Talk To Me Tuesday
November30
I had some fab idea for a post today and my brain lost it in the rolodex that is my memory. Sorry ’bout that. But I’d like to open up this little space of mine to any and all who would like to discuss or ask something. It doesn’t have to be fat related, but should stay true to FA commenting rules. So, tell me something, ask me anything and let’s see where that leads us!
Thanks for reading. You rock my socks!
Warning: I’m going to be talking about a specific diet, but I don’t think I’m violating the spirit of FA, at least I’m not doing so intentionally.
I have a friend who wants to do the trendy hgc diet and I’ve been looking for a website that debunks the “science” behind it. If anyone can lead me to one, I’d really appreciate it.
I don’t know anything about that specific diet, but here’s the great thing: I don’t need to! A diet is a diet is a diet! All you need is one website and even better one book! http://haescommunity.com/ and the book Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon PHD. Note the “every size” part! You don’t have to be any specific size to start or end with. This book/site is chock full of great facts and science. What made me realize how truly fucked our society is was when I read that medical schools are often funded by the beef and dairy council! What?! I Know! And that MDs often get a mere 20 hours of nutritional education. It’s no wonder they don’t understand how fat bodies work! I would ask your friend why it is that she wants to diet and then discuss what you can do together to work the HAES philosphies into your daily lives! Good luck to you both! *big fat hugs*
I totally agree with you, that a diet is a diet is a diet, but she doesn’t, whcih I why I’m looking for something more specific.
I didn’t know that about medical schools, but it explains a lot! My doctor doesn’t hassle me about my weight anymore (he met my anorexic mom and hasn’t said a word since) but his PA is passive aggressive about my weight, not saying anything specific, but rather asking me if I exercise and expressing doubt about my answer.
I’m a huge (no pun intended) fan of HAES.
Sorry, doll, but I have never heard of that diet and I honestly would rather not put myself through the misery that would be researching it. I do have to say though that there comes a point where no matter what you present to someone they will not change their mind. No matter how much they love you or believe your size is fine, they simply will never see themselves this way. I have found this to be one of the hardest parts in my own FA journey. Sometimes you just have to let go. I’m not saying to end your friendship, but it may be best to avoid the dieting topic overall. And you must tell her this. If she can’t respect that then you may need to assess the entire relationship.
I hate to sound so dire. Dieting in a way is a lot like politics. If you have a conservative friend no amount of liberal factoids will change their view. Ya know? I can recommend perhaps giving her the book or sending her links from the site and simply asking her to read them. You can always throw in the fact that dieting only makes you fatter and shortens your lifespan. Hope that helps some. Thanks for commenting.
“Dieting in a way is a lot like politics.” Word to this, and it’s just as pointless to argue about.
I had an argument today with a good friend of mine, a woman I love spending time with, about weight and health. She’s a science writer who writes primarily about health issues, and is well steeped in the “fat == unhealthy” dogma. I send her FA blog articles on occasion, and she tells me they’re biased. There is no reasoning with her on that front, but I did win a small apology today when she said that sometimes she sees numbers and not people. It’s sad, but I try to steer the conversation towards other things instead now. She simply will not accept that someone could pursue a healthy lifestyle without a desire for weight loss.
And the activist in me wants to slap people like that with the book (Health At Evert Size by Linda Bacon PHD) because of the fact that she’s a science writer! It would seem to explain things in a way she could understand. I think blogs are biased, that’s sort of the point. But they are also great conveyors of information. And again, some people will just never see the other side of things. It sucks when it’s someone you care deeply for. I know! But it’s just another test, another learned lesson and another fat gal just trying to get heard! Damn! Ha-ha!
Thanks, doll!
Hah! I know you’re absolutely correct. I have a friend that tells me the same thing all the time about not being able to change people’s minds, unless they want to be changed, but that doesn’t stop me from really wanting to try. 🙂
Definitely don’t search for the diet, all you’ll get are “reviews” that say why they way a particular clinic does the diet is better. It’s a VLCD with some sort of hormone thing that supposedly keeps you from ever feeling hungry.
Oh well, hopefully she’ll find it cost prohibitive and not do it.
Yikes! See, I don’t fuck around with hormones. And what that diet is dealing with is most likely synthetic hormones: The worst kind!
I almost think that the more certain people get facts shoved at them the more they hold on to their beliefs true or not. Ya know?
