Here is another step in my Big Fat Summer Challenge Journey! Wow! I hadn’t realized how much body shame I still had within me. Sad to say it, but not ashamed to talk about it, my legs are maybe the hardest for me to show. I was a tomboy as a kid and never went out of my way to show my legs since bruises and scrapes were the norm, even into my teens.

Saturday night My husband and BFF went to see another BFF in a play called “Shakespeare 3 Ways” in San Jose, CA. I attempted a nap when I got home from work, but it just wasn’t gonna happen. The outside noise and an excited puppy in the house just wasn’t letting me have the peace I needed. No worries, I was excited to go and laid on the bed thinking of what to wear. Well, what I imagined would be funky and fabulous turned out not to work at all. So, I went with the old $15 Avenue dress made famous by Lesley Kinzel of Fatshionista.com I’ve worn it twice now, but hadn’t previously done so without leggings and not out and about in such a very public way.

I hand’t realized how much of my legs I was showing until we were walking to the car and the breeze decided to give me a hard time. This dress, yo, is very lightweight and cottony and delightful, but a breeze makes it go all over. Yes, I had black biker shorts underneath for the prevention of the chub-rub we all know and love (NOT). I was still so very conscious of how much of my legs were there for all to see. YIKES! I questioned weather or not my friend and husband would hate me if I made a dash back upstairs and to the comfort of my usual t-shirt & jeans…but chose to brave it!

We had dinner and were nearly too late for the show. But we made it with 5 minutes to spare. The show was delightful, my friend Jery of Theactorvist.com dazzled all in attendance as did his co-stars. Just lovely! I was also delighted to see a fattie intro the show. She seemed so not self-conscious, too. Made me smile! And as we were leaving after ward she even complimented my dress!  Very nice gal.

I admit that I was seriously struggling with this whole showing my legs thing (and worse, MY KNEES). When I mentioned it to my husband he seemed surprised but said I looked great and not to worry. Glad my terror wasn’t showing! It was eye opening for me though. That such a simple and seemingly harmless act could put me in such a scary head space. But I did it, dammit! And here I am, posting it for you to all gander at. *sigh*

This pic was taken at the end of the evening, around 1:30 am after my good friends left. I was so tired by night’s end. Also, my back was killing me from my long day’s work and evening’s events. Ugh! What can I say? So, I consider this a big step for me and my BFSC adventures. I should have more coming by week’s end and will hopefully get my list done in time to enter the contest. If not I am thankful that you all have been reading and following me in this. I do it for the fatties who can’t or don’t or won’t for whatever their own personal reasons. But I do it so that they know they are not alone as I know I am not alone. To be publicly fat is at times a very scary thing. But for me, not doing so is worse.

I hold my head high despite my own shame. I keep it in my figurative pocket and save it for later so that I may enjoy the moment and perhaps learn from facing this fear. I am determined to make things like this easier for myself and my husband. I want to feel more confident the next time I wear this dress. I will now, too.

Thank you for reading and please, leave a comment! I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject and anything else you might share.