 170lbs. I have no experience with fat partners, but would love to hear from anyone who does. I think it’s important to communicate with your partner and make sure you are comfortable and safe every step of the way. Trying new things can be fun, but can also make one nervous. As long as you’re okay with that, go for it!
If you have other sex questions or tips or advice, leave a comment. If you’d prefer your comment not be posted, email me here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com or to remain truly anonymous you can ask a fellow fat blogger, here: 
Thanks for reading! =0)
I like being on top, but I usually lean back so that my weight is on my knees and shins, which works fine as long as we’re in bed and not, say, on the floor. Reverse cowgirl can also be a good fat sex position, though I find I don’t have a ton of leverage that way. Another position that I liked when we had the right height bed was for me to scoot my butt to the end of the bed, then Mr. Sprat would stand and put my ankles on shoulders and enter me that way. The problem with that is that I’m pretty short so the bed has to be just the right height for that to work.
I’m really excited that you’re continuing to talk about sex, it’s so important! Everyone is a sexual being, it is a universal experience, we should all have people we can talk to about it!
Mrs. Sprat
Oh, see, I think the height of the bed thing has been a problem for us, too! I hadn’t really thought abouy it, but now that you mention it, it makes sense! Thanks for that. I hadn’t even considered reverse cowgirl, it just seems more difficult than the rgular way. Hmm…I think I am unable to lean back, to keep my back straight at all, because my thighs are so large. Must try again and see. Awesome homework! =0)
I’m going to blush a lot just writing this, but you can’t see me so it’s okay.
First, my husband is also fat, so we have some issues due to big bellies bumping, but we make it work. The best position we have found is using a wedge pillow, me on bottom and heels on his shoulder. It’s far and away the most satisfying position for me. Me on top doesn’t work because of his big belly and my short fat legs. It might work, but there’s still some fear about a romantic moment becoming comically disasterous that we tend to stick to what we know.
We picked up a kama sutra book for old people tht helped us find a few new positions, we’re not old, but I guess some old advice is transferrable to fatties.
Finally, I have a question, we’ve been together for 16 years and have used condoms as birth control the entire time. Now we’re not and I’m surprised to see how effective condoms are at keeping the sheets clean. What’s the most effective way to deal with spillage?
I know how you feel, it is both liberating and a bit scary to talk about your most private moments online, but I think it helps, too.
Oh, see, I used the pill for a long time so I was used to that part. Ha! Now we use condoms exclusively.
So spillage: A clean towel is always nice, I mean to lay on and what not. If that’s not convenient, I might suggest what I used to do…So, when you’re on your back and he cums, you can just roll onto your side fairly quickly and roll off the bed to hit the restroom. Not terribly romantic a notion, but it does keep the sheets cleaner. Not 100%, mind you. I’m trying to think of another way and I’m just drawing a blank. If I think of anything I’ll let you know. Or maybe someone else has a tip on the topic! Either way, thank you!
-Kate
I’d just like to throw my two cents in here. I know that you don’t want to ruin the romantic mood, but there is a place for laughter during sex. It’s okay to laugh if someone falls off the bed or starts making a weird squishy noise, or even if they (God forbid!) fart or something. And you can still have great sex even after the mishap. So try something new! And congratulations for talking about this, I think it’s great.
As far as spillage goes, my husband and I use condoms but I do usually lay under a towel because I tend to squirt during manual stimulation, so that might work for your problem too. Or just have a spare set of sheets, it should wash out. Also, sometimes my husband takes a warm washcloth and cleans me off afterwards, that feels really nice and could help keep fluids from the sheets. Happy sexing!!
~Mrs. S
Oh, I love laughter during sex. It totally lighten/brightens the mood. Great advice, too! Thanks!
The side-straddle position is tremendously fat friendly but I suspect many don’t think of it. I was having sex with fat women for years before I tried it but its been an absolute revelation. Easily the most compatible position I know of as it yields good results with a variety of interlocking bodies.