All you can do is be the friend who is concerned about her health (Ha! The irony!) and leave it at that. If she’s going to come around, she will.
Thank you for reaching out though. I’m sorry I don’t have any specific facts/advice/etc for ya. Take care of You!
Okay so I am going to get my first Brazilian wax tomorrow…. I am a little nervous okay I am a lot nervous for obvious reasons. I am hoping all goes well. I did a lot of research on the salon I am going to. I looked into the procedure, what type of wax they use and I even tried to pick a friendly cereologist from the salon’s website bios when booking my appointment.
However I am still nervous. I guess I am still nervous that the lady who is going to be doing my wax is going to be all ewwww you’re fat and your vagina looks ugly or something stupid like that. I know these thoughts are illogical and stupid I need to kick them to the curb, but man its hard sometimes to do that! I know that my vagina is not ugly because its fat and I am fat I know that my lady parts are just as good as a skinny persons lady parts.
I was wondering what do you do when you get nervous about how someone is going to treat you simply because you are fat?
p.s. I love your blog
Well, I have zero experience in the waxing of lady bits department, but it does seem to be all the rage and a lot of fats love it, too! It sounds to me that you’ve done your due diligence and have done all you can to be sure of the quality of care you’ll be receiving. What it sounds like to me is typical vagina fear! (Okay, that should be a bad movie title!) Not just fats, but most ladies have this fear of someone seeing their vagina. I can assure you that a fat’s vagina looks the same as any and if they do Brazilian waxes? Yours will hardly standout amongst the masses. As for a fear of being fat hated upon? Well! I must admit that I still struggle with this at times, but what I have found that my anxiety and fears are usually unfounded. I will believe (somehow) that someone will treat me poorly or I’ll be the only fat or the biggest fat or whatever; more often than not I’m totally wrong! I don’t know if this helps at all. But I will tell you something that has helped me with my public speaking (in my last career). When you get those butterflies in your stomach, it’s not about getting rid of them, it’s about getting them to soar in formation! The difference between nerves and excitement? Very little and it is up to you to decide which you’d rather be feeling.
Thanks for commenting. And please let me know how it goes! =0)
p.s. Thank you and I love you!
OK-here’s a question I’ve been hoping someone out there knows the answer to: Where do you get snowshoes for a short fat woman???
We’ve got a couple of pairs of snowshoes, but I have topped out on them in terms of weight capacity. Women’s snowshoes are shorter, with a more pointed end for our shorter strides. I am only 5″1′ so that means ME. Women’s snowshoes often only go up to around 150#, which leaves no wiggle room for me around 240. Men’s often stop around 200#. LLBean has a womens 30″ that goes up to 250, and a mens 36″ going up to 280.
That is pretty long for a short person like me.
Anybody know of anything else?
I want to get out in the snow away from the crowds!
FYI: if you haven’t tried snowshoeing, it’s just like hiking. Only slightly more cardio than walking, and a total blast. Also free once you have equipment. Just pull the car over somewhere pretty and start blazing a trail.
Wow! What an adventurer you are! I am in awe! Growing up in California, snow is basically my cryptonite. But I get that it’s beautiful and it does sound serene and nature-tastic. Rock on, you! Snowshoes? Hmm…I’ll admit that when I saw snowshoes I pictured tennis rackets or something like they used to show in cartoons! ha-ha! But then I went to L.L. Bean’s site and wow, those are some nifty things! I am not sure which part of the shoe is actually supporting body weight, but I would see if there’s a way to buy the length you want and then have the support part custom reinforced or something. Perhaps there is a snow sporting goods store near you? Give ’em a call and see what they have to say about this option. They may even know someone who does it or who makes custom ones. Please let me know what you find out. You certainly can’t be the only snowshoeing fat! And what a great thing that would be to share with anyone who has considered it but couldn’t find shoes, too. Thank you so much for this!
So I can happily report back on my waxing that it went great! I went and I met the lady who was going to do it Noreen and she was SUPER NICE! She didn’t make any comments, no stares, no giggles, no laughs, no nothing she simply did the waxing told me how she wanted my legs to be and what not and went right on doing her job. She was friendly, nice and professional!
My two cents on the pubic hair thing is its great if you don’t have hair its great if you do. However I personally think being trimmed or shaved or waxed or whatever the case may be makes cleaning down there a lot easier. I don’t wanna be too graphic but I have thick, curly, dark, coarse hair and whenever I grow my pubic hair out when I wipe with toilet paper some of the paper gets shredded by my hair and it just causes a mess. Yeah sorry for being too graphic my apologizes! However its hard to talk about this sort of stuff as a fat chick or as any chick, but I think this sort of information is important to be out in the world for people to be able to look up. I always thought there was something a matter with me because of this problem until I realized one day that there is nothing a matter with me its just that my hair happens to be more coarse than the average person’s hair, but that this was totally fine and nothing to be embarrassed about!
I knew that my nerves were irrational and I was right! You are absolutely right! My anxiety and fears were completely unfounded and not needed at all. I think the more experiences I have where I have a fear or anxiety about being treated badly because I am fat and the more I come out of these experiences with nothing but positive things then the more I will be able to stop worrying so damn much. I will be able to look back and go hey you know what I wasnt treated badly when i went for a wax and I wasnt treated badly when I did this or that and so I need to not freak out about the next thing I want to try! I know this is a hard lesson to learn but god dammit I am a firm believer in living your life now and not 10pounds from now! I need to put this belief into practice! You are right there isn’t a huge difference between being nervous and being excited! Thats a great little note I will keep in my head the next time I get nervous over something! Thank you!
P.s. I still love your blog! Also your advice was very helpful!
Woooo Hoooo! I am so glad that all went well. And please do not apologize for being “graphic”! I don’t think there is such a thing, at least not on this blog! In fact you’ve reminded me of something I have wanted to write about, too! I have had the same thing with toilet paper happen to me, but the funny thing is that I don’t have very thick/coarse/curly hair anymore. I used to (but red) and I shaved it once and it just never grew back properly. Now it’s sort of sad. I miss my little bushy-bush. Ha-ha! I will post about this possibly Tuesday or sooner. Thanks so much for being so frank and honest with me and sharing your experiences. What you said is absolutely true: for every fat wondering if there’s something wrong with them due to some sort of experience or situation, there are probably a hundred or more with the same concerns. Yay you!
I’m glad your waxing went well. I’m kind of afraid of waxing the lady bits because of the pain, more than the embarasssment. But I did recently start getting a regular massage, which is something I’ve always put off doing until I lost weight. Well now I am no longer putting things off until I’m thin!
I absolutely HAD to get a massage because my poor shoulder was all in knots and I went for a chair massage because then I didn’t have to take my clothes off and the massage therapist was really nice and said she could really help me if I came back for a regular massage. Months later I was complaining to my therapist that I was having back spasms for the first time ever in my life and she said I should go for a massage, but I really didn’t want to, but I thought about my last experience and called the place and made an appointment with the same lady and got undressed to my underwear. (I also pretty much hate being touched by people I don’t know really well, I mean really well.) I was scared that she was going to be grossed out by my body, both in terms of size and because I have pretty severe psoriasis, but she was awesome. The tables were super sturdy and I felt safe and taken care of.
I like how blogs like this and others aren’t afraid to talk about the embarrassing stuff, like chaffing, and after bath rituals, etc.
Okay, I know exactly what you mean about getting a massage. I actually believed that they were only for fancy rich ladies until that is my husband became a CMT. While he was in school he had to practice and well, I was always there. Now? I friggin’ love getting a massage and I also now know better what I do and don’t like. It amazes me that someone (many many people) will endure a bad massage and be sore for days after because they were too afraid to say anything or just assume it’s supposed to hurt. WTF?! No! If it hurts you have to tell the therapist! I get so upset about this. But because of my size and my husband’s classmates of a similar size, he is comfortable moving bits of flesh when needed and does so with care and respect which I feel is an absolute must. However, when we got a couples hot stone massage in Maui (before we were poor again) the gal I got just didn’t know what to do with me. She let my arms hang over the side of the table (not comfortable) and pretty much tried (I feel) not to touch me with her hands any more than necessary. This is the 2nd best spa in the country, mind you. So I feel like I’ve had the best and then the better than best. I even bought my husband’s massage table so that I could be absolutely sure it could not only handle my weight, but anyone’s. This is a common concern for fats, I know. I just hope more of us will get out and get a massage both for our own health and well being and well, my husband’s future business. Thanks, doll. =0)