That’s an important thing to remember with fat sex, though. Really sex in general, but especially for us. Not all pairs of bodies are going to work in the same configurations. A position which has worked great with one partner, might not with another. Height, weight, distribution, “playing surface” all can radically change things. With one partner, all-fours might be fantastic but with another things just don’t line up right. I’ve always felt that the most important thing is to approach sexuality with a very open-mind and an open mouth. Freely communicating about these things with your partner is essential as going into it without overly strict notions of what can or should work.
Yes! I’ll admit, it took us a few years to even think of the side-straddle position. And yeah, there truly is nothing sexier (or more radical) than an open mind! Thanks!
Omg you rock for talking about sex positions!! Seriously I wish it wasn’t such a hush hush thing because its incredibly useful information!
Alright so I have a question…It sounds like you are built sort of like me (I could be totally wrong though) I am like 280-300lbs and most of my weight is in my hips, butt, and thighs. Anyway my bf is actually my first so I don’t have a ton of experience having sex. You can read that as I really have no clue what I am doing but I try! lol
Anyway we have tried having sex with me on all fours and well I don’t know if its just the fact that I make a ton of lubrication or he was really super excited or I have no idea! but the point is that he kept slipping out and I was like no big deal stick it back in keep going it happens. However it kept happening and eventually that led to killing the mood. I don’t know if anyone else has experience with this or if there is some trick or who knows but does anyone have any advice?
You know I have never tried being on top. It is something thats on the to do list and I talked to my bf actually yesterday about different sex positions we can try. It was actually a really great talk I was worried for no reason. I think the biggest thing I have found out about sex is communication is like key.
Anyway I have like straddle him and made out before and man I can totally relate its hard to hold yourself up with just your arms! I mean i guess part of my problem with this could be that I don’t wanna squish his bladder so I try not to put my full weight on him which leads to me putting more weight on my arms which leads to them getting tired faster. Something that I think would help with the whole upper body issue is either a headboard or a wall. My bed has a pretty great headboard and I think if I could hold on to that while I straddle him then I wouldn’t feel unsupported and I wouldn’t feel like I was squishing his bladder as much. I think a wall would work for this too or maybe even a couch? I think the chair idea is a great idea too. I know that when I try to look up sex positions for being on top the girl is always so light that I guess it doesn’t really matter cause the guy can just man handle her either that or they just make it look way too damn easy!
I know that a lot of websites that talked about sex positions for fat people had one position in common. It was like a modified doggy the woman lies on her side in a fetal like position with knees bent. They suggested using pillows possibly under your hip for the right angle/height. Then the guy should be kneeling as if he was going to do regular doggy. He can also hold your top leg up as he thrusts which may not only prove more pleasurable for both, but also gives a little something to grasp on to for more thrusting power. I have never tired this but I could possibly see how that would be comfortable for him and maybe you? I mean often times when I am sick I curl up in a ball because its comforting so maybe that would work? Maybe I will have to try this out and get back to you on it!
<3 Amber
Communication IS everything! And having fun with it! I know when I first started having sex I was a ball of nerves and stress. Not exactly great for the mood, ya know? But my husband and I have fun with it. And so should everyone! Telling each other what you like and don’t like can be fun, too. Like a game of exploration! Woo! The position you mentioned a fetal position, I think that is what I was trying to describe, too. It is awesome, but I am not always wanting such deep penetration (other times, I so do!) so it’s not a regular thing.
Now the issue you’re having with regular doggy. Hmm…I doubt too much lubrication is the problem (since when is that a problem?! Ha!), but it’s possible. I have found that unless my guy’s super ready/hard he can’t always keep it in while in this position either. So you may try by giving him a little stimulation first or start on your side and slide into doggy. I know the slippage issue can be a mood killer, but it depends on you both. My husband and I used to be so much better at foreplay, now we barely do anything before the actual thang. Or maybe we’ve forgotten how. In either case, practice is good! Not sure if I mentioned this, but before we have intercourse, my guy usually makes sure I orgasm first. It’s a preference for both of us really. It means I’m more lubricated and he’s usually super excited by that point. Sometimes we will go down on each other off and on until we both wanna just get down to business. This helps, too! Sounds like the communication bit is going to be key for you two. And yeah, experiment! It’s the spice of life! =0)